When similar situations repeat themselves, sometimes we can go into a mind spasm. We relive the past in the present situation, mindlessly worrying that the outcome of the present situation could be the same as the ending of the past one. I know I’m writing generally here because frankly, the situation could be anything that you’ve endured.
But there’s that trigger, that Oh my gosh! realization that we’ve passed this way before in the past. I tried to put it out of my reasoning mind, knowing that as before, I am doing the best I can with the resources I have. But there’s that little worrisome thought that this time may repeat the last one’s ending. Mindful of not wanting the same results, I pushed away the thoughts, trying to reason my way out of not manifesting the past again. Because I don’t want what happened in the past to repeat itself. Yet, I couldn’t shake the fear.
So I rechecked the facts, because my need for control, especially now, is fierce. All seems well at this time which is good. But in talking with a kind friend, I realized I was beating myself up internally for feeling as if the past could repeat itself and I was helpless to change what may be the outcome again this time.
When she parroted the situation back to me, as I listened to my own situation but in her voice (as if she were me), compassion filled my heart and I cried. I realized that I needed to have compassion for myself and for my own feelings in this situation. I understood that pushing off the absurdity of the situation repeating the past with the same ending wasn’t a ludicrous thought that I had to push away. I understood that it was a natural thought process that if all lined up as it had previously (which is certainly possible), the ending could be the same. I struggled with the thought, talking back and forth with my friend as we processed the scenario. When we were finished talking, I realized what I already knew. I can only do my best with my own resources and it’s in God’s hands.
I have to be content with that knowledge and find peace within me. Because at this point, the situation is stable and not showing signs of further chaos, but the threat is real. It’s just a question of if it’s here or not.
I think perhaps PTSD may be in varying degrees something that we endure over a lifetime when repeated similar situations occur. Fear and past knowledge often make it difficult when we feel helpless. So how do we overcome those aching worries?
We need to find compassion for ourselves for even going to that dark place of fear instead of tamping it down and turning away from it. When I exposed the fear to the light with the help of my trusted friend, I cried and released some of the traumatic fear I was holding for the present situation. With the tearful release, I was able to ground myself again in the knowledge that I am doing the best I can and only time will tell the actual results. That gave me a small dose of peace for which I’m ever grateful.
Finding peace is precious and priceless as we endure stressful situations. We all experience life lessons in different ways. What I’ve found is that in being love, sending love, and wrapping us all in love, we know that love shines our heartlights into the darkness of fear based thoughts.
I’m not bringing that fear into my thoughts anymore. I know I can flow with whatever may be on my path as long as I continue to stand in the light and not in the darkness. Please keep shining your heartlights dear friends! I can see them and they give me great comfort!