Tag Archive | life school

Heart and Soul

If you’ve been with me for awhile, you know I have written about the many life experiences I’ve had in order to connect with others. Making connections and helping others has always been the key to my writings. Well, that and talking about heartlights shining which at this point, I find even more curious since my heartlight is due for a shiny upgrade.

Being a breast cancer survivor, (now at the 20 year mark!), I thought that it would be smooth sailing from here on out. Apparently, my soul had signed up for a few more life experiences at earth school that I wasn’t aware I needed. So here I am, asking for your help, your prayers and your good thoughts, because open heart surgery is next on my schedule.

I know, shocking, right? It was to me, too. My entire life I’d known I had a heart murmur, low blood pressure and I would describe myself as a fainter (not often, but enough to not surprise myself that I faint at the sight of a needle etc.). It was my normal. However, it wasn’t normal. It was due to a genetically deformed aortic valve that I was born with – a bicuspid instead of a tricuspid valve that received more damage over the years by chemotherapy, radiation – and needs to be replaced now.

I’m not your typical heart patient. There are a multitude of complications to navigate for the cardiologists and luckily, they are prepping their strategies with the help from my previous doctors for hopefully the best outcome – a renewed heart.

So there it is – my latest news. I’ll admit that as the date gets closer, I get a bit more nervous. I’ve danced with the ‘what if I don’t make it’ through the surgery. I’ve battled the ‘I don’t want to have the surgery’ and I’ll take my chances. I’ve curled up in a ball and cried myself to sleep, feeling sorry for myself. I’ve had every emotion imaginable and ended up here.

Interestingly, here is where I am processing the letting go of fear. There’s something amazingly freeing at this point in my life to know that there’s a chance I will not make it through the surgery. It makes the last few days before it more meaningful, more urgent to share the truth of how I feel, most important to tell those whom I love and appreciate, how much they mean to me. I have nothing to lose.

Whether or not I make it through, I love that I am unafraid to speak my truth, finally…interestingly how the soul knows and I do not question life school anymore. I wanted to share this with you because you have all been on this blog journey with me over the years and I have appreciated your loving support, your help and your friendship. My life has been richer because of our connections. You have my sincerest love and gratitude for being you!

Keep shining your heartlights! I’ll be looking for them!

Shine On!

xo

Picking Up The Pieces

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When life throws you a curve ball, you have to re-evaluate your position in life.  You have to pick up the pieces from what’s changed and put them back together in a new way.  You may even have to release some parts of your prior life in order to make room for the new chapter that’s beginning.  We have to embrace the change in order to incorporate it into our lives and not be stymied by the upheaval.

There are many defining moments in life that create change.  What we forget in times of fluidity and peace is that change is inevitable.  Few of us get out of this life alive without challenges, for those are what make this life school a life-long learning process.  If we were only to enjoy smooth sailing for a lifetime then we wouldn’t have a chance to grow.  By enduring these challenges, we experience change.  Life school allows us to connect with others who have endured similar situations in ways that we wouldn’t have been able to otherwise.  Nobody can understand how devastating a cancer diagnosis is if you haven’t experienced it yourself.  Nobody understands the all-encompassing grief that comes with losing a loved one if you haven’t been through it.  Empathy comes when you’ve walked a similar path with compassion.

I confess that I would have preferred to not have endured many of the challenges presented to me.  I could have done without the trying times that threatened to drown me.  But I persevered and through faith, love and friendship, I am still here.

I’ve been through a plethora of life changes as I am sure you have too.  Some have been good changes, while others defined me in ways I never thought possible.  Breast cancer, deaths of friends, family and loved ones, divorce, financial difficulties, Alzheimer’s in loved ones, just to name a few of the big ones.  Through these defining moments of upheaval and life changing events, I have learned one thing for sure:  I can survive and remain who I am innately and even be improved by having endured the changes.  Challenges, failures and triumphs sprinkled with love, hope, faith and kindness make all the difference.

Keep shining your heartlights!

Shine On!

xo