Tag Archive | life lessons

Past Experiences Do Not Dictate The Outcome Of The Present One

pastexperiences

When similar situations repeat themselves, sometimes we can go into a mind spasm.  We relive the past in the present situation, mindlessly worrying that the outcome of the present situation could be the same as the ending of the past one.  I know I’m writing generally here because frankly, the situation could be anything that you’ve endured.

But there’s that trigger, that Oh my gosh! realization that we’ve passed this way before in the past.  I tried to put it out of my reasoning mind, knowing that as before, I am doing the best I can with the resources I have.  But there’s that little worrisome thought that this time may repeat the last one’s ending.  Mindful of not wanting the same results, I pushed away the thoughts, trying to reason my way out of not manifesting the past again.  Because I don’t want what happened in the past to repeat itself.  Yet, I couldn’t shake the fear.

So I rechecked the facts, because my need for control, especially now, is fierce.  All seems well at this time which is good.  But in talking with a kind friend, I realized I was beating myself up internally for feeling as if the past could repeat itself and I was helpless to change what may be the outcome again this time.

When she parroted the situation back to me, as I listened to my own situation but in her voice (as if she were me), compassion filled my heart and I cried.  I realized that I needed to have compassion for myself and for my own feelings in this situation.  I understood that pushing off the absurdity of the situation repeating the past with the same ending wasn’t a ludicrous thought that I had to push away.  I understood that it was a natural thought process that if all lined up as it had previously (which is certainly possible), the ending could be the same.  I struggled with the thought, talking back and forth with my friend as we processed the scenario.  When we were finished talking, I realized what I already knew.  I can only do my best with my own resources and it’s in God’s hands.

I have to be content with that knowledge and find peace within me.  Because at this point, the situation is stable and not showing signs of further chaos, but the threat is real.  It’s just a question of if it’s here or not.

I think perhaps PTSD may be in varying degrees something that we endure over a lifetime when repeated similar situations occur.  Fear and past knowledge often make it difficult when we feel helpless.  So how do we overcome those aching worries?

We need to find compassion for ourselves for even going to that dark place of fear instead of tamping it down and turning away from it.  When I exposed the fear to the light with the help of my trusted friend, I cried and released some of the traumatic fear I was holding for the present situation.  With the tearful release, I was able to ground myself again in the knowledge that I am doing the best I can and only time will tell the actual results.  That gave me a small dose of peace for which I’m ever grateful.

Finding peace is precious and priceless as we endure stressful situations.  We all experience life lessons in different ways.  What I’ve found is that in being love, sending love, and wrapping us all in love, we know that love shines our heartlights into the darkness of fear based thoughts.

I’m not bringing that fear into my thoughts anymore.  I know I can flow with whatever may be on my path as long as I continue to stand in the light and not in the darkness.  Please keep shining your heartlights dear friends!  I can see them and they give me great comfort!

Shine On!

xo

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Puzzled

puzzled

I’m often puzzled by people who are too busy or are unable to connect with others.  I understand being caught up in the rat race of life with work, responsibilities, paying bills, family, etc., but there’s something precious in reaching out to others to connect that to me feels as necessary as breathing air.  I can’t be the only one who feels this way, can I?

While I have much compassion for those who live guardedly because to feel and to be vulnerable is sometimes hard, it makes me sad when I hear that that’s how some people feel most of the time.  To speak in one’s own truth and to feel openly takes courage.  Obviously, there’s some trepidation and balance needed in order to do it safely, but the precious give and take between people is priceless.  I look around at some people who are so concerned with how things look that they miss the importance of what could be if they were to be honest with themselves and others instead of hiding behind the mask they’ve chosen to show the world at large.  There’s that soft underbelly of emotional connection that they hide deep within themselves for fear of being hurt by someone or something.

I’ve been hurt in my life.  Betrayed by those whom I trusted.  I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone else, but by enduring those situations, they taught me more about people and life than I ever could have learned otherwise.  If truth be known, I am grateful for the experiences, even though they were so hard.  Because by enduring heartbreak, I learned forgiveness, compassion, empathy, and how to love others and myself more deeply.  Life lessons that couldn’t otherwise be learned except by experience.

