As you know, for the last few days, I’ve been battling another feverish worry about my tumor marker results which came in over normal. Honestly they had been creeping up and were just over normal back in August. So when I got the call back saying that I needed a retest, my heart dropped, my brain went into overload and I cried. Fear took over as I’ve been there, done that and I don’t ever want to relive the harrowing hell of cancer a second time. Who am I kidding? Nobody ever wants to live it the first time, let alone any encores!
It works the same with any illness I think ~ or any sort of test for health. We go into the test hoping for the best, worrying about the results and trying our best to stay calm. At least, I can say that this is how it works for me. You’d think that after 12 years of this, I’d get used to it, but I’ve never quite gotten used to the fear factor in testing about my breast cancer. As the years have progressed and I’ve been blessed to live without recurrence, it still matters not when the time comes for testing or for that dreaded wait period for results. I’m sure you’ll agree that, The Waiting is the Hardest Part (click for blog post).
My 2nd waiting period was cut short this time due to my favorite sympathetic vampire (my oncologist’s amazing phlebotomist whom I adore ~ thanks Robin) who put my retest in STAT as she understood my anxiety was over the top high this time. My blood pressure was 190 over something high and it was sheer will that kept me upright in the chair and not passing out, again when she took my blood. Yes, another of my special charms, I pass out when I see a needle ~ and you’d think I”d get over that as well since I’ve endured countless needles over my lifetime with the C-word, but nope, that one continues.
So when the phone rang late yesterday afternoon, I knew I had to answer. I was at a stop light. I saw it was the doctor’s office. So I quickly answered and asked the caller to wait a moment while I pulled over. Breathing deeply, car in park, I gave her my full attention.
“Yes, I’m here. Thanks for waiting. I am driving so I pulled over so I can talk with you.”
“Great. Glad to hear it, but I wouldn’t have called your cell if I didn’t have this news.”
“And….” Butterflies are doing the mambo in my tummy. I can hear the blood whooshing in my ears and my heart is beating like a loud drum. Yes, I am afraid.
“Good news. It was a lab error. Your numbers are safely within the normal range.”
“Really? Are you sure? Everything is good? I’m fine?” I stuttered, beginning to cry.
“Yes, you are fine.”
“Oh my gosh, thank you, thank you. I feel like I’m going to throw up! Thank you!”
“On don’t throw up. Are you crying?”
“Oh yes, I was so upset. Yes, I”m crying. Happy tears. Thank you so much. Oh, I”m so happy!”
Giggles in the background, mine and hers, like a symphony.
“Enjoy. Be happy. These are my favorite calls to make.”
“I’m sure. I’ve been on the other end so I understand,” I answered somberly.
“I know you do. Big hugs to you. Enjoy your night.”
“Oh you know I will. Thank you!”
I hung up the phone. Tears spilling everywhere down my cheeks. I can’t catch my breath. I am so relieved. I feel like the floodgates have opened and I am swooshed away with the pent up worry that is now fully releasing itself from my body. Giggles, tears, relief flooding everywhere. Thank goodness I pulled over to park!
“Thank you God. Thank you body. Thank you so much.” I repeat aloud in my car by myself. And of course, I began to thank all of you, my friends, my family, our loving community.
This morning I awoke wanting to write so much to you. But I wanted you to have the story here first so please bear with me if I write another post because the story’s not finished here. It’s just that I don’t want you to have more than a 5 minute post to read today. And please know that…
I am so happy to hear this news!!! So happy!!!
Oh me too and so very grateful. Thank you for your kind support! xo
Oh thank God is right. I am sending the warmest embrace!!! xo
I feel your warm embrace, please feel my gratitude. xo
I do! xo
Tears streamed down my face as I read your amazing news, but there is one thing that sprouted in my mind. Spirit must have some awesome, wonderful, inspiring, joyful, loving job for you to still complete, so you had better get going and do it. Joy and love radiates around you and I like that.
Oh my, that was exactly what I was thinking as well Laurie! What is it that I was supposed to learn by all this? My heartfelt hugs to you my friend. xoxo
Thanks Susan…hope all is well with you xo
and now, to BREATHE again. I am so so glad.
Love light and hugs to you my friend
Rejoicing for sure here…but also a good reminder to think of others who may not have had the type of news I got yesterday. xo
Oh, I am so happy now !! 🙂 🙂 YAAAAAAY!!! 🙂 You are fine!! This is just my favorite post today! It gave me goose bumps all over, and now I am left with the biggest smile on my face and lots of love and gratitude in my heart. It’s funny, Ive never met you, but I have come to care sooooo much about you!!! Lots and lots and lots of love and big hug to you!!! Now you don’t need the Comfort Angel I drew for you on my blog post today!! 🙂
Oh I am stopping by to see the comfort angel. I am so grateful that we’ve connected Line…truly. Big, heartfelt hugs to you…I know we’ve never met, but I feel it too. xoxoxo Thank you! ♥
Welcome to the world of the healthy and the helpers! We have much to do and thank you for sharing……this is wonderful information for you and others to see…We live in an imperfect world that is so wonderful when it becomes perfect for you in this moment once again! Peace, love, light and many blessings to you my friend! “White Eagle”
Thank you for visiting White Eagle…you know how much I appreciate you. Yes, I feel welcomed back with a little lesson as well which is good. ♥
Goodness, I’m relieved! Thank you for sharing the good news!
