Mourning I’m Broken

The news wasn’t good yesterday at the Vet.  My girl’s been diagnosed with lymphoma, with a fast growing tumor which has wrapped itself around her intestines.  At 2 months shy of her 17th birthday, and according to the vet, 4 years past average life expectancy, with losing 3 lbs already since December, the news is just not good.  But being me, I bend my head in gratitude for all of the blessings both big and small and the coincidences which albeit tiny matter magnificently  https://misifusa.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/lion-roars-a-confession/  for when I called the vet yesterday, I was able to get my favorite vet who has known Chessie for 17 years.  I wept unabashedly in the examination room as the doctor gave me the news.  She spent almost an hour with me, going over options, scenarios and examining Chessie quite thoroughly.

I think what I love most about our vet is her compassion and the way in which she treats our pets.  She tenderly spoke to Chessie, lifting her a gentleness for which I was grateful.  She even talks to her as if they are speaking ~ she’s always done it ~ and yesterday I ventured to ask if she had the gift of hearing Chessie speak, but she skirted the issue.  Perhaps she didn’t want to tell that she could understand her because quite frankly, I’ve always thought there was something extraordinary about our vet.  She just seems to know about our pets.

When she delivered the news, she unceremoniously held Chessie’s ears as if she didn’t want her to hear what we were talking about so that it wouldn’t color the patient’s outlook on life.  It was done unconsciously I think ~ and as she explained her diagnosis, the possibility of treatment which would include chemo etc. and how she personally felt about the whole thing, she continued to pet Chessie and keep her happy.  I sat across from her, afraid to get up for fear I would faint away.  So instead, I wept in my chair, dabbing my face with tissues as I tried to imagine how I would tell the boys and my husband what she was saying.

I spent most of yesterday crying for both of us.  In fact, tears come unbidden when I am not attentive to my thoughts or when I let them stray.  So in the meantime, Chessie and I continue to bond with her staying by my side as I write this morning.  We have yet to tell our sons, but because Chessie is not in pain (which matters magnificently), we have some time.  I think we’ll have the talk tonight with them and plan for Friday so that we can all still have some time to spend with her.  For we are blessed to have had her for almost 17 years, she has given to us more than we have given to her as a stray.  She has filled our hearts and our days with laughter at her antics, to healing with her purring, to love with her affection.  She has been a part of our family for almost as long as we have been married.

It’s going to be a difficult time for all of us ~ especially for my hubby and me because she’s our first ~ and because she’s been like our little guardian angel ~ ok, she’s been my ever present guardian angel.  And I know, she’ll still be with me when she crosses over because our bond is so strong, but it just won’t be the same.  I look for her everyday and every night and all the time in between.

I don’t want her to suffer as she is weakening quickly.  I want to hold her as she passes so that I can be with her just like she’s been with me for so many years.  I’ve told you how she never left my side throughout my breast cancer journey.  Even through last year’s 4 surgeries, she stayed by my side, always purring me into healing in fact, she’s been there for me for all 14 surgeries.

Right now, she’s snuggled on a blanket next to me, eyes 1/2 open, breathing rhythmically, just resting.  Every few minutes, I reach over to snuggle with her, burying my tear-stained face in her fur.  I know she knows ~ and as always, she’s being strong for me ~ I am just so grateful for her being ~ God Bless my little kitty.

One of my Dad’s favorite songs was Morning Has Broken, so please enjoy ~ and don’t forget to Shine On! xo

Instead it is I, who bends her lioness head in gratitude for all of the blessings both big and small and the coincidences which albeit tiny, matter magnificently.

Our Sweet Menagerie

Behold ~ let me introduce you to my purrfect daughters who complete the sweet menagerie in our home!  Chessie, is our Maine Coon/Tabby mix who will turn 17 in May.  She was a stray whom we adopted as our first ‘child’ and then there’s Tiffany aka Tiffy, who is our other girl, an American Bobtail who at now 5 years old, has kept our Chessie on her toes for the last 5 years!  Tiffy’s buddy is Jack the goldfish who has outlived his brothers, Manny and Moe by at least a year!  Jack continues to enjoy Tiffy’s affections although we’ve had to put a top on his bowl since Tiffy enjoyed eating his fish flakes with him when he was fed!

It’s funny that this Daily Prompt came today ~ although I’m truly not that surprised since I just made the call to our sweet vet for Chessie.  She’s been losing weight for awhile now and last night began making gurgling noises when she was purring.  Her purr has always been a deep rumble, much like my roar from yesterday’s post.  Chessie has a special place in our hearts in our home for she was our first child and alternately has been my hubby’s girl, my girl and our sons’ girl.  She’s lavished much affection over all of us and coined the much used phrase, “fur therapy” which is a staple in our home.  Fur Therapy is when you receive unconditional love, affection and soul-filled connections from one of our cats.  Not that we humans don’t give that deep love and understanding to eachother as well, but there’s something about holding a furry, warm cat to your heart, soul to soul and feeling that instant love.

