Feeling Defeated?

“Being defeated is often temporary,

giving up makes it permanent.”

– Marilyn von Savant

I have had many challenges in my life as have we all.  Few of us here on Earth have remained unscathed by disappointments and moments of feeling defeated in one way or another.  So it comes as no surprise that we need to find a way through the sadness and often raw painful feelings of defeat.  Sometimes, try as we might to not quit, situations are out of our control and we are powerless to stop the journey.  It is then, at that precise moment, when we need to decide our fate.  It is in our hands, this is our life and we ultimately remain in control.  It remains our choice in how we deal with whatever ‘it’ is in our lives that is not working as we wish.

But to give up, to quit, to not work at what ‘it’ is to improve the situation, that makes it permanent.  I am not a quitter.  No matter what life has thrown at me, I have gotten up and gone on, many times taking baby steps in the process for I had no other way.  But it is innate in me ~ to see the sunshine through the rain and to look for the rainbow through the clouds.  I know not where my strength comes from, but it is within me ~ as real as my eyes are blue.  I cannot be anyone but me and you cannot be anyone but you.

Sure we can change when ‘it’ arrives whether stealthily on little cat feet or as thunderously striking lightning.  It is a choice to fall to pieces and pick them up or to remain broken permanently in defeat.  What I have learned is this is YOUR LIFE to choose as you wish and you must continue to change and evolve as life goes on.  We grow through our defeats, we gain perspective, strength and peace by enduring ‘it’ and I believe that is the journey of life.

Continuing on with peace, love and happiness in our hearts not only heals ourselves, but others as well.  It does not serve us to remain angry and resentful when we endure ‘it’ and remain defeated.  It locks up the heart and soul which simply want to shine.  I know it is hard when we feel defeated.  Many times, through breast cancer, through relationships and through disappointments and family troubles, I have know defeat.  But I know that this too shall pass.  Life will go on and I plan on being there every baby step of the way.

So if you are feeling defeated, take a moment to assess ‘it’ and find the gift in the defeat.  Growth, strength and love come from ‘it’ and you will find that what you endure now will give you gifts you couldn’t possibly imagine in the future.  Let’s connect, hearts and hands as we baby step on this path ~ hold each other up with respectful kindness and loving hearts.

Love is an ability that needs practice.  Self-love is the key and you hold that special key right now.  Isn’t it time to unlock your heart and soul and live again?

Shine On!

xo

Raindrops on Roses

Don’t let one “raindrop’ spoil your sunshine ~ let it feed your growth! ~ ♥ The Presents of Presence

I have a blogger friend who recently received a comment that made her sad.  Being that her blog feeds my soul on a daily basis, I was baffled how someone would take the time to criticize if it didn’t fit where they are now in their lives.  For to me, it’s a blessing to enjoy reading the banquet of blogs in my Reader ~ to get many different perspectives on the world ~ to connect with others whom I may not have been able to meet otherwise.  To me, blogging is such a special way to just ‘be’ and enjoy allowing myself the freedom to speak my truths.

It’s not that I hide myself ~ what you read is who I am.  But there are people with whom I don’t share as much as I do here on my blog for various reasons.  Usually it’s because they may think I’m too ‘woo woo’ as I put it ~ too spiritual perhaps ~ not grounded in their eyes.

But the more that I’m reaching out of my comfort zone to allow opportunities in ~ and to show my vulnerabilities ~ and to be ok with others who may find my unique self a bit out of the ordinary for them ~ the easier it’s becoming to just allow myself to blossom where I stand and allow disapproval to slide off of my back like water from a duck’s back.  It’s a constant practice for me to ground myself in order to not allow others criticisms (real or imagined) to affect what I feel/know in my heart is right for me.

I’ve been a people pleaser my entire life.  It was a role I was given and I nurtured on my own.  Peacekeeper, good girl, I never rocked the boat unless I knew for certain it was safe.  But something’s changed in the last 2 months and I can’t go back to not knowing what I know now which is ~ I need to be me, I need to let my light shine and I need to feel strong in the knowing that it’s ok if the perceived changes are met with disapproval from others.

Because it’s MY LIFE that I’m living now.

I don’t mean this to sound dramatic because it’s truly not ~ it’s just been a series of baby steps which I’ve been taking that have finally landed me into a place where I am choosing to be comfortable with being uncomfortable sometimes ~ it’s a daily, sometimes even hourly practice ~ but well-worth it!

So when I ask you to join me in Inner Hotshot University ~ to stretch out of your comfort zones just a little bit ~ it’s because to me, we need to bond together like a rainbow ~ each shining our different hues!

