Always and Forever

My Mom passed away last week.  We were blessed to have been able to be with her during the last few days of her life and even as she took her final breath, my sister and I were there with her.  While it is heart-wrenching to watch a loved one pass away before your eyes, we felt honored that she allowed us to accompany her as she transitioned from the earthly plane to Heaven.  Even as I write this to you, tears are pouring down my face because I believe that we all understand the universal grief of losing a loved one.

I have written before about my Dad’s passing years ago and occasionally about my Mom over the years.  While losing my Dad was very hard, losing my Mom has been even devastating.  Perhaps it is that a Mother’s love for her daughter is unconditional or on a deeper level, I feel bereft by losing my Mother-ship, physically from this earthly plane.  My Mom’s love knew no bounds.  She never tired of telling me how much she loved me.  I never questioned her love for me which was a huge blessing for which I am grateful.  She even signed every letter with “I love you, Always and Forever (A & F)” lest I forget.  I never forgot.

Even in the end, her heartlight was shining and it is that beacon of light that inspires me daily.  Her innate unconditional love for her family, friends and loved ones never dimmed.  Her genuine smile and authentic love and caring for everyone touched many hearts during her lifetime.

Mom role-modeled the importance of kindness and connecting with others.  She loved to have fun, to laugh and to be silly.  Her infinite patience made her a beloved elementary teacher.  Her faith in God and the comfort she felt by reading the Bible sustained her.  She passed onto us all of those traits and more.

What a legacy of love to leave here on this Earth!  The outpouring of kindness, the sharing of beautiful memories from others and the compliments about my Mom have sustained me this past week for hers was a life well-loved.  I can only pray that when it is my time that my children will have a similar experience.  I shall continue to work diligently to keep Mom’s heartlight legacy shining with love for all.

Thank you for reading today.  I extend my loving embrace to all of you who know this grief personally, of losing a beloved person in your life, especially a Mom who only gave unconditional love to all and accepted everyone for who they are.

God Bless!  Shine On!

xo

 

May Your Day

May your day unfold on gossamer wings as the angels nestle you with love. 

May the heavens shine their sunlight rays and moonlit stars to illuminate your path. 

May the holiness of this precious moment be appreciated as the gift it is. 

May mercy, love and kindness be yours always.

Shine On!

xo

Frankincense Part 2

For those who are spiritually minded, this post may not surprise you.  For those who aren’t that way, you may think I’ve lost my mind, but believe me, I have not.  While I won’t tell the entire story, I would like to tell you what happened the afternoon after smelling frankincense for the second morning in a row.

Towards the afternoon, I felt exhausted and suddenly, out of sorts.  While I hadn’t been feeling up to par lately, I thought I’d better take a nap.  So I laid on the couch, set the alarm for an hour’s nap and closed my eyes.  But sleep did not come.  My body began to reverberate as if all of its nerves were trembling.  I ‘heard’ that my time had come.  I assumed it was that I was dying.  While I was/am not ready to leave this earthly realm, it became clear to me through what I was hearing that I am not in control.  So I chose to surrender.  I began to pray.  My mind wandered as to how I would be able to contact my loved ones from the other side and what signs I would be able to give them if I were indeed dying.  Then I thought about how I would be found here on the couch.  I was sad, thinking that my work here was done because I feel like I have much still to do.  But I made peace with the Powers That Be and when I thought about Heaven and Eternity, I felt as if moving there would be beautiful so I completely surrendered.  I closed my eyes and gave myself up to the sleep that was enveloping me.  For in my dreams,, I have visited Heaven before and I am not afraid of returning.

Needless to say, I am still here.  I heard the alarm which woke me.  I woke up deeply rested and felt so calm and at peace.  It was as if there had been a spiritual download of some kind during my sleep that aided me.  I cannot describe all that went on, but I wanted to mention the experience to you and to remind myself that it happened.  It’s funny that the thought of dying was my first thought instead of a spiritual awakening through sleep so my mind was at rest.  Whatever the reason for the nap experience, I am deeply grateful considering that I felt changed when I awoke and that feeling of peace has enveloped me every since.

Has anything like this every happened to you?

Shine On!

xo

 

Saying Goodbye Is Never Easy

Being in a memory care facility, like the one that my family members were in Savannah, is like being with family.  Residents all sit at the meal tables with the same group and become, over time, a soul family.  A family of people who aren’t related by blood nor marriage, but are family all the same in the best sense – the sense of belonging together, sharing meals, supporting each other and caring with kindness that goes beyond, goes deeper than simple connections.

One might say that in a memory care facility, residents don’t always recognize other people nor interact, but we were truly blessed.  Not only did the residents bond with each other, sharing stories (sometimes repeatedly – it was always a joy to hear them), but the families of the residents bonded in ways that we couldn’t have foreseen.

