What To Do When You Fear The Truth

Recently I had a startling experience with an uninvited guest in my home with whom, unbeknownst to me, I was sharing my discarded vittles.  Yup, you guessed it ~ I had a mouse in my house!

I screamed and continued howling in fear as the mouse and I met unexpectedly one evening.  We both stared at each other, frozen in fear from my continued screeching until he finally got hold of his senses and scurried back into hiding.  The tears and fear erupted in me, like a volcano spewing and I began to shake, still staring at the place we had met.  It took quite awhile for me to calm down as the fear leapt into my brain and I worried where he’d gone, how he’d gotten in and if he had a family of squatters now residing in my home.  And, to top it all off, why in the world weren’t my two diva cats patrolling the house?  Weren’t cats supposed to chase mice?

This whole episode led me to facing the truth with a heartful of anxiety every morning for days when I would be fear finding out the truth ~ were there more mice?  Had they returned to my home?  Were they indeed making a nest here or were they just passing through?

It seems to me, until the truth of any situation is thrust into our faces, that we fear the truth.  We fear knowing something that changes our lives.  We turn a blind eye to happenstance evidence, preferring to not make waves in what we deem the tranquility and peace in our lives.  But as I’ve learned, we can’t put off the inevitable.  It happens in the blink of an eye and many times at the most inconvenient of times and yet, with Divine Timing.

So the next time you are fearing the truth in any situation, know in your heart that facing your fears like the cat and mouse above, only makes things easier.  For once you know the truth, you can deal with the situation.  You can ask for advice, you can connect with others and you can eventually move on after you’ve processed the fear of change.  This bodes well for almost any life situation that you fear.

Take a giggle from my mouse adventure today and know that no matter what truth you are facing, you have a friend in me.

Shine On!

xo

 

How To Stop Being a “Fixer”

It is truly time to allow, to let go and to find a way to not fix it all. I was/am? a person who liked to be in control. Not demanding mind you, (at least I didn’t think I was), but I liked to know the plan and execute it. We may sound similar if you are reading this post. But I have learned that through this journey, I’ve had to let go and it is still hard for me to do. But in letting go, I’ve opened up to an abundance of awareness, growth, love, friendship, connections with others and had an incredible soul journey that would not have been available to me had I stayed in the control, fix it place. Because, what hit me was the line, ‘who died and left you boss? You are not God,’ which I hope does not offend you, but perhaps gives you the added boost to see from an observer mode instead of the path ahead (that we had planned so carefully) that has literally fallen to pieces.

I see the path ahead now, strewn with debris and sometimes avalanches of emotion, hurt, betrayal and sadness. But there is still a path and as I take baby steps forward, I can clear the debris, learn from the experiences and keep moving on. I’ve found that there are others on this path that help me as I help you and as you help me to move forward.  And then also to rest when needed.

I’m not asking you to give up control or to stop fixing…I’m only asking you to accept what is unacceptable as part of the journey of life and to find peace in your heart to welcome the lessons as they will make you stronger in body/mind/soul. It’s a great leap of faith that is your opportunity here. I’m not saying that you need to find God as I don’t even know how you feel about religion.  I believe in God, Divinity and the Universe.  I am comfortable in being spiritual and using what I learn by reading, by communicating and by connecting with others and I find that I am making my own way, picking and choosing what feels right to me at that time ~ and sometimes choosing again when it’s not serving me. That’s the beauty of life.

Many of us come to this life with the idea that everything should be hunky dory because we’ve worked so hard to make it be as such. We strive for the even keel and smooth sailing, but storms arise, even in nature and we must accept that piece in order to find peace. There comes a time in life when we need to grow, to expand our horizons, to search for our next level of understanding in life.

Fix yourself is the first lesson.  Take care of you ~ nuture yourself, grow in your understanding, be patient with yourself and others, read, meditate and allow.  Allowing yourself 5 minutes of silence in which to simply breathe and focus in the morning and at night helps.  You are in charge of you.  You are not in control of anyone else on the fixing level.  Every single person has free will and can choose how they live their life.  You are not God.  Allow Him to do His job and you will see how amazing life can be!

