I Remember Paris ~ Je me souviens de vous

Praying for Paris

Our heartfelt prayers on this Sunday morning go out to those in France and all whom have been hurt by terrorism.  Facebook has erupted with France’s national colors in an outpouring of love for those whose loved ones have experienced the hate that is associated with terrorist attacks.

When 9/11 happened here in the United States, we mourned the loss of peace in our lives and now we mourn France’s as well.  It is unfathomable to many of us how terrorism holds no regard to the sanctity of human life.  The unspeakable hate which surrounds a terrorist’s heart seems limitless and their beliefs unshakable to act in such violent ways.  I do not even pretend to understand because honestly neither my mind nor heart can wrap themselves around the thought.

My thoughts, my prayers, my heart and mind go out to all of us ~ the peacekeepers.  I hold sacred the loving heartlights which are shining here and abroad, sending prayers and loving thoughts out into the world.  I am reminded that we are all connected, we are all one ~ we are all humans living on this planet Earth.

Please enjoy a musical reminder by Susan Boyle with lyrics below.

Make Me a Channel of Your Peace

Shine On!

xo

*My heartfelt thanks to Elizabeth for allowing me to use her photo. xo

 

Why Me God?

God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. ~ C.S. Lewis

Many of us who have endured tragedy, illness and trauma have asked the question, “Why me God?” and I am no exception.  I asked because I thought I didn’t deserve the breast cancer that riddled my body.  I raged because I believed the punishment of cancer was unfair.  I pitied myself.  I cried.  I was depressed.  I stomped around my house when no one was looking.  I was bald, in pain from surgeries and swollen by the amount of steroids and chemotherapy that were killing the cancer cells along with healthy cells.  I threw myself into a heap on the bed yowling in pain physically, emotionally and mentally.   I didn’t do this often, but when I did, it was like a child’s temper tantrum towards his parent (God).  My ultimate was when I gathered myself into a small ball and snuggled into the strong, protective arms of my husband like a child, sobbing into his tear-stained chest wishing he could just carry me for awhile and I could just melt inside of his chest.

But because I was a Mom of 2 little ones ages 1 and 3 years, I couldn’t do that often.  For the most part, I smiled, I faked how I felt.  I tried to make their lives as normal as possible while my tired body wept at night or in the shower.  Luckily for me, they were young so they didn’t really understand the magnitude of what I was enduring and what they were witnessing.  Now when they look back at the family photos when I was not wearing my wig, they don’t remember clearly when I was bald.  They are surprised a bit by what they see.  But as young children, bald or wigged, I was still Mom.

Still me.  That’s one of the important lessons I learned from enduring breast cancer.  No matter what has happened in my life, I am still me.  I”m still in there somewhere amidst the layers of pain.  My core of being that gal who sees life through rose-colored glasses, who sees the glass 1/2 full, who loves hugs, flowers and my beautiful life still shines brightly.

Sure, I’ve lost touch with that gal from time to time, but something always brings me back to her because that’s who I am.  Sure, I can say I’ve endured breast cancer.  I’ve endured many things in my life.  But at the heart of who I am, breast cancer just made my life richer.  It added layers of life changing events which made me dig deeply inside to find inner strength that without those low points in my life, I’d never have known I had ~ without being tested, I would have never had the opportunity to find my light, my inspiration, my blessings, my Presents of Presence.

So the next time you ask “Why me God?’ in a fervent voice, know that somewhere down the line in this journey of life, you will realize your answer ~ it’s because you can.

Shine On!

xo

My heartfelt thanks to one of my favorite bloggers from whom I took the quote above and made it my own.  Thank you Chalkboard Quotes ~ you inspired my post today!

http://chalkboardquotes.wordpress.com/2013/09/19/hardship/

Your Mind: Friend or Foe

Recently I’ve been chatting with a friend and it seems that many of us are realizing that we want more in our lives than what we currently have.  I’m not talking of more money or things, although financial freedom is always helpful.  What I’m talking about is getting back to the fire of our younger selves ~ do you know what I’m talking about?  That gal or guy that you used to be before the burdens of family, work, and responsibilities took hold of your life!

Am I making any sense to you?  Am I making any sense to me?

You see, I understand what my friend was talking about for I have a younger, less-fearful, more trusting self of youth that I long for ~ a part of me who reveled in fearlessly pursuing her passion and not only thrived but excelled!  That girl didn’t worry about what others thought or if she was too old or if it wouldn’t work.  Failure wasn’t a road block, it was a stepping stone to turn over, take the lesson and move on!  It was fun to work because work was fun ~ because I was pursuing my passion!  Sure there were days when I didn’t enjoy it a lot, but for the most part, I loved what I did!

