Tag Archive | family

Elevate Your Relationship With Your Child

elevateyourrelationshipwithyourchild

Dear Parents,

As a former teacher, I’m writing to you from the heart.  As a parent myself, and a former teacher and as a humanitarian, yes, I’m going to suggest how you parent your sweet children.  You may choose to tune out here and click off my letter or maybe you just might want to read what I have to say to see if it resonates with you.

Let me begin by telling you I am not the perfect parent, teacher nor humanitarian.  Not by a long shot am I perfect.  But I feel the need to tell you honestly what I’m seeing and it’s not pretty dear friends.  You may or may not be aware of it, but it’s there – that wounded spot between you and your child.  You know the one I mean.  You sense it because you know that he’s mad with you and you feel guilty for whatever you’ve not done.  Or maybe you’re really as clueless about it as you seem.  But I don’t buy it.  I think you know, but you’re afraid to touch that wounded part of your child and yourself.

Example:  You are busy with work, your family, your life and all that’s around you.  You live in a tizzy of busy because you are doing the best you can to provide for your family, to work at your career, to be a good wife/husband, to parent, to raise your family and maybe even take care of your own parents as well.  You’re stressed beyond words and everyone knows it.  You are doing the best you can and I applaud you.  But I know you’re not happy because that wound rears its ugly head when it comes to your child.

You feel guilty because your child is wounded by you.  There, let’s speak plainly.  What you say, how you react, what you don’t say or don’t do, has built up a laundry list in your child’s mind to feel wounded by you.  What’s worse is that you think that what he holds against you may be true and if you had more time, if you weren’t working, if you didn’t have so many children, etc., you’d not have made those mistakes.  You’ve got a litany of excuses and guilt that he doesn’t want to hear.  But you’re not telling him that anyway.  You’re living with the wound yourself and it’s festering in your daily interactions with him.  It’s like a runaway train which at every non-stop at a station, gets worse and the momentum of hurt builds.

You must be willing to change in order for you and your child to begin to rebuild your relationship.  I’ve found that honesty works well here as it almost always does when it comes to communication between people, be it parent/child relationships or for that matter, any relationship between people.  Open communication is key.  Taking the quiet opportunity when there’s not a lot of stress involved between you, makes it easier for each person to hear what the other person is saying.  Blame is not an option here so don’t bring it into the conversation.  Explain clearly what you expect from your child and what he can expect from you.  Show examples of when he was successful and when you were as well and highlight the times when you worked together and succeeded at a common goal.  Remind him of the fun times together and let him know how you miss that connection with him.  Tell him plainly how you miss that connection and how you would like to reconnect and ask him for advice.  Let him tell you what he needs from you and you can do the same.  Be on the same page as a team.  Keep the dialogue open and be ready to hear how he feels even if it’s hard.  It may take a few conversations before he will open up, but most teenagers want to reconnect because they need you as much as you need them.  But you need to set the example for that give and take trusting conversation and not react to anything he says that you may not like.  You need to be the grownup and own how what’s happened makes him feel, especially when you may find it hitting too close to home.  It’s hard to accept when your teenager tells you the truth as he sees it and you may have to accept that he’s right and not give excuses as to why you did whatever it is that you did.  This is not to say that you need to take all the blame and guilt here either, for it’s a two way street in any relationship.  But in giving your child the opportunity to speak his mind respectfully, just as it will be when you are given the same opportunity, allows for healing to begin.

It takes time to repair wounds for anyone, but especially that parent/child relationship as it sets the stage for his future relationships.  Even the most wounded of us wants peace and forgiveness and to feel loved and respected.  I don’t think it’s ever too late to try, for you never know when you may succeed.

Relationships fall apart over time and don’t always heal quickly.  But with patience and kindness we can repair and reconnect with others in the most miraculous of ways.  It takes a commitment to reconnect, but I’ve found that it’s so well-worth it when we do!

Work on making your home a safe and loving environment where family means that we love each other and that we work together for the common good and love that binds us.  You role model that in your home – peace, love, kindness – so foster it in every moment!

Be kind to yourself, dear parent.  Sometimes life just happens the way it does, but that doesn’t mean we can’t improve our relationships with effort on both parts.  If you really feel disconnected from your child, make the effort and if it’s not too late, you may be surprised at the amazing relationship that comes out of your opening up the conversation to reconnect in the first place!

Shine On!

xo

 

 

 

 

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Connecting The Dots

ConnectingthedotsConnecting The Dots

Connection is one of my favorite words because I know that connections are important in this life.  To make connections with other sentient beings, with ideas and philosophies and through the heart, mind and soul, for me, is connecting the dots of being.