Shine On!

xo

Hemingway’s Every Man

“Every man’s life ends the same way.

It is only the details of how he lived and how he died

that distinguish one man from another.”

– Ernest Hemingway

I found this quote and am so inspired by it for 2016!  For we all have an expiration date which most of us do not know until it comes, unless we decide to pass.  So, instead of making goals for 2016 or choosing a word for your year ahead ~ perhaps we could all think about the details of how we live this year, how we distinguish our own lives from the masses of droplets in the ocean and how we can better connect on a higher vibration with the rest of our world in a peaceful manner.

Just a little thought for a Monday in a new year…

Shine your heartlights!  I see you!

Shine On!

xo

Home For The Holidays

There’s no place like home for the holidays…does that phrase ring a bell?  Remind you of a holiday song from your past?  See below if that catchy tune is now playing in your mind.

The holidays are a happy time, but they can also be fraught with grief for some.  Personally, I have always adored Christmas, but lately, not so much.  For you see, many relationships in my life have changed in the last few years:  some have passed away, some have moved and some have slowly disappeared.  As I ready my home for the coming holidays, I’m reminded of how much has changed in my life and quite frankly, I am grieving.  There, I said it.  I’m telling you because I need a hug.  I know I’ll have the strength to get through this holiday season with a smile on my face and compassion in my heart.  I know I can do it because I’ve done it before and I will do it again.  But for this brief moment, my heart feels heavy and tears are silently making their way down my cheeks.

Do you ever feel this way during the holiday season?  Is there ever a time when you feel like you need a loving embrace to sustain you?  Do you grieve for what used to be?  For who used to be at your table?  For those who have passed or changed?

You are not alone my dear friends.  At one time or another on life’s journey, we will all be missing someone who is no longer in our lives for whatever reason and we grieve that loss…we find strength, we find courage and eventually we find a new normal and accept that the holidays are different.

My Christmas table will be missing some family this year.  Changes aren’t easy but with courage we can rise to any occasion and get through it.  Baby steps…one baby step at a time.  So prayers for you, prayers for me and may loving, holiday peace surround us all.  It matters that love surrounds your table.  Light your heartlight and open your home to love.

Shine On!

xo

(There’s No Place Like) Home For The Holidays ~ Perry Como

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
When you pine for the sunshine of a friendly gaze,
For the holidays, you can’t beat home, sweet home.

I met a man who lives in Tennessee.
He was headin’ for, Pennsylvania, and some home-made pumpkin pie.
From Pennsylvania, folks are travelin’ down to Dixie’s sunny shore,
From Atlantic to Pacific, gee, the traffic is terrific.

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
If you want to be happy in a million ways,
For the holidays, you can’t beat home, sweet home.

Take a bus, take a train, go and hop an airplane,
Put the wife and kiddies in the family car,
For the pleasure that you bring when you make that doorbell ring,
No trip could be too far!

It Takes Courage to Be A Caregiver

To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart,

and sing it to them when they have forgotten.*

The movie Still Alice haunts me to my core and yet every time I watch it, I glean more insight and my heart breaks open a bit more.  And still, I continue to watch it when I am alone.  Why, you may ask?  Why would you make yourself sad intentionally?  Isn’t it hard enough to experience your family enduring the road that Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia have put us on?  And the answer is yes.

But, I search for answers.  I find power within when I allow myself to feel each character’s pain.  It may sound funny to you, but I can relate to Alice, to her husband, to her daughters, all in different times in my life, and at times, simultaneously.  My compassion for the characters and for my family members increases every time I watch the movie.

I am compassionate and I love deeply.  This is who I am.  I need to understand how to best serve my family and how to best serve myself.  I have an ache in my core which carries my courage to push me to accept the unacceptable and to hold that precious gift of time, of making memories that may never stay and of holding the hands and hearts with those who at some point, may never remember who I am nor who they are.  It’s like I hold a flickering candle which I desperately protect in my soul.  I hold my candle in the darkness, like a beacon, hoping for that twinge of awareness, even if it is only for a moment.  I will feel like I did my best.  For I can’t give up on them or on myself.

