Tag Archive | death of a loved one

Begin Again

beginagain

A friend gave me a magnet awhile back in anticipation for all of the changes that were in store for my future.  At the time, I didn’t want to Begin Again as it was daunting for me to think about all that would be changed.  Regardless of how much I didn’t want the changes, they happened anyway, out of my control.  Instead of accepting that my life would dramatically change in all ways – divorce, moving, financially, health-wise, etc., I fought like a tigress to remain in that stagnant limbo of wanting no change, all while change happened anyway.

Finally, I surrendered.

Broken, exhausted and drained, I surrendered.

It’s not that I didn’t agree that the changes were imminent and necessary.  It was that I was fearful of how I would continue on in this uncharted territory for my journey and the journey of my children, for it wasn’t where I wanted to be.  But when I stopped fighting against the rising tide and began to doggy paddle to keep afloat, I received help through the transition.  Angels disguised as friends and strangers reached out to me with kindness.  I began to see the future as a new chapter in my life, a new book on which to write my story and a fresh clean slate which I controlled (for the most part) of how I am the captain of my own life’s ship.

I began planning what had to be done and like a sergeant, began the transition with what I hoped would be military precision.  But alas, I may have had a plethora of military family members, but precision has not been a characteristic blessing unto me.  And so it was, I surrendered.  I did my best daily, fell asleep on my pillow with a bone tired body and rose up the next morning to do it all again.  And finally, it was accomplished, through the help of my angelic human angels.

Now we begin again, in a new home with new challenges.  Regardless, I have surrendered what was and I embrace what is and I plan for what I would like to be.  To Begin Again requires letting go of the past and staying in a peaceful present and allowing a hopeful future to blossom, petal by petal.

I am grateful for the peace within now.  Although transitions are often fraught with wiggles and compromises, I knowingly stand with peace in my heart, grateful for the lessons and learning which have come with the experiences I’ve endured.  I’ve learned so much about people, about myself and about love.  Life lessons have been tough at times, but well-worth the growth that came out of them.  Sure, it’s easy in hindsight to feel this way, but I guess I wanted to share with you so that you can remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  We just have to keep walking towards the light.

I’m here for you if you are going through any transitions as I’ve been through a bunch of different ones:  cancer, multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, divorce, selling a house, finding the right rental, starting over at 50, death of family, family with Alzheimer’s and Dementia, etc.  If you need a friend, here I am, with my arms wide open for a hug.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

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Love Lasts

ownnothing

 Understand that you own nothing, everything that surrounds you is temporary, only the love in your heart will last forever.

~ Leon Brown

Having been through a recent death in the family and the subsequent cleaning out of a house, I’ve learned first hand how the above quote resonates in life.  For once you pass, none of the physical items you’ve accumulated mean anything to you anymore for you are beyond and not needing them.  What is left in this physical world is the reminder of a life well-lived, items to be shared and returned and treasured along with the memories of a loved one who has passed.

What remains though, most importantly, are the memories of your loved one, the love that you shared, the connection that was forged over time and strengthened through moments of kindness, love and friendship.  The love that will last forever is the legacy of a life.

It is the impact of your life on others’ lives that remains ~ whatever it may be, however you chose to live, to connect and to be in your own loving heart.  I think that may be the question that is given to you at the Pearly Gates.  How did you spend your life?  Was it helping others?  Was it sharing your love?  Was it in finding the good, being optimistic and being kind?  Did you try to do your best?

It is hard, even knowing a life was well-lived.  To say goodbye is not easy.  To dismantle a home once filled with love and happy memories makes me feel bereft at times.  Perhaps I am too sensitive.  Perhaps too much on my plate.  Perhaps I feel empathy and sympathy deeper than most.  Perhaps…just perhaps.

Happy Monday!

Shine On!

xo

 

 

 

 

Grief is a funny thing…

This blog post brought tears to my eyes as it was so raw, so true and so important for us all ~ hold your loved ones close everyday.  Do the right thing and take care of yourself and others.  And please, do not drink and drive.  Thank Lori Lara for sharing your story with us.  Much love to you and C.  I have a best friend since we were 9 and your post hit home for me.  Big hugs to you xo

Shine On!

xo

 Grief is a funny thing….

Remembrance

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food fun & fireworks

With the upcoming 4th of July, I was thinking about our family traditions and how they shape us.  And truth be told, I was thinking about how this summer is so different than last summer.  With the devastation that Hurricane Sandy left in her wake, our Jersey Shore just isn’t the same and it makes me sad.  Not to mention that my Dad isn’t here again this year ~ so this summer heralds with her a new type of summer that’s permanently changed.

I guess I’m ‘waxing poetic’ these days about what’s gone, but not forgotten.

But like the fireworks of July 4th, we are all here to pop ~ to shine ~ to sparkle and to dazzle!  We are in the public’s eye, sometimes only for a few moments of fame and then we fizzle out.  But we can remain in the memories of our loved ones for our specialness, our dazzling display of light ~ our firecracker selves!

And, I hope that one day perhaps when I’m gone, someone will remember me in a fond way ~ that I will have left my mark on a heart or two ~ made this world a better place by being here, by stretching out of my comfort zone and by sending out love.  Perhaps the ocean breezes, the feeling of sand between toes, the smell of the briny sea will remind them of me.

As I am reminded now.

Big hugs to all!

Shine On!

xo

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Please help ~ Orb of Light and Flickering Electricity?

72670098_With deepest sympathy for your loss

I talk with my Mom everyday, sometimes more than 2x a day and yesterday she told me what had happened the night before ~ and I want to tell you so that perhaps you can literally shed some light on the subject ~ pun most definitely intended. ♥

Awakened in the middle of the night, Mom saw a bright white ball of light on her bed.  Her room was darkened, so that no light was visible.  The light could not be reflected from anywhere else.  It was there, on it’s own, positioned on her bed, on her legs.  She said she watched it for a long time, wondering what it was and trying to figure out where it was coming from but she couldn’t see how it could just be there.

She said when she moved her legs, it moved with her.  It just stayed with her, a white orb, settled on top of the covers, on her legs.  It stayed for a long, long time ~ she fell asleep watching it.  And she wondered if it was my Dad, her husband, who died on June 21st last year.

She thought I might think she was losing her mind, but I don’t.  Not at all.  I think perhaps it was my Dad, come to visit her and stay awhile.  To simply let her know that he’s around, watching over her perhaps?  She also told me how her kitchen light blinks crazily at times (he loved to sit at the kitchen table reading the paper) and she’s even had the electrician in twice to check it, but there’s nothing wrong with it.  Jokingly we’ve said it was my Dad because when he passed, the hospital lost all electricity for a few moments until the generator kicked in.

And now that I’m thinking of it, we had a thunderstorm the other day and my lights didn’t go out, but my clicker fireplace went on full blast and wouldn’t turn off ~ the electricity jolt of the lightning also fried my cablebox, internet router and 3 plugs on the tv.  Could that be Dad too?  If it was, I’d like to ask him not to put on such a show and break things! 🙂

I would love it if anyone could shed some light on this as we’re flummoxed.  Do you have any stories of departed loved ones who’ve returned in different ways?  I won’t think you’re crazy if you have had some experiences that you can’t explain ~ please feel free to share.  You know tomorrow’s Father’s Day, perhaps that’s why he’s here?  Didn’t want to miss out on his special day?  Perhaps I need a medium?

Thanks for all of your help!

Shine On!

xo

Yes, keep shining that light Dad! ♥