Come Join the Celebration!

Congratulations!

February 1st, 2002 was the date that I had my bilateral mastectomy due to my breast cancer diagnosis and the pathology report which read that after my lumpectomy, I still had breast cancer in my body.  It’s also the date that marks the fact that I finally took hold of my own health and my life and decided to prophylactically take the non-cancerous breast as well, much to my surgeon’s chagrin.  I can happily report to you, that I still stand by my decision as it was the right one for me.

There is so much I have learned in the last 11 years since that day that I walked into the OR by myself, sobbing after being taken away from hugging my supportive husband who still stands by my side.  In the wake of having had those breasts reconstructed with silicone implants twice since then and then after having one of those implants rupture last year, beginning multiple surgeries to create what I now have for breasts which is body tissue taken from other parts of my body to make new, real, soft fleshy breasts which are mine and not artificial, hard, painful implants which I had endured because I had no choice, I am celebrating!

Since my breast cancer diagnosis on New Year’s Eve of 2001, my life has changed so dramatically that words fail me in trying to explain how richer my life has become.  I have endured much suffering, but I have also reaped many blessings.  I am grateful for each and every day when I arise from my bed to greet the world.  I am thankful for life’s blessings, the big and small ones and I know firsthand the meaning of the preciousness of time.  I practice being present in my life ~ enjoying The Presents of Presence ~ meaning actually being in the moment and enjoying what that moment offers.  My intent to cast worry from my shoulders is an ongoing trial in my life, but I accept that it is a work in progress.

I know I am blessed with a loving family and much support in my life and I rejoice in the fact that I can continue to send out love on a daily basis through my blog, my FB page The Presents of Presence, my SendOutCards business and my actions.   I have struggled through the grief of losing my breasts, fighting the disease through multiple surgeries (more than 10 and counting), ACT (chemotherapy), radiation, the loss of my ovaries at age 35 (salpingo oophorectomy), multiple needles, shots, medications, tamoxifen, arimidex,  the loss of my hair, my self-esteem, my confidence as a woman, the sad passing of friends from the same disease and the mortal fear of reoccurrence.  This is not a pity party by any means, so please don’t mis-understand me.  It’s actually a celebration of triumph!

My mother-in-law texted me this morning, “Have an especially happy day!” and I knew exactly what she meant for I knew that she remembered ~ and I knew that she would be there with me celebrating this momentous event.  I’m still here!  I have no painful implants anymore!  I have come full circle today ~ from having my God-given breasts, to having them removed due to dis-ease, to having them reconstructed not once, but twice with implants, to having been miraculously restored and reconstructed with breasts again which are of my own flesh and blood.

I am not sure that if you haven’t experienced this phenomenon that you can imagine how incredible it is to be here 11 years later celebrating so many wonderful gifts that my life has brought to me.  It is with heartfelt tears of joy, of gratitude and of above all, love that I write to you today.  However, knowing that we all carry burdens while we endure our journey on this earth, I feel like this is OUR CELEBRATION TODAY!  So please indulge me as I invite you to celebrate love and life on the first of February (don’t forget to say Rabbit Rabbit)  as well as family, friends, miracles, faith, joy, laughter, tears, gratitude, blessings, health, compassion, friendship…I could go on and on!

Celebrate Today my friends…Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future…

Today is a gift, that’s why we call it the Present!

May The Presents of Presence

Be with You Every Day!

Shine On!

xo

Miss America’s Mastectomy?

http://todayhealth.today.com/_news/2013/01/11/16463704-miss-america-contestant-gets-hate-mail-over-mastectomy-plans?lite

Dear Miss District of Columbia,

You don’t know me, but when I saw the article on you yesterday, I just knew I had to write to you.  Please accept my deepest sympathies as I am so sad that you lost your mom, your grandmother and your great-aunt to breast cancer.  My heart goes out to you for the difficult decisions you have to contemplate at the tender age of 24 in order to reduce your risk of enduring breast cancer.  As an 11 year breast cancer survivor who was diagnosed at age 34, I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this decision is for you.  My heart goes out to you.

Although my story is different from yours, I wanted to share in hopes of letting you know that there are those of us who understand.  My journey began with a lumpectomy.  Originally I had wanted a bilateral mastectomy instead of the lumpectomy, but my surgeon denied my request, citing his philosophy to save the breasts and keep them intact.   However, when the pathology results revealed there was further breast cancer invasion to the lymph nodes and outer margins, I was scheduled for a second surgery which was to remove only the cancerous breast.  And that’s when I started listening to myself ~ just like you are doing now!