We are here to experience life in its fullest form so to hide away doesn’t expose us to the amazing experiences that can be had by being present in our lives.  It’s like living in a cave and never seeing the light of day nor the moon at night.  We stifle ourselves when we hide behind the mask and live with the dull roar of fear which limits us.  When we blossom and open to the light, we shine our heartlights knowing there’s a danger of having them dimmed, but we can still see the meaning in the experience as we grow.  We blossom.  We deepen the life experience.  By sharing our stories, we bond with one another.  We flourish.  We help one another through the trials and tribulations of life.  We experience life from a deeper part of our souls when we are open to living to our fullest.

There is much evil in the world, I know.  I’m not such a fool to not realize that there are dangers lurking and I’m careful.  But I’m not going to let evil make me afraid of living nor sharing my heartlight with you for fear of what could happen.

For many of you, I know you think similarly for I read your blogs and your comments and there’s a team mentality here.  We reach out to connect, we enjoy each other’s virtual company and we bond.  We hold hands, we support each other and we shine our heartlights unabashedly.

Keep up the great work dear friends!  Let’s make a movement together to show others how we can live to our fullest extent.  Let’s help them when life situations break us down in order to let more light in to heal us.  None of us are alone if that’s what we choose.

Be the piece of the puzzle that joins us and not divides us.

Shine On!

xo

 

Leave The Past Behind

leavethepastbehind

Sweet friends, it’s challenging when our parents get older and we begin to take care of them.  Sometimes the past relationships get in the way of our thinking and it gets harder to be patient and kind.  Few grown children don’t carry some reminders of injustice or hurts that they sometimes unwittingly carry into adulthood and that can spill over into the present day relationships with our parents.

I understand.

But dear friends, it’s time to let go of the past and focus on the present.  This can be a hard task to accomplish, but I have faith in you and I am willing to hold your hand while you walk this path.

Guilt, shame and frustrations build when we are tasked with parenting when we are still holding on to hurts from the past.  Also, parents can do the same so that the relationship can be hard to navigate, especially when you, their child, is now in charge.

Why can’t he/she be nice?  Can’t they see I’m trying to help?  Why do they act that way?  I’m tired of this!  This is not my responsibility because they did x, y or z to me when I was little, a teenager, an adult….this list of complaints can go on and on.

And yes, I agree that this is hard for you (and for them).  My heart goes out to you all as I’ve been there and I have felt similarly to some degree.  I get it.  So you may be asking, How the heck did I get into this place of peace?

I let go baby!  I rose above the hurts to a place of peace in my heart.  I did it for them and I did it for me.  I love them innately and I see them as human beings doing their best, just as I am.  I love from a place of understanding, of forgiveness and with peace in my heart.  I go into the day with prayer for patience to help me throughout the day and to help them.  I get out of my own head and try to see things from their perspective and then it dawns on me, how they’re feeling.  I come from a place of healing hearts and simply trying to make all of our lives happier.  Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t.  So then, I ask for forgiveness, to myself and to them and to God and I just begin again.

When you don’t feel like you’ve succeeded or when it’s been a really hard day, let go of the bad and just hang onto the good.  Let the hard times fall away from your thinking and hold onto that kernel of goodness.  There is some goodness every day.  Sometimes you just have to search a bit to find the blessing, but it’s always there.

Allow the past to have no power over you.  Live solidly in the present and allow the future to take care of itself.  Be present with loved ones and find the joy in connecting with them.  Role model love, kindness, caring and joy.  Innately you are a healer so use your gifts wisely.  And if you need to throw up your hands in frustration, by all means, do it in privacy.  Give yourself a time out to recoup before exploding with negativity.

Remember, your parents/elderly loved ones aren’t necessarily trying to make it harder on you.  They are simply doing what they can at this time.  And even if you don’t believe that or you think I’m full of Pollyanna hooey, give them the benefit of the doubt and give it to yourself when it comes to doing your best.

We are all on this journey called Life.  Lessons come to us in many forms to deepen our understanding of love.  Because let’s face it, love is what this life is all about and sometimes love and forgiveness walk hand in hand.  It take a lot of love to be someone else’s lesson.  Perhaps that thought will give you peace in your heart.  Your parent loves you enough to teach you a life lesson, whatever the lesson my be.  Be grateful for their love and for the lesson.  Hold them closely.  Forgive and forget.  Heal yourself and others.  You are more than capable to choose the high road and now’s the time.

