You’ll Know When It’s Time

It has been a sad time at our home. Our fur baby Tiffany (Tiffy) has been sick for a few months now and I wasn’t able to write about it. But if you search for ‘Tiffy’ on my blog, you’ll find many posts about our resident cat expert in healing through ‘fur therapy’ as she has been with us almost 14 years, snuggling in our arms and hearts with her strong purr healing.

But the time has come and as I write, with tears streaming down my face, I can’t believe we had to say goodbye to her. Anyone who knows us will remember how chatty our Tiffy was as she never stopped talking/meowing to us until she got her way…and she did get her way more often than not. She and I spent every morning presently together, as she demanded to be held like a baby and snuggled after my first sip of coffee. I can’t even begin to describe how bereft I feel without my little love.

I wish I didn’t know when it was time. I wish I could have healed her so that she could have stayed with us longer. My heart is breaking without her here. My sons and I are feeling her absence as she was such a force of love here. I thought that when our first kitty Chessie (you can search for her too) passed that my heart broke wide open, but Tiffy’s loss has broken all of our hearts. Thank goodness we still have Tigger as I hope she is ready for her very needy family to get some fur therapy. May Tiffy have taught her well.

Fortunately, each precious kitty has her own set of strengths so perhaps we have to wait to see what Tigger’s are now that Tiffy has passed. Tiffy was a force to be reckoned with and so now Tigger will step up. I know it won’t be the same as each relationship is different, but as I sit here typing to you quietly, Tigger is next to me, somehow understanding that we need each other. Her calm quiet presence soothes me.

Thank you for letting me share. Keep shining your heartlights!

Shine On!

xo

Picking Up The Pieces

When life throws you a curve ball, you have to re-evaluate your position in life.  You have to pick up the pieces from what’s changed and put them back together in a new way.  You may even have to release some parts of your prior life in order to make room for the new chapter that’s beginning.  We have to embrace the change in order to incorporate it into our lives and not be stymied by the upheaval.

There are many defining moments in life that create change.  What we forget in times of fluidity and peace is that change is inevitable.  Few of us get out of this life alive without challenges, for those are what make this life school a life-long learning process.  If we were only to enjoy smooth sailing for a lifetime then we wouldn’t have a chance to grow.  By enduring these challenges, we experience change.  Life school allows us to connect with others who have endured similar situations in ways that we wouldn’t have been able to otherwise.  Nobody can understand how devastating a cancer diagnosis is if you haven’t experienced it yourself.  Nobody understands the all-encompassing grief that comes with losing a loved one if you haven’t been through it.  Empathy comes when you’ve walked a similar path with compassion.

I confess that I would have preferred to not have endured many of the challenges presented to me.  I could have done without the trying times that threatened to drown me.  But I persevered and through faith, love and friendship, I am still here.

I’ve been through a plethora of life changes as I am sure you have too.  Some have been good changes, while others defined me in ways I never thought possible.  Breast cancer, deaths of friends, family and loved ones, divorce, financial difficulties, Alzheimer’s in loved ones, just to name a few of the big ones.  Through these defining moments of upheaval and life changing events, I have learned one thing for sure:  I can survive and remain who I am innately and even be improved by having endured the changes.  Challenges, failures and triumphs sprinkled with love, hope, faith and kindness make all the difference.

Keep shining your heartlights!

Shine On!

xo

Sept 11

Do you remember where you were seventeen years ago today?  I remember my Mom telling me that everyone knew where they were when JFK was shot.  Now I believe our generational history continues with “Where were you on 9/11?”

Because it seems to me, most of the people of a certain age know full well where they were when they heard about the tragedy that occurred on September 11, 2001.  In our area especially, we know of families who lost loved ones, who endured unspeakable tragedy and who witnessed the atrocities associated with that day.  They are ever emblazoned on many hearts, minds and souls.

There is also another side to the tragedy when we try to look at the light of compassion, of helpfulness, of unity that occurred through that experience.  Strangers helping strangers.  People going beyond their limits to save someone else.  All of the unmistakable soulful connections that came from the irrevocable losses that occurred from the tragedy.

Remembering those whom we lost as the bells toll in NYC today, the names read of those souls who were unable to return home to their loved ones that day.  The unfurling of our flag at the Pentagon Memorial in Arlington, VA.  The tears that many of us still shed on this day, even so many years later.

There’s a heaviness in the air today as the skies weep rain.  Those whom we lost are never forgotten.  Those heroes who gave their lives to help others.  Their angelic light continues to remain in the memories of our hearts.

May God Bless Us All.

Shine On!

xo

Hero – Word of the Day

 

 

 

My Friend Lost Her Mom

A friend of mine’s Mom recently passed away.  Today is the funeral.  It will be hard to say goodbye to a sweet, kind woman who lovingly raised her  family and whom I knew well.

