It’s All Saint’s Day today, along with the famous first of the month, Rabbit, Rabbit, White Rabbit, White Rabbit. You knew I would remind you, didn’t you? Quickly, say it if you haven’t already!
It’s also my Dad’s unbirthday (I just made that word up). Unbirthday because he passed away five years ago, but in my mind, as soon as I hear it’s November 1st, I think of him. Habit, reflex, nostalgia, and being connected with him even years after his passing makes it a significant day on the calendar for me. I couldn’t help myself as tears welled up in my eyes this morning thinking of him. Do you think of loved ones on their unbirthdays even though they have already passed away?
I know the veil is thinner at this time and I am praying for a sign from him. I don’t know why. Maybe I want validation that he hears me or that he approves of what I’ve done since he’s been gone. I guess we never really release that approval piece from a parent or at least I haven’t. Sad to say I guess, but true. I want him to be proud of me. I want him to know that I am trying my best under extraordinary strain at times. I want him to hug me today even though I know he can’t physically. I want a sign from him. Even though I am middle-aged, I think sometimes I feel like a little girl. Does that make sense? Do you sometimes feel that way or is it just me?
It’s funny how once you’re middle-aged, we begin to parent our own parents too. We take care of them as they grow older and are less able to take care of themselves. I see it all the time with my friends whose parents are still here. Nobody actually prepares us for the ‘sandwich generation’ piece of life. We just somehow muddle through it with help from friends and people who have experienced it before us.
But that’s our job. As the generations before us have done for centuries, we take care of the elder generations. Parents, family members and such, we are their caretakers as they grow older. Hopefully we do it with grace and dignity so that we are good role models to our own children, and the younger generations so that they can take care of us as well.
Oh what a tangent I’ve gone off on today. I’m sorry. My fingers have just been talking on the keyboard while my cheeks remain tear-stained.
But the other night, I went outside to look at the stars and my little bunny Clover hopped by. He stayed with me for about 20 minutes before I went back in the house. He even posed for me sweetly as he is wont to do. You can see his eyes twinkle in the light of the flash. He sat nearby and just ate the clover in the grass while I talked with him, pouring my heart out to him. Isn’t it lovely that we have wildlife who care to listen?