Don’t do it simply because I suggested it.  Do it for yourself.  Raising the love vibrations in this world helps us all.  And it starts with you, dear friend.  Shine your heartlight.  I believe in you.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

 

When You Find Yourself Parenting Your Parents

whenyoufindyourselfparentingyourparents

I have a few friends who are now entering a new phase of adulthood which is when you are now charged with parenting your own parents or elderly family members.  It happens to many of us as we reach middle age.  My friends are just at the beginnings of that journey and I am glad to be here to help them and to help anyone else who needs it.  Because, I know how hard it is to watch the changes that occur as our parents get older.  Sometimes it starts sneakily and at others, it feels as if the drastic changes happen overnight.  But not matter how it happens, it’s hard for all involved.

The reversal of roles from child to parenting our parents can be a rocky road to navigate.  Some parents have a tough time relinquishing control to their children and fight the aging process with acute belligerence.  I can imagine how hard it is to realize even a little bit that we aren’t as ‘with it’ as we once were, that we get confused at times and that our children are telling us what to do when that was our job.  It’s a slippery slope to navigate as a child who now needs to parent our own parents.  We must be patient as the changes occur and be kind, even when our best intended and even wise suggestions are met with disapproval.

It’s hard to realize that our parents aren’t as healthy, mentally and physically as they once were and that we cannot rely upon them as children anymore.  It’s a tough realization, but very necessary.  There’s a mourning that comes with that realization for ourselves and our parents if they can realize it.  Bumps in the road are certain as this next phase begins.

Perhaps you’re realizing that your parents are weakening mentally and physically.  They aren’t as spry as they used to be and need help walking or doing their normal routines.  Perhaps you’re noticing that they are getting a bit confused at times or forgetting what they once readily knew.  Or perhaps they are slurring their words a bit or not able to remember to pay the bills on time or to take out the garbage or to eat routinely.

Please, come from a place of love and kindness as you navigate this new phase.  Be helpful and try to keep your frustrations outwardly to a minimum.  Hold your parents closer than you may have in the past and give them love.  Let them know you are there to be helpful and not to take over entirely (unless it’s now truly needed).  Find ways in which to help them as these beginning stages unfold.  Keep a keen eye on things as it progresses and be aware that subtle changes can grow quickly into full on tragedy if not monitored.

I am not trying to scare you, but I need to warn you.  I have seen it happen.  Trauma can exacerbate the the changes more quickly and speed up the need to get more help for your parents.

You may even see personality changes occur as they decline mentally and physically.  Agitation is common as their frustration levels increase (and yours do too).  It’s normal, so please take care of yourself and them with kindness and patience in your heart, mind and actions.

I’m here if you need a friend.  I’ve been on this path for quite a long time with several family members.  It’s not easy, but when you understand that you are not alone on this journey, it helps to ease the pain.  Being supported by someone who’s been there helps and I would like to give back in honor of those who helped me through the journey, so I’m here for you.

Shine On!

xo

 

Atmospheric Change – Do You Feel It Too?

atmosphericchange

I feel like there’s an atmospheric change in the air these days.  I know there’s a full moon tonight and I was reading about the changes in astrology, energy, 5D, etc. so I’m figuring that what I’m experiencing, you may be feeling as well.  It’s like shedding the old skin and emerging with strength, love and light is finally beginning in earnest.  Letting go of what we felt we knew and embracing life out of our comfort zones.  Merging with a higher power so to speak.  Not regretting when we let go, but feeling at peace with the changes.  Holding tenderness and gratitude for memories of before and open-armed for what is here and what the future holds with delight!  Do you feel it too?

Computer-wise, mine has been acting wacky for a few days.  The internet issues, for awhile the N key wouldn’t work, then the computer suddenly changing screens!  I thought it was possessed with a virus, but then it healed itself.  Bizarre.

I’ve had lights flickering for no reason.  Strange, inexplicable noises bumping in the house and weird coincidences (some positive, some not so much) that have been happening in the last few days.  The word EERY comes to mind.  The cats have been even staring at something just above my head often.  I look around, but I see nothing.  I know that animals sense things so I’m wondering what’s going on?

Friends have reported other wacky computer issues which only lasted a little while as well.  Navigational systems that don’t work, then suddenly fixed themselves without rhyme nor reason.  Important phone calls which were missed by an accidental touch of the finger causing much strife, but then finally were remedied a few days later.

Mini lessons in patience, in allowing and in understanding have been the key to getting through the atmospheric changes as far as I can tell.  Allowing information to come when needed.  Not allowing posts to be published, comments to be made and forcing scenic routes when navigation doesn’t work, in addition to delayed important information which caused strife, but also gave a good lesson, are just some of the changes I’ve noticed.  It’s as if we are getting a new beginning where none of what we thought we knew applies.

