Tag Archive | tears

Gratitude…

The possibilities are endless!

I guess you could say there are two ways to look at life ~ there are limited possibilities or none at all…and then there’s the way I LOVE to look at EVERYTHING~

The Possibilities are ENDLESS!! 

I don’t know about you, but I love the positive expansion of ENDLESSNESS rather than the negativity of limitation.  Don’t you think that’s the better choice?

Many people talk about gratitude lately ~ give thanks for what you have and more comes to you.  While I agree with that theory and have seen it in action myself, I also think that we need to appreciate the people in our lives!   Having had my dad pass away recently and two friends’ moms pass away (one in January and one last week), I realize that what we possibly put off until tomorrow, we miss out on today.   All those things we wanted to say, but didn’t…the wish that you could have told them that they were special…all those woulda, coulda, shoulda’s that are now gone because that moment is now lost.

I”m not saying that there aren’t angelic ways of communication after passing, but that time for human connection is lost once a person has passed.  When I went to my friend’s mom’s wake last night, her dad told me how much my card had meant to her.  I had sent her a card last year telling her how much I appreciated her.  It came out of the blue and was a simple card.  Nothing fancy, just heartfelt and personal, but the connection was one which even a year later, her husband remembered.

We are all connected ~ in joy, in tears ~ in life.

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Join me in the Gratitude Movement…

xo

Gratitude Day 10 ~ Daddy’s Rainbow

Yesterday was a very hard day for my family as my Dad’s situation worsened as the day went on which finally culminated in him being moved to ICU.  He wasn’t getting enough oxygen and his veins were unable to be accessed since he was so dehydrated even though he was being given an IV.  By 10:30pm at night, we were thinking the worst ~ my Mom, my sister AAngel and me.    In a panic, earlier in the day, I called my friend BAngel, sobbing uncontrollably as I told her what was going on.  It was so hard for me to stay away from his bedside but I had to for his health as well as my own.  I was unable to fathom that I might never see him again alive and was trying to comfort myself in the knowledge that the last time I had seen him, we had chatted amiably for over 2 hours which was so nice.  He had come over with my Mom to my house and it was just the 3 of us for awhile.  It hadn’t been just the 3 of us talking for a long time.

BAngel spoke to me in the most loving way possible.  As she gently explained what I needed to do and changed my way of thinking, I felt an increase in peaceful thoughts permeate my being, knowing that I had no control over the situation and that I just needed to be supportive to everyone involved ~ be the base camp for AAngel and my Mom ~ and send loving thoughts to my Dad.   When I allowed her sage wisdom to stay in my heart and mind, I was able to function, but when I allowed myself to succumb to fear and ego, I became a blubbering mess.

Last night when I laid my head upon the pillow, I spoke to God/Universe and to my Dad directly.  It was an amazing feeling as I felt as if I were speaking to him directly even though I knew he was so sedated that he wasn’t connecting with anyone at all.  But spirit to spirit, I believe we communicated.  Now you might think it strange for me to feel this way, but I know what I felt and the peace it gave me.  I went to sleep knowing that tomorrow would be a new day and hoped that I would not get a phone call during the night from the hospital nor from AAngel.

I happily report today how GRATEFUL I am that I awoke at 5am without having a sad phone call interrupting my sleep.  I’ve called the hospital already this morning to hear that he is alert, in grave condition, but there’s hope.

I took a drive yesterday afternoon to get out of the house ~ as I left the house, the skies opened up and we had thunder, lightning and a rainstorm.  Suddenly, the sun peaked out and although it was still raining, all of a sudden I saw this beautiful rainbow.  So I followed it until I could find a safe place to park and take a picture.  Growing up my Mom would call a sunny rainstorm ~ the Devil is beating his wife ~ I have no idea what that means…but we’ve always said it.

Scientifically, I know why we had the rainbow, but in my heart, I believe it was my Gift from God ~ a Gift of Faith, Love and Understanding.  So I’ve nicknamed that rainbow Daddy’s Rainbow today…and for Father’s Day it will be his card.  Prayers said, fingers crossed and giving the situation up to God/Universe.

Thanks for all of your prayers, comforting messages and thoughts.

I appreciate you all!

xo

My Gratitude….

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a gift and not giving it. William Arthur Ward

Since my surgery on May 9th, I have not written a blog posting.  In fact, I’ve done nothing but try to recover from my 9.5 hour surgery.  It’s been a grueling recovery coupled with a few complications which made my life more difficult and messy.  But today, 18 days later, I am beginning to feel like me again even though I’m still enduring the complications which are colitis.  YUCK.

I’ve cried many tears these past days, tears of pain, tears of weakness and tears of joy that the first of the series of surgeries is over.  I have cried because I am dealing with so much pain, cried out in frustration at my body’s inability to cope with the colitis and all around crying because I have had to endure this entire situation again.  And no, I don’t have a re-occurrence of cancer, but I do have a breast cancer related issue which perhaps I’ll delve into at another point.

But I’ve most importantly found myself crying tears of gratitude for the wondrous angels who’ve surrounded me during this period of time.  I think my family tires of my tears which rise unbidden when I find myself so utterly grateful for the kindnesses that are shown to me.  My sensitivity to feeling loved has emerged and I thank all who have helped me during this time.

I had nurses, who reached out to comfort me when things were really bad in the hospital.  Much of my time there was spent in an ICU unit which gave me sweet nurses who had the uncanny ability to connect with me and make me feel as if I were the only patient they had (even though I was not).  At NYU I had a room with a view of the water which to me is such a soothing sight that when I would lie awake at night, alone in my thoughts, I would watch the lights twinkling on the water below.  How grateful was I to be able to see the water from which I find strength.

At home, my family and friends reached out to help me through and I can’t thank them enough.  I am eternally grateful for many of the sacrifices they gave in order to help me heal…..and that they are still doing to help me heal.  My surgery was necessary and I know that I am happy it was able to be scheduled so quickly as it needed to be done immediately.  For that, I am grateful as well.

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, my “Why ME?” question ignited my soul and helped me to help others.   Again, I”m asking, “Why ME?” and I’m feeling like I have a similar answer…10 years later…this journey, this purpose is not over for me because I feel like there’s more to do.

And for that, I am grateful.

Happy Sunday to All of You!

xo