Rule Your Mind

“Rule your mind or it will rule you.” – Horace

Need I say more?  Giggle Giggle!  You know what I mean don’t you?  Stop worrying!  Stop fretting!  Stop allowing chaos to capture your mind!  You are the ruler of your mind.  When chaos enters, show it the door out!  Worrying about situations that we cannot or even those that we can control does nothing to help you, only to harm you for as you worry, your body reacts.  Your body gets agitated, cells become nervous as well, giving off negativity and allowing dis-ease to integrate itself into your healthy cells, thus making your healthy body sick.  The degree of sickness often correlates with the amount of stress/worry/upset your mind has been carrying.

I realize that there are situations that are worrisome.  I have endured plenty, as have we all.  But if you can take a few moments here and there during the day to simply allow peace to enter your brain, relax your body, hand over the worries to the Divine, to God or to your Higher Power, then you allow the cells in your body to calm themselves as well, in order to find a tidbit of peace in which to heal and to hold that place of health.

Worrying does not change the situation at all.  There is no amount of worry that will change any type of situation you are enduring.  Worry simply put, works against your health and your wellness of body, mind and spirit.  This is something that you can control dear friends.  You can show anxiety the door and shut it tightly.  Do not open the door when worry knocks.  Ignore it.  Stay on your path of health.  Keep your mind at peace.  Continue to see the good in your situation (and it may take work), but you can do it.  It’s possible to change the way you look at your situation simply by feeding it gratitude for the gifts you already have.

Problems with health, wealth and relationships can change when you change the way you are looking at them and reacting with those situations.  The changes happen in your mind and soul and then goodness can spill out into your body, your vibrational energy and your whole life.  What you give out, comes back to you.  The caveat is that if you are focused intently on the worry, the anxiety or the sadness, you are blinded to recognizing the opportunities for light, love and happiness.  In short, you may miss out on the health, wealth and connections you have in your life.

We are not all islands.  We are connected as energy to everyone and everything in our lives.  As I’ve been quoted before, “use your power for good,” and the rest will follow suit.  Be bright, be your innate good self and allow your essence of happy to perfume the air around you.  Raise your vibrations, release the anxiety and worry.  Embrace the peace which comes from within when your mind is tranquil.

There’s no magic pill, my friends.  There are only gentle reminders of inspiration, positivity and loving light that heal you inside.  Release, rest and regenerate for we only have this moment.  We are only given this present of now for sure.  It’s what you do with that present that counts.  Do not waste your gift on idle worry.  Rule your mind with kindness and loving affection.  You are all in my prayers.  As always, I embrace your loving essence and I give you mine.

Allow the precious gift of calm to envelope your mind, heart, body and soul today and everyday.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

Picking Up The Pieces

“It’s not what you go through that defines you; you
can’t help that. It’s what you do after you go through
it, that defines who you really are.” – Unknown

I love this quote.  I think it applies to all of us, no matter what you are enduring or what you have endured.  We all endure strife in our lives at some point.  What’s that saying, “nobody gets out of here alive?”  But it’s what you do with your life after the experience which defines you.  Do you pick up the pieces and help others through what you’ve endured?  Or do you wallow in a lifelong pity party and never recover?  Does the experience define you?  Or do you allow it to enrich the tapestry of your life?  Do you use it as a springboard to better yourself ~  to find you have more strength, more endurance, more spirit than you ever knew?  Do you use it to grow personally, spiritually, physically and to expand your life?  Or do you wither, weaken. grieve and wallow in your troubles?

As many of you know, I am a breast cancer survivor.  My disease changed me in so many ways, many definable and many so subtle that it’s taken years for me to see the changes that this experience gave to me.  I am grateful for the lessons learned through that experience although I will never say that I am happy that I had breast cancer.  The experience has gifted me with understanding, courage and deep friendships for which I am ever grateful.  Sure, it’s been a long journey (and it still is).  There have been potholes, tears, fears and grieving for what’s been lost forever.  There are memories lost to a chemo-riddled brain and there’s a body which has more scar tracks than a train yard.  There are lifelong limitations which plague me daily.  There is sadness for what is lost, what is lacking and what is missed.  But there’s also gratitude for what is, what’s come into my life which is good and for being here today and now.  Sure I could go on and on about the hell I’ve survived and I will share if you’re enduring the same.  I don’t want you to feel alone because I’m offering you my hand, my friendship, my understanding.