What binds us together is a love connection – the innate understanding that we get it – we know how it feels to have a loved one living in a memory care facility and all that goes along with it and we’re grateful for the unexpected friendships that accompany our experiences.

So when I got the phone message that my friend’s Mama passed away the other morning, the tears burst out of my eyes and I began to cry while listening to her message.  My phone volume had been turned down and because it was in the bottom of my purse, I missed her call.  Immediately I called her back, but she didn’t pick up.  I tried not to weep too much, but I left her a message telling her how sad I was to hear the news.

You see, her Mama and my loved ones were best friends, having lived in the same home for two years.  Every meal, they ate together, shared stories and smiled.  They bonded in the most beautiful way.  I am getting weepy remembering how in the last few years of their lives, these strangers shared a bond, connected and loved one another as if they were family.  I could regale you with so many stories of special moments we shared together.  My friend and I took special care of each other’s loved ones when we were visiting them.  It was truly a blessing.  I pray that someday when I’m older, if I should go to a home, that I find such loving residents (and caregivers) to call my soul family.  That’s how strongly I feel and why I am so sad about her Mama’s passing for it is the end of a chapter in our lives.

Her Mama is at peace now for which we are all grateful.  But there’s that part of me, the one that wants one more hug, one more smile from Wilma and one more story.  I want to see her needlepoint again and hear her laugh.  I know for sure, that she is up there in Heaven, happy to be reunited with her family, her husband and my loved one again.  I know I now have another special angel looking out for me from Heaven and I am ever grateful that we connected so long ago.   Rest in Peace Miss Wilma.  God Bless.

Shine On!

xo

Saying Goodbye To A Loved One

As I climbed into bed last night, laid my weary head and heart on the soft down pillow, I sighed deeply.  Such a day full of emotion and perseverance that frankly, I was exhausted.  I closed my eyes and began to pray for peace as I often do.  In that quiet moment of reverie, I surrendered.  I had done all that I could, pushed through the limits and swallowed and alternatively let go of many tears.  But as I prayed, it was in gratitude for all of the angels who attended this day.

When a loved one passes, it is never easy for those left behind.  After the initial shock, because even when we know they are sick, it is still a shock to know that they have passed, there was work to be done, papers to be signed, a funeral home to be called, family and friends to be notified and a personal life of responsibility to continue living, all at the same time.  It’s a day of moving through the grief in order to process the necessities that need to be done, all the while, alternatively stifling and letting out the grief of losing a loved one.  Tears poured from my eyes at times and quiet sobs escaped (probably not so quietly) as the reality hit me in waves.

Last night the epiphany which I knew already, hit me.  Why do we grieve when our loved one passes?  Some of us believe that their departed souls return home to God and I have to ask myself,  why aren’t I rejoicing that she is no longer in earthy life school, no longer suffering with a body which had grown old and desperately needed repair?  My answer was selfish – I wanted to be with her when she passed and hold her hand as she departed peacefully from this earth, onward and upward back home.  I wanted her to hear my voice telling her how much we loved her and although I tried to move mountains in plane travel plans, I was unable to get to her in time.  What brings my sad heart peace is that I know in my heart that she knew I loved her and she was not alone when she passed.  She had her pastor there, who by the grace of God, arrived only moments beforehand.  She had been visited by a dear friend of ours who had kissed her on the forehead and told her how much we all loved her.  At 88, she had lived a long life, on her own terms with lots of love in her heart and a dash of stubbornness which served her well.  She had brought much joy to the world by being a teacher who made a difference and who had received the joy and was gifted back by her students (especially Lisa).

This morning I awoke thinking of Aunt Mable and as tears poured down my face in the early dawn, house quiet, alone with my thoughts, I realized again, how short this life can be even when it lasts 88 years and how important making connections with others truly is.  Although I often write about connecting with others, I’m reminded yet again, how our legacy is in our connections and not in our earthly possessions.  I think it bears repeating.  Hearts connecting means more than material possessions as we flow to our next chapter.  The legacy of making a difference, accepting, helping, inspiring, encouraging and loving are pricelessly worth millions in spiritual wealth.

So this morning, I bow my head in honor of a life well-lived, an Aunt whom I loved and who loved me.  I know she is home again in Heaven, with her family and loved ones and she is remembered here by the loved ones and family she left behind.  Surely, her soul is leaping with joy to be pain-free, her brain free of the confines of dementia, and free of the bonds of life school.  Rest in peace, Aunt Mable.

Thank you dearest friends for allowing me to share this morning.  I needed to write.  May you have a lovely Saturday, making connections with all whom you meet and even if a simple smile passes between you and a stranger, let the love of humankind flow freely.

