Light the Way…

I thought I had scheduled this post to be written this week, but I guess I didn’t do it right…forgive the lateness of it…I’m posting it anyway.  I am home and safe, just in a lot of pain, so I’ll resume soon I promise.  In the meantime, here’s the one I had ready for you while I was gone. xo

I have my surgery tomorrow so I won’t be posting for awhile.  I awoke this morning in a haze, writing in my 1/2 sleeping stupor as I so often do ~ dreaming of 3 posts in which I tell it like it is ~ much like https://misifusa.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/breast-cancer-boobs-oprah-and-dr-phil/.

But alas, I hopped out of bed instead of trying to remember them and now they are lost.  Perhaps it is better this way.

I want to make some points though before I endure my 4th surgery this year…not that I don’t believe I’ll be back to write again next week ~ but since each day is a precious gift, I want to make sure that you enjoy The Presents of Presence no matter what…and that perhaps through my experiences and your own, you can feel the preciousness of the gift of today.

There are a few points that I want to make…

I learned with my first breast cancer surgery back in January 2002 that even though we are all connected, you must rely on yourself, for nobody can live your life for you.  I remember that day every time I walk into an operating room because the memory in burned into my mind.  I hugged and kissed my beloved hubby goodbye, dressed in the 2 hospital gowns and no-slip uniform slippers that they gave me.  I didn’t want to let him go and nestled my head into his shoulder with such force as to hope to meld completely into him so as not to have to go in alone.  He is my strength you know.  But after a few moments, the nurse quietly pulled me from him and led me to the operating room where I walked in, praying that I’d make it through the surgery and walk out.

I had never felt so alone as the doctors and nurses rapidly readied me for my surgery.  They were all business-like and I realized that I was alone ~ in my head, in my thoughts and in my strength.  I remember saying prayers in my head, ones that I had learned as a child and as the anesthesia took over, they had become the mantra of ‘please help me God.’

One of the hardest lessons I believe that we have to learn is that this is our life and we are responsible for it.  We can lean on others for help, for support and for love and happiness, but truly, the job comes down to us.  After that first surgery, I realized that I needed to find my inner strength in order to survive and in order make my life, body, soul healthy again.

I also learned that we are only a soul encased in a body shell of the same structures.  When you are stripped down to wearing the 2 uniform gowns and generic slippers, you aren’t wearing any jewelry, nor makeup or hairpins.  You are just as you were born.  It makes no difference how big your ego is, or how much money you have, or how good-looking you are, or how many children you have, or if you are gay or if you are straight or if you are any type of religion.

Your body reacts the same no matter who you are on the outside/inside.  Your heart still needs to beat, your lungs still need air and you require your inner strength in order to heal properly.  I have found after 13 surgeries, you are not a person usually when you are operated on ~ you are body which needs help and the professionals who surround you do their best to make that happen.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve felt my soul.  I’ve had moments where I’ve looked out of my eyes as my soul and seen the world through my soul’s eyes.  You can say that I am trying to fix my shell by this current surgery which is very true.  And yes, I am doing it for me, so that I live with less daily pain and because it can be done.  But I also know that it’s my soul who counts the most, not the shell which encases it.

I am not sure I am making sense today to you.  Perhaps I should have made 2 different posts ~ because I know this isn’t the most congruent post I’ve written.  I hope you will get my gist though and that it will make you think of yourself and your shell and soul…and your inner strength.

I long to make a difference in this world…to touch the hearts and souls of others through the experiences I’ve endured because without making a difference to one, I feel that it is all for naught.  I feel like God gave me this burden to strengthen me, to teach me compassion, love, light and a heartfelt lesson of faith.

I want you to know that I stand by what I say ~ that I am reaching out to you through my blogs ~ to hold your hand when you are feeling down and need a friend.  I can’t be your everything, but I can stand beside you and be with you on this journey.

