Tag Archive | loss

Do You Have A Case of Holiday Hiraeth?

I saw this on Facebook this morning and it struck a chord in me that I felt needed to be shared with all of you.  For at the holidays especially, there are those of us may be feeling hiraeth, but never had a word for it.  For the English language, to my knowledge, does not have a word which encompasses these feelings as hiraeth does.

So what do you do about it when you are feeling this way?  How do you go on with this feeling through holiday festivities?  My own solution is to allow the feeling, to engage in it, to acknowledge the hiraeth as it comes.  To turn ourselves into jolly merrimakers is to falsely and ineptly disengage with our souls.  To be in stillness with the feeling is to be true to ourselves and to allow hiraeth to process in our lives in order for us to heal.

I’m not saying to throw a pity party for ourselves during the festivities at all.  I’m not recommending that we pout or make others uncomfortable with our sadness.  No, not at all.  I’m suggesting that we allow ourselves the gift of hiraeth in our quiet alone time so that we can find the joy when we are celebrating the holidays.  To feel hiraeth and maybe even to share it with those willing to listen in a compassionate manner is to find the peace within us when we allow our feelings space to heal.

For there is healing in allowing hiraeth.  There is much joy to be had in life especially during the holiday season.  Allow your heartlights to shine, spread the love and understanding that you innately carry within you and reach out to others with your kind heart.  Know that I am here with you.  I understand.  I acknowledge our feelings of hiraeth and I hold them tenderly in my heart.

Bless you all this holiday season.

Shine On!

xo

 

*Gratitude to MAngel for sharing on FB so that I could see this post.

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Home For The Holidays

homefortheholidays

There’s no place like home for the holidays…does that phrase ring a bell?  Remind you of a holiday song from your past?  See below if that catchy tune is now playing in your mind.

The holidays are a happy time, but they can also be fraught with grief for some.  Personally, I have always adored Christmas, but lately, not so much.  For you see, many relationships in my life have changed in the last few years:  some have passed away, some have moved and some have slowly disappeared.  As I ready my home for the coming holidays, I’m reminded of how much has changed in my life and quite frankly, I am grieving.  There, I said it.  I’m telling you because I need a hug.  I know I’ll have the strength to get through this holiday season with a smile on my face and compassion in my heart.  I know I can do it because I’ve done it before and I will do it again.  But for this brief moment, my heart feels heavy and tears are silently making their way down my cheeks.

Do you ever feel this way during the holiday season?  Is there ever a time when you feel like you need a loving embrace to sustain you?  Do you grieve for what used to be?  For who used to be at your table?  For those who have passed or changed?

You are not alone my dear friends.  At one time or another on life’s journey, we will all be missing someone who is no longer in our lives for whatever reason and we grieve that loss…we find strength, we find courage and eventually we find a new normal and accept that the holidays are different.

My Christmas table will be missing some family this year.  Changes aren’t easy but with courage we can rise to any occasion and get through it.  Baby steps…one baby step at a time.  So prayers for you, prayers for me and may loving, holiday peace surround us all.  It matters that love surrounds your table.  Light your heartlight and open your home to love.

Shine On!

xo

(There’s No Place Like) Home For The Holidays ~ Perry Como
Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
When you pine for the sunshine of a friendly gaze,
For the holidays, you can’t beat home, sweet home.
I met a man who lives in Tennessee.
He was headin’ for, Pennsylvania, and some home-made pumpkin pie.
From Pennsylvania, folks are travelin’ down to Dixie’s sunny shore,
From Atlantic to Pacific, gee, the traffic is terrific.
Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
If you want to be happy in a million ways,
For the holidays, you can’t beat home, sweet home.
Take a bus, take a train, go and hop an airplane,
Put the wife and kiddies in the family car,
For the pleasure that you bring when you make that doorbell ring,
No trip could be too far!

Loving Someone With Alzheimer’s

lovingsomeonewithalzheimers

There are touching moments on the journey with loved ones with Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia that bring tears to our eyes.  This one caught me and touched my heart.  As a daughter and a niece, there are no words that succinctly fulfill the gratitude I have for this moment even though my family members are still able to identify me.  But knowing that the progression of the disease may come to this moment, my heart fills with the precious and priceless moment that is captured below with a smile.

Even if you aren’t walking the path of memory loss, this viral video reminds us all that we are only here for a short period of time in which to tell our loved ones that we love them, that we are blessed to have them in our lives and to show them how much they mean to us every single day.

It’s never too late to share a special moment with your loved one.  Do not delay dearest friends.  We only have this present moment and as someone who has loved ones who have passed, it is harder when they are gone.  Video tape precious moments with your family members.  Take the time to make special memories with them.  Be patient, be kind, shine your heartlight and be loving You!

