Happy Mother’s Day to All!
God Bless All the Moms today and always!
God Bless All the Moms today and always!
I guess I’m on a theme considering yesterday’s post. But as I told my friends, when you have chances to visit with your elderly parents and loved ones, stop and take photos and videos of them. Having my father pass away years ago and not having a lot of videos of him nor voice recordings, it’s one of my regrets. Sure, I have photos, but not many as we were all in the moment most of the time and didn’t take pictures. Having learned this lesson the hard way, I now take more photos and videos and with the cell phones, it’s so easy to do! I just thought I’d suggest this to you. Honestly, this goes for all family members though as we have no guarantees for tomorrow!
Calling more often is a great way to stay in touch and to know that they are ok. If you haven’t started this already, I suggest you begin slowly to make your calls more frequently so as not to surprise them with vigilant calling (unless it’s necessary). You don’t want to make them think you are hounding them! LOL But it’s nice to reach out more often to your parents and other elderly relatives, isn’t it? Getting older can be a lonely time for them. Put some silly stories or anecdotes on a card by the phone so that when you call, you can keep the conversation flowing if you find that it gets quiet.
Sometimes parents or elderly loved ones don’t want to be a burden to their children/next generation so they hide the ugly parts so as not to worry you. Be aware of the whole scenario at home. Notice the relationship between your parents as frustration levels can surge as they get older. Check the refrigerator to make sure that they are eating properly and look around to see if bills are piling up, if the place is clean, the heat is on, the water working etc. Be attentive and be kind. Old age ain’t for sissies and it’s hard to get older and begin to decline. Nobody looks forward to this stage so please, be patient, be understanding and be careful with your words/actions. Don’t criticize. Help them if needed.
Not losing our patience with loved ones, especially our parents can be challenging, especially if they are living with us. But that’s a subject for a different post.
Whatever you do, shine your heartlight and be aware of the love you give out and receive. It’s there. Sometimes you just have to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to experience it.
Maybe it begins when you realize they are forgetting silly things that you know they well-know. Maybe you notice when they aren’t as spry as they once were. Maybe you sense that they aren’t following the conversations or involved in them as they once were. Maybe you notice that the rituals (daily bed making for example) aren’t completed. As time goes on, you realize that there’s a little hitch in your loved one’s routine, conversation, eating habits, sleeping habits and such.
Many times we brush those moments off with the thought that hey, they are getting older. But how many signs does one need in order to shake up our thinking and begin the growing alarm that our loved ones may need more help?
That is a personal issue for many people as we can easily explain away when we aren’t ready to deal with the issue at hand which is: our loved ones are aging and need our help. For some people, it’s a mind-blowing thought (especially if we are their children) when our loved ones have been people we looked up to, respected, revered and who took care of us. To see them slide even a little can cause us to feel that tinge of panic or to altogether dismiss it because we can’t even begin to go there in our minds.
But let’s been honest – aging happens to us all, so we need to help when we can! Because someday, it will be our turn. So what do we do when we begin to notice more frequently, aging signs in our loved ones?
Tread lightly is my advice. Know your loved one and approach the subject accordingly. Some people welcome a little help. Others vehemently oppose it. Nobody likes someone else to point out that we are functioning at less than our normal ability so be kind as you broach the subject. Be respectful. Offer help in a non-judgemental way and allow the conversation to flow in a peaceful way.
Caveat: unless you see imminent danger, then be proactive and respectful.
It’s not easy for your loved ones to admit that they are weakening or finding their normal routines more difficult. Getting confused, losing objects and forgetting to eat are tell-tale signs that you need to step up your communication with them. But do it in a non-threatening way. Take more time with them when possible. Encourage them to share with you how they are feeling and what they are noticing if anything. Do it the way you would like ti done for you.
I have some friends who are noticing their loved ones showing signs of aging that are concerning to the well-being of their loved ones. It’s not an easy task to flow into the parenting role of a loved one who is older than you. It’s not always met with gratitude, but instead sometimes it is met with distrust. It’s scary for your aging loved one to feel that they are not as strong as they once were. Some fight it and others simply allow the aging process to flow easily.
My advice is to keep your eyes and ears open and to broach the subject with compassion. Listen to your intuition too as many times we know, we just don’t want to see because it’s hard to think of our loved ones in that way.
I wish you well on this next chapter of your journey. I’m here if you need a hand to hold as we’ve experienced this as well. You are not alone.
I got a note from WordPress today telling me that eight years ago today, I began my blog. It doesn’t seem that I have been writing for eight years to you all, but I’m assuming WordPress knows what it’s talking about, don’t you think? Ah, the benefits of blogging!
In eight years, much has changed in my life. My initial focus was to help other women battling cancer, specifically breast cancer as I endured it myself and I am still here. But as life developed, I have written about other subjects too including: poetry, pets, children, parents, relationships, Mother Nature, horseback riding, Alzheimer’s and Dementia, holidays, angels, spirituality, religion, Rabbit, Rabbit, photography, SendOutCards, amazing books and movies, inspirational quotes, life in general and even death because I had first hand experience with all of those topics. While I was enduring hardships, you were all there for me with your loving support and I am ever grateful. I wrote to share my experiences in hopes that I would be able to help someone else along that path.