Shine On!

xo

Remembrance on All Saint’s Day

Today is All Saint’s Day on the Catholic calendar.  It coincides with my deceased father’s birthday which makes the day one of remembrance for me.  I think of all those who have passed before me and I took a moment for each of them this morning when I awoke to say a prayer for them.  I think it’s important to remember those who have gone before us and the gifts that they have given to us, the lessons we learned and the knowledge that we now have because of our experiences with them.

A new month for me is a beginning, just like each dawn heralds a new day and another chance to begin again.  Peacefully I lay my head on the pillow at night, resting my brain and allowing whatever foibles of the day to be forgiven.  I arise in the mornings with a fresh slate to do the best I can for myself and everyone else with whom I come into contact.

It is a blessing to be here today as it is everyday.  I am grateful as I am sure you are too to be able to breathe, to live and to love.  Sometimes it’s hard work to get through the day, but at the end of it, I hope that you find a soft, comfortable place to lay your head, your heart and your mind.  Today, I am reminded to communicate with my soul and with others on a soul to soul level for each of us carries the baggage of life experiences.  Oftentimes, at least for me, I find I forget to reconnect my heartstrings to my soul’s essence, to find gratitude in the experiences I’ve been delivered and to look for the blessings in each and every moment.

So today, take my hand…let’s walk baby steps towards the light.  Let’s remember those who have passed with gratitude for their heartlights.  Let’s connect with those who are here on Earth and appreciate them.  Let’s smile, laugh and love all those souls.  Let’s be the peacekeepers here on Earth.  Let’s look to the Heavens with our heartlights shining and embrace the love that is ours by Divine Right.  Let’s be in this moment, filled with peaceful loving energy and know in our hearts that we are embraced by God’s light and love.

Shine On!

xo

P.S.  And don’t forget to say, Rabbit, Rabbit! ♥

I Hope You Dance

I’m including the video and lyrics to the song above which came out in 2000.  Back then, it was special to me because I thought it was what I wanted my children to learn about life.  Now it is a gentle reminder for myself as well. ♥

May you be reminded and inspired today and everyday ~ Keep your heartlight shining!

Shine On!

xo

I Hope You Dance ~ Lee Ann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance….I hope you dance.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

Dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance.
I hope you dance….I hope you dance..
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone)

How Much Love Do You Put Into What You Do?

“I am not sure exactly what heaven will be like,

but I know that when we die and it comes time for God to judge us,

He will not ask,

‘How many good things have you done in your life?’

rather He will ask,

‘How much love did you put into what you did?”

~ Mother Teresa

I found this quote this morning and thought it was a good reminder for none of us know our exact ‘expiration date’ on this planet unless one chooses to expire early which I hope you will not. ♥

I’ve always thought of kindness and good deeds to be highly regarded, but as I’ve grown older, I find that putting love into everything we do is just as, or perhaps even more important.  It was refreshing to find Mother Teresa’s quote today to confirm that someone else thinks the same as I do.  Isn’t that always the way?  We find comfort in connecting with others?

It’s the simple things my friends.  Love, kindness, gratitude, forgiveness, peace.  Being the best we can be in all aspects of our lives.  Living spherically, listening to others with an open heart to all they say and omit.  Compassionately communicating to help, not harm.  Stepping back when it does not serve you or others to jump into the fray in whatever form.  Stepping up with courageous kindness when it does serve you and others.  Not being afraid to speak the truth in a kind way.  To listen, to be heard, to connect.  To add love in all you do.  To be a role model and shine your heartlight.  To enjoy The Presents of Presence.

Today, try to infuse love into whatever you are doing.  Slow down and be present, be the present of love.  Share a smile, a hug and a “I love you” with someone you cherish.  Really feel the loving connection and be grateful.  Use your beaming heartlight for good.

Shine On!

xo

 

Do You Fear Death?

This is probably a loaded question for a Monday morning, but on the heels of Easter, I thought I’d ask.  For you see, I’ve been thinking a lot about death these days since I’ve been taking care of a few family members who are older and plagued with dementia and I have recently had another one pass away.

Honestly, I do not fear death.  But, let me explain myself.  More than 20 years ago, I had a dream that I died.  As the old saying goes, ‘if you dream that you died, you will die’, but let me allay your fears as I am still here.  However, the dream is still as vivid as it was the morning I awoke from it, even after 15 surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation etc.  The peace I felt in the place I believe was Heaven stays within my heart, soul and mind.