Your uniqueness lies in you being you ~ you are so amazing.  Don’t let one ‘raindrop’ spoil your sunshine ~ let it feed your growth!  Write what your heart tells you ~ you are touching the lives that need your love!  Be true to you!  We are all still here listening with open hearts ♥♥♥

Shine On!

xo

Music! Music! Music!

Daily Prompt ~ What role does music play in your life?

I’ve always loved music ~ ever since I was little ~ in fact, the first popular song I learned was American Pie by Don McLean and it was the first record that my parents bought for me.  I played it over and over and still, many years later, I can still sing the lyrics!  I still adore singing although my voice isn’t talented enough for more than a church choir!  Well there was that 6th grade duet with my best friend ~ we sang “I can’t smile without you” in front of the parents and entire school at a Spring Concert.  But that doesn’t stop me from singing in the car, in the shower or anywhere else!  I’ve always been a fan of music as I think it serves so many purposes.  In fact, when I searched for the word music in my blog, a bunch of posts popped up and I realized that I do speak of music often.  I guess in the blog-o-sphere we write about what we like!

Music is a soothing balm to my soul, it’s a revved up optimistic powerhouse that jolts me forward when I need a little push in order to scale mountains of challenges.  It’s the soft, tenderness of being loved by another and of loving another soul with your whole heart.  Music soothes my soul like a huge angelic hug when I need it.  It is the merriment which puts a spring in my step when the doldrums arrive.  It is the rainbow of colors which allows me to enjoy all different types of music according to my mood.  Check out my ipod and you’ll find all sorts of music ~ country, classical, rock and roll, classic rock, ballads, latin, musicals, pop, blues, children’s, piano accompaniment, 1900’s to the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s and up to today’s music ~ I could go on and on!  The one type which I’m not fond of is Opera…but if it’s what you have playing and I’m with you, then I can listen to it and enjoy it…but it’s not my first pick!

I took guitar lessons as a kid (classical) but it didn’t last…then I took piano lessons and that did!  I could play and get lost in singing to the music so easily…it was just practicing which I didn’t enjoy!  But then, you have to practice in order to play ~ silly me!

Music to me is like breathing…it’s a part of my everyday and something that I enjoy!

So now let me ask you ~ what role does music play in your life?

Shine On and Sing Along!

xo

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/01/26/daily-prompt-music/

Storm’s a brewin’

Lightning, Thunder, Stormy Seas…

The last few days I’ve been suffering from a migraine which usually means the barometer is changing and it has been.  We’ve been having some thunderstorms, rain, sun and unusual weather.  As I sit here writing this post, it’s intermittently been raining cats and dogs one minute, with thunderous clouds and loud, rolling thunder and then suddenly the sky switches to bright sunshine with the quiet roll of thunder in the background.  In fact, I feel like it’s like me these days…sunshine with a touch of raincloud followed by a bit of thunder.

But I digress because I wanted to post about change and how difficult it can be on the body, the mind and others around us.  I think this is where my inner and outer thunderclouds have originated.  I’m on a changing cycle I think and it’s a bit stormy here for me as I go through the changes.  I’m a bit daunted to be honest by the unknown ahead, but having delved into the unknown before, I am shoring up my courage to keep taking baby steps.

The outer thunder is just the careless roar of others which I can deal with although I’d prefer calm, sun-filled moments.  But that’s ok for me.  I’ve been through far worse.  The inner thunder is more treacherous to me and having experienced it before, it leaves me a little shaky these days.  Nothing like a touch of the unknown to scare me a bit.

I remember when I was first diagnosed, I was afraid to cry.  Imagine being afraid to cry!?  But I was afraid that if I started to cry, I’d never stop.  Now I know that sounds silly, but to me, it was perfectly logical.  I was unable to mourn the loss of my breasts because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop crying about it.  So I held the pain inside until I almost burst.  Then a very dear friend told me not to be afraid to cry because eventually I’d stop…and those simple words, ‘eventually you’ll stop’ made all the difference in the world to me.  And the shift happened.

I cried for the loss of my breasts, for the time I spent in chemo, radiation, in hospitals, alone…I cried for the time I worried that I wouldn’t see my boys become teenagers.  I cried through sad movies, silly commercials and any true life story article or movie or book I could put my hands on.  It was like I needed that reason to cry and not the reason that I had in my own life and heart.  But through allowing those tears to escape me, I felt the weight of the sadness lifting from my soul and my heart.  It was when I allowed myself to cry, I was able to heal my heart and begin to take baby steps again.

It’s been a busy 8 weeks since my Dad passed and I’ve not had a lot of time to mourn the loss.  I know all about the grieving process having endured it when I had breast cancer 10 years ago.  I’ve been moving along through the 7 steps, only to stagger now.  But in the thundercloud where I am presently, it’s only fitting that a storm’s a brewin’ because I think many changes have occurred in the last 8 weeks of my life…and I just have to keep my thoughts on the prize of a sparkling rainbow!

