A friend gave me a magnet awhile back in anticipation for all of the changes that were in store for my future. At the time, I didn’t want to Begin Again as it was daunting for me to think about all that would be changed. Regardless of how much I didn’t want the changes, they happened anyway, out of my control. Instead of accepting that my life would dramatically change in all ways – divorce, moving, financially, health-wise, etc., I fought like a tigress to remain in that stagnant limbo of wanting no change, all while change happened anyway.
Finally, I surrendered.
Broken, exhausted and drained, I surrendered.
It’s not that I didn’t agree that the changes were imminent and necessary. It was that I was fearful of how I would continue on in this uncharted territory for my journey and the journey of my children, for it wasn’t where I wanted to be. But when I stopped fighting against the rising tide and began to doggy paddle to keep afloat, I received help through the transition. Angels disguised as friends and strangers reached out to me with kindness. I began to see the future as a new chapter in my life, a new book on which to write my story and a fresh clean slate which I controlled (for the most part) of how I am the captain of my own life’s ship.
I began planning what had to be done and like a sergeant, began the transition with what I hoped would be military precision. But alas, I may have had a plethora of military family members, but precision has not been a characteristic blessing unto me. And so it was, I surrendered. I did my best daily, fell asleep on my pillow with a bone tired body and rose up the next morning to do it all again. And finally, it was accomplished, through the help of my angelic human angels.
Now we begin again, in a new home with new challenges. Regardless, I have surrendered what was and I embrace what is and I plan for what I would like to be. To Begin Again requires letting go of the past and staying in a peaceful present and allowing a hopeful future to blossom, petal by petal.
I am grateful for the peace within now. Although transitions are often fraught with wiggles and compromises, I knowingly stand with peace in my heart, grateful for the lessons and learning which have come with the experiences I’ve endured. I’ve learned so much about people, about myself and about love. Life lessons have been tough at times, but well-worth the growth that came out of them. Sure, it’s easy in hindsight to feel this way, but I guess I wanted to share with you so that you can remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. We just have to keep walking towards the light.
I’m here for you if you are going through any transitions as I’ve been through a bunch of different ones: cancer, multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, divorce, selling a house, finding the right rental, starting over at 50, death of family, family with Alzheimer’s and Dementia, etc. If you need a friend, here I am, with my arms wide open for a hug.