You Wait Differently

When you understand God is never late, you wait differently.

I saw this quote randomly on Facebook this morning. A friend of a friend’s post that impacted me in an unusual way. Read the quote slowly and see if it does the similarly for you. Did you feel that bump in your chest? That thump thump of remembrance that there’s a higher power helping us when we choose to think, to believe, to remember when we get quiet within?

We get so hyped up these days trying to make things work. At least that’s how it feels to me. People are fearful and doubting and there’s so much unrest, so many emotional frustrations spewing…I guess that’s why I tend to get quiet for long periods of time. I just don’t like to be around those frenetic energies. I don’t care for drama, so I don’t engage.

But this quote: When you understand God is never late, you wait differently – it hit a chord of peace within me so I wanted to share it with you today. I hope it brings you peace within to hold in your heart and allow it to heal.

Our movement towards a gentle understanding is happening. We are at the point of embracing peace within or not. Alway free will, your personal choice. Choose wisely. Be patient. God is never late.

Shine On!

xo

Rabbit Rabbit February 2023

Happy Blessed February and rabbit-rabbit-white-rabbit-white-rabbit/ to all of you! I have our sweet 8 year old kitty Tigger curled up in my lap so it’s a little difficult to type. She’s taken to establishing herself on my lap every morning and affectionately not allowing me to do what I need to do on the computer. She likes it when I kiss the top of her head (like her forehead). Maybe she likes that Third Eye love connection! Either way, it’s lovely to feel as if she wants to be with me and I welcome her open-heartedly. It’s also the time that there’s no pup running around the house because he sleeps in, so she has me all to herself and the house is quiet, so it’s just the two of us.

As for the pup, he’s now over a year old and he’s a big love. He’s a lap dog even at 70 lbs! Buster has changed our lives in so many ways. Who could have predicted that the little ball of white fur could become such a big part of our lives?! I love that my sons have pets as they have taught us all so much! Even though we’ve lost two cats along the way due to old age, Chessie and Tiffy, their loyalty and love lives on in our memories.

I love that February is here as it’s a short month and the theme is LOVE! Just reading/saying the word LOVE makes me smile. Does it do the same for you? I hope so because we all need love. I think it’s just as important as air, water and food as well as connections. Love is not just the saying of ‘I do’ anymore. It’s a universal code of respect, kindness, caring and generosity of spirit. It’s being human with an open heart. Lucky for me, mine’s still beating even though I’ve had some issues with it. So far, though, so good! I can’t believe in June it will be a year since I had open heart surgery. Thank goodness times flies as this part of my life has been a tough ride. But, I’m grateful for all of it!

I hope that this month brings you all the love you can hold (and more!). May you enjoy a February filled with all the goodness that 2023 brings…thanks for stopping by and reading. I hope all is well with all of you! Keep shining your heartlights!

Shine On!

xo

Happy Sunday Happy New Year

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Good morning! Happy Sunday and Happy New Year! I can’t believe we’re in the year 2023! Does it seem as startling to you this morning as it does to me? Perhaps it’s just that I haven’t had enough coffee yet! 🙂 But time truly flies when you sit quietly and reflect as I’ve been doing this morning. Reflecting and being present and also taking care to think about the future. Because isn’t that what we do on New Year’s Day?!

It’s a fresh start beginning with January 1st. While I’m not one for declaring my resolutions for the coming year, I know many people who do. Instead, I’d rather take stock of what I have, count my blessings with gratitude, and plan for the future with lots of hope mixed in.

Faith. Hope. and Love.

I’ve been through a lot over the years while I’ve been writing to you. I’ve battled breast cancer (yesterday marked 21 years since my diagnosis). I’ve lost both of my parents. I’ve cleaned out and sold 4 houses for family due to deaths. The marriage and relationship with his family ceased to exist. I’ve endured open heart surgery and Covid. Those are just the biggies. I’m sure there’s more, I just can’t think of them right now…But what I’m getting at is this: what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger…and I’ve learned how strong I innately am!

As I held my sons last night after we watched the ball drop together in Times Square, I began to get teary. The three of us stood together in a unified hug, as it should be. We are family. We have endured so much together. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been so worth it.

I got teary because I am so grateful. I know how precious life is. I understand that life can change in a moment’s notice. When I look back over the last ten years, so much in my life has changed. So much in my sons’ lives have changed and while we don’t know where this new year will take us, what I do know in my heart is this: we will do it together and there’s no place I’d rather be right now than with them.

