Tag Archive | pet euthanasia

Pawprints in my Heart

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Many people will walk in and out of your life,
but only true friends leave footprints in your heart.

~Eleanor Roosevelt

We have returned home without our darling Chessie Cat.  My heart is breaking and I am so sad.  It was an honor for us to have held this sweet kitty soul in our lives for almost 17 years and it was a blessing to be there when she passed as well.  We wrapped her in the blanket that she has been sitting on for the past week on the couch, which happens to be my husband’s and we also wrapped her in my favorite nighttime sweater ~ snuggled in our love and our smells.

I couldn’t bear to bring home an empty cat carrier, even though she has one from MIL which has her name on it.  So we wrapped her in the blankies and just drove slowly.  I think she enjoyed being able to see out of the windows and feeling the sunshine on her face.  She was actively snuggling into my arms, but keeping her head up, watching the world go by and surely wondering if I had lost my mind since she was outside, riding in the car without being in her carrier.  She never uttered a peep, but leaned her head next to mine and made sure her face was to the warm sunshine.

I think she knew and being her brave, constant angelic self, she continued to hold our gazes.  I held her while she leaned toward my hubby every time he stopped petting her.  She wanted us to know that she was there with us ~ and we wanted her to know that we were there for her as well.

I am bereft now ~ saddened by losing my kitty angel, but I am snuggling our other kitty Tiffy as much as she’ll let me.  I wonder what she is thinking as her sissy is now not here.  I know she knew that Chessie was sick, but watching her today, I don’t see her mourning as much as me.  Perhaps it is easier in the animal world, they know that life goes on and she accepts that Chessie is now in kitty Heaven, feeling healthy and happy.

So perhaps that’s what I have to do as well ~ change my thoughts and my perspective.  Be grateful for the time we’ve enjoyed Chessie’s presence and now be grateful in knowing that she is healthy and happy in Heaven, continuing to watch over me in a different form.  I just have to get my mind around that she isn’t here to purr next to me, but that she’s here in spirit, purring me into health.

Thanks for sharing this time with me throughout the last few posts.  Our lives have peaks and valleys in which we travel ~ connecting with others, reading your comments, being grateful for the time you’ve taken to send a heartfelt comment, has helped me.  Please know how thankful I am for all of you.

Big Hugs ~ Shine On!

xo

Mourning I’m Broken

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The news wasn’t good yesterday at the Vet.  My girl’s been diagnosed with lymphoma, with a fast growing tumor which has wrapped itself around her intestines.  At 2 months shy of her 17th birthday, and according to the vet, 4 years past average life expectancy, with losing 3 lbs already since December, the news is just not good.  But being me, I bend my head in gratitude for all of the blessings both big and small and the coincidences which albeit tiny matter magnificently  https://misifusa.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/lion-roars-a-confession/  for when I called the vet yesterday, I was able to get my favorite vet who has known Chessie for 17 years.  I wept unabashedly in the examination room as the doctor gave me the news.  She spent almost an hour with me, going over options, scenarios and examining Chessie quite thoroughly.

I think what I love most about our vet is her compassion and the way in which she treats our pets.  She tenderly spoke to Chessie, lifting her a gentleness for which I was grateful.  She even talks to her as if they are speaking ~ she’s always done it ~ and yesterday I ventured to ask if she had the gift of hearing Chessie speak, but she skirted the issue.  Perhaps she didn’t want to tell that she could understand her because quite frankly, I’ve always thought there was something extraordinary about our vet.  She just seems to know about our pets.

When she delivered the news, she unceremoniously held Chessie’s ears as if she didn’t want her to hear what we were talking about so that it wouldn’t color the patient’s outlook on life.  It was done unconsciously I think ~ and as she explained her diagnosis, the possibility of treatment which would include chemo etc. and how she personally felt about the whole thing, she continued to pet Chessie and keep her happy.  I sat across from her, afraid to get up for fear I would faint away.  So instead, I wept in my chair, dabbing my face with tissues as I tried to imagine how I would tell the boys and my husband what she was saying.

I spent most of yesterday crying for both of us.  In fact, tears come unbidden when I am not attentive to my thoughts or when I let them stray.  So in the meantime, Chessie and I continue to bond with her staying by my side as I write this morning.  We have yet to tell our sons, but because Chessie is not in pain (which matters magnificently), we have some time.  I think we’ll have the talk tonight with them and plan for Friday so that we can all still have some time to spend with her.  For we are blessed to have had her for almost 17 years, she has given to us more than we have given to her as a stray.  She has filled our hearts and our days with laughter at her antics, to healing with her purring, to love with her affection.  She has been a part of our family for almost as long as we have been married.

It’s going to be a difficult time for all of us ~ especially for my hubby and me because she’s our first ~ and because she’s been like our little guardian angel ~ ok, she’s been my ever present guardian angel.  And I know, she’ll still be with me when she crosses over because our bond is so strong, but it just won’t be the same.  I look for her everyday and every night and all the time in between.

I don’t want her to suffer as she is weakening quickly.  I want to hold her as she passes so that I can be with her just like she’s been with me for so many years.  I’ve told you how she never left my side throughout my breast cancer journey.  Even through last year’s 4 surgeries, she stayed by my side, always purring me into healing in fact, she’s been there for me for all 14 surgeries.

Right now, she’s snuggled on a blanket next to me, eyes 1/2 open, breathing rhythmically, just resting.  Every few minutes, I reach over to snuggle with her, burying my tear-stained face in her fur.  I know she knows ~ and as always, she’s being strong for me ~ I am just so grateful for her being ~ God Bless my little kitty.

One of my Dad’s favorite songs was Morning Has Broken, so please enjoy ~ and don’t forget to Shine On! xo

Instead it is I, who bends her lioness head in gratitude for all of the blessings both big and small and the coincidences which albeit tiny, matter magnificently.