Tag Archive | comfort food

Swinging With Mom

swingingwith mom

There are times in life when we question whether the truth should be revealed or if we should leave well enough alone.  Having a parent with Alzheimer’s, I hop on the porch swing with Mom daily.  Growing up in the South, her childhood home had a porch swing which we all remember fondly.  Due to her disease though, I never know where we are on the porch swing when we come together to enjoy an afternoon.  Sometimes we are in the past, sometimes we are in the present and sometimes reality gets muddied.  It changes sometimes very quickly so I am never sure where she is at any given moment.

Mom is a happy and healthy otherwise.  When she is in the moment, a great Present of Presence, we talk about the day and enjoy a chocolate milkshake because everything is happier with ice cream.  We laugh and joke and nothing makes me feel better than to hear her laugh.  I will say outrageous things to her just to see if she’s actually listening to me or if she is taking her cues from reading my expression.  I will ask her to recount  funny stories from her past, sometimes initializing stories I have heard hundreds of times before, just to hear her tell them to me again and to share a laugh.

Her sister passed away earlier this year and because they lived in the same home, it was hard on Mom.  With Alzheimer’s, they stay calm in the moment when something doesn’t trigger a memory and believe me, I try to stay in the moment with her often.  But when I went to visit the other day, chocolate milkshakes in hand as per our tradition, after a few moments, she told me how sad she was that her sister Mable had passed away.  I wrote about it here.  She told me how she missed her and how she was sad that she hadn’t attended her funeral.  I assured her that she had and that she had been with her whole family, seen her childhood home and reminisced over countless photos surrounded by her loving extended family.  She listened carefully and calmly told me she didn’t remember any of it, but that she was grateful that she had been there.

Then she began to talk about my Dad who passed away years ago.  She was angry that he hadn’t been talking with her and she didn’t know where he was.  She was embroiled in the hurt and anger that she felt because he wasn’t here with her.  I debated for quite awhile as she told her side of the story and how if he wasn’t talking with her, then she would not reach out to him (mind you, she didn’t know how to get in touch with him).  I took her hand in mine, looked into her eyes and spoke the words I dreaded saying again.

Mom, I am sorry to tell you this, but Daddy passed away.

What?  He’s dead?  Tears began to well up in her eyes and I immediately felt so badly.  We have had this conversation countless times since he passed away and it hurt me to tell her and have her hurt again.  But in my heart, I didn’t want her to feel that he had abandoned her by not being here.

Yes, Mommy.  He passed away a few years ago.

Oh, I didn’t know.  Oh my, where is he buried?  Did I go to the funeral?

As I began to answer her questions, it soothed her to know that she had indeed been there, that his funeral was greatly attended and then I threw in a few giggles that only our family could at a time like this – because I couldn’t stand seeing her so upset.  I soothed her sadness with love and light and hugged her, trying to heal her hurting heart.

I guess I”m losing my mind here.  I just don’t remember anymore.

It’s ok.  It happens to the best of us Mom.

It’s better sometimes to allow the grief to fade and to concentrate on today, on our milk shakes and our happy times.

So, I snuggled up to her, like only a daughter can, on her bed, by her side, holding her as if she were my daughter and reversed the roles.  She held on tightly in my embrace and my heart overflowed with sadness and yet, with gratitude for this one precious moment.

Moms comfort their children throughout their lives.  That’s what we do.  But sometimes, there comes a time when the roles reverse and we are our Mother’s Mother.  We comfort and soothe in the maternal way we learned through our Moms.

I wish she didn’t have this disease for it has robbed her of her memory.  But I am also truly grateful that she remains in there, loving us with all her might and knowing who we are.  Sometimes we just know that these moments are precious and are to be treasured.  Isn’t that what life’s about?  Stringing together those precious pearls of connection?  And swinging on a porch swing, sipping a chocolate milkshake and enjoying the calm in a Southern hospitality way?

