Pink Post ~ Life After Breast Cancer

pinkpost

This hydrangea was in my backyard and I think it suits my post today.  Much like a life splintered by the diagnosis of Breast Cancer, the fallout comes after all of the treatment is done.  This pom flower, flourished through her treatment, but now as Autumn creeps in, you can see where perhaps her splendor lay, but now is riddled with pink splatters ~ like how the rest of my life is now speckled with cancer.

But it’s not all flowery after you’re through with the treatments.  As many who have endured disease and illness (not necessarily just breast cancer), the aftermath is often the hardest.  I remember the distinct “WHAT NOW?” feeling after treatment was over.  I was sent out into the world with a few follow up appointments scheduled for future dates in my back pocket, some daily meds to take and a bewildered look on my face.

Because what the hell do I do now?  There’s no one to tell you how to live after you’ve endured the ugliness of cancer, the treatments, the surgeries, the chemo,  the radiation, the humiliation, the poking and prodding by others.  Family and friends are weary from care-taking and the disruption to their lives.  All are ready for life to get back to normal ~ as are you.

But life will never the normal like it was BC (before cancer).

Twinges of pain or abnormalities in my body are now greeted with the fleeting thought that it could be a return of the monster that grew inside of me although I immediately change my thinking so that I can dismiss that idea.  But having endured now 15 surgeries, years of testing and re-testings, I’ve never quite been able to greet a twinge with that serenity that I long for in my life.  There have been too many extras that have popped up after the initial breast cancer diagnosis that keeps me on my toes.

But those twinges, when they come, remind me to stay conscious of my body and to listen to her.  I now don’t scoff at my intuition and I go with what my gut tells me because my body knows herself and I’ve learned that she’s right.  I may delay checking out my symptoms, but I do listen and trust in the message that something’s not right.  I’ve been blessed with an oncologist who listens as well and has fought for testing that proved that there was something wrong and she’s gotten me on the path to health again.

It’s kind of like a seesaw after breast cancer.  Things are great and then there’s testing…then there’s a bit of anxiety until the results are read.  Then off we go again, gaily on our way until the next bout of testing.  Hopefully we can keep that spring in our steps for years to come.

But it never quite leaves you, that pink speckled mark of cancer on your psych and life.  Not to mention the deformation of your body as a result of the testings, the chemo, the radiation and the surgeries.  We are just never the same.  We are changed ~ mind, body and soul.

Shine On!

xo

Advertisements

36 thoughts on “Pink Post ~ Life After Breast Cancer

  1. Yvonne, such a stirring and beautifully written post. You have been through so much yet you bring such light with you where ever you go. The honest way you face life’s challenges is a gift. One that I see in others who have had their lives turn upside down and sideways by cancer. The ones who have beaten it as well as the ones still fighting. I’m so glad you found this strength within (and perhaps with help from with out) and that you share it here, with us. I hope you know how very inspiring you are…xoxo

  2. So beautifully, and bravely, shared with us. You are inspiring and so strong. And real. And I agree with Diana, certain that your words are a welcome source of comfort among so many. Big hugs…B

  3. What an inspiring and beautiful postYvonne. I love the analogy nd why you say about Listening to our intuition and our bodies.

    And yes, we are changed – with every life event and in those changes are the gifts you share so beautifully.

    • Absolutely, it’s not just BC that changes us, but everything and it’s when we can find strength within to inspire others by sharing our stories and connecting ~ that we can heal.
      You are a great example of this! Thanks! ♥

  4. I love the seesaw analogy. I think we’ve all been dropped on our bums with a resounding thud at some point in our lives. Thank you so much for sharing… and reminding us that we are not alone in these struggles.

  5. Though it is different, I can relate after surviving anorexia..I had to use every bit of strength I had to reach out..knowing few make it totally out..and many gave up on me..and I found myself and trust my body..my higher self..
    ♡♡♡

  6. Thank you for sharing such a personal aspect of your thoughts. You give us a glimpse of what you went through, and I can only imagine how terrible it was on many different levels. I’m sorry you had to do this.

    • Oh Yaz, I am sorry for your loss as well. I think we all endure experiences that change our lives, but when we connect with others, we help to heal ourselves as well. If sharing my experiences help someone else, then it was worth it.♥

  7. Amen, sister! You have said beautifully what I think about on a daily basis. Life is never quite the same, and that doesn’t mean it’s bad, but it sure is different. Thank you for putting into words what so many of us feel.

  8. You know, wondering what to do when I was “done with cancer” was a big one for me too. You’re so used to spending all your time and energy on cancer. I finally caught on…and I highly recommend random acts of dancing. Honest. Because you can, that’s why!

  9. You are an encourager and I know what you wrote will help many women who think they are alone. Even after 13 yrs the twinges and pain still make me fear the return of the beast. Many newly diagnosed women I have spoken with think they are alone when they feel like that and think they are overeacting. Reading your journey will bring hope to those who need it the most. God bless you `

  10. Pingback: 4:02 am. And Inspired. – Lead.Learn.Live.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s