The beauty that surrounded me was astounding in my dream.  I was in Heaven, with fields of colorful tulips as far as my eye could see, standing on the puffiest, softest white clouds imaginable.  In my dream, I knew I had passed away and had arrived in Heaven.  It was ethereal as you can imagine.  There was not a cloud in the sky, but a beautiful bright light emanated everywhere, surrounding me with such an incredible loving embrace and a true sense of peace.  I felt love deep within my soul like I have never felt before nor since in my life.  A innate sense of serenity and tranquility filled my being like never before and I remember smiling in wonder at the feeling.  I was standing still, taking in the entire scene and the beauty filled my soul.  I saw no one.  I just felt innately that I was where I belonged.  There was no regret in being there.  I felt no loss for having left Earth nor my family.  I simply felt that I was where I was supposed to be at that moment.  It was special.  It was life-altering.  The experience gave me such an utter peace in my soul that I continue to carry to this day and I feel blessed, honored and grateful to have experienced what I believe was a heavenly dream.

Why did I dream this?  I have no earthly idea as to the reason.  There was nothing wrong with me or any of my family so I don’t believe that it was a processing of a fear-based emotion.  Many years down the road, I was fighting for my life against breast cancer, but I’ve since healed and even though I’m never quite out of the woods per se, I am still here, cancer free for which I am grateful.

I would love to know how you feel about death.  Do you fear death?  Have you ever had a dream that you passed away?  Have you ever experienced anything similar?  Please share your stories and connect with me.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

 

Watching a Life Expire

Your loved on is on a new journey…

Recently I was given the gift of being present with a loved one as she passed away.   Surrounded by loved ones, Anna’s body gently shook twice as she inhaled and exhaled her last breath.  We had been listening for a long time as changes in her breathing pattern ebbed and flowed.  With no heart monitor to watch, we only had her physical form to notice and we kept a sharp eye and ear open for every labored breath.  As her breathing grew steadily more labored and louder, we wondered if we would keep our vigil all night.  After all, there were three of us and we could take turns.  But really nobody wanted to leave her in her last hours even though the doctors weren’t sure if she would last for a few more hours, a few more days or a week.  Steadfastly, we remained and received the honor of being with her when she passed away.  Her last breath shook her body and then all stilled in the ICU.  We waited, looking at each other expectantly waiting for her to draw her next breath.  I looked through the glass door to see her doctor look at me with sad eyes.

“I think she just took her last breath,” one of us said as the three of us huddled together around her now lifeless body.

We said prayers for Anna, tears streaming down our faces, holding hands across the bedsheets as we stood around her bedside.  We told her how much we loved her, what a great life she had lived and how we hoped that Jesus had come to take her home after her well-lived life journey.  We promised to take care of our other Aunt whom she loved.  We murmured gentle reminders of happier memories which are pinned on our hearts.  We promised her that we would take her to be buried with her parents as she wished.  We told her over and over how much we had loved her ~ just like we had done when she was alive.

Quietly one of the nurses slipped in after about 15 minutes and he confirmed that her heart had stopped beating and that indeed that had been her last breath here on Earth.  Silently we watched as he disconnected her from the machines which had given her medicines to comfort her during her last hours.  With much respect for her and for us, he only spoke when we asked him a question.  We needed a few more minutes to allow the reality of what we had just experienced, to sink into our hearts and minds.  We had been with her as she crossed over, just as the 3 of us had been there when my Dad’s heart stopped beating.

It’s a bonding experience for those who are honored to be with a loved one as they pass away.  Sissy, Mom and I have been together twice now and I will say, it’s not for the faint of heart.  Tears pour down our cheeks as we realize the enormity of what we have just experienced together ~ witnessing a loved one’s body stop living.

And I wonder how it must feel to have no pain, no worries and be able to rejoice and to embrace love, light and God’s goodness all at once?  I wonder if she knew we were there and she was not alone?  I wonder that even though her brain had died, could she still hear us and if she knew that we were there with her?

I miss hearing Anna’s voice and seeing her.  I miss her eagle eyes that always caught me as a child if I did something naughty (which wasn’t often mind you!)  I miss the loving being that she was here on Earth for me.  I hope she knows that she is resting permanently next to her parents as was her request and our mission accomplished.  But I feel her more now I think ~ I feel a presence which when I get quiet feels like a friend who’s watching out for me.  Perhaps an added angel over my shoulder?  I could surely use a bit of heavenly strength right about now.

So this post today is for you Anna ~ 84 years young, you lived your life the way you wanted to and we were proud to say you were our Aunt.  Surely you’ve seen/heard our Dad already, because knowing him, he’s part of the welcoming committee with St. Peter, calling out your name loudly and probably swinging on the Pearly Gates!  Rest in Peace dear Aunt Anna and Dad too.  You live on in our hearts.

Shine On!

xo