Tag Archive | finding peace

Accept Change

jimmystewart

The secret of a happy life is to accept change gracefully.

~ Jimmy Stewart

Change happens.  That’s a fact.  Some changes we embrace wholeheartedly, some we tolerate and some we outright object to with disdain.  But either way, change happens.

Change can give us a little comfort time when things are quiet so we can rest.  Change can rev us up to motivate us.  Change can push us far out of our comfort zone in order to learn life lessons and be stronger, better, and more at peace after the storms.

I love this quote from Jimmy Stewart.  I hope that it gives you a little peace in knowing that it’s a choice in how you view the changes in your life.  Embrace them and accept them.  Divine Timing happens for a reason.

Shine On!

xo

 

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Letting Go of Approval

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Fear drives us to seek approval.  Many times we say and do what we feel is right and in the back of our minds, we also think of what actions will be approved.  It’s not a good way to be, but it happens in life.  What we need to do is to keep in mind that when we are doing what is right for ourselves, it is not for others to judge, criticize nor approve.  It is for us to stand firm in our convictions and to find peace within to lay our heads on our pillows every night, knowing that we are not hurting others intentionally, but we are doing what we feel is right for ourselves.

It’s not easy to live with a scapegoat mentality no matter how strong our soul is.  It wears on the soul, the mind and the body and the pain crops up in different ways.  Those of us who innately have a high pain tolerance continue to plow through the pain, all the while, not realizing that it is our own selves who are inflicting the discomfort in our battle to seek approval and to worry about how others judge our actions and inactions.  It’s a hard line to walk for sure.  To walk in our truth, without minding the what if’s, is harder than the pain of limitations that we set for ourselves in our own minds.  However, once we can get past the hurdle and actually begin to walk in our own truth, allowing others to feel and judge at will, it gets easier.

I have spent a lifetime doing for others and seeking approval.  Being the ‘good girl’ in the family began that journey and that role assigned to me, did more damage than good.  I willingly embraced it for the love that was given to me, was often taken when the giver believed I wasn’t doing what they wanted.  I succumbed to that way of thinking for many years.  Even when the giver who did love me passed, the feeling stayed and I transferred it to others.  I was held captive by my own beliefs.  I needed to be seen, heard and loved as the ‘good girl’ and the one who was responsible.  I relished the role.  But it has been my downfall.

I allowed myself to be bullied by others in subtle and not so subtle ways in order to keep peace in my life, or what on the outside, I believed to be peace.  Instead of standing up and saying that I am not lacking, I rolled over like a submissive dog, begging approval and apologizing for my faults which were deemed by others.  What I felt was strength in keeping peace, was seen as weakness and an opportunity to control me and I succumbed to the farce.  The pain I have endured is immeasurable, the toll it has taken on my psyche is clear to me and it saddens me.  It has weakened me up until now.

I am taking control again.  Albeit slowly, I am seeking the freedom to say ‘no’ and to allow others to fester in their disapproval.  It is not an easy decision, but one that I must make for myself.  I have been sick.  I have endured cancer.  I have run around my whole life trying to make everyone else happy and forgotten my own self.  I have not babied myself nor comforted me.  I have spent a lifetime caring for others, making their needs count before my own and completely living for their demands.  It is my own fault.  I am not playing victim here.  I am simply stating the truth.  I allowed it.  I see that now.  I let others make decisions about my life and I thought I was doing good by keeping the peace and going along with the flow.  I never stood up and asked, ‘why?’  I was too afraid to anger them for I had seen the reprisals before and I feared in my heart what they could do to me.

I watched as others gave and took love according to their control of me.  When I was ‘playing nice’ as they demanded, I was loved.  When I was hurt or not being the person whom they deemed me to be, the love stopped right there, only to be taken back into the loving energy when I was being ‘good’ again.  Because of my childhood, I thought that was the way loved ones were supposed to act.  Now as a parent, I can’t imagine doing that to my children nor to anyone else for that matter.  Love is not a costume that we put on or take off at will.  Loving someone in the true sense of love, is accepting them for who they are and not judging all the time.  I love my sons when they are being ‘good’ and when they are not.  I love them for who they are down deep and I love them with my whole heart and they know it.  It is the one great thing I’ve done in my life.  To truly love another human being, to accept them, faults and all, and to continue to love them even when they make mistakes, even when they speak their mind, even when they dare to challenge us to think outside our own limits is what love is all about ~ to forgive and truly forget is a gift we give the ones we love.

We are not here to judge others.  What you do and what I do is separate.  We can work in unison for a common cause, we can unite in love or we can separate in a non-loving way.  What I ache for now, is peace in my life.  I do not want to walk on a rocky road, worrying that a misstep will cause love to be taken from me.  For once love is taken and then returned at will, at your will, it is not love.  It is approval for which I do not seek.

I am a good person.  I try hard to be peaceful, kind and loving.  I try to spread sunshine and I do my best to live a good life.  I know this for sure for I can lay my head on my pillow every night and sleep.  Do I toss and turn sometimes?  Absolutely.  Have I made mistakes which I regret?  Yup.  Am I going to continue to berate myself over things that I have said and done and apologize to others continuously in order to be forgiven and pray for their approval?  No, dearest ones, not anymore.