So as I sit here with a kitty on my lap, the boys and pup asleep upstairs in the early hours of the first day of the new year, I send you love, gratitude and a gentle reminder to always remember to enjoy – the presents of presence – in your life!

Shine On!

xo

It Sounds Like A Story To Tell It

If you knew our Mom, you would know that she was fiercely dedicated to making everything even. Growing up, our tradition was that when one of us had a birthday, the other one got a ‘little something’ too. Mom always made sure that we felt special, even when it wasn’t our day.

So it would perhaps come as no surprise that when my sister recently attended a breast cancer fundraiser, that she might win something because she put her raffle tickets into many buckets in the hopes of winning. But when she put her ticket in for number 92, without telling anyone, she said a little prayer and asked our Mom to let me (her sister) win something as I’ve had some health issues. My sister thought this basket looked like it belonged to me as it looked like our Mom. She scattered her other tickets in different baskets, including 95 as she’d always wanted a kindle…

As the gift basket tickets were being called, she was unaware that she won number 92. When her friend pointed out that she had the winning ticket, she went up to claim it and was startled to see that it was the exact basket she had asked our Mom to give to me. A few minutes later when 95 was called and it was her ticket that won, she began to cry and explained to her friend the story.

It was my sister’s birthday the other day. Hence the gifts, equally won, from our Mom to her girls. Even as I write this story to you, I know I am not giving it the justice it deserves because it’s so much more than just winning two baskets. It’s not even about the wins. It’s about the big picture in so many different ways.

It’s about my sister feeling our Mom heard her prayer. It’s about Mom showing that she’s listening. It’s about my sister thinking about me too when she’s at a fundraiser. It’s about the sharing of so many memories together that has so powerfully bonded us in times of strife. It’s about the tradition of giving, even when it’s not your birthday. It’s about inclusion, sisterhood, love and camaraderie. It’s about knowing that nobody else in the world has the childhood memories that we have, nor the silly stories, nor the experiences we’ve been through as we’ve traversed the adult journey into losing our loved ones.

It’s about believing that the veil is thin to the other side. It’s about everlasting, unconditional love which our Mom taught us. It’s about sharing. It’s about gratitude. It’s about kindness. It’s about so much more than I could ever have explained in a post.

So when we went out to lunch, after she shared the baskets with me and we opened them, each of us donned a necklace and smiling the whole afternoon, we enjoyed our time together as we do. As we waited for our table for lunch, we ducked into a small store and found a vase and flower to decorate our lunch table with Mom in mind.

A simple, yet elegant, white dahlia just like Mom. What a beautiful reminder of where we came from and how we’ve grown. Thanks for reading…

Shine On!

xo

The Road To Recovery

As I drove home from an unsuccessful cardiac rehabilitation session, I was reminded how many times I have been on the road to recovery. With more than 15 plus surgeries, you would think I would get used to the fact that I am never ‘normal’ and whatever is ‘normal’ when someone is recovering is probably not going to be my experience because of the many different circumstances that I’ve endured. I’m complicated and therefore my recovery requires tweaks that aren’t per the usual.

I don’t know why I would assume things would go smoothly this time around when they haven’t ever really been that way in the past. But I did, which probably explains the tears of frustration on the ride home from what should have been my first ‘workout’ since the open heart surgery to replace my deformed aortic valve.

Long story short, due to my lymph node removal from the breast cancer surgeries, taking my blood pressure requires that it’s done on my leg and not the usual arm. But the cardiac rehabilitation people weren’t used to doing it that way. I encounter this often, so I am used to teaching them how to put the cuff on my leg and taking my blood pressure. But for whatever reason, every time they took my blood pressure it was sky high – once it showed 208/117 which if you know anything about blood pressure, this is super duper high. Because during the rehab session, the nurses need to take your BP a total of 4 times, this wouldn’t work since I couldn’t even get a decent reading to begin any type of exercise.

As any breast cancer survivor who has had many (or all) lymph nodes removed in both arms, blood pressure readings can’t be done in the usual way on your arm because of the threat of lymphedema. Therefore it’s taken on your lower leg. But I’ve learned that when you take the BP on your leg, the numbers are usually higher. Cardiac rehab requires your blood pressure to be under a certain number in order to begin the workout. Mine, as you can imagine, is not within range.

