How To Embrace Change

Change is beautifully inevitable

Seasons change, people change, weather changes, day changes to night.  When we balk at change, it stunts our growth.  Many of us can flow with the changes of daylight savings time, etc with ease, but when it comes to deeper changes, more life changing changes, we stomp our feet and dig in our heels, crying ‘no fair!’ to the Universe.  But friends, it’s all for naught.  The changes that are coming, the changes that arrive, come whether we believe it’s fair or not.  It comes as no surprise that change happens in life, for otherwise we would remain stagnant and not have the opportunity to grow, to move out of our relegated zones of comfort and expand our experiences.

Change happens.

“When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change,” is a quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer and happens to be on of my favorites.  It’s helped me through many of my life experiences when I wanted to refuse to budge from my own comfort zone even though my life had changed dramatically.  The idea that I can look at change from a different view and find the good in the change even when it was hard to see has been a pivotal point in my soul’s growth.  I can tell you that it hasn’t been easy to deal with many of the changes in my life, but then I don’t think that upheavals are supposed to be easy.  Sometimes they are simply mind shattering and belief scattering ~ which allows us to pick up the broken pieces of our lives and put them back together in a different way.  We change (for the better) when we allow change to flow and not dam the flow of life.  Certainly, I’ve learned that lesson time and time again as I know you have as well.

Change heralds freedom and allows us to drop the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s that may have had us imprisioned in our own lives.  Whether it be changes in health, relationships, jobs or roles, we need to find the peace in our own minds, hearts and souls to embrace the change and go with the flow.  That doesn’t mean you are in a canoe without a paddle, it simply means that you now know that you are the paddler of your own canoe.  Sure, you can link your canoe up with another’s, but you are still in charge of your own buoyancy.

For we can sink or swim when change happens.  We can stop trying and drown in the sorrow or we can tread water until we begin to swim again.  It’s a choice.  Lessons learned by change can feel daunting, but given time and trust, we can see the gifts that come from change.  There are blessings in change.  There’s opportunity to shine your heartlight when you’ve survived what you never thought you could.  There are connections with others to be made when you share your life experiences.

I know it’s not easy, but it can be done.  I am living proof.  Everyday in every way, you choose to swim or to give up.  Keep swimming dear friends.  You can do it.  If you need a helping hand, grab your paddle and let’s flow together.

Change is inevitably beautiful.

Shine On!

xo

Music Is…

Music is the shorthand of emotion -Leo Tolstoy

Music heals.  Music evokes memories.  Music soothes.  Music allows us to reach inside and regain our power.  Music is a big part of my life.  I played piano for years.  I still have a piano which is now in my garage, unable to be used due to damage.  I miss singing and playing piano.

I find that there are songs which remind me of good times in my life, ones that remind me of people who have passed away and there are some songs which remind me of sad times.  Tears sometimes escape unbidden when I listen to certain songs.  There’s such an emotionality to music.  It touches the heart, the mind and the soul with each note, each lyric, each rhythm and beat.

Alzheimer’s Disease takes that part last I’ve been told.  Music, lyrics are the last to go which holds a special part of my heart’s hope.  Glen Campbell’s special I’ll Be Me  showed us that point.  Haven’t you ever heard a song and felt like you were transferred back in time, another decade, another era, another part of your life that now is so far gone that it almost feels like it never happened to you and then POOF you hear a familiar tune and VOILA, the memories return, flooding back, filling our minds with memories that we may have thought were lost.

So the next time you are listening to music, think about it!  We are all connected!

Shine On!

xo

 

Rule Your Mind

“Rule your mind or it will rule you.” – Horace

Need I say more?  Giggle Giggle!  You know what I mean don’t you?  Stop worrying!  Stop fretting!  Stop allowing chaos to capture your mind!  You are the ruler of your mind.  When chaos enters, show it the door out!  Worrying about situations that we cannot or even those that we can control does nothing to help you, only to harm you for as you worry, your body reacts.  Your body gets agitated, cells become nervous as well, giving off negativity and allowing dis-ease to integrate itself into your healthy cells, thus making your healthy body sick.  The degree of sickness often correlates with the amount of stress/worry/upset your mind has been carrying.