It’s not to say that I don’t love the people in my life.  It’s that I’m finding that the authentic me who has been berated one too many times, is being freed, here and now.  This girl whom was made to feel that she had to be good, to seek approval and to not make mistakes may make mistakes as she follows her heart, but they are her mistakes and not ones that were made intentionally.  I am tired of the backlash from my mistakes and the judgments, the silent treatments and the cold love that was given and taken at will.

I wish we could all speak plainly, explain and be heard.  I wish love softened hearts instead of making them walled up and judgmental.  Live your own life, to the best of your ability.  Be loving in all that you do.  Speak your truth with kindness and understanding.  Hold fast in the knowledge that you are one of God’s children, deemed perfect, whole and complete.  Allow no one to break your peaceful, loving heart by words or actions.  Allow others to be, to say, and to do what they wish without reprisal.

When you think about it, we are all just walking each other home.  Why not make the trip with a loving connection, holding hands and hearts as we journey together on this path?  Here’s my hand…

Shine On!

xo

Le Petit Prince ~ What does that mean – Tame?

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The Little Prince

By  Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Dear friends, have you read this book?  I just finished it for the first time and I find it fascinatingly chock full of mini life lessons.  Although I’m not altogether sure I understand everything the author is trying to relay to us as grown-ups, there were passages which I found to be worthy of further thought.  I would love to hear your thoughts on the book if you have read it so that I can learn from your experience.

For example, on relationships:

“I am looking for friends. What does that mean — tame?”

“It is an act too often neglected,” said the fox. “It means to establish ties.”

“To establish ties?”

“Just that,” said the fox. “To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world….”

and…

“So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near–

“Ah,” said the fox, “I shall cry.”

“It is your own fault,” said the little prince. “I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . .”

“Yes, that is so,” said the fox.

“But now you are going to cry!” said the little prince.

“Yes, that is so,” said the fox.

“Then it has done you no good at all!”

“It has done me good,” said the fox, “because of the color of the wheat fields.”

and…

“You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.”

and..

“One runs the risk of weeping a little, if one lets himself be tamed.”

and…

“I remembered the fox. One runs the risk of crying a bit if one allows oneself to be tamed.”

As in yesterday’s post about love, I guess I am running on a theme these past few days.  There are those who swear off closeness with others when they’ve been hurt.  They are reminded all too often that even though there is a precious gift in connecting with someone, taming, as in this story, there is weeping when ‘one lets himself be tamed’ as well.  We allow our souls to connect for a time and when/if they become dislodged and disconnected, we weep for the hurt.  It happens often in many different types of relationships, as you may understand from personal experience.  It needn’t be a love relationship such as a marriage or dating, although that is hard when it ends.  There can be other types of separations, disconnections, that can be just as heartbreaking.  Friendships and family relationships can grow apart or even break altogether, having served the life duration of the relationship and still, there is that bit of crying when the ties are severed.  It’s a part of relationships sometimes, that they have a time limit, a life cycle so to speak.  We grow together, tame each other by feeling that special closeness and then, through experiences, we separate and move on.  Sometimes neither person wants to do this, but perhaps circumstances are not in our favor.

I welcome the weeping at the end, for it means that the relationship was special, unique and one that I shan’t forget.  Like the fox who is reminded of The Little Prince when he sees the golden wheat, I know in my heart, that it has done me good.

How about you?

Shine On!

xo

Love Them Deeply

“I’m convinced when each of us faces the end of life,

our only regrets will be the moments we chose

to turn away from people

instead of loving them deeply.”

~Lori Lara

This quote from Lori Lara  touched me deeply when I read it.  Perhaps it’s because each of our parents (her Mom, my Dad) passed away three years ago and as bloggers we connected during that time.  Perhaps it is because her profound statement is from an experience and a healing that has taken us all at one time or another on a journey that we never expected to share.

It touches me to my core, reminding me of all the relationships, connections and disconnections in our lives and how they affect us.  We cannot change the past, we know not where the future beckons and so, it is in the here and now that we rest, we love and we experience the rainbow that life experiences has to offer.  To find the peace in the moment of now is the highest purpose in our lives.  To let go of past hurts, acknowledge regrets and find love in every connection and relationship.

For we all have an expiration date that hangs over us and most of us do not know what it is.  So we must continue to find the peace within ourselves and shine our heartlights out into the Universe.  It is our legacy that we control, the memory in others hearts’ of how we connected that remains in our memories.  To have had such an amazing experience with her Mom that she shares in her post, reminds me of myself with my Dad.  Thank you Lori Lara for sharing that day with us and for sharing all that you and your Mom were able to heal before she passed.

There are moments when we can choose love over hurt and many of us do just that, for ourselves and for others.  It’s not an easy choice and I’m not saying to be a doormat either.  But I have regrets in my own relationships when I forgot to choose the love instead of the hurt.  I’ve learned by my experiences and they have changed me.

