Tag Archive | finding peace

Being Strong Is Hard

stronglikeabull

*Warning, reader discretion is advised.

My heart is breaking.  I just want to sob and be held by someone who cares.  I want to cry freely without worry and be comforted by someone who doesn’t need for me to be strong for them.  It can’t be fixed what I’m enduring.  I don’t want you to fix it.  I just want to be protected for a few minutes, be held and loved for who I am and to be comforted and not have to comfort someone else for awhile.  Is it too much to ask?

Tears fall, unbidden so much these days.  I’m not a really pretty crier either which doesn’t help.  I’m the gal who gets a red nose and blubbery.  You know that type that doesn’t cry often, but when she does, it comes from the depths of her solar plexus in big heaps of sadness?  That’s me.

Although I’ve been known to get quietly teary on occasion at a movie, at a tender moment, when the beauty of life hits me in a certain way or when I look at my once vibrant Mama and know that there’s a little vacancy now behind the eyes that she’s trying desperately to hide and I’m trying so hard to not see.

Life’s just not easy these days.  I miss so much that’s not mine.  I need a friend to lean on and I’m really alone.  It’s hard to take on all of this by myself even though I have help.  It’s frustrating, heart-breaking and I feel like I’m in solitary confinement with the weight of the world on me.  I’m just so darn sad and alone.

I hate this.  I hate feeling so alone.  I dislike feeling like I need someone to hold me because I know there’s nobody.  On one hand, I know I’ve got it.  I can do this.  I’ve had to deal with more than this instance.  On the other, I’m tired of cleaning up everyone else’s messes and I’m frustrated with their ability to just hand over everything to me as if I will always pick up the pieces to make it right for everyone else.

Sure, I can find peace within myself and peace within the stillness.  But I want to be coddled for a few minutes.  Rock me Mama in that rocking chair.  Make it all go away for a few minutes please.  I wish you could do that again for me, be my Mama…and let me be a little girl if only for a few minutes…it would be so nice…take away the boo boo, kiss me, snuggle me and remind me that you are powerful and that I am protected.  Pretty please?

Shine On!

xo

 

Let Go of 2013

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One of the happiest moments ever is when you feel the courage to let go of what you can’t change.

As 2013 winds down, it’s time for clearing, time for looking back upon the past year and settling it in the present.  It’s time to plan for the future in the present tense and to allow the beauty of the present moment to shine its shining star upon our lives.  It’s a time to reevaluate priorities, to engage in the lesson planning for the coming year and to develop a theme for what we are setting out to accomplish.

I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions as it gives me too much agita when they go awry.  Instead, I am working on a theme for 2014.  No best laid plans, but instead a red carpet runner which includes what I am setting out to accomplish ~ one baby step at a time.  To me, it’s better to divide and conquer in small steps than it is to establish grandiose plans which in an instant can be wiped out tsunami-style in the blink of a disappointed eye.

Letting go is my theme for the next few days, purging what doesn’t suit and what doesn’t feel right anymore.  It takes courage to do this you know.  To allow the judgments to have their own and to be at peace within in order to go on.  Peace has settled within me lately and I’m finding the joy in simply being present and allowing that presence to shine.

May your essence shine as well today and always.

Shine On!

xo

My heartfelt thanks to my fellow blogger who inspires me with Chalkboard Quotes.  Click LetGo to see the original post which inspired mine.

Dream and Live

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“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.”
Actor, James Dean

The moon enthralls me.  I don’t know why except it does.  Every morning I take my son to the bus stop and when it was dark outside we could see the moon and the stars perfectly.  It’s a wonderful time of day I think and I highly recommend that you partake of the gift ~ you know the one ~ where the darkness fades and dawn begins.

I was never a sky watcher, but in recent years, I find myself looking up (literally and figuratively) more often and what I find is truly amazing.  Do you ever stop to look up at the sky during your busy day?  It’s a lovely moment to capture if you can remember to do it!  I find the most sparkling of stars (and now I’ve learned they are planets ~ namely Jupiter!) next to a glistening moon.  I see rainbows, jewel-colored sunsets, white fluffy clouds and the most precious blue skies ever!  I experience sunbeams which radiate through clouds and I even find beauty in darkening thunderous clouds which bring on the rain.

Oh and the snow clouds ~ how could I forget those?  Many an hour I have stood by my window and watched snow fall ~ blanketing the Earth with brilliance.  I am always amazed by the gently falling snow, the furious falling snow and even the big fluffy cotton-ball snow flakes!  I guess you could say I’m easily enthralled and enchanted by Mother Nature and you would be right.

