Tag Archive | life

I’m Fine

imfine.PNG

The average person tells 4 lies a day

or 1460 a year;

a total of 86,700 by the age of 60. 

And the most common lie is:

I’m fine.

How many of us go about our day telling ourselves and anyone else who asks, “I’m fine,” even when we know we aren’t.  Denying the state of unrest within us doesn’t do anyone else any good, least of all ourselves.

Sure there are those of us who think we are inner powerhouses, who believe innately that we can work through the chaos and if we just put a little more effort into it, we can survive.  We continue to take each hurdle as it comes and keep moving forward, even when our body, mind, heart and soul yearn to rest.  But there’s no rest when we are amidst chaos.  We can’t let someone else down, nor ourselves.  We have to keep on, keeping on, in order to make it through, putting our best foot forward, because we are the responsible ones.  We are the ones whom everyone else is counting on and we just can’t let them down, nor can we face that sorry fact that we need help where we are.

If we were observant, we would face the truth and tell ourselves to reach out and we would know in our hearts that there are people who can and would help us.  Sometimes we do reach out, but if the person to whom we reach out can’t help us or won’t help us, we are doubly determined to just do it alone.  And so goes on that vicious circle of “I’m fine.”

But honestly. we are not alone.  You are not alone, nor am I.

And at times, we are certainly, NOT FINE.

Sure, I could tell you to rest and allow the weight of the world to fall off your shoulders at night so that you could sleep in peace.  You could hang your worries on a branch and give them over to God.  You could pray for solutions and look for signs from above.  You could reach out to friends and family for support or to trained professionals for guidance.  You could hire someone to do what it is you are so determined to do yourself.  It all depends on what is weighing you down and what is not fine.

But will you do that?

It’s a choice to get help when things are chaotic (and even when they aren’t).  It’s a letting go of the control and of the belief that I can do it.  It’s dropping the role that you’ve lead your entire life of being the responsible one and taking on obligations that maybe weren’t really even yours in the first place, but because nobody else stepped up, you did.

There will be those who criticize you if you choose to allow yourself to honestly say, “I’m not fine.”  There will be those who simply don’t understand what’s so hard for you when they look from the outside with their perception into your life.  There are those who will turn their backs and walk away.  Then there will be those who stay, who hold your hand, listen and pick up a shovel to help you get rid of the mess.

Those are the ones I want at my side.  What about you?

Trust in those who hold your hand with a loving heart space.  Allow their kindness, generosity and love to heal you, to help you and to ease the burdens you carry.  Trust in God that He can help you through these tough times.  And for goodness sake, get rid of the I’m fine, except when you know it will fall on deaf ears or when you really mean it.  Trust in I’m not fine, with those whose hearts are open to yours.

So if you’re asking me, “I’m not fine” today, but as Scarlett O’Hara once said, “Tomorrow is another day.”

How are you?

Shine On!

xo

Progress

progress

 

“Progress, of the best kind,

is comparatively slow.

Great results cannot be achieved at once;

and we must be satisfied

to advance in life as we walk,

step by step.”

-Samuel Smiles

I know why Samuel Smiles…because he’s learned that progress takes time, patience and baby steps (well maybe just small steps).  For those of us who want to make progress, but yearn to achieve it in leaps and bounds, this is a great reminder.

Slow and steady wins the race as in the story of the turtle and the hare (turtle wins the race) comes to mind when I think of the above quote.  I guess in this day and age, we are all tethered to instant gratification and the quick and easy way to success.  Gone is patience and accepting the time it takes to make something happen.  Instead of being in the step by step progression and enjoying the trip, many people abandon the task if it ‘takes too long’ in their minds.

We are all victims of this in different ways.  Media has shown us those quick fixes which make laborious steps fewer or even obsolete.  Ads to lose weight faster,  to clean your home quicker, to do your banking easier, to get the answers now and so on come at us everyday in all different ways.  Not that I’m looking to do more work or have my work take more time, but really?  What ever happened to the feeling of accomplishment, of presence in chopping vegetables or growing your own anymore?  Or in any task?

I’m just saying that there’s an awareness in being present and a centered feeling in accomplishing something all while remaining present.  Does this make sense to you?