I grieve in the quiet moments of solitude for them and for myself.  I call daily, visit monthly and spend hours making sure all their needs are met.  I do it with love and compassion and courage for it’s hard.  But it’s necessary and I make myself do those things that are necessary even when I want to turn away from the truth.

I learned long ago from cancer, that our lives are constantly changing and that we need to find a new normal with each and every experience.  We either choose to grow with the experience or we choose to stagnate.  We can turn our backs on the experience or we can move out of our comfort zones to find the courage to accept what we deem unacceptable and take baby steps towards a new normal.

I choose courage.  To look at my life with gratitude.  To be grateful for the opportunity to help my family.  To be kinder to myself, more patient and more present.  To sing the song in my heart and to have the courage to shine my heartlight even in the darkest night.  Come join me…take my hand and let’s sing and…

Shine On!

xo

*Photo credit:  FB Alzheimer’s Awareness

Do You Believe in Karma?

I awoke this morning with the song, Karma Chameleon by Boy George in my head this morning.  I admit I found it interesting since I haven’t heard that song nor thought of it in years.  But it brought up the question of Karma to me in a most peculiar way, so I am reaching out to you, dear friends, to see what you have to say about Karma.

As I understand it, having read a bit this morning,

Karma describes how our actions evolve into experience. 

Each action is then a seed,

which grows into our experience of the world,

and either starts a new growth process,

or perhaps reinforces an old one.

Which to me, is interpreted as every moment needs to be mindful!  How about you?  Does the above resonate with your definition and understanding of Karma?  Please share as I am most interested in learning from you!

I also read on Buddhanet:

Perplexed by the seemingly inexplicable, apparent disparity that existed among humanity, a young truth-seeker approached the Buddha and questioned him regarding this intricate problem of inequality:

“What is the cause, what is the reason, O Lord,” questioned he, “that we find amongst mankind the short-lived and long-lived, the healthy and the diseased, the ugly and beautiful, those lacking influence and the powerful, the poor and the rich, the low-born and the high-born, and the ignorant and the wise?”

The Buddha’s reply was:

“All living beings have actions (Karma) as their own, their inheritance, their congenital cause, their kinsman, their refuge. It is Karma that differentiates beings into low and high states.”

He then explained the cause of such differences in accordance with the law of cause and effect.

I have heard people allude to others’ actions which they found distasteful, with the phrase, ‘karma will get them’ and I never knew what to say to that sentence.  I have heard the word over the years, but I have never truly understood the definition.

Please help me today ~ share what you know, what you believe, define it if you will.  If you have written about Karma, please share a link below in the comments.  I truly want to hear from you!

Shine On!

xo

And in case you now have the song in your head…Enjoy!

Tips to Survive MRI Breast Scan From Someone Who Knows

It’s hard enough to have questionable health issues, but to endure testing to find out the results is an added necessary burden.  Have you ever had an MRI?  You can have them for all different health problems.  I have endured MRI’s for brain and breast scans, neither of which are fun.  But then, no test is fun, there I said it.  I feel for you.  I’ve been there.  I don’t know what’s harder, the test itself, the wait time for the answer or the dealing with whatever the result is.

But below are a few tips that may help you or a loved one in case you need an MRI, in no particular order:

You can’t have any metal on you when you are in the MRI machine.  Watches must come off because they will be stopped by the machine.  You can probably keep your gold jewelry on, but the technician may tell you to take it all off and put it in your locker where your clothes are because you’ve changed into that fashionable hospital gown.  You know the one, right?  Lucky for us, they will probably give you two like they gave me.  First one opens in the front, second opens in the back so there’s no peek-a-boo affect!  Oh-la-la!

