Begin Again

A friend gave me a magnet awhile back in anticipation for all of the changes that were in store for my future.  At the time, I didn’t want to Begin Again as it was daunting for me to think about all that would be changed.  Regardless of how much I didn’t want the changes, they happened anyway, out of my control.  Instead of accepting that my life would dramatically change in all ways – divorce, moving, financially, health-wise, etc., I fought like a tigress to remain in that stagnant limbo of wanting no change, all while change happened anyway.

Finally, I surrendered.

Broken, exhausted and drained, I surrendered.

It’s not that I didn’t agree that the changes were imminent and necessary.  It was that I was fearful of how I would continue on in this uncharted territory for my journey and the journey of my children, for it wasn’t where I wanted to be.  But when I stopped fighting against the rising tide and began to doggy paddle to keep afloat, I received help through the transition.  Angels disguised as friends and strangers reached out to me with kindness.  I began to see the future as a new chapter in my life, a new book on which to write my story and a fresh clean slate which I controlled (for the most part) of how I am the captain of my own life’s ship.

I began planning what had to be done and like a sergeant, began the transition with what I hoped would be military precision.  But alas, I may have had a plethora of military family members, but precision has not been a characteristic blessing unto me.  And so it was, I surrendered.  I did my best daily, fell asleep on my pillow with a bone tired body and rose up the next morning to do it all again.  And finally, it was accomplished, through the help of my angelic human angels.

Now we begin again, in a new home with new challenges.  Regardless, I have surrendered what was and I embrace what is and I plan for what I would like to be.  To Begin Again requires letting go of the past and staying in a peaceful present and allowing a hopeful future to blossom, petal by petal.

I am grateful for the peace within now.  Although transitions are often fraught with wiggles and compromises, I knowingly stand with peace in my heart, grateful for the lessons and learning which have come with the experiences I’ve endured.  I’ve learned so much about people, about myself and about love.  Life lessons have been tough at times, but well-worth the growth that came out of them.  Sure, it’s easy in hindsight to feel this way, but I guess I wanted to share with you so that you can remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  We just have to keep walking towards the light.

I’m here for you if you are going through any transitions as I’ve been through a bunch of different ones:  cancer, multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, divorce, selling a house, finding the right rental, starting over at 50, death of family, family with Alzheimer’s and Dementia, etc.  If you need a friend, here I am, with my arms wide open for a hug.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

Pinktober

Well, we’ve almost made it to the end of October which is Breast Cancer Awareness month and I’ve yet to write anything about my struggles, my journey or my on-going dance with cancer.  Perhaps today it’s time to update from a survivor who was diagnosed on New Year’s Eve of 2001.

I’ve spoken to many people, sharing my story when I thought it would help and connecting with them when I knew they needed someone to simply understand the devastation that we feel when life turns upside down.  I’ve been a Reach to Recovery Volunteer, helping those who want to find a new normal and who are looking for a way out of the labyrinth of grief which many times surrounds us when we are hit with a cancer diagnosis.  For everything changes in our lives when cancer hits.  Life, relationships and health all change and we suffer until we can find our equilibrium.  We grieve, we mourn and we endure what we previously thought unthinkable.  We can stagnate in that pool of darkness or we can reach out for the light.  As a survivor for so many years, I try to be an inspiration and to shine my heartlight so that others can find theirs and begin to move on in their lives.  I know it’s not easy, for I have been there, done that and still struggle with the aftermath of cancer.  It seems I am never fully out of its grasp as it rears its ugly head in my life from time to time as a pointed jab and a reminder that life is a gift and everyday we must be grateful for this moment in time.

With breast cancer in particular, we suffer the indignities of losing our outward signs of femininity (breasts, hair (chemo)) and many times our ovaries which help keep our feminine hormones going.  Sometimes we can even lose touch with ourselves as we struggle to come to grips with a body which many times in clothing looks good, but in our birthday suits, is riddled with train track-like scars and missing pieces.  It takes a strong woman to get up every morning and to continue to strive to be the best person she can be when her heart is breaking.  I admire those women who can be vulnerable and yet be strong, who can laugh, but still cry, who can feel even when her body is numbed by surgery or can remain peaceful while hearing careless comments from those who say they love them.

