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I’m Fine

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The average person tells 4 lies a day

or 1460 a year;

a total of 86,700 by the age of 60. 

And the most common lie is:

I’m fine.

How many of us go about our day telling ourselves and anyone else who asks, “I’m fine,” even when we know we aren’t.  Denying the state of unrest within us doesn’t do anyone else any good, least of all ourselves.

Sure there are those of us who think we are inner powerhouses, who believe innately that we can work through the chaos and if we just put a little more effort into it, we can survive.  We continue to take each hurdle as it comes and keep moving forward, even when our body, mind, heart and soul yearn to rest.  But there’s no rest when we are amidst chaos.  We can’t let someone else down, nor ourselves.  We have to keep on, keeping on, in order to make it through, putting our best foot forward, because we are the responsible ones.  We are the ones whom everyone else is counting on and we just can’t let them down, nor can we face that sorry fact that we need help where we are.

If we were observant, we would face the truth and tell ourselves to reach out and we would know in our hearts that there are people who can and would help us.  Sometimes we do reach out, but if the person to whom we reach out can’t help us or won’t help us, we are doubly determined to just do it alone.  And so goes on that vicious circle of “I’m fine.”

But honestly. we are not alone.  You are not alone, nor am I.

And at times, we are certainly, NOT FINE.

Sure, I could tell you to rest and allow the weight of the world to fall off your shoulders at night so that you could sleep in peace.  You could hang your worries on a branch and give them over to God.  You could pray for solutions and look for signs from above.  You could reach out to friends and family for support or to trained professionals for guidance.  You could hire someone to do what it is you are so determined to do yourself.  It all depends on what is weighing you down and what is not fine.

But will you do that?

It’s a choice to get help when things are chaotic (and even when they aren’t).  It’s a letting go of the control and of the belief that I can do it.  It’s dropping the role that you’ve lead your entire life of being the responsible one and taking on obligations that maybe weren’t really even yours in the first place, but because nobody else stepped up, you did.

There will be those who criticize you if you choose to allow yourself to honestly say, “I’m not fine.”  There will be those who simply don’t understand what’s so hard for you when they look from the outside with their perception into your life.  There are those who will turn their backs and walk away.  Then there will be those who stay, who hold your hand, listen and pick up a shovel to help you get rid of the mess.

Those are the ones I want at my side.  What about you?

Trust in those who hold your hand with a loving heart space.  Allow their kindness, generosity and love to heal you, to help you and to ease the burdens you carry.  Trust in God that He can help you through these tough times.  And for goodness sake, get rid of the I’m fine, except when you know it will fall on deaf ears or when you really mean it.  Trust in I’m not fine, with those whose hearts are open to yours.

So if you’re asking me, “I’m not fine” today, but as Scarlett O’Hara once said, “Tomorrow is another day.”

How are you?

Shine On!

xo

Letting Go of Approval

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Fear drives us to seek approval.  Many times we say and do what we feel is right and in the back of our minds, we also think of what actions will be approved.  It’s not a good way to be, but it happens in life.  What we need to do is to keep in mind that when we are doing what is right for ourselves, it is not for others to judge, criticize nor approve.  It is for us to stand firm in our convictions and to find peace within to lay our heads on our pillows every night, knowing that we are not hurting others intentionally, but we are doing what we feel is right for ourselves.

It’s not easy to live with a scapegoat mentality no matter how strong our soul is.  It wears on the soul, the mind and the body and the pain crops up in different ways.  Those of us who innately have a high pain tolerance continue to plow through the pain, all the while, not realizing that it is our own selves who are inflicting the discomfort in our battle to seek approval and to worry about how others judge our actions and inactions.  It’s a hard line to walk for sure.  To walk in our truth, without minding the what if’s, is harder than the pain of limitations that we set for ourselves in our own minds.  However, once we can get past the hurdle and actually begin to walk in our own truth, allowing others to feel and judge at will, it gets easier.

I have spent a lifetime doing for others and seeking approval.  Being the ‘good girl’ in the family began that journey and that role assigned to me, did more damage than good.  I willingly embraced it for the love that was given to me, was often taken when the giver believed I wasn’t doing what they wanted.  I succumbed to that way of thinking for many years.  Even when the giver who did love me passed, the feeling stayed and I transferred it to others.  I was held captive by my own beliefs.  I needed to be seen, heard and loved as the ‘good girl’ and the one who was responsible.  I relished the role.  But it has been my downfall.

I allowed myself to be bullied by others in subtle and not so subtle ways in order to keep peace in my life, or what on the outside, I believed to be peace.  Instead of standing up and saying that I am not lacking, I rolled over like a submissive dog, begging approval and apologizing for my faults which were deemed by others.  What I felt was strength in keeping peace, was seen as weakness and an opportunity to control me and I succumbed to the farce.  The pain I have endured is immeasurable, the toll it has taken on my psyche is clear to me and it saddens me.  It has weakened me up until now.