Go to the bathroom right before you have the procedure.  Remember how your Mom told to you to go pee-pee before you left the house?  Well, you will be in the MRI machine, not able to move for a bit so better to try to go again before you get strapped down for at least 30 minutes.  Because, it’s so uncomfortable to have to resist the urge to stop an MRI because you need to go.  You know how it is, if you need to go and you are strapped into a loud cranky machine and aren’t allowed to move, your mind will fill up with thoughts of the bathroom and it will be hard to stay calm and not move.  And you can’t just get up, run to the potty and finish the test.  Nope, you have to stay there, from start to finish in the same position.

When they put you in the machine, you will be asked to NOT MOVE for the entire time.  So make sure you are as comfortable as humanly possible before the professional leaves the room.  I’ve had MRI’s where I had to be in a certain position that was very uncomfortable in order to have the test.  Sometimes you just have to be in that position no matter what, but occasionally, you can have the position adjusted BEFORE the test begins.  The key here is BEFORE because you can’t change position once it starts.  It never hurts to ask.

Make sure they give you earplugs ~ the machine clanks LOUDLY and you are in a tube which makes the sound reverberate.  Earplugs don’t seem to help, but it’s even worse when you don’t have them.  Years ago, they didn’t give you earplugs and it felt deafening to be in the machine.

TELL the professional if you are a claustrophobic.  THIS IS IMPORTANT!  Some tests will allow a relaxing medicine (prescription from your doctor before you go to the MRI) to be taken 30 minutes prior to help with the phobia and there are cases in which you can request an OPEN MRI which would help immensely if you are indeed claustrophobic.

For the breast scans, I have gone by myself before and since I know what to expect, it’s not as bad.  Ok, it’s not great either.  Breast scans have the patient laying face down (like the photo above) so you can see nothing except the sheet that covers the platform on which you are laying.  Your arms are above your head so that the radiologist can see your breasts.  I will tell you that for me, it is terribly uncomfortable to have my right side that way.  In fact, my back muscles went into spasm once and I called to the technician.  She came in and helped me to reposition myself and made sure I was still in position for the best possible test results, but I was able to have my arm oustretched to get into the machine and then under her supervision, was able to bend my arm against the machine so that it was comfortable once I was fully in the machine.  It made a world of difference for me.

The object here to get the test done in the shortest amount of time with the best results while you are as comfortable as possible.  To get all 3 pieces is a huge win-win.  Your technician is a big help in this because they want you to have a good experience and they need to get the job done. 

Working together is key here.

You are not alone in the MRI machine.  You have a ball in your hand to squeeze in case you need help and your technician (who is in the next room) will respond.  There is also an audio whereby you can hear the technician tell you what to expect  ~ test for 8 minutes, the contrast is now starting, etc. and you can respond verbally as well.

You can have an MRI with and without contrast.  Without getting too technical, with contrast means that you will have an IV inserted before you go into the MRI machine room.  Once you are settled into position in the machine, the technician will connect your IV to the contrast for use later as the first set of MRI images will be without the contrast.

My advice is to drink water before you go to the test and to drink water afterwards to flush your system of the contrast.  Drinking water before hydrates you (hence take the potty break right before) and allows your veins to be nice and plump so that the IV is inserted quickly, easily and pretty painlessly.  If you don’t hydrate, then it’s harder to find a good vein, the prick hurts more and veins can get blown, which means you have to get stuck again in a different vein.  That, my friends, is never fun and I’ve had a ton of experience with that piece.

When the technician tells you the contrast is coming, you will feel it in your veins.  You may have felt something already, a little bit of cold fluid which is the saline solution to make sure that all flows properly.  You will know the contrast is entering your veins because you will taste a metallic ink in your mouth and may even feel a warmth in your body.  You may even feel like you’ve (ahem) peed yourself (for lack of a better term), but don’t worry.  It’s simply the sensation because remember, you’ve already gone potty before you got into the machine.  Once the contrast is delivered, the machine will clank again as it repeats the same imaging as before, only this time with the contrast in your body.

