I’ll Be Me

Glen Campbell ~ I’ll Be Me

Recently I watched the I’ll Be Me documentary which chronicled Glen Campbell and his family’s last music tour during 2012 after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease.  Having family members with the disease, it really hit home.  I found myself so moved by the documentary which tastefully showed the progression of the disease.  Tears fell from my eyes at times when I felt for him, for his wife, for his children because I understood and connected with their situation.  It wasn’t easy, but I am grateful I was alone to watch and grateful for their/his courage in making the documentary. With memory-loss, there’s a bereft feeling left for those who love you ~  for it is our memories of the vitality, the energy and the YOU that we remember that is now slowly fading right in front of us.  Sure, there are moments of clarity which we hang onto and then there are moments of confusion which frustrate you and us.  I never knew so much about the disease until it hit our home.  It rearranged dynamics and has been a test in patience.  For the person we knew for a lifetime is still the same, but the relationship changes and they change as well.  We stand by helplessly as the disease progresses.  It’s a test of learning to go with the flow, to be fluid throughout the day, always keeping in mind how to help our loved ones stay peaceful.  I think there’s a special place in Heaven for those who work in memory care. So in honor of all those affected by the disease and a huge hug for the caretakers who hope, understand and love those with memory problems, Glen’s video is below.  His haunting words make me cry every time.  But it’s a good cry, a tethered connection of understanding and a legacy to all those affected by this disease.

Shine On!

xo

Lyrics:

I’m still here, but yet I’m gone

I don’t play guitar or sing my songs

They never defined who I am

The man that loves you ’til the end

You’re the last person I will love

You’re the last face I will recall

And best of all, I’m not gonna miss you

Not gonna miss you

I’m never gonna hold you like I did

Or say I love you to the kids

You’re never gonna see it in my eyes

It’s not gonna hurt me when you cry

I’m never gonna know what you go through

All the things I say or do

All the hurt and all the pain

One thing selfishly remains

I’m not gonna miss you

I’m not gonna miss you

Songwriters RAYMOND, JULIAN / CAMPBELL, GLEN

Clap Along…Because I’m Happy

In the memory care facility this week, they had dance time to the song, Happy by Pharrell Williams.  Many of the residents got up and were clapping a bit and dancing with the caretakers there.   The song is so upbeat and easy to learn that it was perfect.  Smiles were on everyone’s faces as they took a break from the day and just enjoyed their happiness!  What a gift, don’t you think?

That’s the way it is with all of our lives, not just those who are enduring Alzheimer’s and Dementia although they seem to have the secret.  It’s living in the moment for them (and for us).  It’s finding the simple joy in being alive, being able to move and connecting with others with love.  It’s the healing power of music.

I’m not saying it’s easy for sometimes it’s not.  But the joy when one lets go and just claps along as we get caught up in the moment, is a precious gift.  Certainly, it’s not one to be missed!  Take a moment today to watch Pharrell’s video below and just clap along and be happy.  Don’t you wish you were there, smiling, laughing, dancing and clapping along with them?  I certainly do!   I feel such gratitude for the special caretakers in our lives.

Shine On!

xo

Lyrics:

It might seem crazy what I’m ’bout to say
Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break
I’m a hot air balloon that could go to space
With the air like I don’t care, baby, by the wayBecause I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you want to doHere comes bad news, talkin’ this and that
But give me all you’ve got, and don’t hold it back
Well, I should probably warn you, I’ll be just fine
No offense to you, don’t waste your time, here’s why…Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you want to doBring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down… my level’s too high…
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down, I said (let me tell you now)
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down… my level’s too high…
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down, I said…

Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you want to do

Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you want to do

Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down… my level is too high…
Bring me down… can’t nothing…
Bring me down, I said (let me tell you now)

Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you want to do

Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy…
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you want to do

Wasting A Mind Away

Life is hard enough at times without problems with our minds.  This has been a big lesson to me as I’ve been taking care of my two Aunts (one of whom just passed).  Anna’s brain after her fall had irreversible brain damage and after a few days, her body shut down and she passed peacefully as you read here.  However, my other Aunt Mable is having a difficult time with her own mind as well.

It is sad and scary to watch a loved one lose their mind.  It is heart-wrenching to see a personality change as disease takes over a once loving, intelligent brain.  It is frustrating to keep patience as the person continues to distort reality and live in the past.  It takes loving patience to talk with gentleness and to skirt the truth of a situation when your own heart is hurting.  But we must do what is right for others, even when it is hard.

To tell my Aunt Mable that Anna has passed would be to subject her to such heartbreak and even the chance of a heart attack which is why we continue to tell her that Anna is resting.  For truth be told, Anna is resting with Jesus.  Aunt Mable looks for her often but is sometimes satisfied with the pat response that she is resting in another place for now and we need to let her rest.  In the next moment, she may be asking for Mama (her Mom who is deceased more than 30 years) and thinks that she needs to bring her supper.  Her agitation grows by leaps and bounds as she struggles to get out the door to bring her food.  When we tell her that Mama has been gone for a long time, she begins to cry and says she didn’t know.  Sometimes she will ask if she knew it and we gently nod.  Other times, we redirect the conversation by placating her and bringing up a happy memory for her because it is in the mind’s happy place that we’d rather she dwell.  But it isn’t easy.

Our minds are powerful tools as you may well know already.  They are muscles that need to be stretched as they are malleable and can grow as long as we keep them active.  Of course, dementia and alzheimers happens and I don’t know if there is much we can do to prevent those diseases of the brain, but I know that I will continue to work out my brain for as long as I can myself after what I’ve witnessed.

There are special angels on this earth disguised as health workers.  You can find them everywhere when you look for them.  Those are the ones that as Mama used to say, ‘are getting stars in their crowns’ for the afterlife.  They are gentle souls who kindly look after those whose minds are damaged.  They have infinite patience in situations whereby the minds of their patients are not making any sense.  They continue to roll with the situation no matter what is going on and their focus is on diffusing any agitation in a kind manner.  They even have the unfortunate instance when their patient can be violently determined to do something and they simply focus on protecting the one whose mind isn’t working instead of themselves.  I’ve witnessed countless acts of kindness recently and I am in awe of those whose calling it is to patiently love others who aren’t in their right minds.  It is a sight to behold when you can see a patient who is the only person hearing the music in her head dancing to a tune with a caretaker with a smile on her face ~ the sheer joy of presence in the moment ~ and love that knows no boundaries.

And isn’t that what life is all about?  Loving with no boundaries no matter the circumstance?  Accepting others in that moment and finding joy in the tune of life?  Cradling The Present of Presence and this special moment right here and now?  I find a reason to laugh every day and lately a reason to cry as well.  But my smile never fully goes away even though it fades now and again for I am here.  I am doing the best I can with every moment of everyday and I will continue until I pass myself.  Isn’t that our lesson?  To do the best we can with what we have right now?

Shine On!

xo