Remember You Are Loved

There have been a few people in my life who have sadly taken theirs, so when I heard it was World Suicide Prevention Day, I felt it was important to honor it. Please accept my heartfelt hugs to those of you who know someone(s) who have chosen this path. For me, I know that any passing leaves a deep sadness in its wake, but somehow it seems a suicide feels more tragic to me, as if it were preventable on some level, even if we didn’t have control over it ourselves.

Preventing a suicide is key:

The key to me is to listen with an open heart and mind to those who are hurting. To care about them and let them know how much you care. To be with those who are hurting. To listen beyond what’s being said to what is silenced. To hold sacred space for them while encouraging their participation in this world. To gently take their hand and walk with them for as long as it takes. To be aware that ‘I’m fine” may not mean “I’m fine” in the way you want to believe it does. To always let people know you love and care for them and that you’re really here for them through thick and thin. They are never alone…

For those who are hurting:

To allow someone to hold our hands when we’re feeling low. To open up to trusted friends and family. To talk about it. To write about it. To get the feelings out when they are messy so that the despair doesn’t fill us up inside. To try. To share. To ask for help. To receive help. To believe that this will help us. To see beyond the present moment and ourselves. To realize there are other choices. To take baby steps towards healing. To feel the love that others have for us. To realize and know we are never alone. To think beyond that present moment as to how an potential action affects those around us and question how we can save ourselves and others. Because we can stay here and get help and feel better…

While I am not suicidal, we have all had low moments in our lifetimes I think and so we can understand how someone may feel in that moment…let’s make sure that all who inhabit our earth feel our heartlights shining so that we can help each and every person so that no one feels alone again.

Shine On!

xo

Picking Up The Pieces

When life throws you a curve ball, you have to re-evaluate your position in life.  You have to pick up the pieces from what’s changed and put them back together in a new way.  You may even have to release some parts of your prior life in order to make room for the new chapter that’s beginning.  We have to embrace the change in order to incorporate it into our lives and not be stymied by the upheaval.

There are many defining moments in life that create change.  What we forget in times of fluidity and peace is that change is inevitable.  Few of us get out of this life alive without challenges, for those are what make this life school a life-long learning process.  If we were only to enjoy smooth sailing for a lifetime then we wouldn’t have a chance to grow.  By enduring these challenges, we experience change.  Life school allows us to connect with others who have endured similar situations in ways that we wouldn’t have been able to otherwise.  Nobody can understand how devastating a cancer diagnosis is if you haven’t experienced it yourself.  Nobody understands the all-encompassing grief that comes with losing a loved one if you haven’t been through it.  Empathy comes when you’ve walked a similar path with compassion.

I confess that I would have preferred to not have endured many of the challenges presented to me.  I could have done without the trying times that threatened to drown me.  But I persevered and through faith, love and friendship, I am still here.

I’ve been through a plethora of life changes as I am sure you have too.  Some have been good changes, while others defined me in ways I never thought possible.  Breast cancer, deaths of friends, family and loved ones, divorce, financial difficulties, Alzheimer’s in loved ones, just to name a few of the big ones.  Through these defining moments of upheaval and life changing events, I have learned one thing for sure:  I can survive and remain who I am innately and even be improved by having endured the changes.  Challenges, failures and triumphs sprinkled with love, hope, faith and kindness make all the difference.

Keep shining your heartlights!

Shine On!

xo

Two Weeks

Last night, I watched the movie Two Weeks with Sally Field.  While I hadn’t ever heard of the movie before now, I found out that it’s been out since 2007 on DVD as it’s one of those Indie films which I had somehow missed.

For those of us who have aging parents and relatives, this movie poignantly touched me in many ways.  The complexity of family relationships is evident here along with the reality that we all face when we pass away and when we come face to face with grief when a loved one passes away (especially a mom).

Honestly, it’s not a movie I would feel compelled to watch again as I have with others.  But I tend to watch movies about relationships and people dealing with real-life situations.  Grief seems to bring out the stark reality in relationships and this one does just that.  If you’ve endured a similar situation, this may hit too close to home.  But I think it does just that, in a good way.  It showcases the conflicted emotions that we endure when we are faced with the death of a loved one.

It was reviewed as a dramedy which I think encompasses Two Weeks well.  It’s not all laughter nor tears.  It’s the enmeshment of life’s reality.  If you’re interested in seeing more, please click on the image below and it will take you to Amazon.

Have you ever seen it?  I would love to hear from you if you have as I’d like to know what you thought of the movie.  Please let me know.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

When’s Your Last Day?

Do you think that your last day here on Earth is pre-determined?

