The Waiting is the Hardest Part

waiting

As with any illness, it’s the waiting I think that is the hardest part.  Don’t you agree?  I recently had my twice yearly oncology check up and I am now waiting for the results of my tests.  Honestly, I am a bit ill at ease until I hear the numbers of my tumor markers.  I try very hard to keep myself in check as the days go by, but sometimes that anxiety sneaks up on me in the most slippery of ways.  Does this happen to you?  Been there, gotten a bad diagnosis, so the rest of your life, you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop even though you are well aware that you should not be thinking this way?

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

I think it’s when all the woulda/coulda/shoulda’s come out in the open and rear their ugly heads.  At least that’s how it is for me.  I get aches and pains and heart palpitations which I know are self-induced by my inner panic which I am trying very hard to avoid.  I don’t talk about it much because there’s nothing anyone can do about it except for me.  To speak of it, gives others the heavy feeling that they must buoy my spirits by speaking words of encouragement and reiterating that everything is fine when quite frankly, they have no clue and neither do I.

It bugs me.  I know it makes them feel like they are helping and I agree that they are trying to help.  But honestly, I’ve been down this road so very many times in over 12 years when I was diagnosed with breast cancer that I just keep it to myself now.  I hide away for a few days until the results are in and the anxiety blows over.  I know the anxiety doesn’t help.  I remind myself not to waste good precious hours with being preoccupied with what ifs and trying to plan for them.  Because nobody knows ~ that’s the bottom line.

And wasting these precious happy hours worrying about that darn ‘what if’ is unproductive and truly ludicrous because it won’t change the result.  It only mars the present.  Does that make sense to you?  It makes great common sense to me, but that doesn’t mean that there are moments when I don’t topple into the rabbit hole of doubt and despair.  Because I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t.  But what I do, is I find that repeating the mantra, “there are presents in presence” helps to change the channel in my brain and switch the activity focus on the now instead of the what if’s.

What do you do when you’re waiting for an answer?  For a diagnosis?  For the results of a test?

Do you succumb to the worry game?  Or do you have special way of not wasting precious time and keeping yourself in the moment of bliss?  I’d love to hear from you.  We can all help and connect by sharing our secrets!  We’re in this together.  We’ve all had to wait for something.  How did you handle it?  How do you handle waiting?

Please share!

Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

Shine On!

xo

P.S. Coincidence?  As I was writing this post, I got a phone call from my oncologist notifying me that my tumor marker numbers are high and over normal.  They are hoping it is a lab mistake but to be sure, I need to be rested.  Now the wait is increased by another week with the anxiety increase that there could be something brewing.  I guess I really have to walk my talk now.  Please send love and strength.

P.P.S.  I found this excerpt when I googled what Tom Petty meant when he wrote “The Waiting”  ~ Petty: “That was a song that took a long time to write. Roger McGuinn swears he told me the line – about the waiting being the hardest part – but I think I got the idea from something Janis Joplin said on television. I had the chorus very quickly, but I had a very difficult time piecing together the rest of the song. It’s about waiting for your dreams and not knowing if they will come true. I’ve always felt it was an optimistic song.”*

*Thanks to SongFacts

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53 thoughts on “The Waiting is the Hardest Part

  1. I send you love and prayers and light and breaths of deep, fresh, healing air.

    I hope the waiting (and worry) dissipate quickly. That all comes back as ‘just a mistake’.

    I love your mantra and will repeat it with you.

    Much love, light and blessings to you my friend.

  2. Thank you so much for sharing something so deep. You truly are an inspiration of walking the walk, and I learn from you every day. My love and positive energy are streaming to you!

  3. I will pray for you and send you a whole herd of guardian angels to protect and comfort you! 🙂 I find that when I want to have a holiday from my thoughts, specially fear-related thoughts, it helps to help someone else, to comfort and encourage other people (specially children) in need 🙂

    • I love angels ~ thanks for the herd! Giggle giggle I hear them calling! ♥ I have gained so much comfort from you and all the special others who are writing to me. My strength is filled up again with love. And that’s all that counts. ♥

  4. May the news be good, my friend. Thank you for sharing your journey, even the tough parts. Your story helps others, including me. You are in my thoughts and I wish the best for you.

    Russ

    • Dear Russ, thank you for your kindness. As always, I try to share in order to help others and myself. It is in sharing that I believe we become stronger and grow even more love in this world. Like you, I am grateful for all. Thanks Russ xo

  5. I wish I had some very soulful and wise advice but alas, I too have always struggled with that nagging anxiety of “waiting”. I’ve tried deep breathing, long soakes in the bath, music etc but the internal noise always seems to win out. May you take shelter in the out-pouring of love and support this community has offered and know that whatever the outcome may be, you are strong, you are a survivor and you are loved!!! Xoxo

    • Heartfelt love back to you dear Heather as I know you understand. ♥ I have used all the tricks you’ve mentioned above but I guess time is my best bet. I just have to allow time to work its magic. You are loved ~ and you are so right as I am basking in the love from this lovely community as well. Thank you xo

  6. I am so sorry to hear that you have to wait … again. I’m hoping that your doctor is right, and it is merely a lab error, but of course this does not help your angst as you wait for the results. Sending you only the best-est and most positive thoughts I can muster. In the meantime, the best advice I can share is to keep busy. Keep your mind so occupied that it doesn’t have time to wander into the worry-place.

  7. Sending you prayers, much love and many hugs! If you need a friend, I am here to chat with. May the Lord’s peace fill you as you wait for word. God bless you!

  8. I am sending every possible good thought…all vibrations of good energy to you. Do not be fearful…concentrate on what you DO want…do not even consider anything else. I wrap you in love…Blessitude

  9. I couldn’t say anything yesterday when reading this because my tummy knotted. Today, I can’t not say anything. Waiting is by far the worst of it all. It’s one thing when we know what we’re dealing with because mentally we can start to process; but being in the dark, we don’t know where to begin. When my tests came back clear after my biopsy I hadn’t realized just how long I’d been holding my breath. Every ounce of loving and positive energy I have is focused on you. I’m here. xoxo

  10. Oh my… am I in the depts of waiting now or am I? Again, so peculiar that I stumble upon your blog right now… Two more days and then the relief…Oh I am waiting for that relief so badly and I completely UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING you wrote. About being anxious and at the same time being anxious about that and not wanting to spent time worrying. Worry is a waste of time and yet it catches us esspecially in situations like this. What can I say to you? Breathe. Don’t be afraid to open up to your family, if only for the reason that they give you more peace needed. Try to fill your mind with so many positive stuations, both memories and both imaginery, laugh in your mind at the situations you created. And it will pass. As it goes, “This too shall pass.”

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