Shine On!

xo

 

Suspend Your Limiting Beliefs

suspendyourlimitingbeliefs

Have you ever had a moment where you catch yourself thinking, “I can’t do that” or “That can’t happen because….” or the dreaded, “They don’t understand the complexity of the situation, that’s impossible!” or anything else along those lines?

I have encountered many facets of those limiting beliefs in my lifetime as I think many of us have.  We forget, in the chaotic moment of fear, that there are limitless possibilities to any situation and the outcome does not have to only be what we project or believe could happen.  No matter how convinced we are that we know how the experience will end or how the person will react or what will happen, the fact remains that we don’t know for certain.  So many factors come into play in any given situation and it is our job to suspend our limiting beliefs to welcome the infinite possibilities that life provides.

We have a choice in every situation.  We can choose hope or despair, limited beliefs or allowing God and the Universe to tap into a new experience.  It is in making the conscious choice to choose hope and allow, that provides power to the situation, to the life lesson and to the mending of relationships.  It is not that you are powerless though.  It is that you are, in affect, joining forces with the Universe and God to learn and to grow with your new life lessons.

Failure is a dreaded word, but in not having a situation come out as we want it to, we often declare it a failure.  However, failure is not necessarily what it is.  Sometimes, failure is simply a way of opening a door to something new that had one succeeded the way we believed, we would not have been afforded this opportunity!  There are life lessons all around us to be learned and many doors of opportunity remain locked when we do not change our limiting beliefs that ‘it must be this way‘ in order for our lives to be deemed successful or good in our eyes.

Time and again, I found myself knocking on a closed door of what I thought was failure, forgetting as the adage states, “when one door closes, another opens” or “when God closes a door, he opens a window.”  Spiritually, I am letting go of my preconceived notions of success and failure and thus allowing infinite possibilities to flow without restriction.  I’m suspending my limiting beliefs!

It’s a process as you can imagine and a change in outdated thinking that feels a bit uncomfortable as I stretch the limits of my own mind.  But happily, I can report, it is helping me to gain perspective on all sorts of situations that I had once declared in my head, failures.  With newfound thoughts, I see how much better my life is as I have eased into uncharted territories that I would have never had the courage to enter if I stayed small in my thinking.  There’s a bliss to be had in this life!  Let’s go and enjoy it!

Shine On!

xo

Staying in the Present Moment

stayinginthepresentmoment

Whew, I don’t know about you, but sometimes it’s mighty hard to stay in the present moment.  With all of life’s busyness, I think sometimes we get caught up in the hubbub of what needs to be done today and we let being present fall by the wayside.  Does this happen to you?

I know it happens to me.

Bills, appointments, responsibilities, paperwork and all the roles I play during day to day living sometimes have me running without a break to simply stop and smell the roses.  To be in the stillness of the moment, whether alone or with someone else.  To just feel the gift of being present.

Often, we live in a whirlwind where we scurry from moment to moment without hesitation when our lives are full and then we fall into our beds at night, exhausted from life in general.  It’s hard to find a few minutes of peace to go within the stillness of our hearts.  Meditation helps if we can find the time to still our minds for a respite, but more often than not, unless we are disciplined, other responsibilities take precedence.  But meditation doesn’t have to be a formal time set exercise.  It can simply be taking five minutes to really enjoy that cup of tea or coffee and relaxing our minds.  It can be taking a quiet walk outside and listening to the birds or feeling the earth under our feet.  It can be closing our eyes and enjoying the peaceful silence.  We can think positive thoughts, speak affirmations that work for us, pray or just be grateful for this moment in time.  I find that taking 10 minutes to simply free write helps me to clear the clutter from my brain which builds up after time.  Even writing my blog allows me to be still and get into that place of peace.

What helps you to find stillness in the present moment?

Today, try to carve out a few minutes of peace for yourself.  Breathe deeply, stay in the moment, be grateful for all that is in your life and be joyful for the blessings that you enjoy.  Give yourself the gift of presence, even for a few precious moments today.  You deserve the peace and tranquility that comes with it!

Shine On!

xo

 

Loving Someone With Alzheimer’s

 

alzheimersI have two close family members with Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia.  Although we have been walking this path for over two years, the decline is beginning to show the ravages of the disease.  It’s a normal process I’m told that there are declines, progression of the disease and plateaus.  As with many diseases, its course is unpredictable and unfortunately, non-reversible.