Shine On!

xo

Help When The Rug Gets Pulled Out From Under You

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When the rug gets pulled out from under you, when you fall off the horse, when you feel like you’ve been sucker-punched, when you fall down, when you’ve been side-swiped, when you’ve been dumped, when you experience failure, when you’ve lost it all, when you fill in the blank, ~ there are so many quotes to explain when life knocks you down and throws you for a loop.  I am sure you can think of many others.  But it’s the answer to the question that leaves us hanging.

What is the solution?

We’ve all experienced changes that we’ve seen coming and also have been blinded by when we least expect it.  Changes can be in any part of our lives ~ finances, health, love, relationships, family, jobs etc.  Some of the lessons I’ve learned when the proverbial rug has been pulled out from under me (which it has in many aspects of my life) is this…

YOU need to find peace and a new normal for yourself.

Nobody can or will do it for you.  It’s only up to you.  Sure you may be able to count on friends  and perhaps family to help, but the bottom line is that the only one who CAN do it, is YOU!  And it’s hard.  It’s changing the way you look at your life and at your choices.  It’s taking responsibility for your part in the whatever the situation is and moving forward.  It’s giving YOURSELF your full attention and then deciding how to deal with the enormity of the change in your life.

To do this, you must be honest with yourself.  Nobody wants to hear about it after awhile, so it’s up to you.  You can seek advice from those who have experienced the same situation.  You weigh what you know, what you learn and you incorporate the best parts into your new normal.  The best advice I can give you is to find peace, however you need to find it.  You need to not give up or give in.  Re-find your balance.  Get back on the horse.  Put yourself back in the game.  Find a new job.  Begin again.  Grieve for what you feel is lost and then find peace within you.  Connect with yourself again for somewhere along the line, you’ve lost yourself and your power.  Use your power for bettering yourself and those around you.  Look up to God and the Angels for help if you are spiritual/religious.  Look inside yourself for strength that you have, but maybe haven’t tapped into yet.  Stand on your own two feet (after getting up).  If you must, walk away, crawl away and take baby steps towards your future.  Take time to honor your sadness and the changes in your life.  Weigh the pros and cons before taking any definitive baby steps.

But do it all with peace in your heart.

Yes, you can blame others for your situation and the blame could be correctly placed on them, but what good does that serve you?  It only makes you resentful, angry and operating at a low vibration.  I’m not saying to be a doormat by any means.  But to use up your precious life with negativity hurts only you.  It dims your heartlight.  It destroys your soul.  It hurts you in more ways that you can even begin to imagine.  And haven’t you already been hurting enough?

So today, dear friends, is your day.  Take a few minutes to concentrate on you ~ begin a plan that includes a little me time everyday.  It can be as simple as a bubble bath or a ten minute meditation.  You can write in your journal, plan for 2016, take a heart-healthy walk, talk to a friend, get some fur therapy from a favorite animal, sing, dance, walk outside and commune with nature.

Be kind to you…be kind to others.  Lead with the love in your heart.  Shine your heartlight for all to see and goodness comes your way.  But it’s up to you.  Take my hand.  Walk with me.  We will take baby steps to the new you!

Shine On!

xo

 

 

 

I Remember Paris ~ Je me souviens de vous

paris1

Praying for Paris

Our heartfelt prayers on this Sunday morning go out to those in France and all whom have been hurt by terrorism.  Facebook has erupted with France’s national colors in an outpouring of love for those whose loved ones have experienced the hate that is associated with terrorist attacks.

When 9/11 happened here in the United States, we mourned the loss of peace in our lives and now we mourn France’s as well.  It is unfathomable to many of us how terrorism holds no regard to the sanctity of human life.  The unspeakable hate which surrounds a terrorist’s heart seems limitless and their beliefs unshakable to act in such violent ways.  I do not even pretend to understand because honestly neither my mind nor heart can wrap themselves around the thought.

My thoughts, my prayers, my heart and mind go out to all of us ~ the peacekeepers.  I hold sacred the loving heartlights which are shining here and abroad, sending prayers and loving thoughts out into the world.  I am reminded that we are all connected, we are all one ~ we are all humans living on this planet Earth.

Please enjoy a musical reminder by Susan Boyle with lyrics below.

Make Me a Channel of Your Peace

Shine On!

xo

*My heartfelt thanks to Elizabeth for allowing me to use her photo. xo

 

Saying Goodbye To A House

house

Saying goodbye has always been hard for me.  It’s always been that way my whole life.  To let go is a right of passage and even though I’m letting go of a home which was never mine, it’s just making me sad.  I guess it’s the final part of an era in my Aunts’ lives and it’s breaking my heart.

