Need Help When You’re Grieving?

I’m sharing snippets from here  in hopes that what I have learned from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, MD, will help you along the way.  Please note that her intention was to apply her 5 stages of grief to the survivors of a loved one’s death or to people who are facing their own impending death.

For me, I think the stages can be applied to any sense of loss be it financial, health, relationship, etc.  Please note that italicized words are directly from her website listed above.

A little background:

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D. ~ A pioneer in Near-death studies and the author of the groundbreaking book On Death and Dying(1969), where she first discussed what is now known as the Kübler-Ross model. In this work she proposed the now famous Five Stages of Grief as a pattern of adjustment. These five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In general, individuals experience most of these stages, though in no defined sequence, after being faced with the reality of their impending death. The five stages have since been adopted by many as applying to the survivors of a loved one’s death, as well.

Here, I found a simple way to look at…

The Five Stages of Grief

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Have you ever heard of them?  When you think about your life right now, do any of these feel familiar?  At times, I think we can stagnate in the stages of grief, burying ourselves in them like an old comfy blanket.  It’s not even that we flow through the stages in a predictable way.  Sometimes, we dance through them like an untrained cha-cha, forward and backwards with no sense of timing.  It helps when a friend can reach out to share the journey with you and recognize if you cannot, the stages you’ve endured and where you are right now.

Many times in my life, I have flowed through the stages, in varying degrees for various experiences which I’ve endured.  The bottom line is that through grief, we are searching for a new normal because the ‘normal’ that we knew, no longer applies to the present reality in our lives.  It’s in this way that the stages are good for us all.

It’s not an easy path to a ‘new normal’ when we must accept change.  But it is something we are all capable of learning, growing and flowing through with help.  I encourage you to reach out, to read and to ask for help.  We are here, those of us who have endured all different aspects of life’s journey.  You are not alone.

Shine On!

xo

P.S.  Have you ever heard of the 5 stages of grief before?  Have you any experience with them?  Please share below! xo

Joy

The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

~ Christopher McCandless

Sometimes we forget to EN-JOY the changes and different experiences that we find ourselves in and instead label the changes as good or bad.  But they are not all black and white like that, even though they feel hard and sometimes impossible to accept.  I understand how you feel.  But you must remember that they are simply changes and new experiences.  There’s no definitive label needed ~ just the Joy in Living ~ and by living, we have endlessly changing horizons, for each day has a new and different sun!

Remember, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change!” ~ Wayne Dyer

Choose JOY! 

Shine On!

xo

 

Untie the Pink Ribbons

“Life is a gift.

We just have to remember

to untie the ribbons.”
 – Unknown

 

I was diagnosed on New Year’s Eve of 2001 with breast cancer.  I heralded in 2002 with trepidation, stark fear and a sickening feeling in my stomach as I faced the unknown future.  Due to that diagnosis, I have survived more than 10 surgeries with one more in the future.  I have endured 6 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of daily radiation, countless tests and visits to specialists, excruciating pain, sleepless nights, days when my brain just didn’t seem to work, losing my hair, my breasts, my confidence and my life as I knew it.  I have residual problems, testing every 6 months due to complications and I’m never quite far away from that original diagnosis although to meet me you may never know what I’ve endured.

But I’m still here, untying the gift of today…everyday.

It’s a choice my friends.  No matter what you are facing and believe me, I’ve faced so much in my life and not just cancer, it’s a choice to greet the dawn with enthusiasm, patience, love and kindness in your heart.  It’s a choice to think, “Oh God, it’s morning” and groan or to say it with enthusiasm for the gift of today that is yours.  After any illness, tragedy, or hard times, there’s a transitional period to find your new normal.  It will go a lot easier and faster for you if you lean into the idea that change is inevitable and it can be good.

Don’t mistake me, I can still get plenty mad about having breast cancer.  I can stomp my feet with the rest of the marchers and be angry that parts of my life have been taken from me.  I can look at my scarred body with hatred for what has occurred.  However, I choose to look at it with love for having endured so much pain and still be able to house my soul, my heart and my mind.  Sure, there are days when I lament the loss of my figure as it was before cancer and sure, I look at the scars and see the pain, the heartache and feel that I am not  beautiful.

But…I can also look and see how my body has healed herself with my help.  I see how my mind, body and spirit have connected, joined forces, so that the superficiality of life has fallen gently by the wayside and I am freed from conventionality.  I hold dear the knowledge that I find beauty in another soul’s eyes and spirit and pray that there are others out there who feel the same way.

We hold the power to untie those pink ribbons and find beauty, love, light and health in our own lives.  The diagnosis and subsequent treatments hold a turning point in my life.  I cannot say that I am happy I had this illness.  But I will say that I have grown in my own strength, love and health because of it.  I am a different person because I have endured so much and I am grateful for what I have learned about myself.  I found inner strength that I never knew I possessed.  I embrace my spirituality more tenderly than before and I hope that if you are on this journey of breast cancer, that you find peace, love, health and light within you to guide you as we find ourselves on this journey of light.

Shine On!

xo