I have made many friends through this journey.  Today I was speaking with another daughter of a Mom with Alzheimer’s.  Commiserating about our loved ones’ situations, we found solace in sharing our feelings about the disease without a cure.  A disease which is documented to be exponentially growing in the coming years, with the ability to even touch our own lives since many times, it is genetically carried.

How mind-blowing is that?  Yes, pun intended.

I read other bloggers who are touched by these diseases.  Caretakers, patients as well as doctors who are dedicated to finding a cure and making life better for those afflicted by this disease and their loved ones who wrestle heart-breakingly with the changes that come as the diseases progress.

Of course, I have much empathy and compassion for those who endure this disease, including my loved ones.  How could I not when I see as they move along this path?  I’m not saying it isn’t confusing or frustrating for those who have the diseases because I know that it is and frankly, I fear that it may strike me one day as well.  So I find myself always trying to go with the flow, to assure my loved ones that they are safe, all is well and to make sure that their lives are as lovely as I can make them.  And that sometimes, in itself, is a full time job.

But every once in awhile, there comes a time when it feels unbearable.  To watch a loved one’s mind slip away is heart-wrenching and I feel so incompetent and powerless to make things better for them.  When there come personality changes which may or may not last for long, but still sting because my loved ones perseverate over something or get angry because of something they believe (which may or may not be true), it’s hard to handle.  It’s difficult to manage and to let go of what is being said because in my heart, I know she doesn’t really mean what she is saying as she just doesn’t know because she has this disease.  But the words and the feelings, sting and pierce my heart anyway.  Probably because I still want her to be who I remember fondly and not the grouchy person who is so angry.

It has been said that when the full moon comes, our minds often are affected and surely, with this disease, I have found that theory to be true.  The coming full moon and eclipse may even be a double whammy in memory care facilities world-wide.  Who knows?

In any case, thank you for reading as the road through aging, isn’t for sissies, no matter how old you are!

Shine On!

xo

 

The Last Time

thelasttime

We never know when the last time will be.  There.  I said it or better, I wrote it.  It’s a fact that most of the time, we never know that this may be the last time for fill in the blank.

Look back on your life and you may find endings and beginnings that at precise time, you might have been unaware were endings and beginnings in the making.

For example, the last time you fed your baby a bottle or changed the diaper (because they started using a sippy cup or going ‘potty’ like a big kid).  Did you know that it would be last time for sure?  Perhaps you are relieved at this point, but maybe in the future, you will look longingly back at their childhood wondering where the time has flittered away?

We can say the same for all types of situations, circumstances and people.  There are a myriad of events that in hindsight we can deem ‘the last time’ which at the time, we didn’t know.

My point is simple:  be present in all of your experiences.  Enjoy this special moment even if it doesn’t feel special, but instead feels routine.  Not to fear ‘the last time’ but to know in your heart, peacefully in your soul, that if this distinct last time were really the last time, you have peace.

So kiss your loved ones hello and goodbye.  Make the extra effort to connect with people, places and animals.  Find that quiet loving presence in your heart and allow it to expand throughout your day.  Don’t allow an opportunity for kindness and connection to pass you by.  Sure, it takes effort to be present, but The Presents of Presence is most definitely worth it!

I’m a living example…and I know you are too!

Feel free to share your experiences with the last time.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

Gratitude

gratitude

There is a calmness

to a life lived in gratitude

– a quiet joy.

~Ralph H. Blum

Gratitude for what is, what was and what may be.  This is how I live my life.  I am grateful for all the experiences, even those which have been sad, devastating and hard, as well as those experiences where I have searched and found the ‘good’ in what initially I viewed with suffering in my heart.  We have all heard, ‘time heals all wounds.’  But is that really true?  I am undecided, but yet, I feel that there is a choice in how we view the wounds as time goes by.  We can choose to have the wounds define us or empower us.  We are free to choose and it is in our choice, we continue to find peace and calmness in our lives.

So today on Thanksgiving, may we look upon the day with gratitude, love, calmness and joy.  View our world with peace in our hearts and allow healing love to surround us.

As always, I am grateful to be here with  you, to connect with you and to find the joy in the moment with you.  Let’s share gratitude for The Presents of Presence together!

Shine On!

xo