Over twenty years ago when chatting on the internet was just starting for me, I met a woman named Jeanne in a cat chat room.  I was newly married and we had just gotten a rescue kitten.  Jeanne was a seasoned cat owner and when I had asked a question on the forum, she answered.  By sharing her knowledge and with me hungry for answers, we began to write back and forth and our friendship blossomed via email.  We talked about life and love and friendship and family….and of course, cats!

Fast forward 20 years and we are Facebook friends, having found each other again on the internet highway.  Occasional likes and messages have kept us in contact even though we had lost touch for many years.  When I asked a cat question on Facebook and quickly Jeanne answered, thus began our re-connection.  As we were messaging on Facebook, and then moved to emails, it was as if no time had passed.  We began catching up over the past years, quickly and easily.  The best part was that we knew what a blessing it was to reconnect again.

We’ve never met in person, yet Jeanne and I have been friends for years.  Life is so different from when we were children, as back then, our friends were limited to those we knew in person.  Much like modern-day pen pals, I guess life has evolved to internet friendships.

So today, I’m grateful for all of our connections, internet and otherwise.  I love how blogging has expanded our friendships globally.  I can now count friendships with all of you, in many different countries and across the USA.  We are gratefully united through friendship and caring.

Have you felt that instant connection with someone whom you’ve never met except on the internet?  Was it through blogging?  Please share!

Shine On!

xo

 

 

Thanksgiving Blessings

thanksgivingblessings

“Not what we say about our blessings,
but how we use them,
is the true measure
of our thanksgiving.”
~ W.T. Purkiser

On this Thanksgiving morning, let me reach out to wish you all a day filled with love, with blessings, with gratitude and with being surrounded by loved ones.  Be more patient today.  Be kinder today.  Be loving today.  Be grateful for all the goodness in your life – from the biggest to the smallest of blessings!

Happy Blessed Thanksgiving to all!

Shine On!

xo

 

A Giggle Before Thanksgiving

agigglebeforethanksgiving

If you’re anything like me, you’re stressed out now with the start of the holiday season.  Thanksgiving is a tough holiday to prepare for and even though this year, I’m not cooking the bird, I have a few dishes to prepare for the meal at my sister’s house.  It should be fun this year as our Mom is going to be with us too which just makes me smile.  I want to take lots of photos and videos of her with all of us.  As our parents get older, it’s important to do that you know.  Every single moment and memory is precious and sometimes it’s only after, in hindsight, that we regret we didn’t do more.  So, I’m working hard to live with no regrets!

Anyway, I was thinking about decorating for Christmas because I always began after the Thanksgiving dinner was put away.  I started slowly at first, but often, I was well on my way by Sunday.  I can’t help myself!  I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

I came across the clever video below and laughed my way through it.  What a great stress reliever and giggle maker!  If you like animals, please click below and get into the Christmas mood.  You know, it’s almost time to Deck The Halls!

Shine On!

xo

 

Home Is The Nest You Make Yourself

homeisthenest

I love the quote:  Home is where the heart is because it’s simple and direct.  Home is anywhere you find yourself comfortably surrounded by love.  Be it a hovel, an old drafty farmhouse, a small nest or a McMansion.  It’s home because your loved ones are with you.

It’s about being together and being able to be YOU with all of your goodness, your quirks and your insecurities, knowing you are loved for who you are.  Home is the comfort in being accepted for yourself.  Home is knowing you are safe in being vulnerable there.  Home is knowing there are arms to hold you in a strong hug with support and kindness, gentle kisses and soothing words.

There’s no place like home dear friends.  May you remember with gratitude the home and loved ones with whom you share your life.  No matter where you travel, near or far, may you always have a home filled with love and kindness.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

Sandwich Generation

sandwichgeneration

Have you ever heard of the sandwich generation?  It’s when you are a parent who takes care of your own children and your own parents at the same time.  Sandwiched in between the generations and responsible for them all at the same time.  At least, that’s my attempt at its definition.

I should know…I’ve been doing it for awhile now.

I have friends who are beginning the journey of helping their elderly parents and it’s hard.  Hard for the parents to let go and to allow their children to help them and hard for all to realize that life is imminently shorter than we plan for when we are young.  The changes that occur as our parents get older are sometimes unimaginable and hard for them and for us to fathom and navigate.  I mean, what parent ever wants to give up control to their children?  We are the parents after all. (said in the parental authoritative voice!)

But it happens.  If we’re lucky to still have our parents and our children be able to have a relationship (and if we still have a good relationship with our parents as well), please remember to feel blessed.  Because sometimes as the years go on, family difficulties interfere and our relationships deteriorate.