My blog is aptly named because I cherish The Presents of Presence.  I hold dear the preciousness of today for none of us is guaranteed a tomorrow.  I am filled with gratitude for this moment in time and I am determined to make the most of it.  I am blessed.  I know it and I want you to feel it as well.

What about you?  Do you feel that way about your experience?  Please share!

Shine On!

xo

How to Deal with Chemotherapy

Go ahead, introduce me to this ‘cancer’ fella…

Together, with our combined forces of hope, perseverance, positive thinking

and butt-kicking skills…

We can beat this thing

INTO SUBMISSION!

I mean…remission.

I endured ACT chemo back in 2002 ~ 8 rounds given once every 3 weeks.  So for me, I was feeling yucky for the first 2 weeks but the 3rd week was my ‘party week” as much as you can ‘party’ while dealing with breast cancer.  Party for me meant that I got out of the house, perhaps lunch with a friend or if I had the energy, a bit of window shopping.  My friends and family made sure that the last week before my next round of chemo was for fun so that when I was knocked down the following week, I had some fun memories in my back pocket and then I also had something to look forward to 3 weeks ahead!

I met with a nurse who had endured chemo at my oncologist office and she gave me a few tips which I pass on whenever I hear of someone who will be having chemo.   There’s also a few things you should know about what this chemo does to you.  So hold my hand…and I’ll help if I can.  Please know that these are simply suggestions based on my experience.  As you know, I”m not a doctor so please check with your own physician and nurses.

PORT:  I had a port, which I loved because it meant that I only had one needle.  Of course, that needle still pinched when it went in, but because my veins weren’t very hardy, it was easier and safer for me to have my chemo directly inserted into my veins through my port.  Ports don’t hurt and you hardly know they are there in case you are thinking of getting one.  I do suggest that you wear a front buttoning shirt or zippered jacket so that the nurse can access the port easily and you can stay covered as chemo takes awhile and you will be there for a few hours.

NEVER EVER EAT YOUR FAVORITE MEAL THE NIGHT BEFORE CHEMO!  That was a rule I was given before I had my first session and it’s stayed with me.  Do you know why?  Because if you throw it up after chemo, it will never be your favorite meal again!  It was a cardinal rule for me and even though I only threw up the first night of my first chemo session, I never chanced it.

The night before chemo and the first few days after your chemotherapy, eat bland foods and nothing greasy.  You do not want to aggravate your stomach any more than it will already be with the chemo drugs, so take it easy.  I remember I came home from my first chemo session and I wanted mashed potatoes.  Listen to your body and it will steer you in the right direction.  Bland, non-greasy foods are always good for you during chemo as you may feel nauseous afterwards and greasy foods will aggravate your stomach.  Also, make sure you take your anti-nausea pills on time and as prescribed even if you are not nauseous.  For once you get that nausea feeling, it’s hard to shake it.  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

What to Wear:  For chemo sessions, I suggest wearing something comfy as you will be there for a few hours.  There’s nothing like being in something stretchy and warm so that if you are given a recliner, you can relax while you have your chemo.  Also, you will be weighed every time, so it’s easier if are wearing the same type of clothing so you can monitor your weight better.  Not that it really matters, that was my own hangup as I did gain weight on chemo due to steroids etc.

What to Bring:  Because every oncology office is different, you may be able to have your loved one with you while you are there, but some offices, like the one I was at, didn’t allow family in the chemo room.  So, I used to bring a book to read which honestly, I don’t think I ever really read more than once.  You see, sometimes you start chatting with the patients around you as you are all in the same boat, all receiving chemotherapy.  Because your sessions are usually the same day, same time, you get to know the others who are receiving their chemo treatments on a similar schedule as yours and you begin to bond with them.  It always amazed me how we made almost instantaneous friendships at chemo.  I was blessed that the oncology nurses I had were such kind-hearted people who were so loving towards us.  It made it ‘almost’ fun to hang out there (ok, you know I don’t mean it) but it was the people, the nurses, the doctors who made the chemo easier to handle.  I hope that you are as blessed as I was…

Food:  Because you are there for hours, we were usually given ginger ale (which helps with nausea), water or apple juice and sometimes even ice pops.  I liked to snack on cheez its which aren’t very nutritious, but they were bland and a little crunchy and for some reason, they helped me with nausea.  See what your doctor and nurses recommend.  Stay hydrated.  Eat small meals which help with nausea as well.

