Tag Archive | relationships

Elevate Your Relationship With Your Child

elevateyourrelationshipwithyourchild

Dear Parents,

As a former teacher, I’m writing to you from the heart.  As a parent myself, and a former teacher and as a humanitarian, yes, I’m going to suggest how you parent your sweet children.  You may choose to tune out here and click off my letter or maybe you just might want to read what I have to say to see if it resonates with you.

Let me begin by telling you I am not the perfect parent, teacher nor humanitarian.  Not by a long shot am I perfect.  But I feel the need to tell you honestly what I’m seeing and it’s not pretty dear friends.  You may or may not be aware of it, but it’s there – that wounded spot between you and your child.  You know the one I mean.  You sense it because you know that he’s mad with you and you feel guilty for whatever you’ve not done.  Or maybe you’re really as clueless about it as you seem.  But I don’t buy it.  I think you know, but you’re afraid to touch that wounded part of your child and yourself.

Example:  You are busy with work, your family, your life and all that’s around you.  You live in a tizzy of busy because you are doing the best you can to provide for your family, to work at your career, to be a good wife/husband, to parent, to raise your family and maybe even take care of your own parents as well.  You’re stressed beyond words and everyone knows it.  You are doing the best you can and I applaud you.  But I know you’re not happy because that wound rears its ugly head when it comes to your child.

You feel guilty because your child is wounded by you.  There, let’s speak plainly.  What you say, how you react, what you don’t say or don’t do, has built up a laundry list in your child’s mind to feel wounded by you.  What’s worse is that you think that what he holds against you may be true and if you had more time, if you weren’t working, if you didn’t have so many children, etc., you’d not have made those mistakes.  You’ve got a litany of excuses and guilt that he doesn’t want to hear.  But you’re not telling him that anyway.  You’re living with the wound yourself and it’s festering in your daily interactions with him.  It’s like a runaway train which at every non-stop at a station, gets worse and the momentum of hurt builds.

You must be willing to change in order for you and your child to begin to rebuild your relationship.  I’ve found that honesty works well here as it almost always does when it comes to communication between people, be it parent/child relationships or for that matter, any relationship between people.  Open communication is key.  Taking the quiet opportunity when there’s not a lot of stress involved between you, makes it easier for each person to hear what the other person is saying.  Blame is not an option here so don’t bring it into the conversation.  Explain clearly what you expect from your child and what he can expect from you.  Show examples of when he was successful and when you were as well and highlight the times when you worked together and succeeded at a common goal.  Remind him of the fun times together and let him know how you miss that connection with him.  Tell him plainly how you miss that connection and how you would like to reconnect and ask him for advice.  Let him tell you what he needs from you and you can do the same.  Be on the same page as a team.  Keep the dialogue open and be ready to hear how he feels even if it’s hard.  It may take a few conversations before he will open up, but most teenagers want to reconnect because they need you as much as you need them.  But you need to set the example for that give and take trusting conversation and not react to anything he says that you may not like.  You need to be the grownup and own how what’s happened makes him feel, especially when you may find it hitting too close to home.  It’s hard to accept when your teenager tells you the truth as he sees it and you may have to accept that he’s right and not give excuses as to why you did whatever it is that you did.  This is not to say that you need to take all the blame and guilt here either, for it’s a two way street in any relationship.  But in giving your child the opportunity to speak his mind respectfully, just as it will be when you are given the same opportunity, allows for healing to begin.

It takes time to repair wounds for anyone, but especially that parent/child relationship as it sets the stage for his future relationships.  Even the most wounded of us wants peace and forgiveness and to feel loved and respected.  I don’t think it’s ever too late to try, for you never know when you may succeed.

Relationships fall apart over time and don’t always heal quickly.  But with patience and kindness we can repair and reconnect with others in the most miraculous of ways.  It takes a commitment to reconnect, but I’ve found that it’s so well-worth it when we do!

Work on making your home a safe and loving environment where family means that we love each other and that we work together for the common good and love that binds us.  You role model that in your home – peace, love, kindness – so foster it in every moment!

Be kind to yourself, dear parent.  Sometimes life just happens the way it does, but that doesn’t mean we can’t improve our relationships with effort on both parts.  If you really feel disconnected from your child, make the effort and if it’s not too late, you may be surprised at the amazing relationship that comes out of your opening up the conversation to reconnect in the first place!

Shine On!

xo

 

 

 

 

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Connecting The Dots

ConnectingthedotsConnecting The Dots

Connection is one of my favorite words because I know that connections are important in this life.  To make connections with other sentient beings, with ideas and philosophies and through the heart, mind and soul, for me, is connecting the dots of being.