I can’t figure out why I am so sad for honestly I am so very happy that the closing is scheduled and we have successfully gotten it into selling condition after all that we had to do.  But there’s a small part of me which can’t stop crying for the bereft feeling inside that I can’t label.

I wrote this a few weeks ago and simply couldn’t post it.  I was intensely sad to let go of an era ~ not so much for me, but for my family.  But now it’s a few weeks later and I’ve got some clarity.  Isn’t that always the way ~ get into the observer mode in your life, let a little time pass and voila, you understand all the tears, you can deal with the grief in a better way and you can let go of whatever it was you were holding onto back then.

Time heals by lessening hurts.  Although I don’t think some hurts ever truly heal or for that matter, some emptinesses never can be fully filled.  But we can move on, we can take baby steps towards healing and we can fill the emptiness with healing love.

Shockingly, I think it helps when people have Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia in some cases like this one.  They simply don’t remember the life they had a few months ago.  There doesn’t seem to be any hurt or sadness in the present moment, there is only presence, love and happiness.  Sure we’ve had times whereby my family members get confused with the past and present, but a gentle change in direction of conversations or a redirect in a kind way, helps immensely.

Shine On!

xo

Drop Your Cosmic Vending Machine Belief

dropyourcosmicvendingmachinebelief

This is a hard post for me to write today, but I think it it’s an interesting concept.  I can’t seem to find the origin of the idea that there’s a cosmic vending machine in the Universe that when we do good deeds, act politely, do what others want us to, etc., we believe that our desires/wants will be granted once we’ve paid in full.  Or for that matter that there’s any definitive price of goodness or suffering that heralds the gift of winning the lottery, getting into the college of our choice, being healed, finding a soulmate, getting that promotion or even having another person respond to us the way we believe we deserve.

It’s a false belief that was ingrained in my head from childhood and I’ve perpetuated the belief for years until it became a part of me.  I can’t explain what’s shifted this thought for me, but I can share that what I feel now is empowering in the fact that I do not stand by the cosmic vending machine expecting anymore.

Yes, I still do good deeds.  Yes, I continue to strive to be the best person I can to everyone with whom I come into contact ~ be it family, friends or strangers.  Yes, I still look for good things to happen to me and I am grateful for each and every gift from God and the Universe.  That hasn’t changed.

But what has shifted is the mindset that because I do all of these things, strive to be authentic, loving, compassionate, caring and empathetic in connecting with my fellow man in life, I deserve the good things that happen in my life.  In addition, with this shift comes the letting go of the guilt baggage that I believed that I wasn’t enough when tough times entered my life.

How’s that for a huge shift in thinking?

It goes against the norm, I know.  Perhaps you will not agree with me either and that’s ok.  I’d love to hear from you either way as I am open to all ways of thinking about this topic.  Honestly, I love to expand my thinking so please, be kind, but be honest.  Do you look to the Universal vending machine when you think you deserve that special something?  Do you lament when you’ve been a very good person and yet tragedy and disappointment seem to conspire against you?

How do you feel about this topic?

I think from a young age, we are taught to be good, respectful and to follow the rules and to not hurt others.  We are rewarded by parental figures when we act in the social norms of society.  We may even be treated when we are exceptionally behaved or get good grades and such.  I think that perpetuates the vending machine belief.  I’m not saying that we do things for a reward.  No.  Most of us do them because it feels right and good to help others, to be respectful, to be kind and loving and it raises our heartlights when we connect with others in a good way.  Most of the time, we don’t expect the cosmic vending machine to treat us when we are simply doing what is expected.

But there are times in which, we’ve been trying to be good, do good and we feel as if nothing good comes from the experience.  Instead, we get tough times, tragedy, heartache, grief and loss and we throw up our hands in frustration.

“Why me?” seems to be the popular question when this happens.  Over and over some people will perseverate over the fact that they’ve been good and yet bad things are happening.  Woe is me thinking begins to take over or the extreme of “well, then I’m not trying anymore” and a give up attitude, “What’s the use?” begins to grow.  Resentment increases and do-gooding goes out the window.

But if we could release the belief of the cosmic vending machine waiting for our good tally to be paid up in order to be given whatever it is that we are thinking we deserve because of ‘x, y and z’ then life would be different.  We would feel more empowered and free to accept whatever life experiences come our way without shame, guilt or ego.  But we’ve all heard the ‘get what you deserve’ line and I feel like it’s debunking itself when we rid ourselves of that belief.

We would be empowered and that’s a very good feeling.

Shine On!

xo

P.S.  I am not talking about God or religion with the above post.  For me, that’s an entirely different post which we can chat about another day so please don’t beat me up. ♥