Our boys have grown up with Chessie and then when Tiffy arrived, she became the resident fur therapist to the kids as she is younger and easier to handle for the boys considering that Chessie was an only child for quite awhile and Tiffy’s only known being picked up, carried around like a sack of potatoes and just goes with the flow!  Chessie was a bit stunned when we brought home our elder son almost 15 years ago ~ his occasional crying pierced her heart and she would watch over him incessantly, wanting us to soothe him as soon as possible.  By the time our 2nd son arrived, she was well-used to sharing our home with more humans who loved to pet her.

Chessie holds a special place in our hearts, but especially in mine.  For you see, it was her constant presence during my illness that I believe helped in healing me (with the help of the medical field as well).  She never left my side and was always next to me, her rhythmic purring rumbling though my body as she healed me with her spirit, her constant love and her healing vibrations.  You may think I sound a bit squirrelly, but it’s how I feel in my heart.  And for that healing love, I am ever so grateful to her.

Quietly, she has anchored herself to our family and to our hearts.  Her unassuming nature, being a constant sweet presence much like a beloved angel hovering in our home, she has been a constant companion.  There has never been a time in the last 17 years that I haven’t walked in the door to call to my girls and to look for them upon entering our home.  She is our talisman of all goodness.  She accompanied us in the middle of the night to check on the boys when they were sick.  When my hubby would travel, she would wait for his return the first night and then the second night, if he wasn’t home, she would sleep upstairs with me on the bed, keeping one ear cocked listening for any strange sounds.  Many a night I would lie awake in bed wondering what the strange noise I heard downstairs was and I would look over to Chessie to see if she had heard it.  If her head was up and she was listening too, we would descend the stairs together to investigate.  Many times, she would precede me, somehow I always believe, protecting me in case there was something there ~ which thankfully, there never has been!

She’s been laying beside me on the couch the last few days, barely leaving my side and I’ve not left hers either.  My heart absolutely breaks every time I think of the possibility and tears storm my cheeks with the mere thought of what today’s vet appointment could bring.  I know for some people who aren’t pet lovers, nor cat lovers either, this may seem a bit much, but I don’t care.  If you’ve ever been blessed to be loved by an animal or have been a beloved pet owner, you will understand how I feel today.

So I’m off to the vet now ~ I’m praying for peace whatever that may bring us.  We’ve heard that the average life of a cat is 13 years old so we’ve been blessed with almost 17 for which I’m truly grateful.  Please say a prayer for Chessie.  Thank you!

Shine On!

xo

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/03/19/daily-prompt-menagerie/

Daily Prompt: Menagerie Do you have animals in your life? If yes, what do they mean to you? If no, why have you opted not to? (Bonus points for adorable animal photos, and double bonus if they’re taken with your phone!)

Fur Therapy Gratitude

purrrfect…fur therapy

Gratitude to Chessie and Tiffany!

Thanksgiving is a day about giving thanks for everything and everyone…but I believe we can continue that gratitude all year long.  So for today, I have to take a moment to give thanks for my sons (this is an old picture of them) and my ‘daughters’ who give us amazing comfort that we call fur therapy in our home.

My ‘girls’ are 2 cats who freely give such amazing blessings simply by being present for me, day in and day out.  My elder daughter is Francesca Maria but we call her Chessie.  Originally she was named Mary and was a stray found in a field 16 years ago when we adopted her.  Chessie was COVERED in fleas at 3 months old and very skittish.  My husband had finally agreed that we could get a pet, but he conceded  with the caveat that he really wanted the cat to be white.  I went to the cat adoption agency and looked at the white cat that they had advertised…but as I walked past the cages of cats, this one little one meeped (my word for a small meow) and it caught my ear.  I turned to see our darling Chessie in a cage with many cats.  She pushed her head against the cage so that I could put my fingers in to pet her head.  Just then, the woman in charge asked if I wanted to hold her…my sister had come with me and we laughed knowing that this kitten only had a small spot of white on her chin ~ the rest of her was pure tabby colored!

Well, so the story goes, when I held her for the first time, our hearts beat together, she purred into my shoulder and chest and I knew I was her Mommy.  My sister then held her and the same happened…when my hubby arrived, I was holding her and he asked where the white cat was ~ to which in my infinite charming way I answered that she was indeed white…on her chin!  I passed her onto to him and as he held her, she purred into his shoulder as well and home she came with us!

