Tag Archive | finding yourself after a divorce

Begin Again

beginagain

A friend gave me a magnet awhile back in anticipation for all of the changes that were in store for my future.  At the time, I didn’t want to Begin Again as it was daunting for me to think about all that would be changed.  Regardless of how much I didn’t want the changes, they happened anyway, out of my control.  Instead of accepting that my life would dramatically change in all ways – divorce, moving, financially, health-wise, etc., I fought like a tigress to remain in that stagnant limbo of wanting no change, all while change happened anyway.

Finally, I surrendered.

Broken, exhausted and drained, I surrendered.

It’s not that I didn’t agree that the changes were imminent and necessary.  It was that I was fearful of how I would continue on in this uncharted territory for my journey and the journey of my children, for it wasn’t where I wanted to be.  But when I stopped fighting against the rising tide and began to doggy paddle to keep afloat, I received help through the transition.  Angels disguised as friends and strangers reached out to me with kindness.  I began to see the future as a new chapter in my life, a new book on which to write my story and a fresh clean slate which I controlled (for the most part) of how I am the captain of my own life’s ship.

I began planning what had to be done and like a sergeant, began the transition with what I hoped would be military precision.  But alas, I may have had a plethora of military family members, but precision has not been a characteristic blessing unto me.  And so it was, I surrendered.  I did my best daily, fell asleep on my pillow with a bone tired body and rose up the next morning to do it all again.  And finally, it was accomplished, through the help of my angelic human angels.

Now we begin again, in a new home with new challenges.  Regardless, I have surrendered what was and I embrace what is and I plan for what I would like to be.  To Begin Again requires letting go of the past and staying in a peaceful present and allowing a hopeful future to blossom, petal by petal.

I am grateful for the peace within now.  Although transitions are often fraught with wiggles and compromises, I knowingly stand with peace in my heart, grateful for the lessons and learning which have come with the experiences I’ve endured.  I’ve learned so much about people, about myself and about love.  Life lessons have been tough at times, but well-worth the growth that came out of them.  Sure, it’s easy in hindsight to feel this way, but I guess I wanted to share with you so that you can remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  We just have to keep walking towards the light.

I’m here for you if you are going through any transitions as I’ve been through a bunch of different ones:  cancer, multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, divorce, selling a house, finding the right rental, starting over at 50, death of family, family with Alzheimer’s and Dementia, etc.  If you need a friend, here I am, with my arms wide open for a hug.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

You Can’t Make Someone Love You

youcantmakesomeoneloveyou

Once I was told, “You can’t make someone love you,” and a surging feeling of sadness enveloped me at that very moment.  I struggled to understand what she meant by the seemingly offhanded comment.  If my heart is so full of love for someone, why couldn’t they love me?  It seemed preposterous at the time for I truly believed that love could conquer all problems.

But in this case, I found her words to ring true.

My love could not conquer all problems.  Without love on both sides and a willingness to listen, to speak honestly and to be vulnerable, there is no healing or reconciliation.  Relationships can be messy as I’ve learned, although truthfully, I’ve known this for a long time.  Haven’t you?  There’s that old adage of “he said, she said,” which really means “he thinks, she thinks” and there’s little middle ground to forge a bridge between them when both sides don’t listen and share, give and take, and do so without keeping score.

It’s been a life long lesson for me that I am still learning, albeit slowly.  Behind my rose-colored glasses there’s a girl who still believes in love and who still loves with her whole heart.  Another friend once told me that my heart breaks open wider because I love with my whole heart and that most people do not open themselves up that wide and with so much vulnerability.  I felt sad, but I can only be who I am.  Innately, I love with my whole heart and truly, I have had that heart broken wide open, shattered beyond recognition.

But in slowly gathering up the pieces, one by one, holding each piece of my heart tenderly, I’ve put my heart back together.  I’ve restored my soul and chosen to live my life again, with whole-warmheartedness, continuing to love with my whole heart and not just with the broken pieces that I took time to mold back together again.

There are those whom I’ve met, who have been wounded to the core of their beings and they vow that they will never love again that way.  I understand the feeling of needing protection and of guarding our hearts.  Feeling broken-hearted is utterly painful and as humans, we try to safeguard ourselves from pain in every moment.  But there is something precious in loving with our whole hearts, that I can’t let go of, as I believe it is innate with me, a part of me that still believes in love.

I agree that we can’t make someone love us, but we can still love them.  Obviously not in the stalker way, but with a small piece of peace in our hearts.  Love their essence, love that part of them you once treasured, love the memories of your entwined journey that were beautiful.  Let go of the past.  Move forward into the light.  You can survive a broken heart with grace and dignity.  Allow your heartlight to shine radiantly as you move forward in peace.  A loving heart like ours never dies.  Our heartlights may dim for a bit, but love is a precious gift that we give to ourselves and we give to others.  Let your heart be full of love.

Shine On!

xo

How To Embrace Change

Change is beautifully inevitable

Seasons change, people change, weather changes, day changes to night.  When we balk at change, it stunts our growth.  Many of us can flow with the changes of daylight savings time, etc with ease, but when it comes to deeper changes, more life changing changes, we stomp our feet and dig in our heels, crying ‘no fair!’ to the Universe.  But friends, it’s all for naught.  The changes that are coming, the changes that arrive, come whether we believe it’s fair or not.  It comes as no surprise that change happens in life, for otherwise we would remain stagnant and not have the opportunity to grow, to move out of our relegated zones of comfort and expand our experiences.

Change happens.