For you see, tomorrow is promised to no one ~ so we must enjoy the gifts of today.  Hug those whom you love, tell them how you feel and be content with what you have.  Gratitude is the key.  When you are grateful for what you have, more comes ~ it is when you feel lack, that you gain lack.

Look up today.  Share in the comments what your sky’s gift to you is today.  Experience the mightiness of the Earth and Mother Nature and feel the oneness in which we all connect!

Shine On!

xo

Where in Nature Do You Find Your Peace?

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 I am soothed here.

I’m a Jersey Girl, although not the Snooki kind, but the real-life gal who grew up going to the beach everyday she could, who finds the sound of the ocean soothing and who goes in search of the sand between her toes, the sun in the sky glistening on the water and the waves crashing gently to shore in order to soothe her soul.  That’s me.  A drive to the beach will suffice when the weather’s too cold to dip my toes into the ocean, but I must smell the briny scent of the ocean’s perfume in order to completely find my peace within.

Do you have a special peaceful place in nature that you call your own? 

Are you a beach person like me?  Or do the mountains beckon to your soul?

Do the lakes have your heart?  Or does the chilly snow hold you? 

Does crunching in fallen, gem-colored leaves soften your sadness? 

Or does the howling wind blow away your troubles? 

Do raindrops wash away your tears?  Does the acrid desert drain your worries? 

Does the sunshine call your name?

Or do moonbeams beckon your feet to dance?

Do twinkling stars ignite your passion?

Or do clouds feather your dreams?

Please share with me ~ I’d love to hear where you find you peace!

Shine On!

xo

Where is your

Happiness is a patch of sunshine

TiffanyMy wish for you:

Find a bit of sunshine today like Tiffy and enjoy!

Shine On!

xo

Join Michelle’s Wednesday Pet Challenge to show us your furkids!

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I See You

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I See You

Did you ever see the 2009 movie Avatar?  Do you remember when Jake Sully and Neytiri both say, “I see you,” to each other?  It’s a poignant moment and it’s one that has stayed with me even years later.  Last night in my dream, I said it to a friend of mine who is battling stage 4 mouth cancer.  I’ve heard that he’s having a dark time of it and having a hard time finding hope in his life.  In my dream, I didn’t know what else to tell him so I simply reminded him that ‘I see you.’

For you see, I understand a bit how he feels.  His face has been disfigured ~ his smile is a bit lopsided now since the cancer was removed ~ in pictures that I’ve seen of him, the smile is in his eyes, but his mouth and facial expressions just don’t quite coincide with what if you knew him, you can tell what he’s trying to do.  It makes me sad.

He lives faraway from me so we haven’t talked because he’s isolated himself.  But I send him cards every once in awhile.  Just a little bright and cheery card so that he knows someone is thinking of him.  We’ve known each other for over 30 years although we haven’t talked in about 5 years.  I keep in touch with how he’s doing through his mom who is a dear friend of mine.

I see you ~ what a memorable statement to make to someone.  Have you ever really thought about it?  Have you ever really ‘seen’ another person?  You know, that deep down soul to soul contact which scatters the frivolity of the outside of another person and concentrates on the goodness and who that person truly is at their core?  It’s that knowing of their soul deep down.  It’s the “I remember who you really are no matter how you are acting now and what is going on with you.”  It’s seeing that beauty in another person even when their outside has changed or isn’t recognizable.

Imagine saying it yourself ~ I see you ~ a gentle reminder to your soul.

I see you.

It’s what I want to tell him.  I get it.  Our outsides are now disfigured and we don’t look the way we used to look.  Our bodies have changed dramatically and we’ve battled cancer mind, body and soul.  I’ve had self-esteem issues myself and I hate what the cancer and surgeries have done to my body.  It’s embarrassing to look at and hard to accept the new normal of my figure, my body and my femininity.  It’s difficult to accept the new normal and the reality of the situation.  For me, I thought it would get better as time went on, but there are times where I must go back to square one and climb out of the self-pity hole again in order to continue on this journey of endurance.

I see you.

Perhaps there is someone in your life who needs to hear you say this to them?  You can give that special gift of acceptance, love and understanding to someone today.  Think about it ~ I know I had to write this post today and share this story with you.  Was this a nudge for you too?

Imagine saying it yourself ~ I see you ~ a gentle reminder to your soul.

Imagine if we could all say, ” I see you,” to each other!

What a peaceful place we would inhabit!

Shine On!

xo