Tag Archive | relationships between yourself and others

I’m Fine

imfine.PNG

The average person tells 4 lies a day

or 1460 a year;

a total of 86,700 by the age of 60. 

And the most common lie is:

I’m fine.

How many of us go about our day telling ourselves and anyone else who asks, “I’m fine,” even when we know we aren’t.  Denying the state of unrest within us doesn’t do anyone else any good, least of all ourselves.

Sure there are those of us who think we are inner powerhouses, who believe innately that we can work through the chaos and if we just put a little more effort into it, we can survive.  We continue to take each hurdle as it comes and keep moving forward, even when our body, mind, heart and soul yearn to rest.  But there’s no rest when we are amidst chaos.  We can’t let someone else down, nor ourselves.  We have to keep on, keeping on, in order to make it through, putting our best foot forward, because we are the responsible ones.  We are the ones whom everyone else is counting on and we just can’t let them down, nor can we face that sorry fact that we need help where we are.

If we were observant, we would face the truth and tell ourselves to reach out and we would know in our hearts that there are people who can and would help us.  Sometimes we do reach out, but if the person to whom we reach out can’t help us or won’t help us, we are doubly determined to just do it alone.  And so goes on that vicious circle of “I’m fine.”

But honestly. we are not alone.  You are not alone, nor am I.

And at times, we are certainly, NOT FINE.

Sure, I could tell you to rest and allow the weight of the world to fall off your shoulders at night so that you could sleep in peace.  You could hang your worries on a branch and give them over to God.  You could pray for solutions and look for signs from above.  You could reach out to friends and family for support or to trained professionals for guidance.  You could hire someone to do what it is you are so determined to do yourself.  It all depends on what is weighing you down and what is not fine.

But will you do that?

It’s a choice to get help when things are chaotic (and even when they aren’t).  It’s a letting go of the control and of the belief that I can do it.  It’s dropping the role that you’ve lead your entire life of being the responsible one and taking on obligations that maybe weren’t really even yours in the first place, but because nobody else stepped up, you did.

There will be those who criticize you if you choose to allow yourself to honestly say, “I’m not fine.”  There will be those who simply don’t understand what’s so hard for you when they look from the outside with their perception into your life.  There are those who will turn their backs and walk away.  Then there will be those who stay, who hold your hand, listen and pick up a shovel to help you get rid of the mess.

Those are the ones I want at my side.  What about you?

Trust in those who hold your hand with a loving heart space.  Allow their kindness, generosity and love to heal you, to help you and to ease the burdens you carry.  Trust in God that He can help you through these tough times.  And for goodness sake, get rid of the I’m fine, except when you know it will fall on deaf ears or when you really mean it.  Trust in I’m not fine, with those whose hearts are open to yours.

So if you’re asking me, “I’m not fine” today, but as Scarlett O’Hara once said, “Tomorrow is another day.”

How are you?

Shine On!

xo

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You Can’t Make Someone Love You

youcantmakesomeoneloveyou

Once I was told, “You can’t make someone love you,” and a surging feeling of sadness enveloped me at that very moment.  I struggled to understand what she meant by the seemingly offhanded comment.  If my heart is so full of love for someone, why couldn’t they love me?  It seemed preposterous at the time for I truly believed that love could conquer all problems.

But in this case, I found her words to ring true.

My love could not conquer all problems.  Without love on both sides and a willingness to listen, to speak honestly and to be vulnerable, there is no healing or reconciliation.  Relationships can be messy as I’ve learned, although truthfully, I’ve known this for a long time.  Haven’t you?  There’s that old adage of “he said, she said,” which really means “he thinks, she thinks” and there’s little middle ground to forge a bridge between them when both sides don’t listen and share, give and take, and do so without keeping score.

It’s been a life long lesson for me that I am still learning, albeit slowly.  Behind my rose-colored glasses there’s a girl who still believes in love and who still loves with her whole heart.  Another friend once told me that my heart breaks open wider because I love with my whole heart and that most people do not open themselves up that wide and with so much vulnerability.  I felt sad, but I can only be who I am.  Innately, I love with my whole heart and truly, I have had that heart broken wide open, shattered beyond recognition.

