Tag Archive | advice

I’m Fine

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The average person tells 4 lies a day

or 1460 a year;

a total of 86,700 by the age of 60. 

And the most common lie is:

I’m fine.

How many of us go about our day telling ourselves and anyone else who asks, “I’m fine,” even when we know we aren’t.  Denying the state of unrest within us doesn’t do anyone else any good, least of all ourselves.

Sure there are those of us who think we are inner powerhouses, who believe innately that we can work through the chaos and if we just put a little more effort into it, we can survive.  We continue to take each hurdle as it comes and keep moving forward, even when our body, mind, heart and soul yearn to rest.  But there’s no rest when we are amidst chaos.  We can’t let someone else down, nor ourselves.  We have to keep on, keeping on, in order to make it through, putting our best foot forward, because we are the responsible ones.  We are the ones whom everyone else is counting on and we just can’t let them down, nor can we face that sorry fact that we need help where we are.

If we were observant, we would face the truth and tell ourselves to reach out and we would know in our hearts that there are people who can and would help us.  Sometimes we do reach out, but if the person to whom we reach out can’t help us or won’t help us, we are doubly determined to just do it alone.  And so goes on that vicious circle of “I’m fine.”

But honestly. we are not alone.  You are not alone, nor am I.

And at times, we are certainly, NOT FINE.

Sure, I could tell you to rest and allow the weight of the world to fall off your shoulders at night so that you could sleep in peace.  You could hang your worries on a branch and give them over to God.  You could pray for solutions and look for signs from above.  You could reach out to friends and family for support or to trained professionals for guidance.  You could hire someone to do what it is you are so determined to do yourself.  It all depends on what is weighing you down and what is not fine.

But will you do that?

It’s a choice to get help when things are chaotic (and even when they aren’t).  It’s a letting go of the control and of the belief that I can do it.  It’s dropping the role that you’ve lead your entire life of being the responsible one and taking on obligations that maybe weren’t really even yours in the first place, but because nobody else stepped up, you did.

There will be those who criticize you if you choose to allow yourself to honestly say, “I’m not fine.”  There will be those who simply don’t understand what’s so hard for you when they look from the outside with their perception into your life.  There are those who will turn their backs and walk away.  Then there will be those who stay, who hold your hand, listen and pick up a shovel to help you get rid of the mess.

Those are the ones I want at my side.  What about you?

Trust in those who hold your hand with a loving heart space.  Allow their kindness, generosity and love to heal you, to help you and to ease the burdens you carry.  Trust in God that He can help you through these tough times.  And for goodness sake, get rid of the I’m fine, except when you know it will fall on deaf ears or when you really mean it.  Trust in I’m not fine, with those whose hearts are open to yours.

So if you’re asking me, “I’m not fine” today, but as Scarlett O’Hara once said, “Tomorrow is another day.”

How are you?

Shine On!

xo

Accept Change

jimmystewart

The secret of a happy life is to accept change gracefully.

~ Jimmy Stewart

Change happens.  That’s a fact.  Some changes we embrace wholeheartedly, some we tolerate and some we outright object to with disdain.  But either way, change happens.

Change can give us a little comfort time when things are quiet so we can rest.  Change can rev us up to motivate us.  Change can push us far out of our comfort zone in order to learn life lessons and be stronger, better, and more at peace after the storms.

I love this quote from Jimmy Stewart.  I hope that it gives you a little peace in knowing that it’s a choice in how you view the changes in your life.  Embrace them and accept them.  Divine Timing happens for a reason.

Shine On!

xo

 

Clear Away the Clutter

clearawaytheclutter

Since we are moving soon, I’m cleaning out the clutter – decades of it and it’s hard.  I am a saver at heart and because I’m downsizing, it’s time to release and move on with my life.  Nostalgia takes hold occasionally and I release a few tears as I remember happier times.  That which I choose to hold onto are the favorites, the items that bring me joy in my life, not those which remind me of the past.

It’s exhausting work, this decluttering and although I’ve read my share of ‘how to declutter’  and feng shui books, I can sometimes get bogged down in memories when I find a little treasure that I had forgotten.  Perhaps it’s the chemo brain or mid-life loss of memory that are the reasons I’ve forgotten.  Who knows?  But I continue to choose to think that it’s a rite of passage when I can be reminded by an item and then put it in a pile and not pack it away to be moved to our next home.