I have had a blessed life, of that there is no doubt.  I am loved and I know it ~ and for me there is no greater gift than to send out love.  So please, make it a point everyday to send out love to others and most especially to yourself.  You are loved.  Be the candle that lights the way for another…pass it along and never let the light die out of your life!

Shine On!

xo

Gratitude Day 20 ~ Back to the Light

Sometimes our hearts get tangled and our souls a little off-kilter

friends and family can set us right

and help guide us back to the light. Sera Christann

I write today’s post with such heartfelt gratitude for so many people, many that I didn’t know previously, who have prayed for us, helped us behind the scenes and have sent their loving messages to our family.  The outpouring of love is a bit overwhelming at times as is the entire situation.  I truly feel so blessed as does my family.

We are not out of the woods yet by any stretch with my Dad’s health situation.  The amazing doctors and nurses continue to try new and innovative ways to regain his health.  I have said it before, we are on a seesaw as he is now 14 days in the ICU ~ and at times, his situation improves and we go up ~ and then it declines and we go down.

Our souls and hearts have been mangled lately with the ups and downs ~ hoping against hope, believing and yet worried…holding on to that Beacon of Hope and trying to grasp the faith of a mustard seed…and all the while, we’ve been surrounded by angels who continue to pour their love around us, sheltering us and helping to guide us as we navigate these difficult waters.

And today, I am so grateful for you all ~ and I want you to know how much it means to us to get your emails, texts, phone calls, FB messages and even comments on my blog…your hearts infuse us with light, hope and strength so that we can continue to help Dad and Mom as we continue on this journey.

With loving gratitude always,

xo

Gratitude Day 18 ~ The Royall Treatment

“Progress, of the best kind, is comparatively slow.

Great results cannot be achieved at once;

and we must be satisfied to advance in life as we walk, step by step.” -Samuel Smiles

We are living on a seesaw at the moment…one minute my Dad is stable-ish and the next minute, we have problems.  It is very hard to live like this for so many days.  I always talk about taking baby steps and it is what we are doing…or better said, what he’s doing.  So many times, we have been told that this may be it and then he rallies.  I’ve been calling him the energizer bunny because he just keeps going and going.

But things aren’t great and all of the stress on his body, the difficulties in breathing, the strain on his organs, is taking their toll on him.  He’s on a ventilator and his body is sedated.  It is sad to watch the machines breathing for him, knowing that he has no idea that we are there for him.  Somewhere in my mind and spirit though I feel like he may know that we are there for him ~ for love surpasses all.

As my Mom has repeated ~ all you need is the faith of a mustard seed ~ and she has that faith…the faith that’s bigger than the mustard seed.

So today I am grateful for the staff and especially my Dad’s specialist who are giving his the Royall treatment while he is in the ICU.  The caring, going above and beyond job description and infinite patience, love and continuing to hold that glimmer of hope all the while finding other ways to heal him have made our step by step healing easier for Dad and for us.

Thank you for the Royall Treatment!

xo

Gratitude Day 10 ~ Daddy’s Rainbow

Yesterday was a very hard day for my family as my Dad’s situation worsened as the day went on which finally culminated in him being moved to ICU.  He wasn’t getting enough oxygen and his veins were unable to be accessed since he was so dehydrated even though he was being given an IV.  By 10:30pm at night, we were thinking the worst ~ my Mom, my sister AAngel and me.    In a panic, earlier in the day, I called my friend BAngel, sobbing uncontrollably as I told her what was going on.  It was so hard for me to stay away from his bedside but I had to for his health as well as my own.  I was unable to fathom that I might never see him again alive and was trying to comfort myself in the knowledge that the last time I had seen him, we had chatted amiably for over 2 hours which was so nice.  He had come over with my Mom to my house and it was just the 3 of us for awhile.  It hadn’t been just the 3 of us talking for a long time.