We all have a story to tell when it comes to surviving breast cancer.  Each of our personal stories is a bit different, but the fundamental grief and subsequent healing of body, mind and soul are similar.  Today’s post I dedicate to those friends and family who have gone before me, those who are presently enduring breast cancer and to those, like me, who are still here, somewhere in purgatory, never quite released from its icy grip, but still hopeful that it never quite fully returns.

Shine On!

xo

Why Me God?

God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. ~ C.S. Lewis

Many of us who have endured tragedy, illness and trauma have asked the question, “Why me God?” and I am no exception.  I asked because I thought I didn’t deserve the breast cancer that riddled my body.  I raged because I believed the punishment of cancer was unfair.  I pitied myself.  I cried.  I was depressed.  I stomped around my house when no one was looking.  I was bald, in pain from surgeries and swollen by the amount of steroids and chemotherapy that were killing the cancer cells along with healthy cells.  I threw myself into a heap on the bed yowling in pain physically, emotionally and mentally.   I didn’t do this often, but when I did, it was like a child’s temper tantrum towards his parent (God).  My ultimate was when I gathered myself into a small ball and snuggled into the strong, protective arms of my husband like a child, sobbing into his tear-stained chest wishing he could just carry me for awhile and I could just melt inside of his chest.

But because I was a Mom of 2 little ones ages 1 and 3 years, I couldn’t do that often.  For the most part, I smiled, I faked how I felt.  I tried to make their lives as normal as possible while my tired body wept at night or in the shower.  Luckily for me, they were young so they didn’t really understand the magnitude of what I was enduring and what they were witnessing.  Now when they look back at the family photos when I was not wearing my wig, they don’t remember clearly when I was bald.  They are surprised a bit by what they see.  But as young children, bald or wigged, I was still Mom.

Still me.  That’s one of the important lessons I learned from enduring breast cancer.  No matter what has happened in my life, I am still me.  I”m still in there somewhere amidst the layers of pain.  My core of being that gal who sees life through rose-colored glasses, who sees the glass 1/2 full, who loves hugs, flowers and my beautiful life still shines brightly.

Sure, I’ve lost touch with that gal from time to time, but something always brings me back to her because that’s who I am.  Sure, I can say I’ve endured breast cancer.  I’ve endured many things in my life.  But at the heart of who I am, breast cancer just made my life richer.  It added layers of life changing events which made me dig deeply inside to find inner strength that without those low points in my life, I’d never have known I had ~ without being tested, I would have never had the opportunity to find my light, my inspiration, my blessings, my Presents of Presence.

So the next time you ask “Why me God?’ in a fervent voice, know that somewhere down the line in this journey of life, you will realize your answer ~ it’s because you can.

Shine On!

xo

My heartfelt thanks to one of my favorite bloggers from whom I took the quote above and made it my own.  Thank you Chalkboard Quotes ~ you inspired my post today!

http://chalkboardquotes.wordpress.com/2013/09/19/hardship/

Be the One that Did!

All The Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas Layin’ In The Sun,

Talkin’ ‘Bout The Things They Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda Done…

But All Those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas All Ran Away And Hid From One Little Did. Shel Silverstein

Talk is cheap ~ how many times have you heard that phrase?  Probably more times than we’d like to hear it, right?  Well, I’m learning that the hard way.  I’ve been wanting to expand my life for awhile now.  I’ve been floating and not really doing anything substantial with my life.  I know, part of you may think that I’ve been really busy which I have and part of you may think that I’ve not done enough.  Well, you are both right.  But now things are about to change for me.

I am embracing change and facing some fears ~ and it’s not easy.  It’s uncomfortable to step outside of your comfort zone.  In fact, it’s darn scary.  I feel like I have elephant-sized butterflies doing the samba in my stomach.  That’s what happens when I get scared or nervous.  Does that happen to you?  It’s like I feel like I”m going to throw up ~ I get that nauseous ~ but lucky for me, I never actually throw up because it’s the one thing I hate to do.  In fact, I hated it so much that I only threw up once during 6 months of chemotherapy when I was battling breast cancer!  I can be a really determined and stubborn gal when needed. 🙂

Anyway, last week I mentioned the idea of  IHU and many of you wondered what in the world I was talking about!  Click here to read it!