I realize that there are situations that are worrisome.  I have endured plenty, as have we all.  But if you can take a few moments here and there during the day to simply allow peace to enter your brain, relax your body, hand over the worries to the Divine, to God or to your Higher Power, then you allow the cells in your body to calm themselves as well, in order to find a tidbit of peace in which to heal and to hold that place of health.

Worrying does not change the situation at all.  There is no amount of worry that will change any type of situation you are enduring.  Worry simply put, works against your health and your wellness of body, mind and spirit.  This is something that you can control dear friends.  You can show anxiety the door and shut it tightly.  Do not open the door when worry knocks.  Ignore it.  Stay on your path of health.  Keep your mind at peace.  Continue to see the good in your situation (and it may take work), but you can do it.  It’s possible to change the way you look at your situation simply by feeding it gratitude for the gifts you already have.

Problems with health, wealth and relationships can change when you change the way you are looking at them and reacting with those situations.  The changes happen in your mind and soul and then goodness can spill out into your body, your vibrational energy and your whole life.  What you give out, comes back to you.  The caveat is that if you are focused intently on the worry, the anxiety or the sadness, you are blinded to recognizing the opportunities for light, love and happiness.  In short, you may miss out on the health, wealth and connections you have in your life.

We are not all islands.  We are connected as energy to everyone and everything in our lives.  As I’ve been quoted before, “use your power for good,” and the rest will follow suit.  Be bright, be your innate good self and allow your essence of happy to perfume the air around you.  Raise your vibrations, release the anxiety and worry.  Embrace the peace which comes from within when your mind is tranquil.

There’s no magic pill, my friends.  There are only gentle reminders of inspiration, positivity and loving light that heal you inside.  Release, rest and regenerate for we only have this moment.  We are only given this present of now for sure.  It’s what you do with that present that counts.  Do not waste your gift on idle worry.  Rule your mind with kindness and loving affection.  You are all in my prayers.  As always, I embrace your loving essence and I give you mine.

Allow the precious gift of calm to envelope your mind, heart, body and soul today and everyday.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

Dealing With Alzheimer’s and Dementia

Our minds work in mysterious ways.  What triggers some utterances from the mouths of someone with Alzheimer’s disease and dementia can be mind-blowing to the listener as I’ve learned first hand.  The associations that they make and willfully say aloud can be very hurtful and they are not aware of the power of their words nor the sadness that it evokes to the recipient.  I try to figure out what makes their minds tick the way they do and I try desperately to unscramble the mixed messages, but to no avail.  It is heart-wrenching to witness and even harder to comfort myself and them.

I feel utterly alone.  The worst part is that they don’t remember what they say to me.  I can’t explain to them why it hurts.  I can only change the subject and move on, even when my heart is heavy with sadness, hurt and pain.  They forget what has been said when I change the subject, but I continue to remember and try to put on a happy face.  But the pain digs deep into my soul.

It is hard to manage and be a caregiver to someone whose mind is not working properly and I have two of them at present.  I’m learning the hard way to go with the flow, to deflect conversations and to change subjects quickly in order to protect myself.  I bite my tongue…a lot!  It isn’t easy.  It’s like I’m on edge during every conversation as I do not know what will come into their minds and out of their mouths.  It changes moment to moment, sometimes circling back to reality, but many times, there are misunderstandings as their brains fire and connect or disconnect at a moment’s notice.  I think it would be easier if they weren’t family members for then I wouldn’t feel the pain of the stings or hold onto their thoughts.  I would just let it be.  I would be able to rearrange the conversation later in my head and remind myself that it’s not about me, that it’s simply the disease talking.  I wouldn’t take to heart so deeply what is being said.  I wouldn’t get caught up in their confusion.  I would simply be able to redirect without trying to explain myself or reiterate for the thousandth time what the truth is or reiterate the lies that a loved one is resting instead of allowing their pain to hit them again and again.

It’s exhausting.

For them, for me, for our family, for the healthcare workers.

So today, please send out a prayer of support and healing to all who care.

Shine On!

xo

Family is everywhere!

I called the Memory facility yesterday where Aunt M is living.  When I asked the head nurse how she was doing…

“Oh Miss M is doing fine.  She’s got a new friend now and they eat every meal together.  He’s a new resident, got here about 10 days ago.”

