All Grown Up!

I never thought I’d be grown up.  There’s a 16 year old girl deep inside me who peeks out occasionally to do something I Love Lucy-ish and she is like a talisman to me that I haven’t lost my youth even though now I’m a mother of 2 teenage sons!  Technically I’ve been a grown up and a Mom for a long time, but honestly, I don’t think I felt like a true grown up until my Dad died.

Mom and I were talking about Dad as we often do and as we got off the phone last night, my Mom told me how proud she was of me and how proud Dad would be of me as I’ve taken over everything since he passed.  Her compliment hit a tender spot in me and when I got off of the phone, I began crying a bit.  It was as if a flood of grief emerged and swirled within me, finally being able to be released.  It meant so very much to me to hear her words as I am trying very hard to keep it together all the time, to be the strong one of the family and to keep everything organized all the time, all the while, dealing with my own family, my business which has been left by the wayside as I deal with the problem du jour and continue to attend to my parents’ financial affairs.  I’ve had to step in and become the matriarch ~ a job I never dreamed I’d need to fulfill.  I explained to Mom how Dad had ‘trained me’ (his words which I disliked) in his office.  At age 11, I began working in his law practice and earning a paycheck.  There I was taught to think like him, to be lawyer-ish and to cover all the bases when dealing in business.  I had always abhorred when my Mom and sister had called me, “Little Al” in reference to my Dad, but now I am happy that he taught me all that he did for this new chapter is my life would have been much more difficult if he hadn’t guided me at such a young age.

Even though I’m now adjusting to being a real grown up, there’s still this little Lucy inside who just won’t rest ~ and I’m not letting her go!  But this post, I’m dedicating to my Dad ~ Rest in Peace Dad ~ I’ve got it ~ remember, you taught me!

Hug your loved ones today!

Shine On!

xo

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/03/06/daily-prompt-grown/

Daily Prompt: All Grown Up When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

Daily Prompt with a Twist

A Heavenly Place

Today’s daily prompt said:  “Ode to a Playground…A place from your past or childhood, one that you’re fond of, is destroyed.  Write it a memorial,” and today I’m asking for a bit of leniency from you as I answer the question.  You see, last night, my son had a dream that was so vivid to him and it immediately brought me back to my childhood, so I wanted to share it with you.

I’ve been to Heaven.  There, I’ve said it and now those of you who want to can click away…and those who want to stay, please understand that I am opening up to this playground of my past for you.  No, I haven’t died before (although I’ve had a few close calls in my lifetime), but I have experienced Heaven which to me, is a playground of my past.

As a child, I was intuitive and I believe that as children, we are receptive to many energies which surround us but as we grow older, we tend to lose sight of them and stop connecting with them for those imaginings are not thought of as grown up…and yet the funny part I think is after we are grown up, we long to dream again, to open up to possibilities in our lives and we are reminded to stop and smell the roses.  Do you know what I mean?

For you see, I dreamed of Heaven and that dream, although it happened more than 25 years ago, is still as vivid to me as if I had dreamt it last night.  To me it was comforting to feel so at home in a place where I have not been in this lifetime except through dreams.  In fact, I have dreamt of the same house many times in the last 25 years and each time, there are people in the house with whom I speak or share a smile and they can see me ~ except they are all people who have already passed in my lifetime.

Ok, have I lost any of you yet?  Or are you still with me?

I guess what I am trying to say is that I believe that when we close the door to our playground of childhood, we destroy our dreams.  We destroy the ability to create our lives in the way in which our higher selves function.  The key is to not stop believing ~ to not stop the feeling of possibility ~ to continue to hold onto that playground of Heaven where love encompasses our every moment.

Imagine a world where we all kept that love alive in our hearts!

Shine On!

xo

 http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/01/28/daily-prompt-ode/