It’s coming up on the 2nd anniversary of my Dad’s passing. The rainy weather, my Mom’s sadness and my increasing melancholy mood isn’t helping the situation. But then, a blogger friend reached out and a flood of emotion filled her comment page. I had to stop myself and apologize. It was as if the floodgates of someone asking, “what about you?” helped me to breathe in and out the emotion that has been ebbing under the surface these last few weeks. Her simple question and knowing that she had lost her Mom around the same time, gave me the strength of bonding and of opening up to how I feel these days. And it’s not that great. I’m sad and I just don’t know why.
Father’s Day is almost here as well which adds its own twist for we had a hard time communicating. Many times, Dad and I were at odds. But as the second anniversary looms much of the anger and resentment which bombarded me has dwindled. In its place remains a quiet understanding, an acceptance, a reluctance to judge a life that I had previously judged. What remains is a bereft sadness for words left unsaid which I now say in my heart, a gift of forgiveness from me and a request for forgiveness for myself. I am tired of carrying this burden. I now try to allow it to rest.
It’s hard to explain how I feel for I think you needed to know the man in order to understand the complexity. But then, we are all complex and surely there are others who feel similarly in their grief. To you, I extend my hand and heart, saying the ever understanding words…
What about you?
My heartfelt thanks to LoriLara ~ please stop by to visit her here.