“Really?”  I was surprised to hear this, “How wonderful for Auntie M!”

“Oh yes, they are really enjoying each other’s company.  They walk down the hall holding hands.  If she’s down the hall and he can’t find her, he calls to her and she answers him.  It’s just so cute to watch!”

“Are they kissing?”  I just had to ask.  I mean, really?  She’s holding hands with some stranger walking down the hallway?  Wowsza!

“Oh mercy no!”  She exclaimed laughing!  “They think they are brother and sister!”

“Brother and sister?” I asked incredulously.

“Yes.  Did Miss M have any brothers?”

“She had 4 brothers, but they’ve all passed.”

“Well, she and Mr. H believe they are brother and sister, even though they aren’t related.  I just wanted to let you know in case she starts talking about him.  Hold on a minute and I’ll go get her to the phone.”

~~~~~~~~~

“Hi Auntie M!  How are you?”

Our conversation went along swimmingly as usual.  Until she stopped talking with me and asked me to hold the phone and I overheard her talking to ‘her brother.’

“Tom, what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to get outside to enjoy the pretty day out.  But the door is locked.  Did we lock the door M?”

“Tom, I don’t remember if we locked the door.  Just unlock it.”

“I can’t seem to figure out out to unlock it M.  Oh wait, here comes that lady, I’ll ask her.”

“Tom is walking away with some lady I don’t know.  I’m sorry.  I can talk with you now.  Tom needed my help with the door.  It was stuck.  I guess we locked it last night.”

~~~~~~~~~

I couldn’t help giggling and smiling with gratitude.  Yet again, I witness how the mind works.  It makes a comfortable reality for us even when our reality is anything but comfortable at the time.  Here are two strangers who have found the comfort of family and agreed to its loving embrace.

It’s funny that he calls Auntie M by her name and yet she calls him Tom when Mr. H’s name isn’t that at all.  I love how he answers to Tom and how they believe they locked the door last night.

Dementia and Alzheimer’s is challenging, but also has its sweet moments and giggles.  I just had to share a little giggle with you.  We are all family ~ what a gift!

Shine On!

xo

 

 

Still Here…But Barely

I’ve been dealing with a few relatives who have Alzheimer’s and Dementia lately and it’s been pretty hard ~ for them and for me.  It’s amazing to me how quickly this disease can rob our loved ones of their basic mental capacity let alone complex thinking.  But what remains, at least for the ones I’m taking care of, is love.

They know I love them and I know they love me.  So far, we are blessed that each recognizes family members even though they don’t quite know all the details.  Most information seems new to them at times and yet at others, they are quite cognizant of what has occurred recently in their lives (which has been another relative who passed away).

Childhood memories fill their conversations along with much giggling of good times shared for which I am eternally grateful.  Stories are repeated, almost to the letter in a conversation, but the giggle at the end remains the same.  It is the giggling that I relish when they retell their stories.  It is the frustration that I continue to keep at bay as much as possible, dredging up as much patience as I possibly can to answer repeated questions in a simple way in hopes that they can keep the information for a bit longer this time.

But I what I loved the most after spending time with them and getting 2 sisters together for a few days was the love and laughter that they shared even though both are affected by those diseases.  Precious moments were spent watching them as they interacted, finishing each other’s stories and slowly winding down memory lane together arm in arm, heart to heart, sister to sister.

It was tough though I will admit.  Tough to watch, knowing that they may not recognize each other the next time they meet.  Wondering how much longer they will know who I am or remember how many blissful hours they spent over the last few days together.  I watched as I wondered how much longer they will be here, both in mind and body.  Sadly, I thought about them and myself and the loss that is coming.  I lamented in my own mind how much life has changed for them ~ the vibrant women I once knew to now.

Simpler times for sure growing up in a small town in the South.  Watching them banter back and forth, giggling like school girls at times, recalling fun memories and sharing stories.  We kept away from the sad as much as possible as I redirected many a conversation which teetered on the verge of today’s truth.  Light, sweet and joyful was the theme of the conversations as much as possible.  When we began gravitating towards sad truths, I redirected as much as I could with honesty, trying to save their minds from what I know in my heart, they understand ~ that a loved one has passed.