Or do you think it’s a matter of circumstances?

Would you want to pre-know your death date (or not) if you could?

I know I may be opening up a big discussion here, but it’s a topic that has come to my attention recently through a few conversations with friends and I thought I’d ask you too.  (To my knowledge, there are no imminent deaths coming to my family/friends, so it’s just a question.)

But honestly, I think it’s a sad, but important topic to cover, to share our thoughts and to expand our thinking from others’ experiences.  Life is fragile and as my blog states, we only have the present moment for sure.  Not that I don’t plan for the future, but nobody knows for sure what’s on the horizon.  I’m not being morbid here honestly.  I don’t want to add fear to anyone’s thoughts.  I guess my point is a reiteration of being grateful for the past and being grateful for the present moment at all times.  Plan for the future, but don’t put off holding your loved ones close, spending time with them and telling them in real life, whether in person, via email, or sending a card, how you feel.

Because frankly, who doesn’t love hearing that we are appreciated and loved?

So back to the topic at hand!  What do you think of when you envision your last day?  Or do you even think about it?  I think about mine.  I think cancer changed my views on life, so I have thought about it.  I believe that we may have a pre-determined last day, but I’m open to listening to your thoughts on the subject.  For me, a pre-determined last day means I’m free to live my life without measure, completely in the moment, sharing love easily and without fear, but with the knowing that we never know our last day or that of our loved ones for sure.  With that in mind, we need to be the best, most loving souls we can be today and everyday.  It helps me to consistently choose connections, love, kindness and understanding instead of the lower vibrations.  It allows me the freedom to shine my heartlight with sparkling enthusiasm.

What about you?  If you feel inclined, please share your thoughts!

Shine On!

xo

 

Begin Again

A friend gave me a magnet awhile back in anticipation for all of the changes that were in store for my future.  At the time, I didn’t want to Begin Again as it was daunting for me to think about all that would be changed.  Regardless of how much I didn’t want the changes, they happened anyway, out of my control.  Instead of accepting that my life would dramatically change in all ways – divorce, moving, financially, health-wise, etc., I fought like a tigress to remain in that stagnant limbo of wanting no change, all while change happened anyway.

Finally, I surrendered.

Broken, exhausted and drained, I surrendered.

It’s not that I didn’t agree that the changes were imminent and necessary.  It was that I was fearful of how I would continue on in this uncharted territory for my journey and the journey of my children, for it wasn’t where I wanted to be.  But when I stopped fighting against the rising tide and began to doggy paddle to keep afloat, I received help through the transition.  Angels disguised as friends and strangers reached out to me with kindness.  I began to see the future as a new chapter in my life, a new book on which to write my story and a fresh clean slate which I controlled (for the most part) of how I am the captain of my own life’s ship.

I began planning what had to be done and like a sergeant, began the transition with what I hoped would be military precision.  But alas, I may have had a plethora of military family members, but precision has not been a characteristic blessing unto me.  And so it was, I surrendered.  I did my best daily, fell asleep on my pillow with a bone tired body and rose up the next morning to do it all again.  And finally, it was accomplished, through the help of my angelic human angels.

Now we begin again, in a new home with new challenges.  Regardless, I have surrendered what was and I embrace what is and I plan for what I would like to be.  To Begin Again requires letting go of the past and staying in a peaceful present and allowing a hopeful future to blossom, petal by petal.

I am grateful for the peace within now.  Although transitions are often fraught with wiggles and compromises, I knowingly stand with peace in my heart, grateful for the lessons and learning which have come with the experiences I’ve endured.  I’ve learned so much about people, about myself and about love.  Life lessons have been tough at times, but well-worth the growth that came out of them.  Sure, it’s easy in hindsight to feel this way, but I guess I wanted to share with you so that you can remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  We just have to keep walking towards the light.

I’m here for you if you are going through any transitions as I’ve been through a bunch of different ones:  cancer, multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, divorce, selling a house, finding the right rental, starting over at 50, death of family, family with Alzheimer’s and Dementia, etc.  If you need a friend, here I am, with my arms wide open for a hug.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

Love Lasts

 Understand that you own nothing, everything that surrounds you is temporary, only the love in your heart will last forever.

~ Leon Brown

Having been through a recent death in the family and the subsequent cleaning out of a house, I’ve learned first hand how the above quote resonates in life.  For once you pass, none of the physical items you’ve accumulated mean anything to you anymore for you are beyond and not needing them.  What is left in this physical world is the reminder of a life well-lived, items to be shared and returned and treasured along with the memories of a loved one who has passed.

