Missing Mom

If you are someone who had a good relationship with your Mom, you may understand how I’m feeling today.  My Mom passed away over a month ago and while in my heart I know she’s in Heaven, I miss her.  There’s an emptiness in my life lately because she was such a huge part of my life.

She has visited me in various forms to let me know that she’s here with me in spirit.  For those that understand what I’m saying, perhaps you’ve had similar experiences as well.  I’d love to hear about them if you’re willing to share so please feel free to write in the comments or reach out via email if you’d prefer a more private conversation.

Grief is a funny thing isn’t it?  It sneaks up on us from time to time in the most surprising ways.  My Mom liked Talbots clothing so when I received a catalogue from there, I thought of what Mom might like and then it hit me.  I don’t need to buy Mom anything because she’s not here on this earth anymore.  Tears sprung to my eyes and for a moment the bereft feeling hit me hard.  I wiped the tears away and then sent up a prayer to her.

Then the other day I had a question and knew my Mom would know the answer.  Sadly, I realized I can’t ask her and that I probably would never know the answer to that particular question because she’s not here.  Again, the tears fell.

I’ve learned that losing a loved one and the grieving process that follows in order to heal takes time.  It’s not easy as you may know from experience.  Unexpected memories pop up at times that can bring up a fresh round of tears, but in time with healing, we can fondly remember the good times and be grateful for our loved one’s presence in our lives.

For we carry their presence in our hearts as the legacy of who they were stays alive in the memories of those who are still here.  Gone but not forgotten.  Isn’t that the way we are remembered?

Shine On!

xo

Be Like Impatiens

I buy certain flowers each season and for summer, it’s always impatiens.  There’s something about them that brings me joy.  Perhaps it’s because they are good reminders to me of how to grow in this life and how to recover when life hands me a drought of goodness.

Here’s a photo of my red impatiens the other day.  Scorching heat and my not tending them as I should along with no rain for a few days made them look a bit dreary.  Like humans, when we don’t meditate and nourish ourselves, we become a bit downtrodden and sad.  However, if we realized that all we needed was caring and nourishment, we could come back from:

To this!

The non-green thumbed gardener that I am just watered my sweet impatiens and Voila!  They bounced back beautifully within hours!

Wouldn’t it be nice if we humans could be healed and bounce back from depression, sadness and even stony unforgiveness by a little watering, some kindness and love?

We can, dear friends.  It’s possible to be like the impatiens.  We can nourish ourselves and others with love, forgiveness and understanding and perk up!  Imagine if we, as a world, all watered eachother’s souls with nourishment instead of hatred and hurt?

We would have a lush, beautiful, spiritual world of love!

Shine On!

xo

Clear Away the Clutter

Since we are moving soon, I’m cleaning out the clutter – decades of it and it’s hard.  I am a saver at heart and because I’m downsizing, it’s time to release and move on with my life.  Nostalgia takes hold occasionally and I release a few tears as I remember happier times.  That which I choose to hold onto are the favorites, the items that bring me joy in my life, not those which remind me of the past.

It’s exhausting work, this decluttering and although I’ve read my share of ‘how to declutter’  and feng shui books, I can sometimes get bogged down in memories when I find a little treasure that I had forgotten.  Perhaps it’s the chemo brain or mid-life loss of memory that are the reasons I’ve forgotten.  Who knows?  But I continue to choose to think that it’s a rite of passage when I can be reminded by an item and then put it in a pile and not pack it away to be moved to our next home.

Letting go is easy for some people.  For me, sometimes, it’s a challenge, but I am happy to report that it’s been one of those life lessons that I never wanted to partake in and yet, I’m finding happiness by going through it.  I’m releasing and sending items with love to new owners so that they can find joy in them as well.  I figure it doubles the joy that the item’s lifetime gives!  Does that sound silly?  I guess it can sound silly, but it’s a mindset that has been working for me, so I’m sticking with it.

Clutter bogs down the mind, body and soul although when we are in the midst of it, some of us don’t realize it (meaning me).  Now that I’m clearing away items that I thought I would use someday or used for a bit and now don’t, I’m finding that it’s opening spaces of light and opportunity in my life.

Have you felt this way?

Change is hard for most of us.  Endings are only new beginnings I know, but they are still hard to fathom sometimes when we aren’t sure where the new path is taking us.  I think I’d feel better if I were able to see and know where I am going.  But I trust that God has a plan and I am surrendering to His plan.

I hope you have a lovely Memorial Day Weekend!

Shine On!

xo

Teardrop Poetry

Teardrops fall unbidden

like raindrops outside the window,

nourishing the soul,

so she can blossom again.

Cleansing, letting go

of winters passed

turning a tear-streaked face

to the spring of a new dawn.

~The Presents of Presence

Shine On!

xo

Out of the Mouth of Alzheimer’s

Recently I had a precious moment with a loved one who has Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia.  It came quite unexpectedly as our phone conversation was in the evening which usually brings sundowners for her which means she can become more easily confused.

But on this evening, the woman who spoke to me was a voice from my past, her voice quiet but firm, yet with a softness for which I had hungered for a long time.  My Aunt spoke with me and I sat ready listening with my heart.

