Tag Archive | friendship

Sit With Me For Awhile

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Come sit with me for awhile.  Right here, dear one, on the bench.  Let us enjoy the sunshine on our faces and its glistening sparkles on the water.  Look up, see the leaves changing hue.  Fall is in the air.

I am well dear girl.  Looking down on you with joy in my heart.  You know I’m all around you always.  I am proud of you.  I support you.  I am here for you, even though you can’t see me.  My spirit lives with you and your darling sons.

I know what you’ve been through.  Did you feel me holding your hand when you were sobbing and feeling so bereft?  I was there in the quiet of the middle of the night when the tears were falling.  I was there when your wounded soul needed comfort.  Do you remember the prayers?  I heard them.  I am always listening.

Do you not see the beauty before you?  How the seasons have changed turning greens to golds and rubies?  Let go of the sadness before you.  Move on from the mourning and embrace the changes with your heart.  Like the leaves which let go from the branches, be free of what holds you back.  The ground is safe for you to land upon.  There are others there waiting for you to take that step forward with hope in your heart.

I’m holding your hand.

Walk with me.  Let the earth bond with your feet.  Feel it?  It’s solid, comforting and real.  A soft place to land for you.  Touch the grass.  It’s still fertile and green after the rains.

All is well dear girl.  I am here with you.  I will never leave your side.  Call upon me when you need me.  I am here to help.

You are loved.

Shine On!

xo

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It’s Just The Circle Of Life

itsjustthecircleoflife

I don’t mean any disrespect when I write – It’s just the circle of life.  It’s more of a factual statement than one which diminishes the emotion of birth to death.  As humans, we have experienced our own birth and someday we will experience our own death.  We may even experience by proxy, the death of friends, family and loved ones.  As women, we may even experience the gift of giving birth.

As a breast cancer survivor, I have experienced the thought of death as well.  Perhaps it’s not just those of us with illnesses that know the darkness that shrouds the fear at death’s door.  But it becomes a rite of passage when we are diagnosed with a disease which is a known killer.  It’s how we deal with that threat that the disease can take our lives which varies, person to person.

There’s no right way to deal with a breast cancer diagnosis and each of us who have heard those words, ‘you have cancer’ can attest to the fact that our lives completely change in a moment.  Forevermore we live with the threat that it won’t be cured or that it will return with a vengeance.  We fear the cancer, the treatment and the cloud that perpetually hangs back, in our peripheral view for the rest of our lives.  We mourn the loss of good health that we once had.  We crumble in the dark late at night fearing the worst, yet hoping for the best, making promises to the Universe or to God with pleas for strength, for one more day, for a cure, for peace.

We endure pain in order to be cured, yet the psyche many times does not ever find peace again to heal our spiritual self.  I have seen people who have become broken shells of their former selves after a diagnosis, never to fully regain the momentum of life afterwards for the fear of the cancer returning never leaves us.  Even if we put it in the back of our minds or try to totally erase it from our view, its specter awaits, lurking for the next lump’s arrival, the next battery of tests that are not within normal range, the next procedure to investigate some abnormality in the body.  It doesn’t really ever end.

I am coming up on 16 years since I was diagnosed and I can attest that it never ends.  Sure, we can go on merrily with our lives, hoping our happy-go-lucky charade continues to not provoke questions from others as to our health status.  We can cry at night when things aren’t good, but nobody understands this unless you have endured it.  We can be strong when needed and mask our fears to the masses.  After awhile, we even believe ourselves until something happens to knock us off-kilter and wham, we are back again in the throes of fear and wondering if the circle of life is at its end.

I understand dear friends.  I truly do.  Even the word remission is not a peaceful feeling as it only masks the tingling sensation of peace for the moment and the trembling fear of if/when the other shoe will drop again.

I don’t know why I am writing this post today.  It seems to be flowing out of me at a supersonic speed.  My fingers type so quickly and yet I am not sure if I am even making sense.  I’ve had many scares over the years.  Tumor markers which are higher than normal, lumps that have to be biopsied, scary tests to endure all while knowing that could be in store.  Crying in the night or during the day when nobody’s home.  Feeling the whoosh of relief when the doctor proclaims it’s ok for now.  Reliving the nightmares of past experiences knowing I’m on my own.  It’s hard, but we can live through the experience and keep going.  That’s the common denominator really.  Keep waking up to a new day.  Nightfall is hardest I know – that dead of night overwhelming feeling which is only diminished by sleep.  And the realization as dawn comes that we must face the reality in our situation.  I’m here for you.  I have been there and I feel blessed that I am still here to walk with you when you need a friend.

