Sweet friends, it’s challenging when our parents get older and we begin to take care of them. Sometimes the past relationships get in the way of our thinking and it gets harder to be patient and kind. Few grown children don’t carry some reminders of injustice or hurts that they sometimes unwittingly carry into adulthood and that can spill over into the present day relationships with our parents.
I understand.
But dear friends, it’s time to let go of the past and focus on the present. This can be a hard task to accomplish, but I have faith in you and I am willing to hold your hand while you walk this path.
Guilt, shame and frustrations build when we are tasked with parenting when we are still holding on to hurts from the past. Also, parents can do the same so that the relationship can be hard to navigate, especially when you, their child, is now in charge.
Why can’t he/she be nice? Can’t they see I’m trying to help? Why do they act that way? I’m tired of this! This is not my responsibility because they did x, y or z to me when I was little, a teenager, an adult….this list of complaints can go on and on.
And yes, I agree that this is hard for you (and for them). My heart goes out to you all as I’ve been there and I have felt similarly to some degree. I get it. So you may be asking, How the heck did I get into this place of peace?
I let go baby! I rose above the hurts to a place of peace in my heart. I did it for them and I did it for me. I love them innately and I see them as human beings doing their best, just as I am. I love from a place of understanding, of forgiveness and with peace in my heart. I go into the day with prayer for patience to help me throughout the day and to help them. I get out of my own head and try to see things from their perspective and then it dawns on me, how they’re feeling. I come from a place of healing hearts and simply trying to make all of our lives happier. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t. So then, I ask for forgiveness, to myself and to them and to God and I just begin again.
When you don’t feel like you’ve succeeded or when it’s been a really hard day, let go of the bad and just hang onto the good. Let the hard times fall away from your thinking and hold onto that kernel of goodness. There is some goodness every day. Sometimes you just have to search a bit to find the blessing, but it’s always there.
Allow the past to have no power over you. Live solidly in the present and allow the future to take care of itself. Be present with loved ones and find the joy in connecting with them. Role model love, kindness, caring and joy. Innately you are a healer so use your gifts wisely. And if you need to throw up your hands in frustration, by all means, do it in privacy. Give yourself a time out to recoup before exploding with negativity.
Remember, your parents/elderly loved ones aren’t necessarily trying to make it harder on you. They are simply doing what they can at this time. And even if you don’t believe that or you think I’m full of Pollyanna hooey, give them the benefit of the doubt and give it to yourself when it comes to doing your best.
We are all on this journey called Life. Lessons come to us in many forms to deepen our understanding of love. Because let’s face it, love is what this life is all about and sometimes love and forgiveness walk hand in hand. It take a lot of love to be someone else’s lesson. Perhaps that thought will give you peace in your heart. Your parent loves you enough to teach you a life lesson, whatever the lesson my be. Be grateful for their love and for the lesson. Hold them closely. Forgive and forget. Heal yourself and others. You are more than capable to choose the high road and now’s the time.
Don’t do it simply because I suggested it. Do it for yourself. Raising the love vibrations in this world helps us all. And it starts with you, dear friend. Shine your heartlight. I believe in you.
Shine On!
xo
Misifusa's Blog 
Oh Lord but you are a wonder. You’ve taken my feelings of shame and frustration I felt reading your last post and offered the simplest (and hardest, but worth the effort) solution there is. I really don’t know what to say Yvonne, except thank you for being willing and so very able, to shine your light. I am grateful. xoxo R
I wrote this post after having read your comment to the last one because I felt your sadness. I understand the tricky balancing act that you are walking and I didn’t want you to be in a bad place because all of what you were expressing are normal feelings under the circumstances. You are loved Rhonda. Don’t forget that and I’m always here for you xoxo
Good post
Thank you!
Well said. I’m getting to the other side of that equation and hope I gave my children the best example to follow. I had a hard time with my parents growing up. I let go of all that pain right away after leaving home and understanding more about where they were coming from. I offered verbal advice for my mother regarding my dad in his final days and helped her through it. When she came to stay in a manufactured home on our property next door, I kept a close eye out and did not let her drive long distances but let her do whatever she wanted in town. I had friends all over that kept a close eye out as she was terminally ill. That was the only thing I controlled never parenting her, but caring for her. Always gentle and loving. My children were watching and now it’s my turn to be cared for as I have the same illness. They say be kind to your children as they will be the one to pick out your nursing home. 🙂 I don’t think I’ll make it to one and they are kind and gentle people who will see me gently to my transition. My son worries too much so my daughter is in charge of health care decisions. He’s in charge of paying the bills when I can’t do it anymore. You are a good kind daughter. Your children were watching. I think you will age with grace when the time comes.
Marlene, thank you dear friend for sharing your story with me. You have been the carer for your Mom and now being cared for by your children. I wish you health and love always and may this journey to transition be as gentle, kind and full of love and caring for all of you! But please, don’t go anywhere anytime soon! I love our writings back and forth! ♥ I do hope I am setting a good example for my children to follow as they will be the ones in my position one day. Aging with grace is a lovely goal…thank you dear friend. Shine on xo
Beautifully said Yvonne. It only ever ‘bothers’ us because that is our lesson. The very thing that builds our emotions are for us to see, and our parents are very ‘connected to us spiritually, that is why we are their children, they want us to understand and find that unconditional love within us all ❤
If we could but 'see' the love behind all their very actions, good and bad, we would be astounded. Great post ❤
Exactly Mark!! The caring behind the actions is key to changing the way we interpret and see the situation. I love how you are so connected! Thanks for stopping by…big hugs! ♥
Thank you kind lady, and glad to chat. By the way I sent you an email from your contact here. Just mentioning, they sometimes end up in the junk folder 😀
Regardless my friend, have a Happy New Year! 😀 ❤
Thank you Mark! I checked all of my email and junk folders but didn’t receive anything from you. I’m sorry. 😦
As always, you come forward with a timely reminder.
My Empress has been grating on me this week… and I really was trying to figure out how to not go to the castle and deal with her technology woes this weekend… But then, two of my friends have lost their moms in the last day. Now I’m actually kind of happy to be able to go and have her knit-pick at me about the missing button on my sweater, the state of my car (which is egregious need of detailing according to her), etc.
Oh ML, I’m sorry to hear about your friends’ moms. Sending heartfelt sympathy. And to you and your Empress, I understand. Think of the nitpicking as ways in which she thinks she’s helping you and feel the blessing that she’s there to care about the missing button etc. It’s caring turned upside down in our minds. So turn it right side up, fix the technology woes and give her a big hug from me too! Deep breath…take a selfie with the Empress and text to me. Would love to see her smiling face and yours xoxoxo