I am taking control again.  Albeit slowly, I am seeking the freedom to say ‘no’ and to allow others to fester in their disapproval.  It is not an easy decision, but one that I must make for myself.  I have been sick.  I have endured cancer.  I have run around my whole life trying to make everyone else happy and forgotten my own self.  I have not babied myself nor comforted me.  I have spent a lifetime caring for others, making their needs count before my own and completely living for their demands.  It is my own fault.  I am not playing victim here.  I am simply stating the truth.  I allowed it.  I see that now.  I let others make decisions about my life and I thought I was doing good by keeping the peace and going along with the flow.  I never stood up and asked, ‘why?’  I was too afraid to anger them for I had seen the reprisals before and I feared in my heart what they could do to me.

I watched as others gave and took love according to their control of me.  When I was ‘playing nice’ as they demanded, I was loved.  When I was hurt or not being the person whom they deemed me to be, the love stopped right there, only to be taken back into the loving energy when I was being ‘good’ again.  Because of my childhood, I thought that was the way loved ones were supposed to act.  Now as a parent, I can’t imagine doing that to my children nor to anyone else for that matter.  Love is not a costume that we put on or take off at will.  Loving someone in the true sense of love, is accepting them for who they are and not judging all the time.  I love my sons when they are being ‘good’ and when they are not.  I love them for who they are down deep and I love them with my whole heart and they know it.  It is the one great thing I’ve done in my life.  To truly love another human being, to accept them, faults and all, and to continue to love them even when they make mistakes, even when they speak their mind, even when they dare to challenge us to think outside our own limits is what love is all about ~ to forgive and truly forget is a gift we give the ones we love.

We are not here to judge others.  What you do and what I do is separate.  We can work in unison for a common cause, we can unite in love or we can separate in a non-loving way.  What I ache for now, is peace in my life.  I do not want to walk on a rocky road, worrying that a misstep will cause love to be taken from me.  For once love is taken and then returned at will, at your will, it is not love.  It is approval for which I do not seek.

I am a good person.  I try hard to be peaceful, kind and loving.  I try to spread sunshine and I do my best to live a good life.  I know this for sure for I can lay my head on my pillow every night and sleep.  Do I toss and turn sometimes?  Absolutely.  Have I made mistakes which I regret?  Yup.  Am I going to continue to berate myself over things that I have said and done and apologize to others continuously in order to be forgiven and pray for their approval?  No, dearest ones, not anymore.

It’s not to say that I don’t love the people in my life.  It’s that I’m finding that the authentic me who has been berated one too many times, is being freed, here and now.  This girl whom was made to feel that she had to be good, to seek approval and to not make mistakes may make mistakes as she follows her heart, but they are her mistakes and not ones that were made intentionally.  I am tired of the backlash from my mistakes and the judgments, the silent treatments and the cold love that was given and taken at will.

I wish we could all speak plainly, explain and be heard.  I wish love softened hearts instead of making them walled up and judgmental.  Live your own life, to the best of your ability.  Be loving in all that you do.  Speak your truth with kindness and understanding.  Hold fast in the knowledge that you are one of God’s children, deemed perfect, whole and complete.  Allow no one to break your peaceful, loving heart by words or actions.  Allow others to be, to say, and to do what they wish without reprisal.

When you think about it, we are all just walking each other home.  Why not make the trip with a loving connection, holding hands and hearts as we journey together on this path?  Here’s my hand…

Shine On!

xo

Love Is… 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

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“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.  If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

“Love is patient and kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

“Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless.  But love will last forever!”

~ 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

I thought this was a lovely reminder on a blessed Sunday.  May love and healing light fill your hearts, minds, souls and bodies each and every day.  May you continue to shine your heartlights and be grateful for the love surrounding us all in each and every moment!

Shine On!

xo

 

Another Lesson From The Little Prince

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“The most beautiful things

in the world cannot be

seen or touched,

they are felt with the heart.”

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

You may have heard this quote before and not known that it was part of The Little Prince.  It has become one of those inspirational messages that we use when we speak of love.

For what is love?

Is it the entwining of souls through respect, admiration, taming and fidelity?  Or is it the soul to soul connection we receive when we love with our whole hearts?  Is it the bond of family that just is because we are family?  Is it a mother’s innate bonding with her child that is born from her body or for the child who is chosen through her heart?  Or is it the friendships that we forge throughout our lifetimes through similar experiences?  Is it the caring for or from a stranger in crisis?  Or is it God’s love for all of his children who are perfect, whole and complete just as they are?  Is it the heart’s understanding of the preciousness of this moment in time with another person or animal or nature?  Or is it just the complete feeling of bliss when we are grateful for the presents of presence?

