Tag Archive | finding peace within you

Have You Ever Been to Heaven?

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More than 20 years ago, I dreamt of Heaven and I have lived to tell the tale.  The dream is as vivid as it was when I awoke that morning in my parents’ house.  I remember coming downstairs to the kitchen to talk with my Mom and I remember telling her the story that I had just been to Heaven in my dream.

I don’t recall how or why I was in Heaven, but I clearly recall what it looked like ~ it was a field of tulips, surrounded by the most brilliant light I’ve ever seen.  There was an ethereal haze to the encounter as I was walking on a path similar to the photo above but there seemed to be a fluffy cloud floor instead of dirt.  As far as my eye could see, the ground was blanketed with these amazing colorful tulips.  Although the light emenated everywhere, I started to walk towards what I believed to be the light’s center, a most magical core of light which beamed out from the end of the path.

The light enveloped me and everything around me.  It was as clear as day, but in a warm glow of daylight unlike any I’ve ever experienced here on Earth.  It was warm, perfect temperature as I walked (or glided) along the nebulous path.  I was completely at peace and not in any hurry.  I remember feeling like I was seeing everything all at once without having to turn my head from side to side to see each part of the fields of tulips.  I felt love surrounding me.  I felt peace within my soul like I’ve never felt before nor since.  I felt happiness right to my core, to my soul.  It wasn’t that ebullient happiness which gurgles up inside when you are giddy.  No, this was a peacefilled happiness which seems to emanate from everywhere all at once, including from me as I felt at one with everyone and everything around me.

I felt there were others on this path with me, but I couldn’t see them nor could I communicate with them.  We were just gliding on our own paths of our own makings, but we were connected through this amazing loving embrace which powerfully surrounded us all.  I felt like I was indeed love and love was indeed me.

I don’t know how long my dream lasted.  I can only tell you that when I awoke, I had yet to arrive at the center of the light.  But the peacefulness which surrounded my soul and became my soul is unlike any experience I’ve had in my life.  I can still conjure up those feelings when I am quiet and at peace in my life.  I have not experienced the dream again.  But it is a memory which I hold dearly in my heart, every day of my life.

Have you ever experienced anything like this?  Have you been to Heaven?

Shine On!

xo

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Daily Prompt: Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

What is the best dream you’ve ever had? Recount it for us in all its ethereal glory. If no dream stands out in your memory, recount your worst nightmare. Leave no frightening detail out.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us IMAGINARY.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/26/daily-prompt-sweet-dreams/

Photocredit:  Desktopnexus.com
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Don’t Curse the Darkness

76604911_It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness. 

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

I spoke to a dear friend yesterday.  She called to thank me for a small gift I had given to her.  Quite frankly, I wasn’t sure if she would accept it, but I gave it to her anyway.  You see, you can really never be quite sure if someone is ready to take that next small baby step and no matter how tenderly I may feel I am being with my friend, it could have done more harm than good and in turn, gone terribly wrong.

It happened to me once.  A dear friend spoke heartfelt words to me and I wasn’t ready to hear them.  Instead, I was terribly hurt and distraught by what she said.  I retreated and so did she.  We spent months skirting the issue ~ wasted time in which we could have grown even closer and stronger.  I realize now she was trying to light the candle inside of me, but I just wasn’t ready.  Months later, I can now see the courage she showed in telling me what she felt I needed to hear.  But at the time, I was terribly pained by what was said because I was depressed.  She was right.  I was wrong.

Grief is a terrible thing especially when it’s accompanied by stress, guilt, shame and fear.  It clouds thinking.  It darkens souls.  It makes life difficult to bear.  It destroys common sense and makes a mockery of pain.  It tightens its grip and holds captive your soul.  It is relentless, badgering the mind with its flood of darkness.  There seems to be no way out when it swallows you whole.

Days become long sessions of trudging through the motions of life.  Common routines become enormous burdens and scraps of normality become rare.  For me, it was all I could do to make it through the day and I didn’t even do that very well.  Nobody could reach me, not even myself.  I felt aggressive, in turmoil and alone.  I alienated others in the attempt to deal with my problems of which felt insurmountable.

I cursed the darkness.  I shunned the light.  Breathing in the sadness, I escaped into my own tornado of grief, pummeling myself in the vortex of despair.  It wasn’t pretty.  It wasn’t easy.  It was hell.  My thoughts stagnated and self-flagellation included bouts of enormous guilt for all of the woulda, coulda, shouldas that were missing from my life.  I dwelled in my own dark head, thoughts swirling at great speeds, none of them good.  I had no self-love.  I had plenty of pity.  I had plenty of grief, loss, ugliness, anger, resentment.  I woodenly went through the motions of living, capable of only the barest of necessities.  I existed.  I found no happiness, not even in the simplest flower, breeze nor sunny sky.  I lost my faith, I lost myself, I lost precious time.

There was no magic pill nor spell which reached me.  The thunderous clouds which held my mind captive didn’t suddenly part and peace rained.  No, that was not how it happened.  I can’t even say for sure how it evolved except to say that after awhile, I began to take baby steps, looking for the light.  Tired of dwelling in the complete fear-laden darkness, I cautiously began searching for the warmth of light and love.  It was something that I had to do, that I had to endure.  Of course, I wish I didn’t have to endure it.  Like all dark journeys, ‘what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger,” even though it may not be of our choosings.

I can tell you this because I want you to know that my positivity is grounded in gratitude.  For I have experienced the foul-smelling depths of darkness in my soul.  I have endured the bleak days and nights of depression.  I have lost myself and gained perspective.  I have found myself and regained light and love.

And I would do it again.  For the precious lessons that I’ve learned through this have been life-changing.  I understand.  I have been there and back.  When I tell you that I’m sending you a heartfelt hug, I am.  Heart to heart, we connect with each other.  Soul to soul, we grow in the light.  Holding hands, we can support each other and leapfrog into the light.

I am here.  I understand.  Take my hand.

Let’s walk together.

Shine On!

xo