Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a gift and not giving it. William Arthur Ward
Since my surgery on May 9th, I have not written a blog posting. In fact, I’ve done nothing but try to recover from my 9.5 hour surgery. It’s been a grueling recovery coupled with a few complications which made my life more difficult and messy. But today, 18 days later, I am beginning to feel like me again even though I’m still enduring the complications which are colitis. YUCK.
I’ve cried many tears these past days, tears of pain, tears of weakness and tears of joy that the first of the series of surgeries is over. I have cried because I am dealing with so much pain, cried out in frustration at my body’s inability to cope with the colitis and all around crying because I have had to endure this entire situation again. And no, I don’t have a re-occurrence of cancer, but I do have a breast cancer related issue which perhaps I’ll delve into at another point.
But I’ve most importantly found myself crying tears of gratitude for the wondrous angels who’ve surrounded me during this period of time. I think my family tires of my tears which rise unbidden when I find myself so utterly grateful for the kindnesses that are shown to me. My sensitivity to feeling loved has emerged and I thank all who have helped me during this time.
I had nurses, who reached out to comfort me when things were really bad in the hospital. Much of my time there was spent in an ICU unit which gave me sweet nurses who had the uncanny ability to connect with me and make me feel as if I were the only patient they had (even though I was not). At NYU I had a room with a view of the water which to me is such a soothing sight that when I would lie awake at night, alone in my thoughts, I would watch the lights twinkling on the water below. How grateful was I to be able to see the water from which I find strength.
At home, my family and friends reached out to help me through and I can’t thank them enough. I am eternally grateful for many of the sacrifices they gave in order to help me heal…..and that they are still doing to help me heal. My surgery was necessary and I know that I am happy it was able to be scheduled so quickly as it needed to be done immediately. For that, I am grateful as well.
When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, my “Why ME?” question ignited my soul and helped me to help others. Again, I”m asking, “Why ME?” and I’m feeling like I have a similar answer…10 years later…this journey, this purpose is not over for me because I feel like there’s more to do.
And for that, I am grateful.
Happy Sunday to All of You!