Sweet friends, it’s challenging when our parents get older and we begin to take care of them. Sometimes the past relationships get in the way of our thinking and it gets harder to be patient and kind. Few grown children don’t carry some reminders of injustice or hurts that they sometimes unwittingly carry into adulthood and that can spill over into the present day relationships with our parents.
But dear friends, it’s time to let go of the past and focus on the present. This can be a hard task to accomplish, but I have faith in you and I am willing to hold your hand while you walk this path.
Guilt, shame and frustrations build when we are tasked with parenting when we are still holding on to hurts from the past. Also, parents can do the same so that the relationship can be hard to navigate, especially when you, their child, is now in charge.
Why can’t he/she be nice? Can’t they see I’m trying to help? Why do they act that way? I’m tired of this! This is not my responsibility because they did x, y or z to me when I was little, a teenager, an adult….this list of complaints can go on and on.
And yes, I agree that this is hard for you (and for them). My heart goes out to you all as I’ve been there and I have felt similarly to some degree. I get it. So you may be asking, How the heck did I get into this place of peace?
I let go baby! I rose above the hurts to a place of peace in my heart. I did it for them and I did it for me. I love them innately and I see them as human beings doing their best, just as I am. I love from a place of understanding, of forgiveness and with peace in my heart. I go into the day with prayer for patience to help me throughout the day and to help them. I get out of my own head and try to see things from their perspective and then it dawns on me, how they’re feeling. I come from a place of healing hearts and simply trying to make all of our lives happier. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t. So then, I ask for forgiveness, to myself and to them and to God and I just begin again.
When you don’t feel like you’ve succeeded or when it’s been a really hard day, let go of the bad and just hang onto the good. Let the hard times fall away from your thinking and hold onto that kernel of goodness. There is some goodness every day. Sometimes you just have to search a bit to find the blessing, but it’s always there.
Allow the past to have no power over you. Live solidly in the present and allow the future to take care of itself. Be present with loved ones and find the joy in connecting with them. Role model love, kindness, caring and joy. Innately you are a healer so use your gifts wisely. And if you need to throw up your hands in frustration, by all means, do it in privacy. Give yourself a time out to recoup before exploding with negativity.
Remember, your parents/elderly loved ones aren’t necessarily trying to make it harder on you. They are simply doing what they can at this time. And even if you don’t believe that or you think I’m full of Pollyanna hooey, give them the benefit of the doubt and give it to yourself when it comes to doing your best.
We are all on this journey called Life. Lessons come to us in many forms to deepen our understanding of love. Because let’s face it, love is what this life is all about and sometimes love and forgiveness walk hand in hand. It take a lot of love to be someone else’s lesson. Perhaps that thought will give you peace in your heart. Your parent loves you enough to teach you a life lesson, whatever the lesson my be. Be grateful for their love and for the lesson. Hold them closely. Forgive and forget. Heal yourself and others. You are more than capable to choose the high road and now’s the time.
Don’t do it simply because I suggested it. Do it for yourself. Raising the love vibrations in this world helps us all. And it starts with you, dear friend. Shine your heartlight. I believe in you.