Over twenty years ago when chatting on the internet was just starting for me, I met a woman named Jeanne in a cat chat room.  I was newly married and we had just gotten a rescue kitten.  Jeanne was a seasoned cat owner and when I had asked a question on the forum, she answered.  By sharing her knowledge and with me hungry for answers, we began to write back and forth and our friendship blossomed via email.  We talked about life and love and friendship and family….and of course, cats!

Fast forward 20 years and we are Facebook friends, having found each other again on the internet highway.  Occasional likes and messages have kept us in contact even though we had lost touch for many years.  When I asked a cat question on Facebook and quickly Jeanne answered, thus began our re-connection.  As we were messaging on Facebook, and then moved to emails, it was as if no time had passed.  We began catching up over the past years, quickly and easily.  The best part was that we knew what a blessing it was to reconnect again.

We’ve never met in person, yet Jeanne and I have been friends for years.  Life is so different from when we were children, as back then, our friends were limited to those we knew in person.  Much like modern-day pen pals, I guess life has evolved to internet friendships.

So today, I’m grateful for all of our connections, internet and otherwise.  I love how blogging has expanded our friendships globally.  I can now count friendships with all of you, in many different countries and across the USA.  We are gratefully united through friendship and caring.

Have you felt that instant connection with someone whom you’ve never met except on the internet?  Was it through blogging?  Please share!

Shine On!

xo

 

 

Home Is The Nest You Make Yourself

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I love the quote:  Home is where the heart is because it’s simple and direct.  Home is anywhere you find yourself comfortably surrounded by love.  Be it a hovel, an old drafty farmhouse, a small nest or a McMansion.  It’s home because your loved ones are with you.

It’s about being together and being able to be YOU with all of your goodness, your quirks and your insecurities, knowing you are loved for who you are.  Home is the comfort in being accepted for yourself.  Home is knowing you are safe in being vulnerable there.  Home is knowing there are arms to hold you in a strong hug with support and kindness, gentle kisses and soothing words.

There’s no place like home dear friends.  May you remember with gratitude the home and loved ones with whom you share your life.  No matter where you travel, near or far, may you always have a home filled with love and kindness.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

Brave

bravelion

Brave lion biting his tongue.

I want to see you be brave is a line from a Sara Bareilles song.  Being brave requires honesty with ourselves and others.  It’s hard to be vulnerable and courageous at the same time.  Sometimes it’s easier to just let things be, let relationships chug along without upsetting the proverbial apple cart.  We get complacent and we don’t want to rock the boat for fear of What will they think?  What will happen to me?

But what I’ve learned is an old saying from my Mom:

Those that mind, don’t matter,

those that matter, don’t mind.

But in reality, sometimes it does hugely matter to us what others are thinking and saying about us behind our backs or in front of our faces because we want the best of us to shine on and not be dirtied by judgments from others.  And that’s where your brave comes in and matters.

Finding peace within to be who we are is a gift that we give to ourselves and to the Universe.  It’s a choice that we make everyday and a decision that we ultimately have the control over at every moment in time.

I struggle with wanting to say how I feel in some relationships.  And sadly, I don’t say what I want to say and let the words fall out.  Why?  Because it’s easier to keep peace.  I don’t want to hurt anyone.  I shy away from being brave out of fear.

I’m learning slowly to stand in the truth, the facts and be with what is.  Some relationships have slowly faded away because I just don’t have the energy.  Sure, I listen and play nicely, but I know it’s a superficial relationship.  Do you have those kind too?  You’re nice.  They’re nice.  But there’s no real trusted connection anymore?

I think life has a way of re-arranging our relationships for the better if we would only let it.  We fight it because of the belief we have in our heads about how things should be.  But who says that’s right to begin with?  Who says we know best?

I wish we could all be brave and speak our truths.  But to do that, there must be trust within the listener because otherwise, it’s all for naught.

It’s like when you are so depressed and someone asks how you are, you answer fine and move the conversation along.  If we could all speak from the heart, listen from the heart and hold hands through the hardships, there would be less disgrace in the world and more love.

Here’s to hoping for more heartlights shining, more truth and connections growing and cheers to being brave.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

 

Tapestry of You

tapestry

**Photo saved from Pinterest @owlhunt.com

We are layered beings, full of textures, emotions, experiences and hues that span the rainbow.  At any given moment, we are not just black and white, but every color in between as life swirls through us.

We are musical too – sometimes at an allegro speed, we pulse through the chords of life, rushing, fleeing, jumping through hoops enthusiastically.  At others, we are legato, smoothly playing without interruption, calm and happy.  Or at others, we are lento, slowly moving through life.