IHU ~ Inner Hotshot University

I created it on the fly, the name just popped into my head!  But I’m thinking that perhaps some of us could brush up and strengthen our inner hotshot and allow that sparkle to shine again in our lives!  Embrace that uniqueness that is you!  Be the light in the darkness ~ use our strengths and develop our weaknesses!  Do what scares us and stretch out of our comfort zones!

Let those butterflies enjoy a mambo number without falling to pieces!

What do you think?  I mean, we could sit here and talk all day long about the woulda-coulda-shoulda’s or we could try to find one thing that scares us and do it every week!  Would you do it?  How about if I double-dog dared you?

So my idea is that once a week, we post a challenge to ourselves to stretch out of our comfort zones.  You can just comment below and tell us or even just commit to doing one thing if you don’t want to reveal what it is.  But the key is that you must be honest and let us know if you did it by the next week!  And if you did, how about sharing how it went?  How you felt after you did it?  What do you think?  Is anyone interested?  Perhaps we could cheer eachother on?  Hold hands while we all jump off of the diving board into the crystal clear pool of life!

You have the power to Be the One That Did!

But wouldn’t it be fun to be the ONES that did?

Let me know if you’re up for the challenge!

We’ll start soon!

Shine On!

xo

Pink Once A Week

Lately I’ve been just going with the flow in my life, but I’ve been dabbling in writing a book or two as well.  It seems to me when we breast cancer patients finish treatment, we are sent out into the world with less than nothing in order to rebuild our lives.  As an 11 year survivor, I’m finding that there are so many women out there who are asking as I did, “What now?” because quite frankly, it’s a bit overwhelming.

First there’s the simple grieving process of being diagnosed, with the subsequent surgeries ranging from a lumpectomy to a full double mastectomy which is enough to depress the happiest of souls followed by the reconstruction surgeries which may or may not take place at the same time.  Most times we endure chemotherapy which as the meds designed to kill cancer cells, slowly changes our body chemistry as well, we endure hair loss including baldness, depression, nausea, aches, pains, weight gain and hot flashes, none which are sexy or fun.  Afterwards, we may have radiation treatment daily which tires us out and gives us a mean sunburn among other things.

And then, we’re set free ~ off to a world filled with pink ribbons and we are handed a survivor sign to commemorate our cancer journey.

But what about the new normal that we’re trying so desperately to find?  It’s a hard road to get used to implants or being breast-less or multiple surgeries.  It’s a process to accept our new bodies with the restrictions surrounding them.  Self-esteem, self-confidence and self-acceptance need to improve so that we can feel good about ourselves and that’s simply NOT just a breast cancer thing either!

So that’s what I’m writing about ~ I want to give a class on it ~ I want to help women who are looking for a friend  to hold her hand as we travel along this road together.  It’s the beautiful thing about women who’ve endured breast cancer.  None of us have wanted to join this group, but since we are all here, we bond.

You can meet a stranger who has breast cancer and instantly, there’s a bond of knowing and understanding which forms quite literally in moments.  We’ve been there and we understand each other.  Have you found that happens to you?  I think it’s human nature to bond with others of similar circumstances.  I know I’ve bonded with others who’ve been grieving over the loss of a parent since my dad passed away last year.  It’s when we open up and connect with each other that healing can take place.

So if you’re interested, let me know because I’d like to write a bit more about it here on my blog.  But I’m testing the waters first because many of my readers aren’t breast cancer survivors ~ but since we’ve all experienced sadness in our lives (at least most of us), I thought it could help others as well since I like the glass half full approach!

What do you think?  Would you appreciate just once a week breast cancer help? 

Please let me know!  Just click on the Poll below!   Thank you!

Shine On!

xo

Daily Prompt ~ Changes!

Change is beautifully inevitable

Daily Prompt: Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

You need to make a major change in your life. Do you make it all at once,

cold turkey style, or incrementally?

