“In the middle of every difficulty comes opportunity.”
~ Albert Einstein
It’s been a long few months for me. I’ve taken on a lot of responsibility which isn’t mine to bear, but someone had to do it. It hasn’t been easy, but it has certainly been a great opportunity for me to learn about myself. I have learned that I can do more than I thought I could. I have learned that I have infinite inner strength. I have learned, I need to rely on myself. I have learned to not take things at face value. I have had my rose-colored glasses lifted. I have learned to ask for help and feel gratitude when receiving it. I have learned to let go and to allow people to do whatever they wish and not try to make it better for them. I have learned to give myself permission let go of what I can’t control and not try to be responsible for everyone else ~ just for myself. I have learned that I need to take off the blinders which had previously blinded me to the role that I had been given as a child and believed was my destiny. With situations that aren’t of my doing, I have let go of the outcome and simply tried to do my best with the situation. I continue to try to be a good person, but I am human. I make mistakes, but those have lead me to grow in ways I couldn’t possibly have grown without the difficulties I’ve endured.
I have learned to allow others to be themselves, to act as they wish without judgement. I have wrestled with the inability of some to help themselves, but I am learning to be with it. I offer help, but I do not force change even when I believe that seeing a situation in a different light would be beneficial. In short, I’ve stopped trying to do everything for everyone else and help God. I am responsible for me. I am responsible for my children. I am responsible for being the best person I can be, to be helpful when needed and to remember that I can’t save others from themselves.
Big lesson for me, let me tell you. For I was always a ‘fixer’ as my familial role given to me as a child. Be the peace-maker. Be the good one. Be the responsible one ~ not that the others in my life didn’t have those traits because they did. It was just I felt that my assigned role seemed to encumber all that and more.
But I am growing up and learning that nothing is set in stone. That roles may change and that change can be good. Change forces us to expand out of our comfort zones and to grow in ways that prior to now, we never even dreamed were possible. It comes at a price for sure, but the payoff is peace within which for me, is priceless.
I am my brother’s helper but not his keeper. Decisions that others have made in their lives are their decisions. The decisions I’ve made in my life, are my own now. The past role is not longer mine to own. My responsibility rests in doing the best I can each and every day of my life and to be able to put my head on my pillow at night peacefully, knowing that I tried and hopefully I succeeded. To help others, but to not hold onto the guilt when they choose whatever their choice is and to not judge their decisions. It’s a handful of lessons that spill over into many forms in my life.
I hold peace within and pray for peace for others, no matter how battered their psyche. I own the responsibility for my own actions, but not for the actions of others, nor do I try to change them. I simply find peace within no matter the chaos around me. I try not to engage in the swirling mindless chatter of those who aren’t well. I limit my engagements with them, so to protect myself and my own heart.
I am a work in progress. I am not perfect. I will fall and get back up again and again. I will be myself, wear my heart proudly knowing that as I love, I am loved. I look to the positivity in my life. I look up to the Heavens for support, guidance and the ability to find peace. I look within myself, in the nooks and crannies of my heart for forgiveness of others and of myself. I am learning to be free of the shackles which bound me and freedom in this moment, feels delicious.
Have the sweetest day, dear friends.