At first, I thought that we would just chat, I would make her giggle and then having connected in the only way she has been able, we would say our goodbye and requisite, ‘I love you,’ at the end of the conversation.  But instead, I received a gift that we shared.

She told me that she was happy that I could understand her as it had been hard on her for a long time.  “Words don’t seem to come to me,” she explained in a resigned voice.  “And I can’t say what I want for I don’t know what I want to say.  It’s been a long time since I was able to be understood.”

I waited patiently, stunned by her admission ~ for the last few years, we haven’t been able to have this type of conversation because she simply hasn’t been able to share how she’s feeling.  Words to even express pain weren’t readily available to her, instead a grimace gave us the inkling that something was wrong.

“It’s like I can see the words, but I can’t reach them.  I get confused easily and then everything vanishes.  My brain just refuses to work like I want it to anymore.  I think that I want to say something and then the thought is gone and I just can’t remember what it was.”

I listened with my heart and felt through the phone her ability at that moment to tell me what was going on with her.  She was strengthened by sharing with me and I am ever grateful that we had that time of lucidity together for it had been a long while.

We had a few giggles as elder sisters can when we talk about our younger siblings.  We’ve always had that bond and it was strengthened for a few minutes during our conversation.  In the end, her sister was getting antsy to talk with me, so she explained that she would give the phone back to ‘the baby’ (aka baby sister) and we giggled.

She thanked me for always talking with her and for being her niece.  She told me that she was glad we had a chance to talk and that she knew we may not be able to talk like this again.  I promised to continue to try to translate for her when the words didn’t come easily again.  I could hear us smiling together as she said, “I love you.  I love you with my whole heart.  Please remember that,” and I repeated the same back to her.

She handed the phone off to her baby sister and the moment was over.  When I hung up the phone, tears continued rolling down my face for I knew, in my heart, I had just been given a precious gift which I would never forget.

There was no pity party invite when she told me what was happening with her and how aware she was at that moment in time that words, thoughts, and understanding escape her.  She didn’t ask why.  She didn’t make excuses.  She only wanted to share with me how she felt and I was there, a ready listener to receive her message.  A true moment ~ The Presents of Presence. ♥

And isn’t that what life is all about?  Being there to listen and connect with a kind, loving heartlight?

Shine On!

xo

When You’re Feeling Like the Only One

There are times in life when you just feel like you’re the only one who is enduring (insert whatever it is that you are experiencing).  You may feel as if nobody understands your situation.  You may even feel alone, untethered and grieving.  It happens to all of us.  It is a normal part of the ebb and flow in life.

But to reach beyond and out of the moment is where your lessons in life school challenge you to search within and to look up and all around you to connect with yourself, God, the Divine Universe and with others of like-mindedness.  To find the positivity in any situation, to allow yourself to be present with the pain/hurt/disappointment and to find a sense of peace even while chaos swirls in one of life’s lessons is the key.  It is in human eagerness the need to smooth the rough edges, to bypass the grief at all costs, to hide away the disconnect from ourselves and others and to make everything okay as soon as possible.  Sure, wallowing in sadness cannot be limitless, but to experience what we are feeling, as we are feeling it and to connect with whatever we are feeling is beneficial.  The choice to move beyond that to a place of peace no matter the circumstances is the lesson here.  And as you know, for we have all had our trials and tribulations, it is not an easy task at times.

But it is possible…and it is your choice for you have free will.

Cloistered in self-pity, does not serve you, nor the world.  It isolates people, disconnects them from reality and from those who want to help.  But it takes courage to connect with others and to connect with our own hearts.  It takes trust in the soul’s knowing that we can open up and be with whatever is happening.  That’s the tough part which many of us find distasteful as we lack the trust within ourselves and therefore, lack trust in the Universal Truths of Life.

I have been there dear friends.  I understand how you feel no matter if our circumstances are not the same.  The bare fact is that the similar feelings join us in ways unbeknownst to most of us.  Universal Healing happens when we connect through hearts and souls on this life path.  The simple act of connecting with another soul, hearing and feeling that someone else understands, makes all the difference in the world.

So today, no matter what you are enduring, please know that I have my hand here for you hold.   My heart is here to connect with yours and my understanding is available to help you to continue on this life path of healing.  I have learned that in reaching out, we also benefit in our own healing and through connecting, we raise our vibrations, enthusiastically joining and reverberating peace throughout the world.

Shine your heartlights.  Join together in peaceful presence.  I see you shining!

Shine On!

xo

What Is Strength?

“The strongest people are not those

who show strength in front of us,

but those who win battles

we know nothing about.”
~ Anonymous

Happy Saturday!

Shine On!

xo

 

Do You Have A Case of Holiday Hiraeth?

I saw this on Facebook this morning and it struck a chord in me that I felt needed to be shared with all of you.  For at the holidays especially, there are those of us may be feeling hiraeth, but never had a word for it.  For the English language, to my knowledge, does not have a word which encompasses these feelings as hiraeth does.

