Drop Your Cosmic Vending Machine Belief

This is a hard post for me to write today, but I think it it’s an interesting concept.  I can’t seem to find the origin of the idea that there’s a cosmic vending machine in the Universe that when we do good deeds, act politely, do what others want us to, etc., we believe that our desires/wants will be granted once we’ve paid in full.  Or for that matter that there’s any definitive price of goodness or suffering that heralds the gift of winning the lottery, getting into the college of our choice, being healed, finding a soulmate, getting that promotion or even having another person respond to us the way we believe we deserve.

It’s a false belief that was ingrained in my head from childhood and I’ve perpetuated the belief for years until it became a part of me.  I can’t explain what’s shifted this thought for me, but I can share that what I feel now is empowering in the fact that I do not stand by the cosmic vending machine expecting anymore.

Yes, I still do good deeds.  Yes, I continue to strive to be the best person I can to everyone with whom I come into contact ~ be it family, friends or strangers.  Yes, I still look for good things to happen to me and I am grateful for each and every gift from God and the Universe.  That hasn’t changed.

But what has shifted is the mindset that because I do all of these things, strive to be authentic, loving, compassionate, caring and empathetic in connecting with my fellow man in life, I deserve the good things that happen in my life.  In addition, with this shift comes the letting go of the guilt baggage that I believed that I wasn’t enough when tough times entered my life.

How’s that for a huge shift in thinking?

It goes against the norm, I know.  Perhaps you will not agree with me either and that’s ok.  I’d love to hear from you either way as I am open to all ways of thinking about this topic.  Honestly, I love to expand my thinking so please, be kind, but be honest.  Do you look to the Universal vending machine when you think you deserve that special something?  Do you lament when you’ve been a very good person and yet tragedy and disappointment seem to conspire against you?

How do you feel about this topic?

I think from a young age, we are taught to be good, respectful and to follow the rules and to not hurt others.  We are rewarded by parental figures when we act in the social norms of society.  We may even be treated when we are exceptionally behaved or get good grades and such.  I think that perpetuates the vending machine belief.  I’m not saying that we do things for a reward.  No.  Most of us do them because it feels right and good to help others, to be respectful, to be kind and loving and it raises our heartlights when we connect with others in a good way.  Most of the time, we don’t expect the cosmic vending machine to treat us when we are simply doing what is expected.

But there are times in which, we’ve been trying to be good, do good and we feel as if nothing good comes from the experience.  Instead, we get tough times, tragedy, heartache, grief and loss and we throw up our hands in frustration.

“Why me?” seems to be the popular question when this happens.  Over and over some people will perseverate over the fact that they’ve been good and yet bad things are happening.  Woe is me thinking begins to take over or the extreme of “well, then I’m not trying anymore” and a give up attitude, “What’s the use?” begins to grow.  Resentment increases and do-gooding goes out the window.

But if we could release the belief of the cosmic vending machine waiting for our good tally to be paid up in order to be given whatever it is that we are thinking we deserve because of ‘x, y and z’ then life would be different.  We would feel more empowered and free to accept whatever life experiences come our way without shame, guilt or ego.  But we’ve all heard the ‘get what you deserve’ line and I feel like it’s debunking itself when we rid ourselves of that belief.

We would be empowered and that’s a very good feeling.

Shine On!

xo

P.S.  I am not talking about God or religion with the above post.  For me, that’s an entirely different post which we can chat about another day so please don’t beat me up. ♥

 

 

Light the Way…

I thought I had scheduled this post to be written this week, but I guess I didn’t do it right…forgive the lateness of it…I’m posting it anyway.  I am home and safe, just in a lot of pain, so I’ll resume soon I promise.  In the meantime, here’s the one I had ready for you while I was gone. xo

I have my surgery tomorrow so I won’t be posting for awhile.  I awoke this morning in a haze, writing in my 1/2 sleeping stupor as I so often do ~ dreaming of 3 posts in which I tell it like it is ~ much like https://misifusa.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/breast-cancer-boobs-oprah-and-dr-phil/.

But alas, I hopped out of bed instead of trying to remember them and now they are lost.  Perhaps it is better this way.

I want to make some points though before I endure my 4th surgery this year…not that I don’t believe I’ll be back to write again next week ~ but since each day is a precious gift, I want to make sure that you enjoy The Presents of Presence no matter what…and that perhaps through my experiences and your own, you can feel the preciousness of the gift of today.

There are a few points that I want to make…

I learned with my first breast cancer surgery back in January 2002 that even though we are all connected, you must rely on yourself, for nobody can live your life for you.  I remember that day every time I walk into an operating room because the memory in burned into my mind.  I hugged and kissed my beloved hubby goodbye, dressed in the 2 hospital gowns and no-slip uniform slippers that they gave me.  I didn’t want to let him go and nestled my head into his shoulder with such force as to hope to meld completely into him so as not to have to go in alone.  He is my strength you know.  But after a few moments, the nurse quietly pulled me from him and led me to the operating room where I walked in, praying that I’d make it through the surgery and walk out.

I had never felt so alone as the doctors and nurses rapidly readied me for my surgery.  They were all business-like and I realized that I was alone ~ in my head, in my thoughts and in my strength.  I remember saying prayers in my head, ones that I had learned as a child and as the anesthesia took over, they had become the mantra of ‘please help me God.’

One of the hardest lessons I believe that we have to learn is that this is our life and we are responsible for it.  We can lean on others for help, for support and for love and happiness, but truly, the job comes down to us.  After that first surgery, I realized that I needed to find my inner strength in order to survive and in order make my life, body, soul healthy again.

I also learned that we are only a soul encased in a body shell of the same structures.  When you are stripped down to wearing the 2 uniform gowns and generic slippers, you aren’t wearing any jewelry, nor makeup or hairpins.  You are just as you were born.  It makes no difference how big your ego is, or how much money you have, or how good-looking you are, or how many children you have, or if you are gay or if you are straight or if you are any type of religion.

Your body reacts the same no matter who you are on the outside/inside.  Your heart still needs to beat, your lungs still need air and you require your inner strength in order to heal properly.  I have found after 13 surgeries, you are not a person usually when you are operated on ~ you are body which needs help and the professionals who surround you do their best to make that happen.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve felt my soul.  I’ve had moments where I’ve looked out of my eyes as my soul and seen the world through my soul’s eyes.  You can say that I am trying to fix my shell by this current surgery which is very true.  And yes, I am doing it for me, so that I live with less daily pain and because it can be done.  But I also know that it’s my soul who counts the most, not the shell which encases it.

I am not sure I am making sense today to you.  Perhaps I should have made 2 different posts ~ because I know this isn’t the most congruent post I’ve written.  I hope you will get my gist though and that it will make you think of yourself and your shell and soul…and your inner strength.

I long to make a difference in this world…to touch the hearts and souls of others through the experiences I’ve endured because without making a difference to one, I feel that it is all for naught.  I feel like God gave me this burden to strengthen me, to teach me compassion, love, light and a heartfelt lesson of faith.

I want you to know that I stand by what I say ~ that I am reaching out to you through my blogs ~ to hold your hand when you are feeling down and need a friend.  I can’t be your everything, but I can stand beside you and be with you on this journey.

I have had a blessed life, of that there is no doubt.  I am loved and I know it ~ and for me there is no greater gift than to send out love.  So please, make it a point everyday to send out love to others and most especially to yourself.  You are loved.  Be the candle that lights the way for another…pass it along and never let the light die out of your life!

Shine On!

xo