BAngel spoke to me in the most loving way possible.  As she gently explained what I needed to do and changed my way of thinking, I felt an increase in peaceful thoughts permeate my being, knowing that I had no control over the situation and that I just needed to be supportive to everyone involved ~ be the base camp for AAngel and my Mom ~ and send loving thoughts to my Dad.   When I allowed her sage wisdom to stay in my heart and mind, I was able to function, but when I allowed myself to succumb to fear and ego, I became a blubbering mess.

Last night when I laid my head upon the pillow, I spoke to God/Universe and to my Dad directly.  It was an amazing feeling as I felt as if I were speaking to him directly even though I knew he was so sedated that he wasn’t connecting with anyone at all.  But spirit to spirit, I believe we communicated.  Now you might think it strange for me to feel this way, but I know what I felt and the peace it gave me.  I went to sleep knowing that tomorrow would be a new day and hoped that I would not get a phone call during the night from the hospital nor from AAngel.

I happily report today how GRATEFUL I am that I awoke at 5am without having a sad phone call interrupting my sleep.  I’ve called the hospital already this morning to hear that he is alert, in grave condition, but there’s hope.

I took a drive yesterday afternoon to get out of the house ~ as I left the house, the skies opened up and we had thunder, lightning and a rainstorm.  Suddenly, the sun peaked out and although it was still raining, all of a sudden I saw this beautiful rainbow.  So I followed it until I could find a safe place to park and take a picture.  Growing up my Mom would call a sunny rainstorm ~ the Devil is beating his wife ~ I have no idea what that means…but we’ve always said it.

Scientifically, I know why we had the rainbow, but in my heart, I believe it was my Gift from God ~ a Gift of Faith, Love and Understanding.  So I’ve nicknamed that rainbow Daddy’s Rainbow today…and for Father’s Day it will be his card.  Prayers said, fingers crossed and giving the situation up to God/Universe.

Thanks for all of your prayers, comforting messages and thoughts.

I appreciate you all!

xo

Gratitude Day 9 ~ Being Thankful is So Easy!

www.thethankyouchallenge.com

Coach # 126830

Today’s gratitude card is above which I made especially for this occasion.  Although I’m not sharing what I wrote inside today to one of my parents’ friends who helped us immensely yesterday as my Dad is in the hospital.  DAngel stayed and visited with my parents, helping to sort out all of the complications of my Dad’s illness.  I am unfortunately not allowed to visit nor be in the hospital due to my own recent surgery and complications so it’s been very hard to help by phone.  My sister AAngel has been our ROCK and has taken over helping my parents daily, but she’s got her job as well as her own busy family ~ I am amazed at her ability to juggle so many hats in such a caring and loving way.  My heart goes out to her as she’s taken over the care taking of everyone while still taking care of her own responsibilities, family and life. xo

Our family appreciated DAngel and his wife LAngel just stepping in and helping my Mom when the doctor came around as more ears hear better ~ especially when you are hearing information that may sound foreign to you (medical speak you know!)  So that’s why I am sending this card to them.

I also thought I’d take the opportunity to share a bit more about the Gratitude Challenge by posting a website and a bit more information on the how to do it yourself.

If you click on the link above, you will see more information on the challenge that I’m participating in which is bringing me so much joy!  Although I didn’t create this website, you can easily put my Coach # 126830 in and send a card or 2 for free so that you can get the gist of what it’s all about!  Isn’t there someone that you’d like to thank?  Someone who went the extra mile to make your day brighter?   It’s all about karma, the law of attraction and giving ~ sending out love just brings more joy to your life!  I guarantee it…it’s changing mine so quickly!  The more grateful I am, the more I have to be grateful for it seems…and I am loving the changes in my life!

I find that sending cards brings so much joy to my life in so many ways.  It’s been over a week of gratitude already and I am finding that everyday brings more reasons to be thankful to more people who are showing kindness to me in my life.  It’s the little things, the big things and even the mundane that bring me so much joy!

Don’t let today go by without telling the special people in your life how you feel…

We aren’t guaranteed anything except this present moment…

Enjoy The Presents of Presence…on FB!

xo