Cheers to fears, tears and thunderclouds…

for they make the Rainbows that much sweeter!

xo

Gratitude Day 10 ~ Daddy’s Rainbow

Yesterday was a very hard day for my family as my Dad’s situation worsened as the day went on which finally culminated in him being moved to ICU.  He wasn’t getting enough oxygen and his veins were unable to be accessed since he was so dehydrated even though he was being given an IV.  By 10:30pm at night, we were thinking the worst ~ my Mom, my sister AAngel and me.    In a panic, earlier in the day, I called my friend BAngel, sobbing uncontrollably as I told her what was going on.  It was so hard for me to stay away from his bedside but I had to for his health as well as my own.  I was unable to fathom that I might never see him again alive and was trying to comfort myself in the knowledge that the last time I had seen him, we had chatted amiably for over 2 hours which was so nice.  He had come over with my Mom to my house and it was just the 3 of us for awhile.  It hadn’t been just the 3 of us talking for a long time.

BAngel spoke to me in the most loving way possible.  As she gently explained what I needed to do and changed my way of thinking, I felt an increase in peaceful thoughts permeate my being, knowing that I had no control over the situation and that I just needed to be supportive to everyone involved ~ be the base camp for AAngel and my Mom ~ and send loving thoughts to my Dad.   When I allowed her sage wisdom to stay in my heart and mind, I was able to function, but when I allowed myself to succumb to fear and ego, I became a blubbering mess.

Last night when I laid my head upon the pillow, I spoke to God/Universe and to my Dad directly.  It was an amazing feeling as I felt as if I were speaking to him directly even though I knew he was so sedated that he wasn’t connecting with anyone at all.  But spirit to spirit, I believe we communicated.  Now you might think it strange for me to feel this way, but I know what I felt and the peace it gave me.  I went to sleep knowing that tomorrow would be a new day and hoped that I would not get a phone call during the night from the hospital nor from AAngel.

I happily report today how GRATEFUL I am that I awoke at 5am without having a sad phone call interrupting my sleep.  I’ve called the hospital already this morning to hear that he is alert, in grave condition, but there’s hope.

I took a drive yesterday afternoon to get out of the house ~ as I left the house, the skies opened up and we had thunder, lightning and a rainstorm.  Suddenly, the sun peaked out and although it was still raining, all of a sudden I saw this beautiful rainbow.  So I followed it until I could find a safe place to park and take a picture.  Growing up my Mom would call a sunny rainstorm ~ the Devil is beating his wife ~ I have no idea what that means…but we’ve always said it.

Scientifically, I know why we had the rainbow, but in my heart, I believe it was my Gift from God ~ a Gift of Faith, Love and Understanding.  So I’ve nicknamed that rainbow Daddy’s Rainbow today…and for Father’s Day it will be his card.  Prayers said, fingers crossed and giving the situation up to God/Universe.

Thanks for all of your prayers, comforting messages and thoughts.

I appreciate you all!

xo

Making your OWN Luck!

Can you spot the little leprechauns in the card above?  My friend AAngel posted a picture of Spring this morning and I was inspired to make the card above with it!  Obviously she didn’t see those tiny little helpers in her picture…

When my boys were little, every March 17th, we would take a walk and I would make up stories about leprechauns.  I explained how we needed to look up to find a rainbow in the sky because they hid the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  We would eagerly scan the sky to see if there were any signs of a rainbow and then we would walk slowly, our eyes darting around the green grass to see if we could spot any leprechauns who may be carrying their gold back to the rainbow’s end.

Inevitably, as we would be wandering, we would scare up a small animal which would make rustling noises and my kids would be convinced that we had come upon a leprechaun.  Together we would stealthily stalk the bush from where they had heard the noises ~ this gave me the precious few seconds that I needed in order to grab a few ‘gold coins’ aka shiny pennies from my pockets and throw them behind me.

Upon hearing the clinkity clank of the coins, my boys would wheel around thoroughly convinced that they had indeed scared a leprechaun and he had dropped his gold!  Laughing all the while, I would watch as they picked up the pennies and pulled me down the street hoping to find more leprechauns!

I loved listening to their chatter as their imaginations ‘saw’ the green jacket of a leprechaun suddenly darting behind a leaf…and they could ‘see’ the faint colors of a rainbow in the sky.

Perhaps we need to remember these moments in our own lives and awaken our imagination again.  Be open to the magical moments of life ~ allow yourself to believe in what you can’t see ~ reach out to enjoy the mystical wonder of childhood fantasy ~ even just for a moment…who says there isn’t a leprechaun around the corner waiting for you?

Wherever you go and whatever you do,
May the luck of the Irish be there with you!

xo