How about you?  Any atmospheric changes in your life recently?

Shine On!

xo

Practicing Gratitude For What We Receive

practicinggratitude

Let’s be honest.  Sometimes we receive fabulous experiences and synchronicities that make us giddy with happiness and excitement.  We twirl around in glee for the wonder of it all and walk around on the proverbial Cloud 9 in joy, thanking God and the Universe and everyone else for the good news.

However, sometimes we have experiences that we don’t want and we can’t believe that God or the Universe have delivered this strife to our door.  We don’t want to be thankful or gracious about the upsetting news or situation or relationship.  We don’t want to hold our hands out with a ready heart to receive disappointment or grief or burdens.  We want to to live happy go lucky lives and be done with the horrors we’ve endured.  Do you feel that way sometimes?

Because I honestly do.

So what other choice do we have?  We have to receive the blows as they come and deal with them in the best way we can.  Getting on our knees is one plan, full of prayers.  Getting help by reaching out to others is another good idea.  Going through the process and not hiding behind blinders is probably good advice as well for we can ignore situations, but until there’s a resolution, the body, mind, and soul suffer.  And I know, sometimes there’s no resolution.  Bad things happen to good people.  We suffer at the hands of others and circumstances at times.  We can feel like we endure more than our share of illness, of disconnections and of failed relationships.  We strive to do what’s right in all situations, but we’re human and we make mistakes.  We can’t have it always perfect all the time.  It’s just not what life school is all about here on Earth.

A friend and I were talking on the phone the other day and admiring each other’s strengths.  I flippantly said, God only gives you what you can handle right?  in an effort to connect with this person who was also having a hard time these days.  Sometimes I think He thinks I’m cement!  I said.   She replied, Then I’m puddy! and because I liked puddy better, I agreed, We’re both puddy!  We laughed, enjoyed the camaraderie of the moment and when we hung up the phone, there was a kinship there that remained between us.

When we go through hard times, we learn about life, about people and about ourselves.  We expand our knowledge, our spirituality and our ability to help others who are hurting as well.  Our experiences, when we share them, become a springboard for healing others and for healing ourselves.  We inspire others by how we deal with hardship.  We admire others for how they have conquered the ugly parts of life with grace and dignity.  We grow our faith and our connections with love when we heal ourselves and others.  We find the springboard to something positive when we dig ourselves out of the hole of adversity.  Hope becomes key.  Love becomes the answer.  Patience increases and a centered soul becomes the strength in which we shine our heartlights.

Shine On!

xo

 

Life Is A Give And Take

lifeisagiveandtake

Life is like riding a see-saw I think.  We have our ups and downs.  We give and we take, sometimes more, sometimes less.  Ideally we want equilibrium, but we don’t always get it.  Because, life isn’t always fair.

So we take the good with the bad and hopefully learn our lessons through the experiences.  We become good at exploring the passages where we grow in thought, word and deed.  We make mistakes.  We forgive.  We move onward or stay stagnant and grieve.  We take risks when we grow restless.  We realize that the more we put into this  life, the more we reap in benefits and experiences.

We meet people who teach us lessons in humility and those who lend a hand and grow our thinking.  Our hearts expand with love and nurturing or shrink with diseased thoughts and stony unforgiveness.  Our souls shine brightly, sparkling with strength and endurance as we tally up life’s experiences, both good and bad.

We learn the important lesson of love, gratitude and presence by our choices.  We can become bitter when hurt, but love is resilient and we can bounce back with forgiveness, caring and kindness.  We embrace relationships for their lessons and for their beautiful connections.  We hold tenderly those precious moments when all is right in the world, when being in the present is powerful, no matter the circumstances.  We free ourselves from the bondage of ego’s tyranny when we allow love to take its place.  We restore peace within our souls and shine our heartlights of love to the world around us.

Faith, hope and love are significant contributors to life.  We can chose to embody these mindful thoughts and actions or we can turn away in fear.  We each have a choice that we alone choose as we alone are responsible for ourselves.

I am not your keeper, nor are you mine.  But I am your friend and companion on this path of life.  Come on, hold my hand.  Let’s love this present moment together!

I have to add that a blogger friend reminded me of a post he wrote too about Give and Take!  Please stop over to see Ray at his post called The Key To A Happy Life!

Shine On!

xo