ACT Chemo HAIR LOSS:  2-3 weeks after your first chemo, you will lose your hair.  All of your hair.  The hair on your head, your eyelashes, eyebrows, the hair in your nose, the hair on your legs (yup, no shaving them for awhile!), the hair under your arms and (Rated Mature:  you will even have that popular Brazilian waxed look without ever having to endure the pain of being waxed!)  So you will need to deal with your hair coming out which for some women in particular, is a hard piece of the chemo trauma.  For me, I knew I had to do something when my hair began coming out in clumps in my hands when I was in the shower.  It was mind-blowing for me.  It struck me in my gut in the most awful way.  So my husband and I took matters into our own hands. You can read about it here.

American Cancer Society has a great program called Look Good Feel Better click here to find more info  which is a great way to learn some make up tips on how to draw on eyebrows etc and make yourself feel prettier with new makeup all for free!  While you are there, you can even bond with other women who are fighting cancer as well.  There are also opportunities to be fitted with a great-looking wig for free with your local American Cancer Society.  You can also purchase turbans and scarves to keep your head warm in the cold winter months because quite frankly, a bald head gets chilly at night!  And if you should need breast forms and even stick on nipples while you are awaiting reconstruction, you can get those there as well.  ACS is a great resource.  You can even ask to talk with a Reach to Recovery volunteer who will be hand-picked for you.  This woman understands what you are dealing with because she’s been there already.  ACS will try to match you with someone who is most like you ~ age, marital status, children, stage of cancer, type of surgeries, chemo, radiation etc.  For years I was a Reach to Recovery Volunteer.  It makes a difference to know someone understands what you are going through without having to explain.

I hope this list helps you as you are dealing with cancer, chemotherapy and all the rest of the mess that encompasses fighting the disease.  You can do this ~ believe me, I am/was the wimpiest girl ever who endured breast cancer!  I still feel faint at the sight of any needle, but I know that…

You can do this.  I will help you.  I believe in you.

So reach out,  take hold of my hand.  You’ve got a friend in me. 

I’m always here for you with a smile and with understanding.

Shine On!

xo

Don’t Curse the Darkness

It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness. 

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

I spoke to a dear friend yesterday.  She called to thank me for a small gift I had given to her.  Quite frankly, I wasn’t sure if she would accept it, but I gave it to her anyway.  You see, you can really never be quite sure if someone is ready to take that next small baby step and no matter how tenderly I may feel I am being with my friend, it could have done more harm than good and in turn, gone terribly wrong.

It happened to me once.  A dear friend spoke heartfelt words to me and I wasn’t ready to hear them.  Instead, I was terribly hurt and distraught by what she said.  I retreated and so did she.  We spent months skirting the issue ~ wasted time in which we could have grown even closer and stronger.  I realize now she was trying to light the candle inside of me, but I just wasn’t ready.  Months later, I can now see the courage she showed in telling me what she felt I needed to hear.  But at the time, I was terribly pained by what was said because I was depressed.  She was right.  I was wrong.

Grief is a terrible thing especially when it’s accompanied by stress, guilt, shame and fear.  It clouds thinking.  It darkens souls.  It makes life difficult to bear.  It destroys common sense and makes a mockery of pain.  It tightens its grip and holds captive your soul.  It is relentless, badgering the mind with its flood of darkness.  There seems to be no way out when it swallows you whole.

Days become long sessions of trudging through the motions of life.  Common routines become enormous burdens and scraps of normality become rare.  For me, it was all I could do to make it through the day and I didn’t even do that very well.  Nobody could reach me, not even myself.  I felt aggressive, in turmoil and alone.  I alienated others in the attempt to deal with my problems of which felt insurmountable.

I cursed the darkness.  I shunned the light.  Breathing in the sadness, I escaped into my own tornado of grief, pummeling myself in the vortex of despair.  It wasn’t pretty.  It wasn’t easy.  It was hell.  My thoughts stagnated and self-flagellation included bouts of enormous guilt for all of the woulda, coulda, shouldas that were missing from my life.  I dwelled in my own dark head, thoughts swirling at great speeds, none of them good.  I had no self-love.  I had plenty of pity.  I had plenty of grief, loss, ugliness, anger, resentment.  I woodenly went through the motions of living, capable of only the barest of necessities.  I existed.  I found no happiness, not even in the simplest flower, breeze nor sunny sky.  I lost my faith, I lost myself, I lost precious time.