“When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change,” is a quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer and happens to be on of my favorites.  It’s helped me through many of my life experiences when I wanted to refuse to budge from my own comfort zone even though my life had changed dramatically.  The idea that I can look at change from a different view and find the good in the change even when it was hard to see has been a pivotal point in my soul’s growth.  I can tell you that it hasn’t been easy to deal with many of the changes in my life, but then I don’t think that upheavals are supposed to be easy.  Sometimes they are simply mind shattering and belief scattering ~ which allows us to pick up the broken pieces of our lives and put them back together in a different way.  We change (for the better) when we allow change to flow and not dam the flow of life.  Certainly, I’ve learned that lesson time and time again as I know you have as well.

Change heralds freedom and allows us to drop the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s that may have had us imprisioned in our own lives.  Whether it be changes in health, relationships, jobs or roles, we need to find the peace in our own minds, hearts and souls to embrace the change and go with the flow.  That doesn’t mean you are in a canoe without a paddle, it simply means that you now know that you are the paddler of your own canoe.  Sure, you can link your canoe up with another’s, but you are still in charge of your own buoyancy.

For we can sink or swim when change happens.  We can stop trying and drown in the sorrow or we can tread water until we begin to swim again.  It’s a choice.  Lessons learned by change can feel daunting, but given time and trust, we can see the gifts that come from change.  There are blessings in change.  There’s opportunity to shine your heartlight when you’ve survived what you never thought you could.  There are connections with others to be made when you share your life experiences.

I know it’s not easy, but it can be done.  I am living proof.  Everyday in every way, you choose to swim or to give up.  Keep swimming dear friends.  You can do it.  If you need a helping hand, grab your paddle and let’s flow together.

Change is inevitably beautiful.

Shine On!

xo

Have You Ever Felt Like Dumbo?

dumbo2

As the holiday season approaches, I must confess I feel a bit like Dumbo.  Sad, lonely and abandoned.  It’s not that like Dumbo, I don’t have a friend like Timothy the Mouse.  The fact is that I am eternally grateful for the many friends who have stuck by me as my life has changed dramatically.  But I still feel a bit like the scared Dumbo above, lost and lonely.

I think holidays bring up many unresolved issues in our lives and when all are celebrating, those of us whose lives have changed irrevocably have a hard time adjusting to the merriment.  It’s not that we truly want to bring others down to our own low vibrations, but we feel how we feel and sometimes, we simply need a Timothy the Mouse to bring us a magic feather in order for us to see how we can fly.

It’s a difficult season when we have lost loved ones to death or abandonment.  A part of our hearts go with those who leave in whatever form.  A broken heart learns to heal albeit slowly and there comes a time when we have to confront ‘the elephant in the room.’  For my own self, I am struggling quite honestly with how to go about my first holiday season ~ mentally, physically and emotionally for myself and my sons.  It is not an easy transition for any of us and one that I’ve learned is without any rules.  The best we can do is to look beyond ourselves to those around us, keeping in mind that all are hurting as well.  But to have the courage to enter the circus of holiday parties, feeling like Dumbo, is something that I’m honestly struggling with and I am hoping that someone who reads my blog may have the magic feather for me so that, like Dumbo, I can learn to fly.

dumbo1

I know that my situation is not abnormal and that perhaps you have endured this change as well in your life, or know someone else who has survived this type of heartbreak.  I would truly appreciate any and all support, advice and ‘magic feather’ that you can offer at this time.  I know that in my heart, I can endure the holidays with my head held high for my children’s sakes, but at what price to my own self?  I battle with these thoughts and more daily as Thanksgiving approaches and the hubbub of the holiday season and parties begins.

I apologize for such a sad post today.  Usually I am upbeat and try to be inspirational, but I am faltering and now look to your kindness with hopeful yearning.  Does anyone have a magic feather to lend?  I am looking to fly my dear friends.  Any and all help is appreciated and if you feel like sharing any special Timothy advice, I am open and willing to listen and to embrace my strength, my tenacity and my inner love to fly.

Thanks for being with me everyday.  I am so grateful to all of my readers and friends.  May you never let go of your magic feather for we are all meant to fly!

Shine On!

xo

dumbo

*Credit to the internet for the photos above of Dumbo from the movie.

 

 

Under the Tuscan Sun

80465357_Under the Tuscan Sun

I confess, I have a list of movies that when they are on, I have to watch them.  It matters not that I have seen them countless times before and that I could probably recite all of the actor’s lines and tell you the plot without error.  For me, there’s a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ about the movie, Under the Tuscan Sun.  Perhaps it is that I could see my younger self buying my own Bramasole and living in a quiet village in Tuscany.   Perhaps it is because I identify with the American living abroad.  Perhaps it is the lessons that Frances learns along the way which tug at my heart.  For all of these reasons and more, when I awoke this morning and turned on the television and saw one of my all time favorite movies playing, I relinquished my to do list and allowed the enjoyment and love of life to enter my day.  With Tiffy Cat on my lap, a warm cup of coffee in my hand and Rabbit Rabbit on my lips, my peaceful morning began.

I won’t regale you with the plot details.   Instead, I will leave you with a few of my favorite quotes:

Life offers you a thousand chances… all you have to do is take one.”

“Any arbitrary turning along the way and I would be elsewhere; I would be different.”

“Terrible idea…don’t you just love those?”

“They say they built the train tracks over the Alps before there was a train that could make the trip. They built it anyway. They knew one day the train would come.”

Do you have a favorite movie?

Please share!

Shine On!

xo

P.S.  Don’t forget to say, Rabbit Rabbit!

Below you can see the trailer from the movie to see if you want to watch it as well.