Shine On!

xo

 

Pass the Time with Love

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Thank you to all of you for your kind messages yesterday.  I’m waiting on the answer as to what happens next and if the cancer has returned.  I was retested yesterday so now I just hunker down to wait and see.  Yesterday I comforted me.  I took the time to pamper myself and to allow the feelings to surface that needed to be felt.  I allowed a bit of fears and tears to be shed so that I could greet my family with calming love and joy when they got home from school and work.  But before they arrived, I took some needed ‘me time.’

What’s your ME time?  Do you take some important time for yourself?  What do you do for you to rejuvenate your soul?

I relaxed in the quiet of my home, with my trusty kitty nearby.  Funny how she never left my side yesterday.  Perhaps on some soul to soul level, she understood that I needed a bit more fur therapy than usual ~ that I needed some quiet time to contemplate and to relax.  She snoozed on the couch with me as I rested.  I tried to meditate, but you may remember how my monkey mind acts up when I try.  If not, click here for a giggle.   So I closed my eyes and asked my angels to help me to rest and to heal.  I sent loving thoughts to my body, I thought of healing love spreading its sparkling light from my head to my toes.  I imagined a healing light from Heaven embracing me as I tried to relax and let go of all the worry in my brain.  I imagined cleansing my cells free from toxins and spreading light throughout them.  ‘The Presents in Presence’ was my mantra.  I embraced myself, with faults and all, and thanked my body, brain and heart for all that it has given to me.  I restored peace within my soul, asking forgiveness and allowing forgiveness into my heart.  I fell asleep for awhile.

Do you believe in angels?

A little bit of comfort food for the physical body, fur therapy for the heart (because her purrs reverberate directly to my cells) and lots of loving messages from you and my trusty friends and family who know what’s going on and voila- I was ready for my little family to arrive home to a calm Mom and not the crying jagged woman who inhabited the house only a few hours ago.  It’s amazing what we can do in an instant, isn’t it?  We can change directions when we have to, because we have to, as easily as changing lanes while driving sometimes.  I only need to know that my sons are coming home and I don’t want them to know anything that I can right myself, remove any remnants of tear-stained tissues and comfort food evidence in order to greet them with the smiles, the loving embraces and the full-on attention that they deserve when they come home.  There’s no need for them to have any clue as to what is going on before there is a definite answer.  It’s not that I ever hid my cancer from them because I have never done that.  They have known as much as needed, when needed and I stand behind our decisions with that (hubby and mine) ~ we’re a team.

But it’s a wait to worry scenario here.  Sure, I was worrying plenty while they were out of the house, but then, I was back to calm Mom until bedtime when I could relax with hubby and gain some strength from him as well.  Today is another day, brighter and with dawn comes possibility and more love, more gratitude and maybe even an answer if I’m lucky.

So enjoy your day, wherever you may roam.  Smile at strangers, hold hands with loved ones and be kind to yourself and to each other.  We are all connected.  We are all here together on this journey called life.  And it is, with love, that I send my heartfelt gratitude to you for connecting with me.

Shine On!

xo

Comfort Food…

Be Mine

I saw this card and just couldn’t resist…because it reminded me of comfort food.  You know, that food that takes you back to a simplier time ~ it doesn’t matter if it’s a food that’s actually good for you or not…but it’s a food that has a good memory for you.  Do you know what I mean?  Do you have one?

I went to a favorite restaurant nearby on Friday because I was craving a good grilled cheese ~ you know, the kind with crispy bacon, tomato and actually made in the pan with a little pat of butter…the kind I don’t make but the kind that brings me back to happy childhood memories.

I even bought a small package of my favorite brand of potato chips and 3 homemade chocolate chip cookies to top off my comfort to the max..and I can happily say, I ate it all (well only one cookie) guilt-free ~ enjoying every morsel and feeling that enjoyment with every bite.

Feeding your body and mind with comforting thoughts and foods is essential to a happy life.  The magic is in not overdoing it and in keeping a healthy balance in all things.

I’m not advocating emotional eating, but I get it when you can enjoy comfort from food occasionally.  Don’t you agree?

May you find comfort today in every thought and every bite!

xo

P.S.  I have a special place in my heart for mustard sandwiches as well, but that’s a post for another day. 🙂