Our heartlights shine on throughout our life journey – blinking rhythmically in tandem with our musicality and hues, sometimes pulsing urgently like a beacon in need of help, at others, simply dimmed when we are weakened and sad.  But still, always, the effervescent heartlight remains glowing deep within us in a mass of light and love.

Humanity flows through us as we connect soul to soul with others.  Shedding the superficiality and growing deeply within us and filling the chasm that disappointments often rift in our minds.  We become more loving towards others and ourselves.  We rebuild the broken pieces of our lives with gold as the Japanese do when they  practice Kintsugi.  I find it a beautiful, healing notion of how to culminate our life experiences as we continually strive to live on Earth and recognize our divinity – our soul beauty!

Translated to “golden joinery,” Kintsugi (or Kintsukuroi, which means “golden repair”) is the centuries-old Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with a special lacquer dusted with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. Beautiful seams of gold glint in the cracks of ceramic ware, giving a unique appearance to the piece.

This repair method celebrates each artifact’s unique history by emphasizing its fractures and breaks instead of hiding or disguising them. Kintsugi often makes the repaired piece even more beautiful than the original, revitalizing it with new life.

It’s the Tapestry of You, unique and beautiful you which I celebrate and salute today.  Please join me in celebrating each of our golden souls each and every day!

Shine On!

xo

P.S.  My heartfelt gratitude to Joanna from whom I was inspired to write this post today. Please visit Joanna’s post here – The Patchwork Soul.

 

Practicing Gratitude For What We Receive

practicinggratitude

Let’s be honest.  Sometimes we receive fabulous experiences and synchronicities that make us giddy with happiness and excitement.  We twirl around in glee for the wonder of it all and walk around on the proverbial Cloud 9 in joy, thanking God and the Universe and everyone else for the good news.

However, sometimes we have experiences that we don’t want and we can’t believe that God or the Universe have delivered this strife to our door.  We don’t want to be thankful or gracious about the upsetting news or situation or relationship.  We don’t want to hold our hands out with a ready heart to receive disappointment or grief or burdens.  We want to to live happy go lucky lives and be done with the horrors we’ve endured.  Do you feel that way sometimes?

Because I honestly do.

So what other choice do we have?  We have to receive the blows as they come and deal with them in the best way we can.  Getting on our knees is one plan, full of prayers.  Getting help by reaching out to others is another good idea.  Going through the process and not hiding behind blinders is probably good advice as well for we can ignore situations, but until there’s a resolution, the body, mind, and soul suffer.  And I know, sometimes there’s no resolution.  Bad things happen to good people.  We suffer at the hands of others and circumstances at times.  We can feel like we endure more than our share of illness, of disconnections and of failed relationships.  We strive to do what’s right in all situations, but we’re human and we make mistakes.  We can’t have it always perfect all the time.  It’s just not what life school is all about here on Earth.

A friend and I were talking on the phone the other day and admiring each other’s strengths.  I flippantly said, God only gives you what you can handle right?  in an effort to connect with this person who was also having a hard time these days.  Sometimes I think He thinks I’m cement!  I said.   She replied, Then I’m puddy! and because I liked puddy better, I agreed, We’re both puddy!  We laughed, enjoyed the camaraderie of the moment and when we hung up the phone, there was a kinship there that remained between us.

When we go through hard times, we learn about life, about people and about ourselves.  We expand our knowledge, our spirituality and our ability to help others who are hurting as well.  Our experiences, when we share them, become a springboard for healing others and for healing ourselves.  We inspire others by how we deal with hardship.  We admire others for how they have conquered the ugly parts of life with grace and dignity.  We grow our faith and our connections with love when we heal ourselves and others.  We find the springboard to something positive when we dig ourselves out of the hole of adversity.  Hope becomes key.  Love becomes the answer.  Patience increases and a centered soul becomes the strength in which we shine our heartlights.

Shine On!

xo

 

Bonding With Charlie

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A loving bond is forming with Charlie.

My third horseback riding lesson and I’m hooked on horses!  Between Sam and Charlie, I can’t choose between them although I will say that even though Sam is bigger, I think he’s a bit easier to ride because he’s, dare I say it?, not as energetic as Charlie.  Charlie, on the other hand, has a faster gait so I have to keep my balance more in check, but that’s how you learn to ride, right?

I likened it to gymnastics at my last lesson because it’s all about balance in the saddle.  I am learning to ride English which means there’s no horn to hold onto on the saddle.  In most movies, I saw the horn and thought of it as a safety handle to keep me in the saddle.  Guess that’s not going to happen for me.  LOL

Oh, so much to learn and to experience!  Sigh…and big, wide grin.

So grateful for the healing of horses!

Enjoy your day dear friends!  Anyone else horseback riding?

Shine On!

xo