There was no magic pill nor spell which reached me.  The thunderous clouds which held my mind captive didn’t suddenly part and peace rained.  No, that was not how it happened.  I can’t even say for sure how it evolved except to say that after awhile, I began to take baby steps, looking for the light.  Tired of dwelling in the complete fear-laden darkness, I cautiously began searching for the warmth of light and love.  It was something that I had to do, that I had to endure.  Of course, I wish I didn’t have to endure it.  Like all dark journeys, ‘what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger,” even though it may not be of our choosings.

I can tell you this because I want you to know that my positivity is grounded in gratitude.  For I have experienced the foul-smelling depths of darkness in my soul.  I have endured the bleak days and nights of depression.  I have lost myself and gained perspective.  I have found myself and regained light and love.

And I would do it again.  For the precious lessons that I’ve learned through this have been life-changing.  I understand.  I have been there and back.  When I tell you that I’m sending you a heartfelt hug, I am.  Heart to heart, we connect with each other.  Soul to soul, we grow in the light.  Holding hands, we can support each other and leapfrog into the light.

I am here.  I understand.  Take my hand.

Let’s walk together.

Shine On!

xo

Pink Post ~ All I Want for Christmas…

 a Pink Post for You!

Pink Posts are my code word for breast cancer posts or posts about dealing with cancer or illness.  It’s not necessarily all about only breast cancer, although from experience, I can certainly write about that ~ and I have!  But today’s post is a connector post as well ~ 2 gals who connected via blogging and took it a step further to write an amazing book that will give you what you really want ~ no matter what it is!

Please check out my friends Susan Gonzalez at The Savvy Sister click here to see her blog! and Florence Strang at The Perks of Having Cancer click here to see her blog!

You’ll find a book that will help you no matter what you’re dealing with in your life from 2 empowered health professionals ~ it’s a must have for anyone you know who is enduring cancer!

Shine On!

xo

Pink Once A Week

Lately I’ve been just going with the flow in my life, but I’ve been dabbling in writing a book or two as well.  It seems to me when we breast cancer patients finish treatment, we are sent out into the world with less than nothing in order to rebuild our lives.  As an 11 year survivor, I’m finding that there are so many women out there who are asking as I did, “What now?” because quite frankly, it’s a bit overwhelming.

First there’s the simple grieving process of being diagnosed, with the subsequent surgeries ranging from a lumpectomy to a full double mastectomy which is enough to depress the happiest of souls followed by the reconstruction surgeries which may or may not take place at the same time.  Most times we endure chemotherapy which as the meds designed to kill cancer cells, slowly changes our body chemistry as well, we endure hair loss including baldness, depression, nausea, aches, pains, weight gain and hot flashes, none which are sexy or fun.  Afterwards, we may have radiation treatment daily which tires us out and gives us a mean sunburn among other things.

And then, we’re set free ~ off to a world filled with pink ribbons and we are handed a survivor sign to commemorate our cancer journey.

But what about the new normal that we’re trying so desperately to find?  It’s a hard road to get used to implants or being breast-less or multiple surgeries.  It’s a process to accept our new bodies with the restrictions surrounding them.  Self-esteem, self-confidence and self-acceptance need to improve so that we can feel good about ourselves and that’s simply NOT just a breast cancer thing either!

So that’s what I’m writing about ~ I want to give a class on it ~ I want to help women who are looking for a friend  to hold her hand as we travel along this road together.  It’s the beautiful thing about women who’ve endured breast cancer.  None of us have wanted to join this group, but since we are all here, we bond.

You can meet a stranger who has breast cancer and instantly, there’s a bond of knowing and understanding which forms quite literally in moments.  We’ve been there and we understand each other.  Have you found that happens to you?  I think it’s human nature to bond with others of similar circumstances.  I know I’ve bonded with others who’ve been grieving over the loss of a parent since my dad passed away last year.  It’s when we open up and connect with each other that healing can take place.

So if you’re interested, let me know because I’d like to write a bit more about it here on my blog.  But I’m testing the waters first because many of my readers aren’t breast cancer survivors ~ but since we’ve all experienced sadness in our lives (at least most of us), I thought it could help others as well since I like the glass half full approach!

What do you think?  Would you appreciate just once a week breast cancer help? 

Please let me know!  Just click on the Poll below!   Thank you!

Shine On!

xo