Chessie and ‘Daddy’ are best pals and have been since she came home with us 16 years ago.  She’s been Daddy’s girl since the first day when they played ‘tag’ on the stairs in our first home.  We found out that she was part Maine Coon and part Tabby which explains why she topped the scales at 15 lbs at one point.  She adores ice cubes, hopping in the shower after my hubby and sleeping on us at night.  She became Mama’s Girl when I endured breast cancer and napped my way through chemo.  She stayed by my side as I slept away the hours, her trusty purr rumbling in my heart as she slept on top of me, keeping me warm and comforted.  I was never alone ~ she made sure.  Now at age 16, she is slower these days, but still enjoys the water, sleeping on all of us (boys included) and has lost most of her weight as she’s aged.  She’s now everyone’s girl, enjoying being pet by whomever wants a snuggle.

Almost 5 years ago, the white cat finally made it to our home and with her entrance, our cat family was complete.  Tiffany is an American Bobtail whose enthusiasm for anything ribbon or shoelace has made our home cat proofed.  No longer do ribbons adorn presents in our home as Tiffany has a sweet tooth for them ~ certain types of shoelaces also are a kitty treat which has disgruntled hubby a few times when his dress shoe laces disappeared as we realized they were chewed down to the actual shoes.  But barring her puppy chewing tendencies (I think she may be a bit confused), she has brought joy to our family in her own right.  She is very vocal, calling “Mama” from the other side of the house when I’ve dared to go into another room while she was sleeping.  She can do tricks as taught by my younger son.  She can sit, stand, beg and stay.  She’s very food motivated and she’s topped the scales at 15 lbs as well.  I guess you could say we like our cats stocky! 🙂

Tiffy, breeder born, is more wild-cat than Chessie who was actually born in a field.  Tiffy scratches by her food everyday, burying it instinctively so that nobody else will find and eat her portion.  In fact, I believe she thinks I’m foolish when I leave my cup of coffee unattended on the coffee table in the living room as everyday, she will jump on the table and ‘bury’ my coffee cup so that nobody else can sip it!  Because it makes me giggle, sometimes I do it to see if she will ‘take care of my coffee’ and she never lets me down!

I would love to say that my girls get along fabulously, but alas, that’s not truly the case.  While Chessie tolerates the little upstart in our home, Tiffy tries to get Chessie to play and keep her young.  At least, that’s my take on the situation.  Occasionally we’ll have a little ‘cat fight’ where the girls bat at eachother and then chase eachother with a little hiss here and there, but for the most part, they are friendly.  As the weather cools, most likely you’ll find them up on our bed, each on a side, curled up warm and happy.  Because you know, we are only their servants here!

Fur therapy is that special happiness we get when we hug our pets…their unconditional love and happiness upon greeting us when we enter our home everyday makes their cat brand of love special.  I know people talk about how wonderful dogs are, but cats have it going as well.  Yes, they are independent, but they are also comforting.  As I walk into the house, I always call for my girls and they come to greet me ~ unless of course, they are cat napping on my bed and are dreaming of catnip and laces!

Do you have a pet?  Have you gotten any fur therapy lately?  I highly recommend it!

xo

October 29 is National Cat Day!

October 29 is National Cat Day!.

Thanks Russel for sharing this special day with us!

We love our furry friends!

xo

I Love You…Fur-Ever!

I saw this card and it reminded me of our Tabby/Mainecoon mixed cat Chessie ~ aka Francesca Maria…who, in her infinite wisdom and love, never left my side while I was in bed since I was diagnosed.  Chessie became my constant companion and was always ready to snuggle on the bed with me when I was there.  To this day, she will still lay on top of my legs or snuggled on my side and her deep throaty purr reverberates against my body and I can feel the vibration of love that she sends straight to my soul which she emits with her constant purr.

I realize that the dog lovers are not believing this situation (and I love dogs as well)  ~ but I will tell you that I think she helped to cure me with her constant companionship.

We coined the phrase ~ FUR THERAPY ~ in our home from this phenomenon and now with the addition of our other cat Tiffany (an American Bobtail) who is even more affectionate (and verbal), we are all enjoying our animal connections.

We can take a lesson from our fur family ~ luxuriate in the warmth of sunbeams ~ naps are good for your health ~ chasing your tail is for the dogs (pun intended!) ~ be yourself ~ enjoy the moment ~ snuggling is heartwarming ~ do your own thing and don’t worry what others think ~ let the world know when you’re content by purring loudly ~ and so much more…

So here’s to Chessie & Tiffy…

thanks for keeping me in the moment

and reminding me to PURR loudly!

xo