Once I was told, “You can’t make someone love you,” and a surging feeling of sadness enveloped me at that very moment. I struggled to understand what she meant by the seemingly offhanded comment. If my heart is so full of love for someone, why couldn’t they love me? It seemed preposterous at the time for I truly believed that love could conquer all problems.
But in this case, I found her words to ring true.
My love could not conquer all problems. Without love on both sides and a willingness to listen, to speak honestly and to be vulnerable, there is no healing or reconciliation. Relationships can be messy as I’ve learned, although truthfully, I’ve known this for a long time. Haven’t you? There’s that old adage of “he said, she said,” which really means “he thinks, she thinks” and there’s little middle ground to forge a bridge between them when both sides don’t listen and share, give and take, and do so without keeping score.
It’s been a life long lesson for me that I am still learning, albeit slowly. Behind my rose-colored glasses there’s a girl who still believes in love and who still loves with her whole heart. Another friend once told me that my heart breaks open wider because I love with my whole heart and that most people do not open themselves up that wide and with so much vulnerability. I felt sad, but I can only be who I am. Innately, I love with my whole heart and truly, I have had that heart broken wide open, shattered beyond recognition.
But in slowly gathering up the pieces, one by one, holding each piece of my heart tenderly, I’ve put my heart back together. I’ve restored my soul and chosen to live my life again, with whole-warmheartedness, continuing to love with my whole heart and not just with the broken pieces that I took time to mold back together again.
There are those whom I’ve met, who have been wounded to the core of their beings and they vow that they will never love again that way. I understand the feeling of needing protection and of guarding our hearts. Feeling broken-hearted is utterly painful and as humans, we try to safeguard ourselves from pain in every moment. But there is something precious in loving with our whole hearts, that I can’t let go of, as I believe it is innate with me, a part of me that still believes in love.
I agree that we can’t make someone love us, but we can still love them. Obviously not in the stalker way, but with a small piece of peace in our hearts. Love their essence, love that part of them you once treasured, love the memories of your entwined journey that were beautiful. Let go of the past. Move forward into the light. You can survive a broken heart with grace and dignity. Allow your heartlight to shine radiantly as you move forward in peace. A loving heart like ours never dies. Our heartlights may dim for a bit, but love is a precious gift that we give to ourselves and we give to others. Let your heart be full of love.
I would not be here today if not for you. I truly believe that. Your loving kindness to me when I was in the depths of despair is a gift I will always cherish. And this post says it ALL. Much love, my friend.
Much love to you dear friend. I was honored to be there with you and to help you in any way possible. You helped me as well and I appreciate you. You have much love to share with this world and I am ever grateful to be your friend. xo
I hope we get to meet for real one day.
A challenge for sure… I struggle with my feelings for certain people and my desire to be “safe”.
I understand completely. I think it’s a universal theme in life and one that we learn through life lessons. It’s a choice to remain open to love. ♥ You are loved ML. xo
Your message here is very important, “to love not so much as to be loved”……the prayer of St. Francis comes to mind….and remain a channel of peace, which you are. Keep shining my friend.
Oh yes, a channel of peace! Now I’m singing the hymn so thank you for the moment of pause and love. I appreciate you! ♥
Yvonne I use to send the person I was dating a break up letter after I was dumped. It just wished them well, no negative stuff. Each person we take into our heart, gets us closer to who we are meant to be and to our soul mate. I use to wonder why I always dated guys that never fell in love with me. My sister said “Don’t worry you still have falling in love with the right person to come and when it does it will feel so simple and right. I never got that until I met my husband. Love is the key and most of all loving yourself when things don’t work out.
Thanks Kath. I heartily agree with you and am so happy you found your husband and he found you! I love that you sent a wish them well letter. You are so amazing! Love is the key and I still believe in love with my whole heart! ♥