I get a certain ‘white coat syndrome’ every once in awhile when I’m going for my twice yearly tumor marker check up with the oncologist and my blood pressure can spike, but after the blood draw, it usually subsides. I’m not good with blood draws or needles of any kind. I tend to almost faint which isn’t fun. Not for the clinician, nor for me. You’d think I’d be used to it by now being that it’s been part of my routine for over 20 years, but my body has her own mind and does what she wants. Now that I know it’s a heart thing, there’s not much I can do about it. Just ride the wave…stay afloat and keep going.

I was trying on fall clothes the other day with my sister. The scars on my chest are very visible as any open heart surgery survivor knows. Perhaps they’ll soften over time like the others, but in the meantime, they’re raised, angry red and obvious. Much of my clothing is v-necked which shows my latest scar. She was baffled that I would wear something that might show a bit of my scar instead of covering up to hide what’s happened to me. But it’s all a part of me. The tracks of my tears, my experiences and I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to help. I want to be comfortable being me.

Perhaps people will find it ugly to see my scar. That’s ok. Because lucky for them, they’re not me. They don’t have to live with it or the constant pain. But me, well, I’m on the road to recovery…one baby step at a time…

Reason, Season and a Lifetime

A teacher is a candle who spends their whole life giving light to all of their students.

I never knew there was a World Teacher Day until I saw it on my calendar, so here I am. Because as a retired Spanish teacher, and a blogger who uses – SHINE ON – to end her posts, well, it was only fitting for me to write today.

Perhaps though I’ll go in a bit of a different direction. Because I think that the world is our classroom and all of her inhabitants are our teachers. Each relationship we have teaches us something else. We learn much from the people in our lives. That poem about reason, season or lifetime seems fitting at this juncture. We are blessed to learn something from each relationship we are in. I found this poem by Brian A. Chalker which I think explains it very well. Read on…

Reason, Season and a Lifetime

People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason, you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.

LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway), and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life…..

My heartfelt gratitude to all of you with whom I have been in contact, had a relationship, and learned from as my teachers. You have shaped my life in amazing ways and I am truly grateful for all of you.

Shine On!

xo

Good Thinking

I did not write this – but WOW does it speak to my heart!!! Worth the read.

“Barely the day started and… it’s already six in the evening.

Barely arrived on Monday and it’s already Friday.

… and the month is already over.

… and the year is almost over.

… and already 40, 50 or 60 years of our lives have passed.

… and we realize that we lost our parents, friends.

and we realize it’s too late to go back…

So… Let’s try, despite everything, to enjoy the remaining time…

Let’s keep looking for activities that we like…

Let’s put some color in our grey…

Let’s smile at the little things in life that put balm in our hearts.

And despite everything, we must continue to enjoy with serenity this time we have left.

Let’s try to eliminate the afters…

I’m doing it after…

I’ll say after…

I’ll think about it after…

We leave everything for later like ′′ after ′′ is ours.

Because what we don’t understand is that:

Afterwards, the coffee gets cold…

Afterwards, priorities change…

Afterwards, the charm is broken…

Afterwards, health passes…

Afterwards, the kids grow up…

Afterwards parents get old…

Afterwards, promises are forgotten…

afterwards, the day becomes the night…

Afterwards life ends…

And then it’s often too late….

So… Let’s leave nothing for later…

Because still waiting see you later, we can lose the best moments,

the best experiences,

best friends,

the best family…

The day is today… The moment is now…”

Shine On!

xo

Spinner Blessed My Sunday

Hi! I’m Spinner!

Good morning and Happy Sunday! I’m excited to introduce you to my date this morning. This 28 year old bay named Spinner was my companion on my early horseback riding lesson today. It’s been a few years since I’ve ridden, so it was back to basics for me and Oh, how good it felt!

I was told that Spinner’s a bit of a grumpy old man so we fit together perfectly because I’ve got a soft spot for those and apparently he had a soft spot for a heart-monitor wearing open heart surgery survivor who’s trying to get back in the saddle slowly after a few years of being away…What a win win for me!

I have to tell you, I had butterflies this morning. It’s been a few years since I’d been back to the farm. But the smell of hay and horse felt like nostalgia to me and although a bit nervous, I was calm. Because it felt grounding and centering as horse healing does. I’d forgotten what magnificent creatures horses are and especially I’d forgotten how BIG! I couldn’t even brush the top of his back because I’m too short, but we did the best we could. He was pretty patient with me, only showing his grumpy side a few times and more to my teacher May, than to me. I think he instinctively knew I needed kid gloves today especially. They’re so intuitive! Who could blame him though because I’d interrupted his relaxing morning with a lesson?! Big smile..