For me, changes have never been subtle in my life.  They’ve arrived cold turkey style and left me scrambling to start swimming in order to not drown under the tsunami of change.  Many of the changes took me a long time to come to terms with as some of them were life altering as many changes can be.  Take for instance being diagnosed with an illness such as cancer ~ or being told of the death of a loved one.  Those changes are life altering in and of themselves and they are changes which do not allow for a u-turn in the road of life.  You just have to keep swimming with the tide afterwards.

So I have turned to the cold turkey style of change as my comfort zone in life even though it may take me baby steps in time to allow for the adjustment that the change brings so in that case, I guess my answer is both incrementally and cold turkey!  The change itself, is cold turkey style, but the adjustment which occurs after it, is incremental.  Does that make sense?

For example, when I had my double mastectomy due to breast cancer, even though I was reconstructed in the OR so that I wouldn’t awaken without some type of mound on my chest, the change was most definitely cold turkey style.  There is nothing like falling asleep with my own soft breasts only to awaken with hard, unmoving and cold lumps called tissue expanders under the skin where previously there was warmth.  It took me a long time to be able to change my thoughts, my feelings about myself and find a new normal in accepting my new body, life and scars.  And I won’t say it is easy because it’s not, but I will say it is do-able and this gal who I am now, has a much richer life than before she was diagnosed in 2001.

Even when I was losing my hair due to the ACT chemotherapy that I was taking, I opted to cut off my own hair cold turkey and then incrementally go bald!  Once my hair began coming out in clumps in the shower which is an emotional roller coaster ride even though I knew it was going to happen, I decided to take control over my life and in turn, over the breast cancer that riddled my body.  With a bottle of champagne in one hand and my hair festooned with pink ribbon pony tails, my husband and I celebrated my taking control over my cancer.  Celebratory swigs bonded us as I carefully cut off the pony tails to my scalp, holding the clumps of hair by the pink ribbons.  I remember with the first cut that I couldn’t’ stop giggling because what woman in her right mind takes a pair of scissors to her head and chops off a clump of her hair?  I mean really?  But I did it and it was freeing!  Oh so freeing!

I took off about 10 pony tails (which I still have 2 of my original hair) and looked into the mirror.  All was fun and joyous until I realized that I had big clumps of missing hair on my head.  My gentle and sweet husband to whom I am still so grateful to be married, kissed and held me and then proceeded to cut my hair into a really short pixie style a la Mia Farrow.  (Thank goodness he wasn’t drinking as much champagne as I was that day!)

When he was finished, we looked into the bathroom mirror together and he held me ~ cradling me with his love ~ and he told me that ‘this too shall pass’ for which I believed him.

The next morning, my pillow looked as if a cat had slept on it as it was covered with my pixie short hairs which broke my heart.  So that night, my husband buzzed my head so that I wouldn’t have to awaken with the sadness of looking at my pillow and it was better for me.  Done ~ cold turkey ~ and I felt as though I could move on with my wig, my scarves and my hats.

I have walked through hell and have kept walking for which I am so grateful and I believe that’s why I write my blog ~ because I want to inspire and be inspired by all of you.  For you see, change is inevitable in our lives, so we have to keep evolving, keep flowing with our lives and keep taking baby steps forward.  We can change our course of direction at any time, but we can’t go backwards.  We can only stand still when we need to rest and then begin again.

What makes the changes easier is when we allow ourselves to connect with others on this lifetime journey.  Taking hold of a hand which is offered to you eases the transition of change.  It’s in those moments when we realize that we are all connected here and that change can be beautiful.  Keep smiling!

Shine On!

xo

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/02/04/daily-prompt-changes/

Come Join the Celebration!

Congratulations!

February 1st, 2002 was the date that I had my bilateral mastectomy due to my breast cancer diagnosis and the pathology report which read that after my lumpectomy, I still had breast cancer in my body.  It’s also the date that marks the fact that I finally took hold of my own health and my life and decided to prophylactically take the non-cancerous breast as well, much to my surgeon’s chagrin.  I can happily report to you, that I still stand by my decision as it was the right one for me.