What is love to you?  Please share!

Shine On!

xo

 

 

Radiate and Shine On!

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I always end my posts with Shine On!  I don’t know why, but it began awhile back.  For some reason, the phrase Shine On brings me a plethora of emotion.  It’s like a farewell, till we connect again, and a gentle reminder to continue radiating love and light into the world.  Keep shining your special, unique self and sparkle so the world is brighter because of you.  Shine your heartlight brightly dear friends!  Our souls connect in the light of hope, love and prosperity.  Darkness cannot survive in the light.

Kindness, caring, compassion and understanding are key.  When we are patient with ourselves and with all of those around us, our heartlights beat at a higher vibration, thus radiating more sparkling light – we, in fact, shine on ourselves and our beautiful world bringing more peace and healing.

I am ever grateful for the loving, healing connections I’ve made through blogging and I am ever grateful and appreciative of each and every one of you.  Your heartlights brighten my world.  Our connections help to heal and to spread love.

Our world needs more light, love and healing.  Please take a moment today to…

Shine On!

xo

via Daily Prompt: Radiate

Clear Away the Clutter

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Since we are moving soon, I’m cleaning out the clutter – decades of it and it’s hard.  I am a saver at heart and because I’m downsizing, it’s time to release and move on with my life.  Nostalgia takes hold occasionally and I release a few tears as I remember happier times.  That which I choose to hold onto are the favorites, the items that bring me joy in my life, not those which remind me of the past.

It’s exhausting work, this decluttering and although I’ve read my share of ‘how to declutter’  and feng shui books, I can sometimes get bogged down in memories when I find a little treasure that I had forgotten.  Perhaps it’s the chemo brain or mid-life loss of memory that are the reasons I’ve forgotten.  Who knows?  But I continue to choose to think that it’s a rite of passage when I can be reminded by an item and then put it in a pile and not pack it away to be moved to our next home.

Letting go is easy for some people.  For me, sometimes, it’s a challenge, but I am happy to report that it’s been one of those life lessons that I never wanted to partake in and yet, I’m finding happiness by going through it.  I’m releasing and sending items with love to new owners so that they can find joy in them as well.  I figure it doubles the joy that the item’s lifetime gives!  Does that sound silly?  I guess it can sound silly, but it’s a mindset that has been working for me, so I’m sticking with it.

Clutter bogs down the mind, body and soul although when we are in the midst of it, some of us don’t realize it (meaning me).  Now that I’m clearing away items that I thought I would use someday or used for a bit and now don’t, I’m finding that it’s opening spaces of light and opportunity in my life.

Have you felt this way?

Change is hard for most of us.  Endings are only new beginnings I know, but they are still hard to fathom sometimes when we aren’t sure where the new path is taking us.  I think I’d feel better if I were able to see and know where I am going.  But I trust that God has a plan and I am surrendering to His plan.

I hope you have a lovely Memorial Day Weekend!

Shine On!

xo

The Ocean…

wylandThe ocean stirs the heart,

inspires the imagination

& brings eternal joy to the soul.

~ Wyland

I have always been a beach girl.  Growing up, we went to the beach daily and honestly, I love the beach no matter the season nor the weather.  There is something magical about the power of the sea which calms my tender soul and I am ever grateful for her.

Perhaps being a Pisces, it’s innate in me, that love of the sea.  Two fish swimming is the sign for Pisces which is the last of the astrological signs in the zodiac.  Creativity and passion for writing have always been dear to me, for as you know, I love to connect through writing (hence the blog!).

Summer is upon us, with the start of Memorial Day weekend here in the States.  My beloved beach will be overcrowded now with tourists and beach goers and gone will be the gentle solitude which has soothed my soul frequently.

I am reminded of the quieter times that I enjoyed my solitude at the beach.  Sky and sea met on the horizon seamlessly, blue on blue.  The warm sand beneath my toes beckoning me as the sun warmed my soul.  Scattered shells and bits of sea glass treasures polka dot the sand.  The gentle sound of waves lapping the shoreline like a lullaby just for me.  When I was immersed in the sea, she rocked me, enveloped me, like a mother with a toddler at bedtime.  Gulls flew overhead, calling to friends.  Pipers scampered at the edge where the sand and the water met, tiptoeing quickly in the surf.  At night, the moon reflected on the dark, mysterious  water full of unseen animals who swam quietly by.  Still the waves’ melodious song called to me and I answered, my heart full of peace.

There is so much peace and love at the beach when we commune with her.  Do you feel the same way?  Does the sea beckon to you too?

Shine On!

xo