Begin Again

beginagain

A friend gave me a magnet awhile back in anticipation for all of the changes that were in store for my future.  At the time, I didn’t want to Begin Again as it was daunting for me to think about all that would be changed.  Regardless of how much I didn’t want the changes, they happened anyway, out of my control.  Instead of accepting that my life would dramatically change in all ways – divorce, moving, financially, health-wise, etc., I fought like a tigress to remain in that stagnant limbo of wanting no change, all while change happened anyway.

Finally, I surrendered.

Broken, exhausted and drained, I surrendered.

It’s not that I didn’t agree that the changes were imminent and necessary.  It was that I was fearful of how I would continue on in this uncharted territory for my journey and the journey of my children, for it wasn’t where I wanted to be.  But when I stopped fighting against the rising tide and began to doggy paddle to keep afloat, I received help through the transition.  Angels disguised as friends and strangers reached out to me with kindness.  I began to see the future as a new chapter in my life, a new book on which to write my story and a fresh clean slate which I controlled (for the most part) of how I am the captain of my own life’s ship.

I began planning what had to be done and like a sergeant, began the transition with what I hoped would be military precision.  But alas, I may have had a plethora of military family members, but precision has not been a characteristic blessing unto me.  And so it was, I surrendered.  I did my best daily, fell asleep on my pillow with a bone tired body and rose up the next morning to do it all again.  And finally, it was accomplished, through the help of my angelic human angels.

Now we begin again, in a new home with new challenges.  Regardless, I have surrendered what was and I embrace what is and I plan for what I would like to be.  To Begin Again requires letting go of the past and staying in a peaceful present and allowing a hopeful future to blossom, petal by petal.

I am grateful for the peace within now.  Although transitions are often fraught with wiggles and compromises, I knowingly stand with peace in my heart, grateful for the lessons and learning which have come with the experiences I’ve endured.  I’ve learned so much about people, about myself and about love.  Life lessons have been tough at times, but well-worth the growth that came out of them.  Sure, it’s easy in hindsight to feel this way, but I guess I wanted to share with you so that you can remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  We just have to keep walking towards the light.

I’m here for you if you are going through any transitions as I’ve been through a bunch of different ones:  cancer, multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, divorce, selling a house, finding the right rental, starting over at 50, death of family, family with Alzheimer’s and Dementia, etc.  If you need a friend, here I am, with my arms wide open for a hug.

Shine On!

xo

 

 

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20 thoughts on “Begin Again

  1. Thank you for the reminder of how to handle unwanted change due to the decisions of others. I was OK, I thought, accepting. Now, I realize that surrender is required.

    • Surrender is hard and I fought it for years. Ever hopeful, striving to do it all right and frustrating myself in the process. When I surrendered, I felt untethered for a bit, but then I began to see the possibilities open up and felt the transition easily move me forward on my path. And here I am…begin again…on my terms. ♥

    • I am proud of you Dan! Congratulations (belated 35 years), but still! I am inspired by you and I appreciate your sharing. It seems the right thing isn’t very easy to do all the time, but then that what makes the success sweeter!

  2. You are such a beautiful soul Yvonne I hope the changes are helping you to heal, feel alive and to thrive, big hugs to you. My changes have not been as hard but finding a balance between family, new work and my creativity has been my challenge lately. Hoping to find some normality and get back to writing soon.If there is such a thing as normal Ha!

  3. You really have had it all. I agree, surrender is the easiest way to go. I started over twice, once at 38 with a young daughter and again at 61 and too ill to work. Talk about trusting and letting go. It all works out exactly as it should. You have a host of people here to support you as well. That’s where my strength came from.

  4. Pingback: The Gifts In Surrendering | Misifusa's Blog

  5. It is not an easy road you are on – but God has placed in our paths those that have gone through what we experience and those that travel the same road. God bless you and may He always direct your paths wherever they lead. Hugs!

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