The circle of life begins and ends in a momentous way – birth and death – bringing the light of our souls into the world and then allowing the extinguishing of our soul light to be free.

Shine On!

xo

P.S.  I’m fine, so no worries.  I don’t know why this post wrote itself today, but it did. xo

 

via Daily Prompt: Circle

We Help The People That Need Us

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When I wrote about Collateral Beauty before in my blog, I thought I was done.  But I felt a pull to write again.  I am a bit teary this morning, but I can’t explain why.  On the outside of my life, all is well and the pieces that in the past fell apart and broke, are mending.  Inside I feel a healing coming forth, like a flower bulb awakening after winter’s frost and pushing through the garden dirt towards the sun.

I am re-awakening from my life’s slumber.

Since the eclipse, I feel more profoundly these days.  Not like mood swings exactly.  Simply it’s that I feel such a deep connection to others, to Mother Nature and to all that is behind the veil.  No, I am not losing my mind.  I think it is emerging with knowledge, with knowing and uncovering from the mantle of fear and sadness which clothed me for so long and held down my spirit, my authentic self.

It is a slow process as I dig out from the ruins of my former life into the sunshine.  Bit by bit, stone by stone I am releasing what held me back, what I allowed to hold me back and freeing my soul from her immersion into solitude.

It isn’t easy this reawakening.  It tires me. Bursts of energy excite me and here and there a plateau seems to appear where I find respite for a bit.  Sometimes I drop a few steps from the plateau only to have to climb back up again to rest, but the journey is simple.  It requires letting go of the sandbags which held me down, the fears which pinned my soul into a box of belonging and the embracing of freedom to be me, without worry of judgement.

Emerging from a shell, a cocoon.

That’s where Collateral Beauty calls to me in movie form again.  Although our circumstances were different, the journey was similar.  Isn’t that the way it is with most connections?  At this time I have friends who are slowly losing family members to death and I feel as if we connect in a higher plane.  It is as if I am here to help them on their journey of accepting the physical loss of family because I have experienced it as well, numerous times now, in all different ways.

Please do something small with great love today.

Collateral Beauty Trailer 2

Shine On!

xo

This post is part of SoCS.

Collateral Beauty

collateral beauty

I recently watched the movie Collateral Beauty which I had to watch again for there was just so much to notice, to understand and to assimilate into my life.  If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it.  Truly.  It’s that profound.

There’s a richness to the tapestry of the movie that I wouldn’t even try to explain to you in my blog.  Yet, if you have watched the movie, please reach out and share with me.

In the movie we realize:

Love, Time and Death

connect every single human being on earth

we long for love

we wish we had more time

and

we fear death.

Here’s the trailer for Collateral Beauty!

Please let me know what you think!

Shine On!

xo

Sharing Experiences

sharingexperiences

Blogging is sharing experiences via writing as you well know if you’re a blogger.  We read blogs to share our experiences and to connect along the way.  Sometimes there’s a tidbit in someone’s blog which ignites a part of us in a good way.  I’ve learned so much from reading your blogs – new vocabulary, new books, and assimilated new ideas into my life.  I’ve connected through shared similar life experiences and found friendships, whether brief or long-term.  I’ve enjoyed expanding my thinking, my music repertoire and my enjoyment of reading with you as well.  I’ve felt when you’ve had challenges and grief in your lives and I have felt your support and caring when the same has happened in mine.

Writing with openness requires great vulnerability.  I don’t believe that when we open up to the world we are being weak.  I think it takes great strength to show ourselves in emotional truth for we never know how it will be perceived.  I feel grateful that I’ve found truth in the Universal code of kindness that if you don’t have something nice to say, you keep it to yourself because if it’s not helpful, then it’s hurtful and the majority doesn’t intend to hurt anyone else.

There may always be those who misunderstand me for which I’m sad, but I’ve accepted them.   Their fear-based beliefs keep them from opening up and experiencing life in different ways.  Fear can do strange things to people’s minds and being fear-based brings much anxiety to the most stable of individuals.  It is only when we release fear that we can embrace the plethora of goodness in life.  Sure, there are times when we are hurt, when misunderstandings occur and when people just don’t act with kindness.  That happens everywhere.  We must accept that we are all on our own journeys and that they intersect at different times.  We may walk on the path of life with someone for awhile and then part ways.  Or we may stay, sharing the path on and off for a lifetime.  What I know for sure is that each time our paths cross, whether it’s in a good situation or a teaching moment, we come away with a richer life experience for having crossed paths.