What remains though, most importantly, are the memories of your loved one, the love that you shared, the connection that was forged over time and strengthened through moments of kindness, love and friendship.  The love that will last forever is the legacy of a life.

It is the impact of your life on others’ lives that remains ~ whatever it may be, however you chose to live, to connect and to be in your own loving heart.  I think that may be the question that is given to you at the Pearly Gates.  How did you spend your life?  Was it helping others?  Was it sharing your love?  Was it in finding the good, being optimistic and being kind?  Did you try to do your best?

It is hard, even knowing a life was well-lived.  To say goodbye is not easy.  To dismantle a home once filled with love and happy memories makes me feel bereft at times.  Perhaps I am too sensitive.  Perhaps too much on my plate.  Perhaps I feel empathy and sympathy deeper than most.  Perhaps…just perhaps.

Happy Monday!

Shine On!

xo

 

 

 

 

Grief is a funny thing…

This blog post brought tears to my eyes as it was so raw, so true and so important for us all ~ hold your loved ones close everyday.  Do the right thing and take care of yourself and others.  And please, do not drink and drive.  Thank Lori Lara for sharing your story with us.  Much love to you and C.  I have a best friend since we were 9 and your post hit home for me.  Big hugs to you xo

Shine On!

xo

Remembrance

food fun & fireworks

With the upcoming 4th of July, I was thinking about our family traditions and how they shape us.  And truth be told, I was thinking about how this summer is so different than last summer.  With the devastation that Hurricane Sandy left in her wake, our Jersey Shore just isn’t the same and it makes me sad.  Not to mention that my Dad isn’t here again this year ~ so this summer heralds with her a new type of summer that’s permanently changed.

I guess I’m ‘waxing poetic’ these days about what’s gone, but not forgotten.

But like the fireworks of July 4th, we are all here to pop ~ to shine ~ to sparkle and to dazzle!  We are in the public’s eye, sometimes only for a few moments of fame and then we fizzle out.  But we can remain in the memories of our loved ones for our specialness, our dazzling display of light ~ our firecracker selves!

And, I hope that one day perhaps when I’m gone, someone will remember me in a fond way ~ that I will have left my mark on a heart or two ~ made this world a better place by being here, by stretching out of my comfort zone and by sending out love.  Perhaps the ocean breezes, the feeling of sand between toes, the smell of the briny sea will remind them of me.

As I am reminded now.

Big hugs to all!

Shine On!

xo

Please help ~ Orb of Light and Flickering Electricity?

With deepest sympathy for your loss

I talk with my Mom everyday, sometimes more than 2x a day and yesterday she told me what had happened the night before ~ and I want to tell you so that perhaps you can literally shed some light on the subject ~ pun most definitely intended. ♥

Awakened in the middle of the night, Mom saw a bright white ball of light on her bed.  Her room was darkened, so that no light was visible.  The light could not be reflected from anywhere else.  It was there, on it’s own, positioned on her bed, on her legs.  She said she watched it for a long time, wondering what it was and trying to figure out where it was coming from but she couldn’t see how it could just be there.

She said when she moved her legs, it moved with her.  It just stayed with her, a white orb, settled on top of the covers, on her legs.  It stayed for a long, long time ~ she fell asleep watching it.  And she wondered if it was my Dad, her husband, who died on June 21st last year.

She thought I might think she was losing her mind, but I don’t.  Not at all.  I think perhaps it was my Dad, come to visit her and stay awhile.  To simply let her know that he’s around, watching over her perhaps?  She also told me how her kitchen light blinks crazily at times (he loved to sit at the kitchen table reading the paper) and she’s even had the electrician in twice to check it, but there’s nothing wrong with it.  Jokingly we’ve said it was my Dad because when he passed, the hospital lost all electricity for a few moments until the generator kicked in.

And now that I’m thinking of it, we had a thunderstorm the other day and my lights didn’t go out, but my clicker fireplace went on full blast and wouldn’t turn off ~ the electricity jolt of the lightning also fried my cablebox, internet router and 3 plugs on the tv.  Could that be Dad too?  If it was, I’d like to ask him not to put on such a show and break things! 🙂

I would love it if anyone could shed some light on this as we’re flummoxed.  Do you have any stories of departed loved ones who’ve returned in different ways?  I won’t think you’re crazy if you have had some experiences that you can’t explain ~ please feel free to share.  You know tomorrow’s Father’s Day, perhaps that’s why he’s here?  Didn’t want to miss out on his special day?  Perhaps I need a medium?

Thanks for all of your help!

Shine On!

xo

Yes, keep shining that light Dad! ♥