I called my surgeon back and scheduled a double mastectomy even though nobody agreed with me, least of all my surgeon.  But I know me, and as I began listening to me, I  knew in my heart that it was ME who was going to inhabit my body, day in and night out and it was my comfort level which had to have first priority.  There were shady calcifications in the other breast which to me, would eventually lead to breast cancer again, so I wanted that out of the equation in my life!

It’s been a rocky road for me with the reconstructions, but I have never once regretted my decision to take both of my breasts and I can happily tell you that I feel that I am here because I really listened to myself.  I think our bodies know what we need to do and it is just a matter of our listening to our own bodies which helps to heal and not hinder our lives.

I am very proud of you for listening to yourself and to your body and for having the courage to stand up and speak about it.  Please don’t let anyone else’s opinion sway you because it is YOU who has to live in your body everyday and it will be your healing or your fight in the end and nobody else’s.   It is not easy to live without your breasts and it is a painful decision to make ~ however, I stand firmly beside you ~ for it is YOUR rightful decision to make and no one else’s.  Surely your mom, your grandmother and your great aunt proudly applaud your courage as do the rest of us.

I love your quote, ““I’ve been thinking how powerful that might be to have a Miss America say, ‘I might be Miss America but I’m still going to have surgery. I’m going to take control of my own life, my own health care,’ ” she said. “So I guess it’s up to what happens on Saturday night.”

May you continue to be a shining example of  light, of hope  and of taking control of your own life,

your own healthcare to the millions of women and men in the world!

Shine On Miss District of Columbia!

Long May You Reign!

xo

Speech of Angels…

Music is well said to be the speech of Angels

Simply put, I love music…and when I put on the radio in the car while driving, many times I’ll find that I’m guided by my angels and their seemingly coincidental songs that play on the station that I’m listening to ~ does that happen to you?  Do you know what I mean?

For example, yesterday, I had to return to my surgeon to have some stitches removed.  It was the first time I was driving since my surgery exactly one week ago.  Because I couldn’t find anyone to accompany me to NYC, I made the 2 + hour trip alone which was a bit monumental for me since I hadn’t slept the night before, but I had faith that it would all work out.

So, I got the kids off to school, got ready and hopped into the car for the 50 minute drive to the ferry.  I turned on the radio and that’s when I knew I had some angelic company with me.  I wasn’t alone  and they were showing me via the songs that played ~ because they played  a plethora of my favorites in a row, one after another so that I wouldn’t mistake their speech to me.  Like Horton in Dr. Seuss ~ I heard the angels in who-ville!

So my drive to the ferry was enhanced by their selections and as I allowed the music to wash over me, I sang loud and clear and off-key to my hearts content as I drove.  Lost and abandoned in the feel good of my favorite songs, I felt strength envelope me and I allowed it to fill the car with its energy.  In fact, I believe I was vibrating at such a high level that I manifested the 3rd parking spot in a huge lot which generally is completely full and I end up parking my car 3 blocks away, but not yesterday!  I was in the groove and I had a prime spot!  I was so happy!

Once safely on the ferry, I continued reading my Christmas book which I’ve so enjoyed.  I figured I needed to just relax into the downtime/alone-time and not fill it with work.  So with happy guilt-free pleasure, I read my book and sipped my coffee.

On my way home however, it was a different story ~ things had changed a bit because I lost my angelic vibes along the way.  My appointment was more complicated than I anticipated so I missed the boat I had wanted to take by 3 minutes.  I began to feel sad, but then I decided to go to a nearby cafe and enjoy some dessert.  As luck would have it, I found Lucky’s (open 24/7), was escorted to a small corner booth and heard one of my favorite Christmas carols on the radio.  Ahh…my angels had returned!

On the ferry ride home, we had some trouble with the engines…in fact we were delayed as we slowed down, sputtered a bit and actually stopped mid-trip.  I began planning how I would hold my purse if we had to abandon ship when the song Breathe came on ~ I hadn’t even noticed that the radio had been playing, but all of a sudden, I was aware of it, distinctly heard it…and it calmed me.  Synchronicity?  Angelic speech?  Coincidence?

Has this ever happened to you?

What would your angelic songs be?

I hope you hear angelic music today!

Sing On and God Bless!

xo