Then for me, life got in the way, or better said, cancer got in my way and it’s been in the background, occasionally rearing its ugly head at the most inopportune times in life.  You’d think I’d get used to it, but I don’t think you ever get used to having had cancer.  You create a new normal where you try to embrace life, squeeze the happiness out of every moment, grateful that you are here with your loved ones for we never know what tomorrow brings.  As survivors of illness, tragedy and life, we learn how precious each and every moment is ~ so gratitude becomes as common for us as breathing!

But back to your mind!  It’s time to open the cage which has trapped your mind into the should be’s, the oughta’s and unlock the past so that we can let fly that hotshot self of youth!  No matter that you are older now ~ that inner hotshot lurks just below the surface.  Do you know it?  Do you remember her/him?  Are you ready to add a little spice to your life?  To enjoy your life again?  So, I’m looking to you ~

How do you do it?

Shine On!

xo

Pink Post ~ Choose Hope

Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. ~ Christopher Reeve

You make hundreds of thousands of decisions everyday!  You choose your meals, your clothing, the time you wake up and the time you go to bed at night.  You decide how you are going to spend your time, move your body and what you are going to say ~ or not say.

You hold the power to choose ~ and they are your choices to make!

For me, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer,  I was devastated as I’m sure most people are when they are faced with a traumatic event.  It matters not what the trauma is whether it be illness, death, tragedy ~ the devastation is there as it is a change which challenges every fiber of our being.

But what you do with the trauma, how you deal with it, is your choice and nobody else’s.

For some, the above hurts because we want someone else to take the reins while we wallow in the negativity ~ the sadness, the self-pity, the victim mentality.  We want to blame someone else for the situation whether it is another’s fault or not.  We want to escape from the new reality and run away from the news.  We’d rather hide and just be left alone.  We want life as it was before we heard the news.  We don’t want to accept this new chapter nor the change in our lives.  We long for the moments before we heard or read or knew or experienced  the trauma.  We want to buck the system, retreat and change it.  We don’t want to accept the news.  We fight the change.  We simmer in our sadness.  We don’t want to go with the flow, we want to be left alone.

But, after our initial response, we have to make a decision that will change the way things work for us.  And it is our choice to make.

For me, choosing hope was easier as I’m a glass 1/2 full type of gal as I’ve mentioned before ~ but not everyone feels that way and I understand.  For those who see that glass as 1/2 empty, my heart goes out to you as this is a burden.  It’s a habit, it’s a comfortable way you’ve been living that needs to change for anything is possible.  I realize that when it’s the trauma of a death of a loved one, there is no hope for change ~ at least not that we can bring back our loved one.  I know, I’ve been there before.

But having said that, I’ve learned that once we can turn to acceptance of the new normal, of the heart-wrenching loss, we can begin to move on and find hope.  For me, my Dad’s death impacted my life in a very traumatic way ~ but now 9 months later, I am learning to go with the flow ~ to accept this new normal with all of its additional responsibilities.  I’m learning to forgive, to let go and to allow the healing that time spreads like a balm on the soul.

I love this quote from Christopher Reeve and I imagine in my heart and mind the gut wrenching challenges he endured as he tried to heal his broken body.  He shone like a lighthouse ~ he continued to hope for a cure, for a change, for a medical breakthrough, not just for himself but for all who were paralyzed.  He held onto that hope of possibility with Superman strength and continued to light the way for others ~ using himself as an example.

I know that for me, I asked the question, “Why me?” to the Heavens.  Why me?  Why not me?  I still don’t know the answer to that question, but I believe my life experiences have given me a gift ~ to choose hope, to be a friend to others, to understand and to empathize because of my experiences.  It hasn’t been easy and it’s been a long time coming this peace within that I’ve been creating.  In my heart, I wish I’d never had cancer or endured so much sadness in my life, but I hold the hope that if my story, my experiences, my life can help another person, well, then it’s not been a life in vain for it has helped others.

It’s a process, this healing, no matter what tragedy you are dealing with, but I know for sure that when you hold hope in your heart, the possibilities are endless.  That’s what I wish for you today and everyday ~

I wish you HOPE!

Choose Hope…Anything is possible.

Shine On!

xo