So what do you do about it when you are feeling this way?  How do you go on with this feeling through holiday festivities?  My own solution is to allow the feeling, to engage in it, to acknowledge the hiraeth as it comes.  To turn ourselves into jolly merrimakers is to falsely and ineptly disengage with our souls.  To be in stillness with the feeling is to be true to ourselves and to allow hiraeth to process in our lives in order for us to heal.

I’m not saying to throw a pity party for ourselves during the festivities at all.  I’m not recommending that we pout or make others uncomfortable with our sadness.  No, not at all.  I’m suggesting that we allow ourselves the gift of hiraeth in our quiet alone time so that we can find the joy when we are celebrating the holidays.  To feel hiraeth and maybe even to share it with those willing to listen in a compassionate manner is to find the peace within us when we allow our feelings space to heal.

For there is healing in allowing hiraeth.  There is much joy to be had in life especially during the holiday season.  Allow your heartlights to shine, spread the love and understanding that you innately carry within you and reach out to others with your kind heart.  Know that I am here with you.  I understand.  I acknowledge our feelings of hiraeth and I hold them tenderly in my heart.

Bless you all this holiday season.

Shine On!

xo

 

*Gratitude to MAngel for sharing on FB so that I could see this post.

Home For The Holidays

There’s no place like home for the holidays…does that phrase ring a bell?  Remind you of a holiday song from your past?  See below if that catchy tune is now playing in your mind.

The holidays are a happy time, but they can also be fraught with grief for some.  Personally, I have always adored Christmas, but lately, not so much.  For you see, many relationships in my life have changed in the last few years:  some have passed away, some have moved and some have slowly disappeared.  As I ready my home for the coming holidays, I’m reminded of how much has changed in my life and quite frankly, I am grieving.  There, I said it.  I’m telling you because I need a hug.  I know I’ll have the strength to get through this holiday season with a smile on my face and compassion in my heart.  I know I can do it because I’ve done it before and I will do it again.  But for this brief moment, my heart feels heavy and tears are silently making their way down my cheeks.

Do you ever feel this way during the holiday season?  Is there ever a time when you feel like you need a loving embrace to sustain you?  Do you grieve for what used to be?  For who used to be at your table?  For those who have passed or changed?

You are not alone my dear friends.  At one time or another on life’s journey, we will all be missing someone who is no longer in our lives for whatever reason and we grieve that loss…we find strength, we find courage and eventually we find a new normal and accept that the holidays are different.

My Christmas table will be missing some family this year.  Changes aren’t easy but with courage we can rise to any occasion and get through it.  Baby steps…one baby step at a time.  So prayers for you, prayers for me and may loving, holiday peace surround us all.  It matters that love surrounds your table.  Light your heartlight and open your home to love.

Shine On!

xo

(There’s No Place Like) Home For The Holidays ~ Perry Como

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
When you pine for the sunshine of a friendly gaze,
For the holidays, you can’t beat home, sweet home.

I met a man who lives in Tennessee.
He was headin’ for, Pennsylvania, and some home-made pumpkin pie.
From Pennsylvania, folks are travelin’ down to Dixie’s sunny shore,
From Atlantic to Pacific, gee, the traffic is terrific.

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
If you want to be happy in a million ways,
For the holidays, you can’t beat home, sweet home.

Take a bus, take a train, go and hop an airplane,
Put the wife and kiddies in the family car,
For the pleasure that you bring when you make that doorbell ring,
No trip could be too far!

Bend and Sway With Change

The oak fought the wind and was broken,

the willow bent when it must and survived.

— Robert Jordan

I recently found this quote and had to share it with you as it goes along with my last post on How To Embrace Change. When we fight changes with the child-like attitude of “I don’t wanna,” we lose our power in whatever situation is changing.  I’m not suggesting to be a doormat and just let changes steamroll over you.  Oh no!  Not at all!  Neither am I advising you to fight the changes like a warrior, with armaments drawn and ready for battle.

I’m asking you to bend and sway…

Flow with life…

Observe the changes…

Embrace yourself…

Allow kindness in your heart…

Looking for the good in every situation isn’t easy, but you can do it.  Sometimes the good hides when the situation changes for what we deem the worst ~ we lose our job, a loved one passes away, we have health problems, relationships go sour, finances become depleted etc.  It happens to many of us over a lifetime.  We are not given the right to have a perfect life without rough patches.  But we are given the Divine Right to have experiences which grow us emotionally, mentally, soulfully and spiritually which test us and help us to expand ourselves in new ways to be better, kinder and more loving people.

Without the highs and lows in life, we could never appreciate peace.    It comes at a price though.  We have to stay flexible and to stop banging on the closed door in front of us.  Simply look around, observe the whole ‘room’ and find the gift of the open door on the other side of the room.  Yes, it’s that simple dear friends.  It just takes embracing change.

I’ve endured many changes in my life, many of which I did not choose, but I am still here as are you.  Together we can bend and sway with kind, loving hearts.  We can shine our heartlights, connect with others and keep walking on our life journey.  No matter what difficulties you are experiencing right now, know that change is inevitably beautiful and this too shall pass.

♥ Namaste ♥

Shine On!

xo