There is so much I have learned in the last 11 years since that day that I walked into the OR by myself, sobbing after being taken away from hugging my supportive husband who still stands by my side.  In the wake of having had those breasts reconstructed with silicone implants twice since then and then after having one of those implants rupture last year, beginning multiple surgeries to create what I now have for breasts which is body tissue taken from other parts of my body to make new, real, soft fleshy breasts which are mine and not artificial, hard, painful implants which I had endured because I had no choice, I am celebrating!

Since my breast cancer diagnosis on New Year’s Eve of 2001, my life has changed so dramatically that words fail me in trying to explain how richer my life has become.  I have endured much suffering, but I have also reaped many blessings.  I am grateful for each and every day when I arise from my bed to greet the world.  I am thankful for life’s blessings, the big and small ones and I know firsthand the meaning of the preciousness of time.  I practice being present in my life ~ enjoying The Presents of Presence ~ meaning actually being in the moment and enjoying what that moment offers.  My intent to cast worry from my shoulders is an ongoing trial in my life, but I accept that it is a work in progress.

I know I am blessed with a loving family and much support in my life and I rejoice in the fact that I can continue to send out love on a daily basis through my blog, my FB page The Presents of Presence, my SendOutCards business and my actions.   I have struggled through the grief of losing my breasts, fighting the disease through multiple surgeries (more than 10 and counting), ACT (chemotherapy), radiation, the loss of my ovaries at age 35 (salpingo oophorectomy), multiple needles, shots, medications, tamoxifen, arimidex,  the loss of my hair, my self-esteem, my confidence as a woman, the sad passing of friends from the same disease and the mortal fear of reoccurrence.  This is not a pity party by any means, so please don’t mis-understand me.  It’s actually a celebration of triumph!

My mother-in-law texted me this morning, “Have an especially happy day!” and I knew exactly what she meant for I knew that she remembered ~ and I knew that she would be there with me celebrating this momentous event.  I’m still here!  I have no painful implants anymore!  I have come full circle today ~ from having my God-given breasts, to having them removed due to dis-ease, to having them reconstructed not once, but twice with implants, to having been miraculously restored and reconstructed with breasts again which are of my own flesh and blood.

I am not sure that if you haven’t experienced this phenomenon that you can imagine how incredible it is to be here 11 years later celebrating so many wonderful gifts that my life has brought to me.  It is with heartfelt tears of joy, of gratitude and of above all, love that I write to you today.  However, knowing that we all carry burdens while we endure our journey on this earth, I feel like this is OUR CELEBRATION TODAY!  So please indulge me as I invite you to celebrate love and life on the first of February (don’t forget to say Rabbit Rabbit)  as well as family, friends, miracles, faith, joy, laughter, tears, gratitude, blessings, health, compassion, friendship…I could go on and on!

Celebrate Today my friends…Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future…

Today is a gift, that’s why we call it the Present!

May The Presents of Presence

Be with You Every Day!

Shine On!

xo

Bonding with Strangers

I awoke this morning at 3am which isn’t that unusual for me for it happens often.  In fact, when I have these in the middle of the night awakenings, they are often accompanied by insightful messages and ideas which I use to write about in my blogs.  Last night’s 3:33am thought has flourished into an idea which I hope to expand upon another day.  But for now, I wanted to talk about connections.

Have you ever met someone and immediately felt a connection ~ felt like you’ve known them, immediately begun to tell them things that not many others know about you and felt safe doing it?  Just knowing it was right to share?   I have enjoyed that gift in my life many times ~ and a few have been life altering in a good way and for JAngel (you know who you are) I am very grateful.

Yesterday my phone rang ~ the head coordinator of the American Cancer Society Reach to Recovery Program called to ask for my help with a newly diagnosed 32 year old woman who had just had a double mastectomy.  I had stopped being a R2R volunteer this year as I had so much on my plate already that I didn’t think I could help anyone else.   However, as we talked yesterday, I realized that it’s time for me to return to volunteering and to helping others travel this journey.