It’s heartbreaking to bear witness to how the mind can completely make and break connections.  One minute, you think they are understanding and the next minute, you realize that they haven’t a clue of what we just talked about and they don’t recognize where they are or who they are seeing (other than me thank goodness).  So far, when I say it’s me, they know me.

What I am grateful for is the hugs, the kisses on the cheek, the love that we share as I watch them begin to descend into the abyss of oblivion.  I want to hold tightly to the memories of my last trip, praying that when I return, there will still be enough there for them to recognize each other and me so that we can share more joy, laughter and love.

But I don’t know quite honestly if my wish can be fulfilled.  So I will be grateful for the memories we shared, for the present moments that we have and for the gratitude that I was able to be there for them both and with them both for as long as I could.

It’s not easy to be a caregiver of family whose brains cease to function as they did.  It’s not easy to witness what is scary for them and for me as reality changes so abruptly.  It’s a big responsibility and I don’t think most of us are prepared for it.  Tears flowed freely as did the occasional giggle when their conversations made me laugh.  I am grateful for those things as well, for life is all about the laughter and the tears, don’t you think?  That and staying present, being grateful and just loving what is right now, this minute.

Shine On!

xo

Wasting A Mind Away

Life is hard enough at times without problems with our minds.  This has been a big lesson to me as I’ve been taking care of my two Aunts (one of whom just passed).  Anna’s brain after her fall had irreversible brain damage and after a few days, her body shut down and she passed peacefully as you read here.  However, my other Aunt Mable is having a difficult time with her own mind as well.

It is sad and scary to watch a loved one lose their mind.  It is heart-wrenching to see a personality change as disease takes over a once loving, intelligent brain.  It is frustrating to keep patience as the person continues to distort reality and live in the past.  It takes loving patience to talk with gentleness and to skirt the truth of a situation when your own heart is hurting.  But we must do what is right for others, even when it is hard.

To tell my Aunt Mable that Anna has passed would be to subject her to such heartbreak and even the chance of a heart attack which is why we continue to tell her that Anna is resting.  For truth be told, Anna is resting with Jesus.  Aunt Mable looks for her often but is sometimes satisfied with the pat response that she is resting in another place for now and we need to let her rest.  In the next moment, she may be asking for Mama (her Mom who is deceased more than 30 years) and thinks that she needs to bring her supper.  Her agitation grows by leaps and bounds as she struggles to get out the door to bring her food.  When we tell her that Mama has been gone for a long time, she begins to cry and says she didn’t know.  Sometimes she will ask if she knew it and we gently nod.  Other times, we redirect the conversation by placating her and bringing up a happy memory for her because it is in the mind’s happy place that we’d rather she dwell.  But it isn’t easy.

Our minds are powerful tools as you may well know already.  They are muscles that need to be stretched as they are malleable and can grow as long as we keep them active.  Of course, dementia and alzheimers happens and I don’t know if there is much we can do to prevent those diseases of the brain, but I know that I will continue to work out my brain for as long as I can myself after what I’ve witnessed.

There are special angels on this earth disguised as health workers.  You can find them everywhere when you look for them.  Those are the ones that as Mama used to say, ‘are getting stars in their crowns’ for the afterlife.  They are gentle souls who kindly look after those whose minds are damaged.  They have infinite patience in situations whereby the minds of their patients are not making any sense.  They continue to roll with the situation no matter what is going on and their focus is on diffusing any agitation in a kind manner.  They even have the unfortunate instance when their patient can be violently determined to do something and they simply focus on protecting the one whose mind isn’t working instead of themselves.  I’ve witnessed countless acts of kindness recently and I am in awe of those whose calling it is to patiently love others who aren’t in their right minds.  It is a sight to behold when you can see a patient who is the only person hearing the music in her head dancing to a tune with a caretaker with a smile on her face ~ the sheer joy of presence in the moment ~ and love that knows no boundaries.

And isn’t that what life is all about?  Loving with no boundaries no matter the circumstance?  Accepting others in that moment and finding joy in the tune of life?  Cradling The Present of Presence and this special moment right here and now?  I find a reason to laugh every day and lately a reason to cry as well.  But my smile never fully goes away even though it fades now and again for I am here.  I am doing the best I can with every moment of everyday and I will continue until I pass myself.  Isn’t that our lesson?  To do the best we can with what we have right now?

Shine On!

xo