When we lose a parent, no matter the relationship, it’s hard.  On many levels, it’s complicated and the tears that fall are mixed with so many emotions.  Even though we may know that the end is coming, it is still seemingly a shock to us when it happens and we’re left broken.  Even when one can say, She lived a good life and it was time for her to go home to God, it doesn’t change the fact that she has passed away and is no longer here on earth.  I don’t like to hear that saying.  I can’t help myself.  I know people mean well when they say it, but it still just feels wrong to me for some sensitive reason that I don’t think I can actually name.

I’ve lost a parent so I understand and now at this age, other friends have lost parents as well.  So we have formed a group of parentless adult children who are helping each other to endure the sadness.  We support each other.  We hug with the understanding of how it feels.  We help each other through the hard times.

Isn’t that what life is about?

Hug your loved ones today please…

Shine On!

xo

 

Little Bird Laid To Rest

The bumble bee encounter had me buzzing with life’s renewal and the lightness of being that seems to surround me when that smell of spring is in the air.  But yesterday afternoon, when I returned home, I came across a little bird in the driveway.  I have always said that the animal kingdom brings me messages and this one is no exception.  Except I am not quite sure the meaning.

He looks peaceful so I can’t determine how or why the tiny bird is deceased.  (So, yes, I’ve arbitrarily decided it’s a he).  There are no signs of an abrupt attack.  Why he is in the driveway and not on the adjacent grass is curious to me as well.  Even though I did take a photo of him, it seemed too sad for me to post, so I chose another photo of a similarly looking bird today.

For me, he is a reminder that with life comes death and all that encompasses the in-between.  We learn these lessons as we grow and explore the meaning of our lives.  So many times we take for granted what is and forget that life is precious – to be enjoyed, to be shared with love and to be cognizant of that delicate balance between the past, the present and the unknown future.

I also feel that spiritually for me, it signifies the end and the preparation of a new beginning for the next chapter in my life.  Do you feel that way too?

I am not even sure what type of little bird he is – perhaps a sparrow?  I said a small prayer for him, gave thanks for his presence and interred him in the backyard by myself.  I wonder if he has any loved ones who worried when he didn’t return to the nest last night?  Is there a mama or partner bird who is mourning the loss of her love?

Be sweet today.  A gentle reminder to hug and love on those for whom you care so deeply.  We only have today, so take the gift of The Presents of Presence, not for granted, but with the deep understanding that resides in your heartlight.

Shine On!

xo

Two Weeks

Last night, I watched the movie Two Weeks with Sally Field.  While I hadn’t ever heard of the movie before now, I found out that it’s been out since 2007 on DVD as it’s one of those Indie films which I had somehow missed.

For those of us who have aging parents and relatives, this movie poignantly touched me in many ways.  The complexity of family relationships is evident here along with the reality that we all face when we pass away and when we come face to face with grief when a loved one passes away (especially a mom).

Honestly, it’s not a movie I would feel compelled to watch again as I have with others.  But I tend to watch movies about relationships and people dealing with real-life situations.  Grief seems to bring out the stark reality in relationships and this one does just that.  If you’ve endured a similar situation, this may hit too close to home.  But I think it does just that, in a good way.  It showcases the conflicted emotions that we endure when we are faced with the death of a loved one.

It was reviewed as a dramedy which I think encompasses Two Weeks well.  It’s not all laughter nor tears.  It’s the enmeshment of life’s reality.  If you’re interested in seeing more, please click on the image below and it will take you to Amazon.

Have you ever seen it?  I would love to hear from you if you have as I’d like to know what you thought of the movie.  Please let me know.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

The Shack

Last night, I curled up on the couch after eating a warm bowl of homemade chicken soup that I had made for my family yesterday while the temperatures dropped into the single digits outside.  Cuddled under a big, fluffy, warm blanket, almost falling asleep, instead I turned on the movie The Shack.  Years ago, I remember reading the book which I found confusing.  So as the movie began, there were parts that I remembered from the book and much that I had forgotten.

I’ve told you about a few movies which I’ve found to be keepers – ones which touched me spiritually and this one, I need to add to that list for you and for me to watch again.  You see, after I finished watching it and dried my tears, I knew I would have to sleep on all that I’d just experienced along with the lead character in order to absorb what I could.  I also know that I will need to watch it again to absorb more, but that I will know when to watch it again – when my mind and body are receptive.

Click here or on the photo of the book to check it out on Amazon.

Have you ever read the book The Shack or seen the movie version?  The book came out in 2007 and the movie in March of 2017.  I would love to hear from you if you’ve already read the book or seen the movie.  I admit that it can be confusing at times and one needs to keep an open mind.

It’s the reminder of God’s presence in all of our lives healing us in a storytelling way.  The theme of love and letting go of the past are such strong universal truths that those are the additional reasons why I recommend reading and watching The Shack. 