And as BAngel (the coordinator) and I spoke on the phone, it was like we were old friends even though we’d never met.  Both of us are 10 year survivors and as survivors often do, we bonded within moments and began to tell our respective stories to each other, easily asking and answering questions of how the diagnosis was made, what doctors we had (and we shared one!) and joked about some of the funny things that had happened to us along the way.  We shared how we found our breast cancers, what surgeries we endured, what types of chemotherapy we had, how much radiation and how we are feeling today since we’ve hit the 10 year marks!  We also shared the sad side of being a part of support groups where our friends passed away and how gut-wrenchingly scary it is to hear of the death of a breast cancer survivor sister.  Nobody else can understand that sadness except another woman who has lost a friend to the same disease you share.  It is something that just stays with you.  I shared about my friend Jenn https://misifusa.wordpress.com/2012/10/23/spirits-and-music/  and it was a great relief to me to be understood ~ for BAngel to know and understand how I felt in losing Jenn…because she’d lost a friend as well.  I went on to explain that out of our original support group, Jenn was one of 3 women with whom I was close who passed away.  After losing Jenn though, I wasn’t able to return to the support group.  It was just too sad for me which was how I eventually became a R2R volunteer.

We talked for 2 hours on the phone, oblivious to all else except to getting to know each other, and by the end, it felt like we’d been friends for a long time.  In a word, we simply understood each other because we’d walked similar paths.  That part of the journey never gets old for me because I always feel like I learn something new with every survivor I speak with and I hope that they do as well.

I think there’s a lot we can teach each other if we would only be open to listening and learning.  I recently read a quote from someone which said we have 2 ears, but one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak…wouldn’t it be nice if we used them that way?

I love our blogging community because of the connections we continue to make ~ to me, it’s such a gift to connect with all of you.  I want to thank you for all of the lessons you’ve taught me, the inspiration you’ve given me and for the prayers and smiles you’ve blessed me with this year.

Thanks for being you!

Shine On!

xo

Fur Therapy Gratitude

purrrfect…fur therapy

Gratitude to Chessie and Tiffany!

Thanksgiving is a day about giving thanks for everything and everyone…but I believe we can continue that gratitude all year long.  So for today, I have to take a moment to give thanks for my sons (this is an old picture of them) and my ‘daughters’ who give us amazing comfort that we call fur therapy in our home.

My ‘girls’ are 2 cats who freely give such amazing blessings simply by being present for me, day in and day out.  My elder daughter is Francesca Maria but we call her Chessie.  Originally she was named Mary and was a stray found in a field 16 years ago when we adopted her.  Chessie was COVERED in fleas at 3 months old and very skittish.  My husband had finally agreed that we could get a pet, but he conceded  with the caveat that he really wanted the cat to be white.  I went to the cat adoption agency and looked at the white cat that they had advertised…but as I walked past the cages of cats, this one little one meeped (my word for a small meow) and it caught my ear.  I turned to see our darling Chessie in a cage with many cats.  She pushed her head against the cage so that I could put my fingers in to pet her head.  Just then, the woman in charge asked if I wanted to hold her…my sister had come with me and we laughed knowing that this kitten only had a small spot of white on her chin ~ the rest of her was pure tabby colored!

Well, so the story goes, when I held her for the first time, our hearts beat together, she purred into my shoulder and chest and I knew I was her Mommy.  My sister then held her and the same happened…when my hubby arrived, I was holding her and he asked where the white cat was ~ to which in my infinite charming way I answered that she was indeed white…on her chin!  I passed her onto to him and as he held her, she purred into his shoulder as well and home she came with us!

Chessie and ‘Daddy’ are best pals and have been since she came home with us 16 years ago.  She’s been Daddy’s girl since the first day when they played ‘tag’ on the stairs in our first home.  We found out that she was part Maine Coon and part Tabby which explains why she topped the scales at 15 lbs at one point.  She adores ice cubes, hopping in the shower after my hubby and sleeping on us at night.  She became Mama’s Girl when I endured breast cancer and napped my way through chemo.  She stayed by my side as I slept away the hours, her trusty purr rumbling in my heart as she slept on top of me, keeping me warm and comforted.  I was never alone ~ she made sure.  Now at age 16, she is slower these days, but still enjoys the water, sleeping on all of us (boys included) and has lost most of her weight as she’s aged.  She’s now everyone’s girl, enjoying being pet by whomever wants a snuggle.