I am ever grateful for the loving connections that have evolved through our blogging community which we have grown through our writings and by reaching out in kindness, generosity and always with a loving heart. Friendships have blossomed through our writings that have cemented many of us soul to soul in miraculous ways. From WordPress comments to emails to actual phone calls, I can count many deep friendships which span the world now for which I am honored to be a part of in this lifetime – and yet, we have never met face to face. But the love is there, without ever being in each other’s physical presence.
It’s so interesting to me that I have yet to meet anyone face to face that I met through blogging and yet I count many of you as true friends. What a gift this Presents of Presence has been for me! I pray that you feel the same way – that my writings, my comments and my love for all of you shines its heartlight and helps to raise the energetic vibrations of this world’s energy to encourage peace, love, compassion and understanding along with connections to all.
May your heart be lifted today and may your heartlight shine for all to see, for I see you out there dearest friends and I am ever grateful, as always, for our connections.
Today while on Facebook, I came across a post from Mike Rowe in my newsfeed for his new show called Returning the Favor. I sat mesmerized and enthralled in this new show and in the concept of highlighting those who make connections, help others and do it all with love and understanding.
Click on Carol’s name above and take a look for yourself. You are sure to be inspired! We all have the ability to change lives and to help others. When we shine our heartlights, we connect with love. Take heart, there are lots of us out there like Carol! Follow along with Mike’s new show! I know I am going to be doing it! What a feel good way to enjoy a tv show!
Last night, I watched the movie Two Weeks with Sally Field. While I hadn’t ever heard of the movie before now, I found out that it’s been out since 2007 on DVD as it’s one of those Indie films which I had somehow missed.
For those of us who have aging parents and relatives, this movie poignantly touched me in many ways. The complexity of family relationships is evident here along with the reality that we all face when we pass away and when we come face to face with grief when a loved one passes away (especially a mom).
Honestly, it’s not a movie I would feel compelled to watch again as I have with others. But I tend to watch movies about relationships and people dealing with real-life situations. Grief seems to bring out the stark reality in relationships and this one does just that. If you’ve endured a similar situation, this may hit too close to home. But I think it does just that, in a good way. It showcases the conflicted emotions that we endure when we are faced with the death of a loved one.
It was reviewed as a dramedy which I think encompasses Two Weeks well. It’s not all laughter nor tears. It’s the enmeshment of life’s reality. If you’re interested in seeing more, please click on the image below and it will take you to Amazon.
Have you ever seen it? I would love to hear from you if you have as I’d like to know what you thought of the movie. Please let me know.
Sweet friends, it’s challenging when our parents get older and we begin to take care of them. Sometimes the past relationships get in the way of our thinking and it gets harder to be patient and kind. Few grown children don’t carry some reminders of injustice or hurts that they sometimes unwittingly carry into adulthood and that can spill over into the present day relationships with our parents.
But dear friends, it’s time to let go of the past and focus on the present. This can be a hard task to accomplish, but I have faith in you and I am willing to hold your hand while you walk this path.
Guilt, shame and frustrations build when we are tasked with parenting when we are still holding on to hurts from the past. Also, parents can do the same so that the relationship can be hard to navigate, especially when you, their child, is now in charge.
Why can’t he/she be nice? Can’t they see I’m trying to help? Why do they act that way? I’m tired of this! This is not my responsibility because they did x, y or z to me when I was little, a teenager, an adult….this list of complaints can go on and on.
And yes, I agree that this is hard for you (and for them). My heart goes out to you all as I’ve been there and I have felt similarly to some degree. I get it. So you may be asking, How the heck did I get into this place of peace?
I let go baby! I rose above the hurts to a place of peace in my heart. I did it for them and I did it for me. I love them innately and I see them as human beings doing their best, just as I am. I love from a place of understanding, of forgiveness and with peace in my heart. I go into the day with prayer for patience to help me throughout the day and to help them. I get out of my own head and try to see things from their perspective and then it dawns on me, how they’re feeling. I come from a place of healing hearts and simply trying to make all of our lives happier. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t. So then, I ask for forgiveness, to myself and to them and to God and I just begin again.
When you don’t feel like you’ve succeeded or when it’s been a really hard day, let go of the bad and just hang onto the good. Let the hard times fall away from your thinking and hold onto that kernel of goodness. There is some goodness every day. Sometimes you just have to search a bit to find the blessing, but it’s always there.
Allow the past to have no power over you. Live solidly in the present and allow the future to take care of itself. Be present with loved ones and find the joy in connecting with them. Role model love, kindness, caring and joy. Innately you are a healer so use your gifts wisely. And if you need to throw up your hands in frustration, by all means, do it in privacy. Give yourself a time out to recoup before exploding with negativity.
Remember, your parents/elderly loved ones aren’t necessarily trying to make it harder on you. They are simply doing what they can at this time. And even if you don’t believe that or you think I’m full of Pollyanna hooey, give them the benefit of the doubt and give it to yourself when it comes to doing your best.
We are all on this journey called Life. Lessons come to us in many forms to deepen our understanding of love. Because let’s face it, love is what this life is all about and sometimes love and forgiveness walk hand in hand. It take a lot of love to be someone else’s lesson. Perhaps that thought will give you peace in your heart. Your parent loves you enough to teach you a life lesson, whatever the lesson my be. Be grateful for their love and for the lesson. Hold them closely. Forgive and forget. Heal yourself and others. You are more than capable to choose the high road and now’s the time.
Don’t do it simply because I suggested it. Do it for yourself. Raising the love vibrations in this world helps us all. And it starts with you, dear friend. Shine your heartlight. I believe in you.