Letting go is easy for some people.  For me, sometimes, it’s a challenge, but I am happy to report that it’s been one of those life lessons that I never wanted to partake in and yet, I’m finding happiness by going through it.  I’m releasing and sending items with love to new owners so that they can find joy in them as well.  I figure it doubles the joy that the item’s lifetime gives!  Does that sound silly?  I guess it can sound silly, but it’s a mindset that has been working for me, so I’m sticking with it.

Clutter bogs down the mind, body and soul although when we are in the midst of it, some of us don’t realize it (meaning me).  Now that I’m clearing away items that I thought I would use someday or used for a bit and now don’t, I’m finding that it’s opening spaces of light and opportunity in my life.

Have you felt this way?

Change is hard for most of us.  Endings are only new beginnings I know, but they are still hard to fathom sometimes when we aren’t sure where the new path is taking us.  I think I’d feel better if I were able to see and know where I am going.  But I trust that God has a plan and I am surrendering to His plan.

I hope you have a lovely Memorial Day Weekend!

Shine On!

xo

Desiderata

desiderata

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Progress

progress

 

“Progress, of the best kind,

is comparatively slow.

Great results cannot be achieved at once;

and we must be satisfied

to advance in life as we walk,

step by step.”

-Samuel Smiles

I know why Samuel Smiles…because he’s learned that progress takes time, patience and baby steps (well maybe just small steps).  For those of us who want to make progress, but yearn to achieve it in leaps and bounds, this is a great reminder.

Slow and steady wins the race as in the story of the turtle and the hare (turtle wins the race) comes to mind when I think of the above quote.  I guess in this day and age, we are all tethered to instant gratification and the quick and easy way to success.  Gone is patience and accepting the time it takes to make something happen.  Instead of being in the step by step progression and enjoying the trip, many people abandon the task if it ‘takes too long’ in their minds.

We are all victims of this in different ways.  Media has shown us those quick fixes which make laborious steps fewer or even obsolete.  Ads to lose weight faster,  to clean your home quicker, to do your banking easier, to get the answers now and so on come at us everyday in all different ways.  Not that I’m looking to do more work or have my work take more time, but really?  What ever happened to the feeling of accomplishment, of presence in chopping vegetables or growing your own anymore?  Or in any task?

I’m just saying that there’s an awareness in being present and a centered feeling in accomplishing something all while remaining present.  Does this make sense to you?

Shine On!

xo

 

Suspend Your Limiting Beliefs

suspendyourlimitingbeliefs

Have you ever had a moment where you catch yourself thinking, “I can’t do that” or “That can’t happen because….” or the dreaded, “They don’t understand the complexity of the situation, that’s impossible!” or anything else along those lines?

I have encountered many facets of those limiting beliefs in my lifetime as I think many of us have.  We forget, in the chaotic moment of fear, that there are limitless possibilities to any situation and the outcome does not have to only be what we project or believe could happen.  No matter how convinced we are that we know how the experience will end or how the person will react or what will happen, the fact remains that we don’t know for certain.  So many factors come into play in any given situation and it is our job to suspend our limiting beliefs to welcome the infinite possibilities that life provides.

We have a choice in every situation.  We can choose hope or despair, limited beliefs or allowing God and the Universe to tap into a new experience.  It is in making the conscious choice to choose hope and allow, that provides power to the situation, to the life lesson and to the mending of relationships.  It is not that you are powerless though.  It is that you are, in affect, joining forces with the Universe and God to learn and to grow with your new life lessons.

Failure is a dreaded word, but in not having a situation come out as we want it to, we often declare it a failure.  However, failure is not necessarily what it is.  Sometimes, failure is simply a way of opening a door to something new that had one succeeded the way we believed, we would not have been afforded this opportunity!  There are life lessons all around us to be learned and many doors of opportunity remain locked when we do not change our limiting beliefs that ‘it must be this way‘ in order for our lives to be deemed successful or good in our eyes.

Time and again, I found myself knocking on a closed door of what I thought was failure, forgetting as the adage states, “when one door closes, another opens” or “when God closes a door, he opens a window.”  Spiritually, I am letting go of my preconceived notions of success and failure and thus allowing infinite possibilities to flow without restriction.  I’m suspending my limiting beliefs!

It’s a process as you can imagine and a change in outdated thinking that feels a bit uncomfortable as I stretch the limits of my own mind.  But happily, I can report, it is helping me to gain perspective on all sorts of situations that I had once declared in my head, failures.  With newfound thoughts, I see how much better my life is as I have eased into uncharted territories that I would have never had the courage to enter if I stayed small in my thinking.  There’s a bliss to be had in this life!  Let’s go and enjoy it!

Shine On!

xo