It’s interesting to me because in my head, it’s all so natural to ride and yet, when I’m there, in reality, I’m nervous which is why I keep coming back to riding. Because I want my imagination and reality to merge, to blend, so that I am riding with more ease. Of course, I’m always looking to soak up that horse healing energy!

I’m so much more aware of my body when I’m on a horse. Aren’t you? That was another one of those revelations as May led us around the outdoor arena. I’d forgotten what it’s like to ride, to sit up tall, to hold the reins, butt in the saddle and feet angled in the stirrups (heels down). To be so high up off the ground is surprising too! (Maybe that’s a short girl thing?)

We worked on steering (not sure if that’s the right vocabulary word?) while in the outdoor ring. It’s been awhile so I was a little rusty. I remembered how to hold the reins, but the nuances were buried. They’re getting unearthed now though! After awhile, May took us on a riding tour of the farm which was awesome too. To be relaxed, on horseback, seeing the ponds, the deer, the other horses, the barns, the trails, to be outdoors on a cool day…just magical. Truly. Magical.

So, Happy Sunday everyone…mine started out beautifully and I had to share with you because, well, we have to count these small moments of triumph even if they don’t last long. They deserve to be heralded a little bit because they count.

We all count…Thanks to May and Sasha for their infinite patience with me as this next chapter unfolds. You’ve heard horses are healing, but to experience that healing is beyond words…I feel a lil’ teary as I write this (sorry for the long post), but I’m feeling very grateful and very blessed.

I hope you have a lovely Sunday too…

Shine On!

xo

Emergence

I want to introduce you to my dear friend Iris, by way of her blog which you can find here! While she’s not on WordPress like the rest of us, she’s got amazing insight to share and her post today had me immediately writing one to present her to you because I feel many of you will resonate with her messages.

The post I am referring to is titled On Loss, but after 9/11, perhaps it’s fitting that it should be now. (Fitting, the southern term – my Mom or her family must be around!) – because you know the veil is currently thin with the full moon in Pisces and six planets in retrograde etc. But alas, I get off subject…

What came to me after reading Iris’ post was: a deep harkening to the soul…be present it whispers…be grateful…take the time to listen, to hold sacred which is just what I’m planning to do today.

Many of us have suffered losses. I have many loved ones who have passed away and their love stays with me in the deepest part of my soul. Tucked away like a small reminder of what once was. A treasured memory now almost dusty, but still warmed by my soul’s affection for and with them.

Iris has another website as well so you can really get to know her which is thelightanddarkofday.com As someone who has benefited from her gifts, I can heartily recommend booking a session with her as she is warm, inviting and full of inner wisdom which radiates within us. Please tell her I sent you if you should decide to reach out to her. She can let you know what session would best benefit you. She’s been a dear friend to me, as well as an insightful companion and mentor. Her understanding of our world and its creatures as well as the humanity and heart of all that beats within is incredible. You will find yourself grateful for the gift of Iris as I do.

Shine On!

xo

Twenty One Years Ago Today

Does it seem like it happened twenty one years ago? Do you remember where you were? Because I do. I was teaching in my classroom. My class had left the room and the front office called to tell me what was going on. I quickly turned on the television as there weren’t any students in the room and watched the South Tower of the World Trade Center fall in real time. It was surreal to me and I remember how my mind couldn’t quite grasp the reality of what I was seeing at that very moment.

Students came back in for the next class I was teaching and I had to remain calm, but I was a little more than shaky. Luckily, at that time my students were still blissfully unaware of what was occurring and we forged on, business as usual. By later in the day word had spread as parents had come to take their children safely home. We had many parents who worked in NYC at the time and many at the World Trade Center. Some of those parents never came home, which was a tragedy that as a community we all mourned, along with their families.

I remember how my Mom used to talk about the day that JFK was shot and how everyone remembered that day and where they were. I feel that 9/11 is similar especially for those of us on the East Coast. It changed our world in ways that we still feel today…twenty one years later.

I still get teary on this day. I don’t know why, but I do. So on this quiet Sunday morning, I ask that you take a few moments in stillness with me for all of the souls who passed in this tragedy and for all of those who were so affected by it.

We have not forgotten. You are always remembered. God bless.

Shine On!

xo