So what do you do while you are waiting for the whole episode to be over?  It’s loud in the machine and time for me, feels like it stops completely.  I have tried to sing songs to myself ~ made up rap songs to the rat-a-tat-tat of the clanking machine ~ I’ve tried to find a mantra to say along with the rhythmic clanging ~ I can do this…I am healthy…All is well…God please be with me…etc.  I have tried to pray the rosary even, but as my mind has a hard time focusing I only almost prayed 2 mysteries.  But perhaps you’ll find something to do to make the time go by easier.

I have had techs who have been diligent in telling me, “Ok, this test is for 8 minutes…now this one is for 10” and so on…and I have had others whom I thought had left the building as I hardly ever heard from them so I guess it’s just the luck of the draw.  My favorite line from any of them has always been, “Ok, the test is over.  Stay still, I’m coming in,” as I drew a huge sigh of relief that it was over.

I’ve been woozy afterwards with all of the fears now over, the test now over and I am now having to stand up after being face down for 45 minutes.  Take your time.  If you feel light-headed, TELL the professional as if you faint, the EMS come and it’s a big deal.  If you can take your time and simply stay calmer, it helps.  I know that those of us who are fainters (yup, me too) don’t always have any notice that they are going down, but if you do, please tell them.  Believe me, you don’t want the EMS there because you fainted because the test was finally over.  You want to do a happy dance that it’s over and get out of there!

I hope you found a tidbit or two to help you through ~ I have been there, done that, so if you have any questions or want to share your experience below, please do!  I am here for you if you need a friend.  I understand ~ here’s my hand, hold on.  We’ll get you through this together!

Shine On!

xo

P.S.  Thanks to my sweet readers who shared their experiences below and gently reminded me about the contrast sensation.  You rock Rhonda and Cordelia’s Mom. ♥

 

 

I Remember Paris ~ Je me souviens de vous

Praying for Paris

Our heartfelt prayers on this Sunday morning go out to those in France and all whom have been hurt by terrorism.  Facebook has erupted with France’s national colors in an outpouring of love for those whose loved ones have experienced the hate that is associated with terrorist attacks.

When 9/11 happened here in the United States, we mourned the loss of peace in our lives and now we mourn France’s as well.  It is unfathomable to many of us how terrorism holds no regard to the sanctity of human life.  The unspeakable hate which surrounds a terrorist’s heart seems limitless and their beliefs unshakable to act in such violent ways.  I do not even pretend to understand because honestly neither my mind nor heart can wrap themselves around the thought.

My thoughts, my prayers, my heart and mind go out to all of us ~ the peacekeepers.  I hold sacred the loving heartlights which are shining here and abroad, sending prayers and loving thoughts out into the world.  I am reminded that we are all connected, we are all one ~ we are all humans living on this planet Earth.

Please enjoy a musical reminder by Susan Boyle with lyrics below.

Make Me a Channel of Your Peace

Shine On!

xo

*My heartfelt thanks to Elizabeth for allowing me to use her photo. xo

 

Drop Your Cosmic Vending Machine Belief

This is a hard post for me to write today, but I think it it’s an interesting concept.  I can’t seem to find the origin of the idea that there’s a cosmic vending machine in the Universe that when we do good deeds, act politely, do what others want us to, etc., we believe that our desires/wants will be granted once we’ve paid in full.  Or for that matter that there’s any definitive price of goodness or suffering that heralds the gift of winning the lottery, getting into the college of our choice, being healed, finding a soulmate, getting that promotion or even having another person respond to us the way we believe we deserve.

It’s a false belief that was ingrained in my head from childhood and I’ve perpetuated the belief for years until it became a part of me.  I can’t explain what’s shifted this thought for me, but I can share that what I feel now is empowering in the fact that I do not stand by the cosmic vending machine expecting anymore.

Yes, I still do good deeds.  Yes, I continue to strive to be the best person I can to everyone with whom I come into contact ~ be it family, friends or strangers.  Yes, I still look for good things to happen to me and I am grateful for each and every gift from God and the Universe.  That hasn’t changed.

