Tag Archive | how to heal difficult relationships

Do You Have Time to Love?


“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
Mother Teresa

Love is an on-going lesson for most of us.  It’s easy to love the world when things are bright and cheerful.  It’s a bit more taxing to love when life isn’t going your way or better said, when others aren’t doing what you like/want/expect.  That’s where the love thing gets a bit sketchy.  I have been known to LOVE my family, but not LIKE them at times.  Does that make sense to you?  Have you ever felt that way?

LOVE is the bottom line for me though ~ even if I may not like what you’ve said/done, I still love you and in loving you, I accept you for who you are and not who I want you to be in my life.  For example, I loved my Dad who’s passed, but I didn’t like him some of the time.  I didn’t like the things he did and said.  I judged him by his actions and for his lack of actions.  I yearned for his approval, I longed to hear his praise of me, not the praise I heard after his passing by others who knew him.  I wanted to feel rock solid acceptance and love in my heart as a child and as an adult.  Instead, we hung onto a tenuous connection which at times was numbed by our not wanting to rock the boat in our relationship.  So many things remained unsaid and perhaps it’s better this way that hurtful words were not exchanged often.

Because now I realize that even though I said I loved him, I didn’t truly love him as much as I could have for I judged him and he judged me.  It’s been almost 2 years since he’s passed and I’ve come to realize that I now can truly say I love him, without judgement which is a sign of my own healing and a sign of his as well (at least I’d like to think so).  I learned forgiveness.  I learned heart-breaking lessons in love, in compassion and in what it means to love another person for who they are.  To see their good and ‘bad’ points (again, a bit of judging whoops) and to accept them for who they truly are and to love them for their whole package.

We say “I love you” often in our house.  Much like Aloha, it can be a greeting, a tag onto the good bye when someone walks out the door and the exclamation point after the goodnight kiss at bedtime.  Loving my sons is easy for me.  I love the whole entire package without exception.  I accept them for the wonderful beings they are.  So why is it so hard for me to do it with others and alas, even with myself?

I am progressing.  I am learning.  I am evolving.  I am reminding myself when I feel that I don’t like someone or something that I can choose to see the person/situation differently.  As much as change has been hard in my life, I am flowing with the changing of my attitude, my observance of others and my newfound ‘a-ha’ in love.

Imagine if we all were to go with the flow of loving who we are ~ flaws and all ~ and loving each other with that same enthusiasm!  To strive to love the whole package of our being and not just the pieces we deem good or acceptable.  What a wonderful world this would be!

Shine On!


P.S.  I love you! xo