I have been told that I am changed and it is true.  The chaos of hurt can still swirl about me and it can ping at my soul as well, but I choose to love, to find peace within me and to continue to strive to shine my heartlight in the best way that I know how in this moment of time.  Innately, I care about people, relationships and connecting, even when those with whom I choose to connect are having a tough time understanding my newfound peace.  It is hard to remain true to myself at times, to hear the criticizing of the enrichment that I have found in my life, but I go on.  For me, this change has been immeasurable and it is healing in itself and it is a gift for which I am forever grateful.

So shine your heartlight dearest friends, shine brightly the love that grows in your heart.  It is your legacy that is held so dearly.  Your loving heart in this moment in time is all we have for sure.  Use it wisely, use it willingly and watch it grow.  You are worthy.  You are capable.  You are YOU!

You are loved.

Shine On!

xo

The Width of An Eyelash

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Sometimes the difference between what we want

and what we fear is the width of an eyelash.

~Jay McInerney

This was a great quote from the movie, The Second Exotic Marigold Hotel, but when I looked it up, it was quoted by Jay McInerney.  The quote touched me deeply and I wanted to share it with you.  For like many people, I have stood in fear, wanting something and yet frozen as to how to proceed.  I think it’s something we all deal with in our lives.  We make millions of different decisions a day, some small and some enormous and our lives reflect the decisions we make.  I’ve heard people lament that they don’t have what they want and yet I observe that they don’t fight the fear to push through to make their wants a reality. It’s hard to do.  I know.  But this quote gave me hope.  For if it’s a width of an eyelash between what we want and what we fear, then it’s not a far jump to realize our desires.  Don’t you think?

Shine On!

xo

Lead With Your Heart

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Lead With Your Heart

When we lead with our hearts, we change the way we look at our own lives and at the lives of others.  We can lovingly observe the world around us with compassion, thus raising our energetic vibration and increasing our positivity.  Just this small change in how we see ourselves and those around us, makes a difference in the world.

By leading with our hearts, we inspire others to do the same.  When we band together with caring connections, we expand Universal Love which heals and embraces everyone.  We travel, arm in arm, along the yellow brick road.

We see each other’s strengths and applaud them.  We may see our weaknesses as well and together we strengthen them.  We teach, we learn, we enrich and we share.  We release what doesn’t serve us and expand what does.  With help, we drop negativity and infuse more optimism and positivity into our lives.  We find The Presents of Presence in simple steps to freedom.  We allow instead of controlling.  We bless our current situations and embrace the gratitude for all experiences that we endure.  We find the good in every situation, allowing the bad vibrations to drop away ~ we learn the lessons needed to move onward and upwards, all the while connecting with others.  We use our power for good.

We choose to lead with our hearts.  It’s a choice, dear friends.  One that we choose, moment to moment, day to day, year to year over a lifetime.  The beauty of choice is that we always have the freedom to choose again at any time.  How blessed we are to live this life!

Shine On!

xo

 

*Photo Credit SendOutCards

Being Strong Is Hard

stronglikeabull

*Warning, reader discretion is advised.

My heart is breaking.  I just want to sob and be held by someone who cares.  I want to cry freely without worry and be comforted by someone who doesn’t need for me to be strong for them.  It can’t be fixed what I’m enduring.  I don’t want you to fix it.  I just want to be protected for a few minutes, be held and loved for who I am and to be comforted and not have to comfort someone else for awhile.  Is it too much to ask?

Tears fall, unbidden so much these days.  I’m not a really pretty crier either which doesn’t help.  I’m the gal who gets a red nose and blubbery.  You know that type that doesn’t cry often, but when she does, it comes from the depths of her solar plexus in big heaps of sadness?  That’s me.

Although I’ve been known to get quietly teary on occasion at a movie, at a tender moment, when the beauty of life hits me in a certain way or when I look at my once vibrant Mama and know that there’s a little vacancy now behind the eyes that she’s trying desperately to hide and I’m trying so hard to not see.

Life’s just not easy these days.  I miss so much that’s not mine.  I need a friend to lean on and I’m really alone.  It’s hard to take on all of this by myself even though I have help.  It’s frustrating, heart-breaking and I feel like I’m in solitary confinement with the weight of the world on me.  I’m just so darn sad and alone.

I hate this.  I hate feeling so alone.  I dislike feeling like I need someone to hold me because I know there’s nobody.  On one hand, I know I’ve got it.  I can do this.  I’ve had to deal with more than this instance.  On the other, I’m tired of cleaning up everyone else’s messes and I’m frustrated with their ability to just hand over everything to me as if I will always pick up the pieces to make it right for everyone else.

Sure, I can find peace within myself and peace within the stillness.  But I want to be coddled for a few minutes.  Rock me Mama in that rocking chair.  Make it all go away for a few minutes please.  I wish you could do that again for me, be my Mama…and let me be a little girl if only for a few minutes…it would be so nice…take away the boo boo, kiss me, snuggle me and remind me that you are powerful and that I am protected.  Pretty please?

Shine On!

xo