Even more hugs from Ecuador,
I love your hugs Kathy! Much obliged! xoxo Gracias! Abrazos para ti tambien!
WOOHOO!!!! GREAT NEWS!!!
I am happy dancing today. xo
Oh, breathing a BIG sigh of relief. I was worried and so glad that she called you back so fast. I am so happy for you. HUGE HUGS ♥ ♥ ♥
Thank you ~ I am so very happy as well! Thanks for hugs and prayers ! xoxo
♥ My pleasure!
God is GOOD!! God listens! Tears of happiness for you, and most of all, prayers of thanks!!
Amen…from your lips to Angel Joe’s…xoxoxo
I’m delighted to hear the good news, Misifusa! Thank you for sharing it and brightening my whole day. As I experienced your post, I was there with you in your car, barely able to breathe, waiting for the news. Congratulations on yet another victory for you, my friend!
Thanks Russ, I appreciate you as always.. xoxo
I am so happy for you!!! YAY!!!!!! Waiting suck but this is the news that’s worth while. Xoxo Keep up the good work- Heather
Thank Heather, sending hugs to you too! xoxo
Big hugs your way! I’m so happy for you-go out and celebrate or stay in and celebrate. Be HAPPY!
I am celebrating today! Big hugs PR! xo
Oh yes, big YAY! xoxoox
WHOOPEEEEEE! Big grin, ear to ear, so very happy to hear this news! Ginormous Hugs my friend!
Thanks Rhonda…big hugs to you! Hope all is well? xoxo
All is well Yvonne, thank you. Getting out more and managing to stay upright and on two feet! Looking forward to the spring to do some exploring…which is always a good thing. Still grinning…so, so happy for your news. xoxo
Thanks and I’m so happy you are back on 2 feet! xoxoxo
This is great news, and I am so happy for you and with you !!
Thanks Ute…big hugs to you ♥
Thank God, can’t wait to celebrate with you, love you tons!
Today we celebrate! xoxo
W A H O O!
Oh yes, ML, WAHOO! xoxo
Wonderful news!!!! Big hugs all around!!!
Thanks Kathy ~ big hugs to you and thanks for being here with me. ♥
GREAT NEWS!!!! So glad you heard today
Me too Jill! Thank you so much! I know you understand. ♥
Ohhhhh, so happy so so happy!!!! I just got to my laptop (on my mobile I have WP but only for my notifications and so I didn’t see this…) Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!! 😀 Omg, so happy for you… your wait is over and you know what, just 9 more hours or more and mine will be too. Can’t wait to catch up on you then… Hugsssssssss huge hugs.
So please let me know when you find out your results. You know I’m sending healing hugs and tons of prayers! xoxo Whatever the result, you know I’m here for you!
Oh thank you… 🙂 I am ok, not fully satisfied because my doctor is sick – but good news she is pregnant and will came back 😀 The substitute doctor was ok, she and I understood each other and that is the most important thing… And in two months another chek-up. Buuuuu… 🙂 I am exhausted from waiting that I can’t even feel relief, just tired xd
Sending heartfelt hugs to you xoxxo
Thank you… ♥
Do not forget, you have until 14th to participate in my birthday challenege, I know I’m boring but I really want you to be in it. 🙂 Hugs
I know I keep looking at it and I haven’t had a chance to do it. This weekend I promise I will! xo
I’ve read this twice and cried with joy both times!!!!!!!!!! I am ecstatic!
Me too! Thanks Bobbi! xoxo
Heart warming! I hope you don’t get a scare again. Ever.
Me either Sheenmeem….thanks so much! 🙂
Oh, I have tears of joy rolling down my face!!!!!! Thank you, Precious God! This was such great news to leave on my vacation with!! Thank you for letting us know. I look forward to catching up with your blog once I get back. Much love and many hugs sent your way. Skye
Enjoy your vacation Skye! May you have the loveliest time! xoxo Thank you! ♥
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Great news! Keep the faith!
You too! Thank you xo
Great news! Even after 13 yrs when they found something suspicious in my last mammogram and after I had to go through a biopsy I was as nervous as I was the day 13 yrs ago when I heard those words, “you have cancer”. Praise God mine was benign and easily taken care of and I praise God that your numbers are in normal range. We never do get over that fear – blessings – Patty
Patty, thank God you are still cancer free my friend. xoxo Thank you for your blessings, they are as always, much appreciated. No, we never do get over that fear, do we? xo Cheers to health for us all!