But in a perfect world, we may be blessed to take care of our parents as they took care of us.  This goes for anyone really in the older generations, the aunts and uncles, the older cousins, etc.

So can I give you a little advice especially now that Thanksgiving and the holiday season are arriving?

  1. Do your best to include them.  Make the effort to go get them to bring them to the family get togethers if they are close enough.
  2. Make them feel important.
  3. Watch to see how they are doing physically, mentally and emotionally.
  4. You are now the caretaker so be aware of subtle changes and if you see some, gently approach the subject.
  5. Get Mom’s favorite recipes now while she remembers them.
  6. Take pictures!  I can’t stress this enough!  Get photos of the family together.
  7. Video tape them telling stories or singing or whatever memory you want to keep.  Someday you may wish you could hear their voices again or remember how they sang their favorite song or danced the watusi!
  8. Be patient.  Getting older is not for sissies and they are doing the best they can.
  9. Role model kindness because your children they will remember how you treated your family.
  10. Be affectionate with them if that’s your family style.  There’s nothing better than taking that extra moment to hug a parent or family member.  They will appreciate it as will you.
  11. Tell them how much you care and love them.  During Thanksgiving you can give thanks to them for all that they did for you.
  12. Include them in favorite memories that showcase their love.
  13. Be aware that as we get older, it gets harder to remember, to move and to hear other people.
  14. Take the precious time to talk with them and to ask and to listen attentively to whatever they have to say.
  15. Try not to put them in the corner and out of the way if they don’t want that because keeping them actively involved helps them immensely.
  16. Be kinder as you won’t ever regret it later.
  17. Take it all in stride and be patient with yourself as well.
  18. Smile and know in your heart you are doing a great job.
  19. Count your blessings that they are still here to spend time with you.
  20. Enjoy each and every moment for life goes by in a flash!

I wish you all a wonderful holiday season!  I am thankful for my Mom and for those in the older generations of our family.  Having loved ones pass away in the last few years has been hard and I pray that you will keep in mind that every moment spent together is precious.

Shine On!

xo

 

Watching Glass Shatter

Watching-Glass-Shatter-Promo-Ereader

Watching Glass Shatter

By James J. Cudney

Recently, I connected with a newly published author who’s also an incredible blogger.  Jay, as he’s known to friends, is a great connector as you’ll find on his blog This Is My Truth Now.

Jay writes about so much that it’s impossible for me to put him in a neatly boxed description so you’ll just have to trust me on this one and go over to visit him.  You won’t be disappointed.  He has a plethora of subjects from his favorite dog Ryder who debuts on Mondays (for all you dog lovers) to his numerous book reviews which I can’t imagine how he reads so much, but he does!  Then, there’s his delightful sense of humor and banter with his blogging pals.  It’s almost like dancing, when you ‘talk’ with him.  You know, that give and take as you move through the blogosphere?   As those who fish say, he’s a keeper and I’m glad to share his blog and book with you today!

Let me start by telling you that Watching Glass Shatter reviews can be found here for Good Reads.  You can also find them here on Amazon! Oh, and here’s the link to buy it here!  For old school readers, the paperback book itself is now available too on the same link!

When I recount that it’s Jay’s fault that I had a sleepless night and an unproductive next day, I mean it.  I usually read a little on my kindle before bedtime, so I started his book as I usually do, thinking I’d read a chapter or two.  Honestly, I picked it up because he’s a fellow blogger and I’m loyal like that – and the subject of family interests me.  I was smitten by reading the description of the book so I thought, what the heck!  What I didn’t expect was the depth to which his characters touched me, each with their own individualized perceptions and feelings to round out the formation of a family in every sense of the word.  If you’re a part of a family, you know there are nuances between members, subtle and yet sometimes stark reminders of a shared past.  Delve into the family unit long enough and you’ll find all sorts of relationships, beliefs and hidden secrets.

Jay’s book makes no exception as he invites us into the Glass family with open arms.  Beautifully written, detailed and believable, we journey with them through the death of their patriarch father Ben and experience the aftermath of Glass shattering.

This is why I couldn’t put his book down until I finished it.  Pulling my heartstrings with each character, Jay kept me reading until the very wee hours of the morning.  When I was finished, I fell asleep sated with the love and connections of a family I just met.

Please join me in welcoming  James J. Cudney to the realm of newly published author.  This is a book you won’t want to miss!  Be sure to pop over to his blog too and tell him Misifusa sent you!

Here’s the tour schedule if you want to follow it!  Join the community of bloggers who are supporting Jay and his book tour!

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And if you feel inclined, please stop by GoodReads or Amazon to write a book review for him after you’ve read it.  Thank you!  I always love to support other bloggers and I know you do too!

Shine On!

xo

 

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