But what has shifted is the mindset that because I do all of these things, strive to be authentic, loving, compassionate, caring and empathetic in connecting with my fellow man in life, I deserve the good things that happen in my life.  In addition, with this shift comes the letting go of the guilt baggage that I believed that I wasn’t enough when tough times entered my life.

How’s that for a huge shift in thinking?

It goes against the norm, I know.  Perhaps you will not agree with me either and that’s ok.  I’d love to hear from you either way as I am open to all ways of thinking about this topic.  Honestly, I love to expand my thinking so please, be kind, but be honest.  Do you look to the Universal vending machine when you think you deserve that special something?  Do you lament when you’ve been a very good person and yet tragedy and disappointment seem to conspire against you?

How do you feel about this topic?

I think from a young age, we are taught to be good, respectful and to follow the rules and to not hurt others.  We are rewarded by parental figures when we act in the social norms of society.  We may even be treated when we are exceptionally behaved or get good grades and such.  I think that perpetuates the vending machine belief.  I’m not saying that we do things for a reward.  No.  Most of us do them because it feels right and good to help others, to be respectful, to be kind and loving and it raises our heartlights when we connect with others in a good way.  Most of the time, we don’t expect the cosmic vending machine to treat us when we are simply doing what is expected.

But there are times in which, we’ve been trying to be good, do good and we feel as if nothing good comes from the experience.  Instead, we get tough times, tragedy, heartache, grief and loss and we throw up our hands in frustration.

“Why me?” seems to be the popular question when this happens.  Over and over some people will perseverate over the fact that they’ve been good and yet bad things are happening.  Woe is me thinking begins to take over or the extreme of “well, then I’m not trying anymore” and a give up attitude, “What’s the use?” begins to grow.  Resentment increases and do-gooding goes out the window.

But if we could release the belief of the cosmic vending machine waiting for our good tally to be paid up in order to be given whatever it is that we are thinking we deserve because of ‘x, y and z’ then life would be different.  We would feel more empowered and free to accept whatever life experiences come our way without shame, guilt or ego.  But we’ve all heard the ‘get what you deserve’ line and I feel like it’s debunking itself when we rid ourselves of that belief.

We would be empowered and that’s a very good feeling.

Shine On!

xo

P.S.  I am not talking about God or religion with the above post.  For me, that’s an entirely different post which we can chat about another day so please don’t beat me up. ♥

 

 

You Gotta Live and Let Live

My Granddaddy owned a general store in a small town in South Carolina.  Because people sometimes didn’t have the money for the necessities that they needed to buy in his store, he would often trade with them instead of using currency.  He would come home with chickens or eggs, once even a goat, from the farmers who needed to buy flour etc.  The story goes that he never let anyone leave without what they needed even when they lacked money.

“You gotta live and let live,” was his motto even back then.  He has long since passed, but the refrain still sticks in my head.  I was talking with one of my cousins today and we were reminiscing about our family and the memories that we shared were priceless.  When I told him the motto above, he chuckled and said it was one of his favorite sayings from AA and he never knew why.  It was simply one that stuck in his brain.

~ Live and Let Live ~

What a lovely way to look at life, don’t you think?  Allow others to be who they are, don’t judge and just look after your own self.  Do what’s right.  Be a good person.  Be yourself.  Be kind and loving towards everyone.  Just remember you can only change yourself and you need to accept everyone else as who they are.  Be a blessing in someone else’s life.  Allow your hardships to help others and not to harden your heart.  Look up and embrace life.  Be joyful that you are here to hold someone else’s hand.  When it’s your turn to need help, embrace the kindness given to you.  Pay it forward.  Don’t hoard your lessons, but share the experiences.  We are all battling something ~ patience and understanding go far when we connect with others on our life journey.  It helps to share when you connect with understanding and embrace others in a kind, loving way.  Be grateful that you can help someone else, even in a small way.  That’s what we are all here for on this life’s journey.

Hold my hand…let’s share!

Shine On!

xo