But in slowly gathering up the pieces, one by one, holding each piece of my heart tenderly, I’ve put my heart back together.  I’ve restored my soul and chosen to live my life again, with whole-warmheartedness, continuing to love with my whole heart and not just with the broken pieces that I took time to mold back together again.

There are those whom I’ve met, who have been wounded to the core of their beings and they vow that they will never love again that way.  I understand the feeling of needing protection and of guarding our hearts.  Feeling broken-hearted is utterly painful and as humans, we try to safeguard ourselves from pain in every moment.  But there is something precious in loving with our whole hearts, that I can’t let go of, as I believe it is innate with me, a part of me that still believes in love.

I agree that we can’t make someone love us, but we can still love them.  Obviously not in the stalker way, but with a small piece of peace in our hearts.  Love their essence, love that part of them you once treasured, love the memories of your entwined journey that were beautiful.  Let go of the past.  Move forward into the light.  You can survive a broken heart with grace and dignity.  Allow your heartlight to shine radiantly as you move forward in peace.  A loving heart like ours never dies.  Our heartlights may dim for a bit, but love is a precious gift that we give to ourselves and we give to others.  Let your heart be full of love.

Shine On!

xo

Ode to Mamas ‘Round the World

yvonneSOCHappy Mother’s Day!

There is something wonderfully special about Mother’s Day.  As a child, I loved celebrating my biological Mom because I loved her, looked up to her and knew that she appreciated our handwritten cards.  My Dad would always get her a box of chocolates and some flowers.  As an adult, I am grateful that I still have my Mom here to celebrate her on her day, but my view is different now that I am a Mom myself.  I am more in awe of all she accomplished as we were growing up and I relish saying, “Mommy” and hugging her.  Time flies by and I know that these moments are precious.

But I have been blessed in my life with many Mamas.  I heartily agree with Oprah, “Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.”  Many women who are not my biological Mom have taken me under their wings to nurture, to love and to tenderly hold my hand through tragedies and triumphs.  My husband’s Mom is one of them.  Mom, as I also refer to her, has seen me through it all.  She is, all at once, wrapped up in a beautiful bow, my mom, my friend and my teacher.  She has treated me with love, understanding and goodness from the moment I met her.  She has taken me as if I were her daughter and I have eagerly relied on her as a Mom.  Our loving bond is such that many people think she is my mom and not my mother-in-law. ♥

Today, for me, is a united day ~ a day when all the women I know share a commonality which continues to flourish in our lives.  As caregivers, we share this day, whether we are biological Moms or not.  I remember years ago when my hubby was the soccer coach of our son’s team.  We had a game on Mother’s Day.  The soccer moms of our team were a united front ~ we were very close and on that day, without ever talking with each other, each of us brought a small gift for every one of the Moms on the team!  We had our own mini Mother’s Day celebration.  It was unlike any other Mother’s Day game I’ve ever been to because it was spontaneous, it was utmost caring at its pinnacle.  It is a memory that I cherish and every Mother’s Day I think of them and this morning was no exception.  My phone has been beeping with texts from them, as even though the team is long gone and many of our boys are not close anymore, we all still have that special bond.

Happy Mother’s Day my phone beeps with little ♥ and hugs and kisses xoxo.  It is that caring still that brings tears to my eyes.  It is special and I am grateful for the connections that we still keep.  And I think that’s what it’s all about ~ caring for each other, the way women do for others.  It’s about sharing love, kindness and respect.  It’s about being the best women we can be and holding each other’s hands while we do so.  It’s about applauding the triumphs and hugging when there’s sadness.  It’s about lending a hand, easing the pain and caring.  It’s about connecting, sharing and bonding over life.

So to all of the dear Moms out there today, thank you for all you do for your family and friends.  May the love you share come back to you today and everyday. 

You make a difference in the lives you touch.  I am blessed to know you and to love you!

Shine On!

xo

P.S.  This is one of my favorite photos of me ~ it’s from that Mother’s Day soccer game.  Thanks SAngel for taking it! ♥

 

What is Humility?

humility

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. — C.S. Lewis

The credit for the above goes to MLAngel who sent me this tidbit when I asked her to give me her ‘go to inspiration’ for which I am, as always, grateful.

Shine On!

xo