Almost 5 years ago, the white cat finally made it to our home and with her entrance, our cat family was complete.  Tiffany is an American Bobtail whose enthusiasm for anything ribbon or shoelace has made our home cat proofed.  No longer do ribbons adorn presents in our home as Tiffany has a sweet tooth for them ~ certain types of shoelaces also are a kitty treat which has disgruntled hubby a few times when his dress shoe laces disappeared as we realized they were chewed down to the actual shoes.  But barring her puppy chewing tendencies (I think she may be a bit confused), she has brought joy to our family in her own right.  She is very vocal, calling “Mama” from the other side of the house when I’ve dared to go into another room while she was sleeping.  She can do tricks as taught by my younger son.  She can sit, stand, beg and stay.  She’s very food motivated and she’s topped the scales at 15 lbs as well.  I guess you could say we like our cats stocky! 🙂

Tiffy, breeder born, is more wild-cat than Chessie who was actually born in a field.  Tiffy scratches by her food everyday, burying it instinctively so that nobody else will find and eat her portion.  In fact, I believe she thinks I’m foolish when I leave my cup of coffee unattended on the coffee table in the living room as everyday, she will jump on the table and ‘bury’ my coffee cup so that nobody else can sip it!  Because it makes me giggle, sometimes I do it to see if she will ‘take care of my coffee’ and she never lets me down!

I would love to say that my girls get along fabulously, but alas, that’s not truly the case.  While Chessie tolerates the little upstart in our home, Tiffy tries to get Chessie to play and keep her young.  At least, that’s my take on the situation.  Occasionally we’ll have a little ‘cat fight’ where the girls bat at eachother and then chase eachother with a little hiss here and there, but for the most part, they are friendly.  As the weather cools, most likely you’ll find them up on our bed, each on a side, curled up warm and happy.  Because you know, we are only their servants here!

Fur therapy is that special happiness we get when we hug our pets…their unconditional love and happiness upon greeting us when we enter our home everyday makes their cat brand of love special.  I know people talk about how wonderful dogs are, but cats have it going as well.  Yes, they are independent, but they are also comforting.  As I walk into the house, I always call for my girls and they come to greet me ~ unless of course, they are cat napping on my bed and are dreaming of catnip and laces!

Do you have a pet?  Have you gotten any fur therapy lately?  I highly recommend it!

xo

Spirits and Music

My friend JAngel and I went through chemotherapy together.  We just happened to be on the same schedule and so we spent hours together, cuddled amidst blankets in lazy boy chairs, alternatively sleeping and chatting easily while the red poison of ACT (our special brand of chemotherapy)  dripped into our veins for hours, killing all of the breast cancer cells which had invaded our healthy bodies.  Because we also had daily shots in our bellies, many times we met as we ran into the oncology office to get our daily shots, only to wave and say see you tomorrow.

I was 34 years old…JAngel was 25 and we were the youngest there so we bonded.  That was 10 years ago…and JAngel lost her battle in November ~ almost 2 years ago.  She was spunky, fun and a glass 1/2 full type of gal.  She didn’t let her breast cancer diagnosis (which was her second ~ having survived Hodgkin’s Lymphoma as a child) get her down.

We went to a support group together, met other women and tried to bring levity to our situations.  We laughed, we cried and we helped each other.  JAngel’s BC metastasized to her brain and it got harder for her to come to our group.  But when she came, she brightened our room.  We lost 2 of our friends and it got even harder for me to go to our group…and when JAngel passed, I stopped going altogether.

At the last minute a year ago, I went to see a medium and JAngel came through.  I knew it was her when the medium told me that she was a real Jersey girl…she said she wouldn’t back down and that specifically she was to tell me that I walked for 2 now.  She told me more so much that I just knew it was JAngel even though she wasn’t the reason I had gone to see the medium.

Sunday night while driving in the car,  JAngel’s song came on…and the beauty of her spirit filled the car as I heard her song…funny how certain songs can bring loved ones spirits right to your heart.  So I sang along with Tom Petty in her honor…

I thought you might like to belt one out for Jenn as well…so here goes…

This one’s for my Jersey Girl up in Heaven…xo

Well I know what’s right, I got just one life
in a world that keeps on pushin’ me around
but I’ll stand my ground
…and I won’t back down.

xo