And isn’t that what life school is all about?  Learning, growing and experiencing all different types of situations and people?  Taking what comes to us a calm way and finding the good in the encounter – even when at the time it seems not so good?  When we are healed or when we can view it as an observer, we realize that the encounter has helped us to learn more about ourselves, to understand people in general and to enjoy the tapestry of experiences that is this life.  We are grateful for the peace and the  learning opportunity that we may have missed we if hadn’t crossed paths in this lifetime.

So I thank you for reading my blog and for opening up and letting us be with you through your blogs.  It is my honor to connect with you always.

Thanks for being you!

Shine On!

xo

Smooth Seas

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A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Sometimes we wonder why hard times fall on us.  We blame karma, bad luck, ourselves or others for the sad times.  We can’t understand why or how bad things happen to good people.  Have you ever felt this way?

I love the quote above as it makes sense to me.  Sadly I agree that in good seas, we don’t have to practice what we preach.  It is only when the storms arise that we must walk our talk and talk our walk or however that quote goes.  You know what I mean, don’t you?

During stormy seas, we realize who our true friends are and who we can count on.  Unexpected friendships can arise and we may even be surprised by who reaches out in kindness…and who doesn’t.   We may even finally realize who supports us and who doesn’t, as words without actions are simply words.

Kindness goes a long way, especially when you are hurting.  Being a warm, safe haven for someone is a precious gift, especially during stormy seas.  I want to thank those who have helped me over the years, the ones whose kindness never waned and whose support I felt even in my darkest hours.

Shine On!

xo

I’m Fine

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The average person tells 4 lies a day

or 1460 a year;

a total of 86,700 by the age of 60. 

And the most common lie is:

I’m fine.

How many of us go about our day telling ourselves and anyone else who asks, “I’m fine,” even when we know we aren’t.  Denying the state of unrest within us doesn’t do anyone else any good, least of all ourselves.

Sure there are those of us who think we are inner powerhouses, who believe innately that we can work through the chaos and if we just put a little more effort into it, we can survive.  We continue to take each hurdle as it comes and keep moving forward, even when our body, mind, heart and soul yearn to rest.  But there’s no rest when we are amidst chaos.  We can’t let someone else down, nor ourselves.  We have to keep on, keeping on, in order to make it through, putting our best foot forward, because we are the responsible ones.  We are the ones whom everyone else is counting on and we just can’t let them down, nor can we face that sorry fact that we need help where we are.

If we were observant, we would face the truth and tell ourselves to reach out and we would know in our hearts that there are people who can and would help us.  Sometimes we do reach out, but if the person to whom we reach out can’t help us or won’t help us, we are doubly determined to just do it alone.  And so goes on that vicious circle of “I’m fine.”

But honestly. we are not alone.  You are not alone, nor am I.

And at times, we are certainly, NOT FINE.

Sure, I could tell you to rest and allow the weight of the world to fall off your shoulders at night so that you could sleep in peace.  You could hang your worries on a branch and give them over to God.  You could pray for solutions and look for signs from above.  You could reach out to friends and family for support or to trained professionals for guidance.  You could hire someone to do what it is you are so determined to do yourself.  It all depends on what is weighing you down and what is not fine.

But will you do that?

It’s a choice to get help when things are chaotic (and even when they aren’t).  It’s a letting go of the control and of the belief that I can do it.  It’s dropping the role that you’ve lead your entire life of being the responsible one and taking on obligations that maybe weren’t really even yours in the first place, but because nobody else stepped up, you did.

There will be those who criticize you if you choose to allow yourself to honestly say, “I’m not fine.”  There will be those who simply don’t understand what’s so hard for you when they look from the outside with their perception into your life.  There are those who will turn their backs and walk away.  Then there will be those who stay, who hold your hand, listen and pick up a shovel to help you get rid of the mess.

Those are the ones I want at my side.  What about you?

Trust in those who hold your hand with a loving heart space.  Allow their kindness, generosity and love to heal you, to help you and to ease the burdens you carry.  Trust in God that He can help you through these tough times.  And for goodness sake, get rid of the I’m fine, except when you know it will fall on deaf ears or when you really mean it.  Trust in I’m not fine, with those whose hearts are open to yours.

So if you’re asking me, “I’m not fine” today, but as Scarlett O’Hara once said, “Tomorrow is another day.”

How are you?

Shine On!

xo