Forgiveness is part of letting go of the past and as the end of 2017 is upon us, perhaps it’s time to let go of 2017 in order to begin again, our next year, with a clean slate and love in our hearts, minds and souls for all.

Shine your heartlights dear friends.

The time is now to heal our wounds and to be at peace.

Shine On!

xo

 

Night Bunny

It’s All Saint’s Day today, along with the famous first of the month, Rabbit, Rabbit, White Rabbit, White Rabbit.  You knew I would remind you, didn’t you?  Quickly, say it if you haven’t already!

It’s also my Dad’s unbirthday (I just made that word up).  Unbirthday because he passed away five years ago, but in my mind, as soon as I hear it’s November 1st, I think of him.  Habit, reflex, nostalgia, and being connected with him even years after his passing makes it a significant day on the calendar for me.  I couldn’t help myself as tears welled up in my eyes this morning thinking of him.  Do you think of loved ones on their unbirthdays even though they have already passed away?

I know the veil is thinner at this time and I am praying for a sign from him.  I don’t know why.  Maybe I want validation that he hears me or that he approves of what I’ve done since he’s been gone.  I guess we never really release that approval piece from a parent or at least I haven’t.  Sad to say I guess, but true.  I want him to be proud of me.  I want him to know that I am trying my best under extraordinary strain at times.  I want him to hug me today even though I know he can’t physically.  I want a sign from him.  Even though I am middle-aged, I think sometimes I feel like a little girl.  Does that make sense?  Do you sometimes feel that way or is it just me?

It’s funny how once you’re middle-aged, we begin to parent our own parents too.  We take care of them as they grow older and are less able to take care of themselves.  I see it all the time with my friends whose parents are still here.  Nobody actually prepares us for the ‘sandwich generation’ piece of life.  We just somehow muddle through it with help from friends and people who have experienced it before us.

But that’s our job.  As the generations before us have done for centuries, we take care of the elder generations.  Parents, family members and such, we are their caretakers as they grow older.  Hopefully we do it with grace and dignity so that we are good role models to our own children, and the younger generations so that they can take care of us as well.

Oh what a tangent I’ve gone off on today.  I’m sorry.  My fingers have just been talking on the keyboard while my cheeks remain tear-stained.

But the other night, I went outside to look at the stars and my little bunny Clover hopped by.  He stayed with me for about 20 minutes before I went back in the house.  He even posed for me sweetly as he is wont to do.  You can see his eyes twinkle in the light of the flash.  He sat nearby and just ate the clover in the grass while I talked with him, pouring my heart out to him.  Isn’t it lovely that we have wildlife who care to listen?

Shine On!

xo

 

Sit With Me For Awhile

Come sit with me for awhile.  Right here, dear one, on the bench.  Let us enjoy the sunshine on our faces and its glistening sparkles on the water.  Look up, see the leaves changing hue.  Fall is in the air.

I am well dear girl.  Looking down on you with joy in my heart.  You know I’m all around you always.  I am proud of you.  I support you.  I am here for you, even though you can’t see me.  My spirit lives with you and your darling sons.

I know what you’ve been through.  Did you feel me holding your hand when you were sobbing and feeling so bereft?  I was there in the quiet of the middle of the night when the tears were falling.  I was there when your wounded soul needed comfort.  Do you remember the prayers?  I heard them.  I am always listening.

Do you not see the beauty before you?  How the seasons have changed turning greens to golds and rubies?  Let go of the sadness before you.  Move on from the mourning and embrace the changes with your heart.  Like the leaves which let go from the branches, be free of what holds you back.  The ground is safe for you to land upon.  There are others there waiting for you to take that step forward with hope in your heart.

I’m holding your hand.

Walk with me.  Let the earth bond with your feet.  Feel it?  It’s solid, comforting and real.  A soft place to land for you.  Touch the grass.  It’s still fertile and green after the rains.

All is well dear girl.  I am here with you.  I will never leave your side.  Call upon me when you need me.  I am here to help.

You are loved.

Shine On!

xo

I Won’t Back Down – A Survivor’s Song

A few years ago, I wrote this post about my friend Jenn with whom I endured chemotherapy when we both had breast cancer.  Jenn lost her battle with the disease as you can read here.

October always reminds me of her smile and fighting spirit.  Her anthem was Tom Petty’s song, I Won’t Back Down, so I thought it was fitting on so many levels to pay a tribute to her during Breast Cancer Awareness month and to Tom Petty who passed away yesterday and even to those who lost their lives at the concert in Las Vegas.

I’m crying this morning for so many reasons.  I’ve been listening to Tom Petty’s song for Jenn and for everyone else.  The grief is real on so many levels for me.

Hold your loved ones close today.  Love with your whole heart everyday.  Be strong and stand up to evil.  Show kindness to all with whom you meet.  You never know what type of battle we are silently enduring.  Keep your heartlight lit for all to see.  You are a vital part of this world.

Shine On!

xo